Watch Miami Heat Players Struggle Through Karaoke Songs

Welp, it sounds like Victor Oladipo is the outlier. In a commercial for an upcoming charity karaoke event, Shane Battier enlisted a few of his teammates to flex their vocal chords, equipped with ridiculous wigs and other props. The results were not pretty. » 1/08/14 5:34pm 1/08/14 5:34pm

Miami Heat Nation Encompasses More Than Brats, Ghouls, And Idiots

When the Miami Heat won its only LeBronless title, in 2006, I was living outside Fort Lauderdale. My building fees included basic cable, which was enough to get just about every Heat game and virtually nothing else worth watching. My girlfriend at the time could tolerate basketball well enough — better, in fact, than… » 6/22/13 6:21pm 6/22/13 6:21pm

Shane Battier Was Reduced To Toweling Off LeBron James Last Night

During the regular season, Shane Battier was a key cog in the Miami Heat's small-ball offense. His willingness to guard bigger power forwards and his ability to cause matchup problems on the offensive end with his three-point shooting were big factors in the Heat's success. But his inability to guard David West and… » 6/04/13 11:58am 6/04/13 11:58am

Feedbag: Are Bay Leaves The Shane Battier Of Foodstuffs?

Welcome to the Feedbag, where all the dumb questions about food, drink, cooking, eating, and accidental finger removal you've been embarrassed to ask can finally receive the berating they goddamn deserve. Also: answers. Send all your even-vaguely-food-related questions to albertburneko@gmail.com. All of them. » 5/29/13 4:17pm 5/29/13 4:17pm

Roy Hibbert Says Shane Battier Kneed Him In The Dick On Purpose

Roy Hibbert has had an eventful 24 hours on Twitter. He spent last night responding directly to fans' criticisms and questions about his team's Game 1 loss to the Heat, and now he's moved on to calling out Shane Battier for being a dirty player. » 5/23/13 5:52pm 5/23/13 5:52pm

Upon Further Review, The Overscrupulous NBA Replay Policy Wastes…

March Madness arrived early in last night's Boston-Miami game, but that had less to do with LeBron James's improbably perfect game-winning jumper over Jeff Green, and far more to do with the mindless, inane three-and-three-quarter-minute review on the following play. » 3/19/13 6:36pm 3/19/13 6:36pm

NBA Players Association Tells Its Corrupt Boss To Go Away

NBAPA head Billy Hunter, lately revealed to the general public to be a nepotism-loving, watch-gifting union boss in the Tammany style, is on indefinite leave as of yesterday. The NBAPA hired outside counsel, likely in advance of an attempt to oust Hunter permanently, while Hunter declared the NBAPA's actions against… » 2/02/13 11:30am 2/02/13 11:30am

Shane Battier Announces He's Joining The Heat Via Jimmy Buffett Quote

If you were looking for a fresh reason to hate on the Miami Heat this year, Shane Battier's come through for you. The Grizzlies forward announced on Twitter this morning that he's joining the Heat. Somehow, a Jimmy Buffett reference made it into the mix. That alone almost makes this more damning than LeBron's The… » 12/08/11 10:25am 12/08/11 10:25am