How to Talk To Your New Girlfriend About Your Ex

First and foremost, congratulations on the decision to put your fuck parts together with another person's fuck parts in a more meaningful way than you were putting fuck parts together with others during the abysmal slog through Tinder you've been on since your break-up. Things are probably great: you two have stopped… » 3/25/15 12:40pm Wednesday 12:40pm

How to Confidently Buy Lingerie Your Girlfriend Will Want To Wear

So you want to buy your girlfriend some lingerie, but you don't want to be the creepy guy checking out thongs at Victoria's Secret. Buying lingerie might seem intimidating, but it doesn't have to be. Plus, the payoff of seeing your lady in that little number you bought will be well worth it. Here's how to do it right. » 3/17/15 7:10pm 3/17/15 7:10pm

Take the Pledge: I Will Not Have Sex With Anyone Who Wears an AppleWatch

Imagine: you're lying in bed, the perfume of lovemaking still stinging your nostrils and firing your neurons, legs tangled with your partner. Baby, that sex with you was so good, you coo, rolling over—only to discover that your partner is wearing a gold miniature smartphone on his wrist. Don't ever let this happen. » 3/10/15 4:44pm 3/10/15 4:44pm

A Chat with Malcolm Brenner, Man Famous for Having Sex with a Dolphin

Malcolm Brenner is the only man on Earth to achieve international fame for having sex with a dolphin. A former investigative journalist who covered the American Southwest, he remains best known for his 1970's love affair—mostly romantic, briefly sexual—with a bottlenose dolphin named Dolly. Their "courtship," which… » 2/11/15 12:38pm 2/11/15 12:38pm

This Performance By A 21-Year-Old Prince Proves He Was Never Not Sexy

If you're like me, and you trusted your happiness yesterday evening to the decision-making of a man famous in part for wondering aloud if jet fuels burns hot enough to melt steel beams, you probably woke up a little glum, and you probably got glummer when you looked outside and saw a thick layer of ice coating the… » 2/02/15 1:39pm 2/02/15 1:39pm

The Fool-Proof Guide to Banging During Your Family Gathering

Here is a truth most universal: Nothing makes sex more appealing than a situation where it's totally inconvenient, making Thanksgiving the ideal time for furtive and risky sexcapades. But with family obligations and creaky beds, what's a person to do? Here's our guide to sneaking around on Turkey Day. » 11/26/14 1:16pm 11/26/14 1:16pm

A Gentleman's Guide To Sex In Prison

When I tell people that I recently finished serving a 10-year prison sentence for armed robbery, mostly in maximum-security facilities, I often feel a question lingering in the air. The moment I sense it, I try to respond to the awkward silence in some offhanded way, though it is hard to be blithe and whimsical when… » 9/18/14 1:19pm 9/18/14 1:19pm

If You Don't Want To Watch A Guy Fuck A Snake, Here's A Description

A video file by the name of snakefucker.mp4 is making its way around Twitter today. As you can guess by its name, it's a video of a man apparently fucking a snake. If you want to watch the video—which, let's be clear, depicts what is almost certainly an illegal act of animal abuse—it is located here. If you don't want… » 8/18/14 4:44pm 8/18/14 4:44pm

Jocks Who Secretly Filmed Sex With Teen Girl Score Child Porn Charges

Two players for the top junior hockey league in the US have been charged with making and distributing child pornography after one of them secretly filmed the other having sex with a 15-year-old girl and then sent the video to a bunch of friends via social media, thereby becoming the literal incarnation of the phrase… » 6/25/14 6:03pm 6/25/14 6:03pm

Which Teams Will Be Having Sex At The World Cup?

It's a long-held myth that athletes should refrain from sex before a competition, for fear of exhaustion or a lack of testosterone. Nearly all scientific studies agree that there's no danger, but the belief persists. To that end, managers for a number of countries have banned their players from having relations with… » 6/11/14 2:24pm 6/11/14 2:24pm

Jürgen Klinsmann Says U.S. Players Can Have World Cup Sex

It's Jürgen Klinsmann Week, and you have your choice of profiles of the USMNT manager. There's the New Yorker ("Klinsmann is a hippie pseudo-Buddhist flake"), the Times ("Klinsmann plans to make U.S. soccer less American"), the WSJ (Klinsmann wants to make U.S. soccer more American"), and many other fine outlets. » 6/04/14 4:33pm 6/04/14 4:33pm