•It's supposed to count for nothing, but no. 25 Syracuse lost to the Division II Le Moyne Dolphins, and I'd be shocked if voters don't take this into account the next time they do the polls. While the Orange haven't lost to a DII school in modern history, they did lose to Drexel two years ago, which might be worse.

•The brief Edgerrin James era in Seattle has mercifully come to an end. I was going to lead with this story, but I honestly don't think he's touched the ball enough to be photographed in a Seahawks uniform.

•Dave Bing easily won four more years as mayor of Detroit. Though "won" might not be the right word.

•Dan Snyder apologized to fans for the Redskins' terrible season. He had also planned to erect signs around the city to the same effect, but those were unfortunately confiscated.

•The NBA is down to three undefeated teams: the Celtics, Suns and Nuggets, while the Nets, Pacers and Warriors remain winless. Now I know early success isn't necessarily indicative of future performance, but I'm gonna say, yeah, this is pretty much how things are going to go.

•Clippers owner Donald Sterling paid $2.7 million to settle a housing discrimination lawsuit. He had originally offered Marcus Camby's expiring contract to help the victimized homeowners get under the salary cap, but that was rejected.

•Via Outside The Boxscore, we have a creative ad from a San Diego bail bonds company, noting the Raiders were in town:

The spirit of Arena Football lives on in the Seahawks' hideous alternate jerseys today. Reminds me of that disastrous "Uniforms of the Future" night in MLB. But hey, whatever works. (UPDATE: It didn't work.)

Since this is DUAN!, don't leave this article up. It'll burn out your monitor.

*****

Well, this was fun. Let's do it again sometime. Everything except that Favre business.

Game Notes:

• Frog played better defense, but had eyes covered by helmet most of game.

• Gerbil bit videographer Mike Byhoff and drew blood.

• Frog urinated close to own end zone and at mid-field.

• Gerbil chewed through face mask of 49ers helmet.

• Frog leaped out of stadium.

Filmed by Gawker video guru Mike Byhoff

49ers over Seahawks [49ers.com]

Spotted at Sea-Tac (maybe?)—a devil-may-care Seahawks fan advocating for his team to install Pinhead at quarterback. Judging by the team's post-Hasselbeck options, that might not be a bad idea.

Or maybe this guy's last name really is Hellraiser. The teasing he must have got as a child .... before smiting his playground enemies with brimstone.

[Photo from reader Michael K.]

* * * * *

Wednesday is here. Go get 'em.

Like reader Kevin K. He writes in:

Where to begin?

Seahawks fans have a sense of nostalgia bordering on senility. To hear them tell it, the days of Jim Zorn, Dave Kreig, Steve Largent, Kenny Easely, and the other Curt Warner were the halcyon days of football in the Northwest. Bullshit. From 1976-1991 (the end of the Krieg/Chuck Knox era), the Sea Hags were 119-125, with four postseasons appearances (3-4), inlcuding two one-and-dones in 1987 and 1988. The closest they ever sniffed a Super Bowl during that time was a 30-14 loss to the Oakland Raiders in the '83 Conference Championship game. In short, their salad days weren't even as good as the Bills or the Eagles. That is what I was forced to watch growing up. Fuck. Me.

Let me put it another way: If your NFL Classic Game is a 17-16 win over Kansas City, known more for Derrick Thomas' 7-sack game than for Krieg's last-second touchdown, your team sucks. If your Wikipedia page counts Franco Harris and Warren Moon among your Hall of Famers for one season each they played at the ass-end of their careers, your team sucks. And they sucked even worse from 1992 until 1999, when Mike Holmgren showed up — not even a winning season, much less a playoff loss.

Then think about the seminal (figuratively and literally) moments in Seahawks history since then:

1999 Wild Card Playoff (Packers 33, 'Hawks 27): Known for Matt Hasselbeck's "We want the ball, and we're going to score!" quote from the coin toss at overtime, following which Hasselbeck scored ... by throwing a TAINT to Al Harris. Douche. (The only thing worse that's ever happened at Lambeau Field was the Joe Buck faux-offense at Randy Moss' faux-moon to Favre's fat faithful. Fucktard.)

Super Bowl XL (Steelers 21, 'Hawks 10): Yes, there were some unlucky/questionable calls in that game. But maybe if Jerramy Stevens could catch balls with his hands instead of his mouth, Hasselbeck could throw touchdowns instead of interceptions, and someone on their defense could tackle Willie Parker, then maybe they could have won that game. The whining would be tolerable if the score had been less than seven points. It wasn't. Get over it.

2006 Wild Card Playoff ('Hawks 21, Cowboys 20): When your most memorable playoff win since your last Super Bowl appearance is known more for Tomy Romo's sloppy hands than it is for how well your team played, your team really sucks.

And now, the 'Hawks have replaced Mike Holmgren (who morphed into Bib the Michelin Man during the same time period I did) with Jim Mora Jr., a guy who, while coaching the Atlanta Falcons into mediocrity, openly lobbied for the Washington Huskies' coaching job while Ty Willingham was struggling through a rough season. Now maybe Mora, like Notre Dame, just doesn't like black people, but it's more likely he's just an asshole. It's also just as obvious that he is a terrible coach. So good luck with that.

Finally: Seattle has a superiority complex. Because it's the birthplace of over-priced coffee and mediocre operating systems, filled with healthy, bike-riding, outdoorsy types, they act like people whose shit doesn't stink. I love visiting the city, if only to see cheap baseball and watch their football team lose, but not for the people. (Note to those considering going to Vancouver for the 2010 Olympics: The people there are even worse. So is the beer. You have been warned.)

Is that enough for you?

Sure is, Kevin. Pretty solid rage from a dude living in Canada. Oh, and Julius Jones is horrible.

Wanna be part of the Deadspin NFL previews? It's simple. Just email me here and give me some reasons why the team you hate most sucks. If it's because you dated a fan of the team and she turned out to be some crazy bitch who keyed your car, all the better. I'll throw any good material into the post and give you proper credit.

From Uniwatch's Jeremy Brahm: "I was part of the five people over at Uniwatchblog who put on the fake Seahawks uniform. Paul Lukas did the writing, and Paulie Soto did the artwork. Phil Hecken and Michael Princip were also involved." This is the team, by the way, that in 2007 came up with this.

April 1 is a minefield, I'll tell you. Even though I first saw the item on April 2.

Now if you could just wear that jersey with this helmet, you'd have something; what, I have NO idea. Tampa Bay Buccaneers, you are now off the hook.

And by the way, the Los Angeles Times is predicting that there's a good chance Mark Sanchez will be wearing these duds.

Seattle Seahawks Uniform History [Greenarts Mag]
In Which I Go Away for A Few Days And The Whole World Goes Down The Crapper [Uniwatch]

Mike Holmgren will wield power over an NFL fiefdom from the turf for the last time (in theory) Sunday when the Seahawks scare the Cardinals into actually playing their starters. In thanks for the many years of almost achieving final victory, his players gathered up the cash to buy Holmgren his favorite toy: a new Harley.

Players were coy about the source of the money and the idea, but Seahawks fans showed concern on local sports talk radio when concussion-prone QB Matt Hasselbeck legitimately couldn't seem to remember how the idea came about. Or where his car keys were. Or why he wasn't wearing pants. Again. (Maybe he was just mimicking Coach.)

Holmgren Rides Off Practice Field in Style [Seahawks Notebook]
Coach Mike Holmgren gets new Harley Davidson [Seahawk Nation]

Poor Jets; they just can't win on the west coast, even when they're handed east coast weather conditions. Brett Favre played like he'd never seen snow before, and as a result, the Jets are no longer in control of their playoff destiny. A Mets-like collapse, to be sure. Meanwhile, Mike Holmgren wins his final home game with the Seahawks; he'll take a year off before returning to coach the 49ers, after Singletary spontaneously combusts.

But seriously, when that snowman makeover was done he looked simply fabulous.

Eric Mangini, Jets Fall To Seahawks And Lose Control Of Playoff Destiny [New York Daily News]

Update: Touchdown Seattle on a screen pass to Maurice "MoMo" Morris. The Skins are down 10-7 heading towards the half. They have the ball in great position with about fifteen seconds left to kick a possible field goal.

• Cardinals 12 - 10 Giants: Brandon Jacobs is out for the Giants and Derrick Ward has found the endzone in his absence. Tim Hightower has a touchdown for the Buzzsaw and Neil Rackers has booted two field goals. And if you've ever wondered why refs hate it when players signal for possession during a pileup, it's because Justin Tuck just bloodied up the nose of some poor official.

• Falcons 17 - 3 Panthers: The Falcons are running and throwing all over their NFC South rivals led by stud rookie Matt Ryan's 131 yards. Both Atlanta touchdowns have come on the ground, one a piece for Michael Turner and Harry Douglas.

• Raiders 10 - 3 Broncos: JaMarcus Russell is a perfect 6/6 for 85 yards In Denver, but the running game isn't providing much support. The same can't be said on the other sideline, although they too are without a touchdown despite moving the ball with ease. Hillis is averageing 4.4 yards per carry and Cutler has spread the ball out to six receivers so far. Johnnie Lee Higgins just returned a punt for a touchdown to give Oakland a lead just before the half.

That's it for today's updates, so feel free to follow along with the action in the comments. And just imagine all the re-considering the experts will have to do if the Giants and Titans lose on the same day! It's as if these teams are actually susceptible to loss when facing a tough matchup. Who knew?!

But before I go, a word from Randy Moss on his opponent's lack of respect...

Yeah...you should probably just shut up and enjoy the win.

*Thanks to ShareBro Alex for the image.

Yep, things are pretty grim for sports fans who live and root in Seattle. Their stolen NBA team taunts them from another city, their baseball team spent $118 million to get 101 losses, the Seahawks have lost their stranglehold on the worst division in pro football, and the local university's squad is 0-10 heading into their big in-state rivalry game this weekend ... and they're the favorite. If that wasn't bad enough, the city's biggest sports personality was murdered (and "Big Lo" doesn't seem too healthy either.)

Cleveland and Buffalo obviously weep for their painful losses, but it's pretty easy to see that this winter in the Pacific Northwest is going to be even more sad and gloomy than usual. Won't someone think of the children?

[Brian] Robinson, the Save our Sonics co-founder, remembered the time he spent in the Army bragging about and betting on Seattle sports. It became part of his identity, one he passed on to his two children.

The other day, his 5-year-old daughter said, in all seriousness: “All our teams lose. When you were a little boy, did they win?” Robinson said: “We are at real risk of a whole generation of people not enjoying professional sports. It might dead-end. And I don’t know what that could do to our sense of community.”

Well, if the alternative is rooting for the Mariners the rest of her life, I'd say your daughter got off lucky.

At a Time of Loss, Seattle Fans Hold On to Hope [New York Times]
With the Apple Cup just days away, there are stories that must be told [Cougars Examiner]
The annual selection of Wazoo jokes [Huskies Examiner]
Has Seattle sports reached rock bottom? [The Big Picture]

Thanks to Sports Northwest for the tip, and to The Stranger for the photo. And to Seattle for taking California's thorniest election issue so close to its bosom.

Undeterred, the Seahawks fan marched on in his never-ending battle against gayness. Where does one find yellow work gloves, by the way?

And Then There Were These People ... [The Stranger]
Just A Bad Weekend All Around For This Guy [Sports Northwest]

I used to see The Tuba Man outside of SuperSonics games at Key Arena, at the south end of Safeco Field, and around town, outside of the Seattle Opera and other places. Edward McMichael was never without his trusty tuba, the perfect accompaniment for the state of Seattle sports, at least in recent years. But McMichael, 53, died recently after being beaten and robbed by a group of teenagers in downtown Seattle on Oct. 25. He died of apparent injuries two days later. Police arrested two suspects on the scene and are looking for three more.

A memorial is set for Wednesday night at Qwest Field Events Center.

From the Seattle Post-Inteliigencer:

He could have made a living in a band but chose to play for tips outdoors. Even in the rain, he would set a bucket at his feet for tip money, right next to jugs of his favorite drink, either V8 or Sunny Delight. Then he would purse his lips to his contrabass tuba — "My baby," he called it — and create low, noble sounds.

McMichael appreciated when people would stop and listen, or leave a buck or two. But for him just meeting folks was the biggest reward. "That's what I value most," he said when I caught up with him last year. "People."

Goodbye, Tuba Man. You will be missed.

Violence Takes Iconic Tuba Man [Seattle Post-Intelligencer]

The highlight came when Niners tight end Vernon Davis was penalized 15 yards for slapping the facemask of a Seattle player after a reception, and when he came off the field, appeared to shrug off Singletary, who was trying to talk to him. Bad move. Singletary kicked Davis the hell out of the game.

Post-game press conference:

"I will not tolerate players who think it's about them when it's about the team. I'm from the old school," Singletary said. "I believe this: I would rather play with 10 people and just get penalized all the way until we got to do something else, rather than play with 11 when I know that right now that person is not sold out to be part of this team. Cannot play with them. Cannot win with them. Cannot coach with them. Can't do it. I want winners."

Davis tried to apologize to Singletary afterwards in the locker room. Another bad move.

"He wanted to talk to me," Singletary said. "I told him he did not want to talk to me."

Video of Singletary's remarks here.

Oh, and Singletary also pulled J.T. O'Sullivan in favor of Shaun Hill just before halftime. Singletary approached offensive coordinator Mike Martz just before pulling the quarterback and held out his arms as if to say, "WTF?" So, is there any doubt who is in charge here? No f-ing doubt. If you're going to lose, at least you get the good fortune of watching a coach who makes Ditka look like Orville Redenbacher. I truly believe that Mike Singletary will go on a killing spree before Christmas; perhaps on Christmas. Throw in Condoleeza Rice and we've got ourselves one enormous party.

My only regret is that Singletary was not the coach when Terrell Owens was here.

Only Way To Go: Up [San Francisco Chronicle]

Today: The Seattle Seahawks. Your author is Seth Kolloen.

Seth Kolloen is the executive editor of Sports Northwest Magazine. Just like Stephen A., Kolloen filed this preview from his Blackberry on Friday night while at the Mariners/Yankees game.

The fact that I'm looking at about 10000 empty seats at a Friday night Yankees/ Mariners game on as gorgeous a night as Seattle's going to get in September tells me this: the Seahawks are the only hope for saving a dismal sports year in my town.

Consider: the Mariners were a complete bust, the Sonics fucking left, and we don't have an NHL team.

(*Aw crap, there goes Brandon Morrow's perfect game. No hitter still intact*)
As you'll no doubt hear 86000 times during a Seahawks telecast, this is Mike Holmgren's final year as Seahawk coach.

There's a school of thought that Holmgren will "coach for broke" this year because he has "nothing to lose." While I'd like nothing more than a steady diet of first-down double-reverses and halfback passes, I suspect Holmgren will continue his traditional West Coast offense stylings.

(*Ooh! Marques Tuiasosopo's little brother just got his first major league hit!*)

Not least because, unlike last year, he has a running back who can catch.(cough.Shaun Alexander, cough) and a tight end born after the Nixon administration (enjoy your AARP benefits, Marcus Pollard).

Holmgren's leaving his job as coach—he already lost his job as GM in 2005. In February of that year, the Hawks hired Tim Ruskell to pick the players. His charge: to rebuild the Seahawks defense. After first picking Lofa Tatupu and Leroy Hill in his first draft as GM, Ruskell has steadily built a speedy and talented (if small) defense.

The Hawks new commitment to defense was further proved when they named secondary coach Jim Mora Jr. as Holmgren's successor. Along the way they refused to guarantee qb coach Jim Zorn a job in the new
administration—sealing Zorn's decision to take the Redskins OC job, and eventually become the head coach. That now seems like a good choice as well.

The one black mark on Ruskell's tenure—permitting the Vikings to sign away LG Steve Hutchinson—has been somewhat fixed now with the signing of free agent guard Mike Wahle to protect Matt Hasselbeck's blind side with Walter Jones.

(*Brandon Morrow now has a no-hitter through five innings. There are about 10 millon guys in the tri-state area screaming "who da fuck is dis guyyy?" at their Yes Network"*)

Protecting Hasselbeck will be more important than normal, since #8 is beginning the season dinged up. Hasselbeck's balky back caused him to miss most of the exhibition season (though Hasselbeck claims he's "100 percent".)

Would've been nice if Hasselback had had time to throw to the young receivers the Hawks are counting on—after a rash of injuries, the receivers after Nate Burleson are Courtney Taylor, Logan Payne, and Ernie Kent's son Jordan. They are calling themselves, charmingly, in my view, "The Mystery Men "

(*strikes out jeter! No hitter through six! And the green boat wins the
between-innings hydro race!*)

A new running back rotation fills the other skill spot, with some combo of Maurice Morris, Julius Jones, and T.J. Duckett filling the sparklely ballet shoes of Shaun Alexander.

The ongoing story will be: can the Hawks send Holmgren out a winner? God, your going to get some sappy soft-focus crap if the Hawks make the playoffs. But throw us a bone, won't you? We've had a tough year.

(*Though a 2009 pitching rotation with Felix Hernandez. Erik Bedard, and Morrow at the front end is suddenly sounding very nice.*)

I think in the interest of full disclosure, I want to report that my daughter, Mary Beth King, has taken a PR internship with the Seattle Seahawks for the season. It's going to sound hollow to say I had nothing to do with it, but I didn't. She applied without telling me. New family rule: Mary Beth does not share conversations with Matt Hasselbeck or Mike Holmgren with her father.

That's refreshing that King didn't have anything to do with landing his daughter a job but isn't there a conflict of interest, at some level, still there? And does a "new family rule" precluding any Seahawk talk around the King family dinner table really eliminate it?

What's left out of this column is what exactly Mary Beth will be doing in the PR department. If she's refilling water jugs and doing other mindless work, it's probably not a big deal. But if she's mailing out press releases or involved in promotional events directly related to the Seahawks organization, it's a bit slippery, especially given that Mary Beth is central figure in many of King's columns. Granted, King will be smart enough not to slyly sneak in a little blurb about Lofa Totupu's Adopt-A-Kitten drive or whatever, but, in some ways, it'd probably be best to keep Mary Beth's daily activities out of MMQB until after she's completed her internship.

Peter King: MMQB [SI]

It was overdue. Alexander has been an overrated running back his entire career despite all the touchdowns and the MVP year when Steve Hutchinson should have won the award for opening the holes. Alexander was a soft runner, a mediocre blocker, a below average receiver and an egotistical "me-firster". Bring on a replacement who runs with authority.

Shaun is taking the high road on this, of course, saying that he'll continue to live in the Seattle area that the city is "woven into the fabric of his family" or something and that he's not bittter at all. One memory of Shaun Alexander that sticks out is that bizarre, girlish dance he did on the sidelines during a Seahawks playoff game in 2005 after he went out early. It was easily one of the most feminine moments in NFL history and, sadly, can't be found on YouTube anywhere. If there is photographic evidence of this, please send it along.

Alexander is already taking on possible suitors for his services. One of those is supposed to be the bastard Patriots, who seem to be the perfect rejuvenation for wayward NFL players who want to make guys like Dick Nichols eat crow.

The Official Website Of Shaun Alexander [Shaun Alexander.org]