It's a mystery wrapped inside a riddle wrapped inside a hot dog bun. ALLEGEDLY, Andrews was covering the game for ESPN when a foul ball off the bat of Alex Cora struck the unsuspecting reporter on the chin. Despite the fact that Andrews works in television and our entire society is a hyper-surveilled police state, no film clips have yet to emerge of the incident. Not even grainy cellphone footage from the third deck of Citi Field. Pretty suspicious, wouldn't you say?

Lacking sufficient visual evidence, we've been forced to re-create what happened that night in symbolic form using eyewitness accounts, primary historical anecdotes, and CIA-classified topography maps to "imagineer" the chain of events that led to this unfortunate "accident." We believe it looked something like this:

Thanks to whoever yanked her cord, we know that Andrews was indeed at Citi Field that night, strategically placed out in the open where she would have full view of anything that happened in the stadium. Unfortunately, that necessity made her an easy target for Cora (represented here by the Devil.) However, it seems highly unlikely that Cora could fire such an accurate shot from a sixth-floor window of the book depository building when he is only a .246 lifetime hitter. Perhaps there was a second batter behind the picket fence? SportsCenter's Josh Elliott—who was hired by the same mysterious backers who employ Andrews—confessed on the air this morning that he was also at Citi Field, but "didn't see anything." How convenient!

And where was Mr. Met when all this was happening? We are through the looking glass, people.

Cora takes out frustration on Erin Andrews [NY Post]
ESPN/ABC juggle college football announcer lineups [USA Today]

But she's okay —repeat: SHE'S OKAY — just a chin bruise, according to TMZ. I do not know if there is significant swelling, or the shade of the bruise, or ice packs involved, but the most important thing is that she's OKAY. Repeat: SHE'S OKAY. I am waiting for official comment from ESPN spokespeople to fill us in on the details.

Stay tuned for updates on this breaking, terrible news that will completely alter the axis of the sports blogging universe, causing it to burst into flames, crap pants, rain frogs, turn rivers red. But again: SHE'S OKAY.

Also: From emailer:

Deadspin guys-

Erin Andrews went live on Sportscenter Tuesday night from CitiField (I think). The video feed went live before Erin was "ready". Someone was pulling Erin's mic cords or something and she turned to whoever it was off-camera and said, I think, "Mother…" like she was about to say MF'er....I texted a buddy of mine right away because Erin's stock went up with such a dirty mouth. Maybe worth checking out.

Christ.

UPDATE FROM ESPN:

"She's totally fine. The producers on site suggested she go to the hospital as a precaution. Doctors released her soon thereafter. She flew home as scheduled and is looking forward to working MLB All-Star events and the ESPYs in the coming week."

Yes, that was Erin Andrews' black-jeaned bottom that received some accidental extended face time last night. It appears one camera man was briefly paralyzed by his fortunate vantage point for a few seconds, panicked, and then clumsily pulled away once he realized they were back live. LSU trounced Arkansas 9-1 (no justice for Mike Irwin) and remains unbeaten in the CWS.

ESPN's New Angle Of Erin Andrews [Fanhouse]

****

Anyway. Good morning. It's going to be an exciting day here at Suckingcock.com. (More on that later, all day probably.)