Silvio Berlusconi To AC Milan's Players: Stop Sucking Or I Won't Pay You

Libidinous tangerine peel, AC Milan owner, and proto-Trump Silvio Berlusconi is mad. The media magnate has owned Milan for a few decades now, but never before has he had to suffer through such a drab spell of mediocrity. Talking to the players ahead of the biggest match of the season, Berlusconi made clear that if…

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Here Are All 36 Goals From Gonzalo Higuaín's Amazing, Record-Breaking Season

As inarguably great as Gonzalo Higuaín has been for the better part of a decade now, he tends to be overlooked when it comes time to rhapsodize about the great pure strikers in the world. But after the season he just put together at Napoli, scoring 36 goals in 35 matches and thus breaking Serie A’s single-season…

Silvio Berlusconi, Who Somehow Still Owns A.C. Milan, Said Some Racist Shit About Mario Balotelli

Silvio Berlusconi, bunga bunga party alumnus and the only crustacean to serve as prime minister of Italy, has been convicted of paying for sex with an underaged prostitute and tax fraud, and he’s been accused of a truly expansive list of other crimes. Berlusconi was buddies with Muammar Gaddafi, is banned for life…

Italian Soccer Fan Has Hell Of A Time Calming Down His Rowdy Paisani

As the Napoli team bus set off for Turin ahead of tomorrow’s monster Juventus-Napoli showdown, something like 1,000 Neapolitans showed up to see their boys off. Or, more accurately, to block the bus’s path in order to hoot and holler and light flares and gin up the players so that they step out on the pitch as charged…

Inter Manager Roberto Mancini Says Opposing Manager Called Him A "Faggot"

Yesterday’s tense Coppa Italia Inter-Napoli match boiled over when the two teams’ managers got into a sideline argument towards the end of the game, for which Inter coach Roberto Mancini was sent off the pitch. After the match, an upset Mancini decried his counterpart Maurizio Sarri’s behavior, claiming he was called…

Italian Striker Celebrates Goal With A Nice, Refreshing Beer

Empoli’s Massimo Maccarone is really old. At 36 years old, you imagine the mere act of getting up in the morning, heading to the stadium, going through warmups, and playing a grueling match has to wear on him. So far be it from anyone to judge him for celebrating his overcoming of the odds—not only has he whipped his…

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Serie A Free Kick So Good The Keeper Doesn't Even Try To Save It

Genoa and Torino are still fighting out the last few games of the Serie A season with hopes of a European league qualification still on the line. Omar El Kaddouri’s free kick to equalize for Torino today was certainly worthy of any international competition, as he placed it so perfectly Genoa keeper Mattia Perin just…