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José Mourinho Has No Use For This Loser's Medal, Or For Arsène Wenger

Arsenal beat Chelsea 1-0 today to win their second straight Community Shield, and it appears Chelsea manager José Mourinho has about as much use for the match as the rest of us. Here he is avoiding congratulating rival manager Arsène Wenger and then throwing his second-place medal up into the crowd. » 8/02/15 12:55pm Sunday 12:55pm

Johannes Geis Hammers Home Long-Range Free Kick Golazo

Schalke 04 up-and-comer Johannes Geis gave the supporters in Gelsenkirchen something to anticipate for the forthcoming season as he drilled a perfect free kick into the corner of the net during today’s friendly against Dutch side Twente. Schalke just signed Geis to a four-year contract, and if he can deliver a few… » 8/02/15 12:11pm Sunday 12:11pm

Vladimir Putin Says His Homeboy Sepp Blatter Deserves A Nobel Prize

Since FIFA president Sepp Blatter won his first election in 1998, he has (allegedly! [lol]) both bribed and received bribes in order to stay in power and award desperate countries international tournaments. Along the way, he has actually and truly ravaged local economies by siphoning public money for useless… » 7/28/15 11:34am 7/28/15 11:34am

The USMNT Just Lost To Jamaica. So What's Next? 

The United States Men’s National Team lost 2-1 to Jamaica in the semifinals of the CONCACAF Gold Cup, the first time they have failed to advance to the finals since 2003, when they were knocked out in the semifinals by Brazil’s U-23 team. A U-23 team that featured players like Kaka, Maicon, Robinho, Thiago Motta, and… » 7/22/15 9:09pm 7/22/15 9:09pm

Jeffrey Webb Secures $10 Million Bond With A Shitload Of Luxury Goods

Jeffrey Webb, the former FIFA vice-president and CONCACAF president, was one of the men arrested in Switzerland in May on corruption charges. Since he didn’t fight his extradition from Switzerland, he was the first of those arrested to be extradited to the United States to face the charges. … » 7/20/15 9:31pm 7/20/15 9:31pm

FIFA Presidential Election Will Be Held In February

Today’s announcement that FIFA will finally hold a presidential election to replace the resigning Sepp Blatter will be held on Feb. 26, 2016, is typical FIFA frustration in that it’ll mean Blatter was able to hang on for nine whole months after calling it quits in disgrace. But let’s have some optimism: it also means… » 7/20/15 9:06am 7/20/15 9:06am