There's no doubt in my mind today's recommendation should be the world's worst video game, Cheetahmen II, because if you decide to play video games instead of finding out what happens in the British Open, you deserve to play something horrible. The story behind this is that 1,500 copies of the unreleased game were…
TV Or Command Line Baseball? You Make The Call
Aside from the British Open, you're probably best not watching TV unless your son/cousin/girlfriend is playing in any of the televised games. Instead, here are your marching orders: find a copy of the old DOS game Major League Manager, plug in any of your successful fantasy teams from this year, start a league that…
The TV Selection Today, It's the Pits
What I really need to know, like, soon, is why in Kid Icarus, you die if you go off the screen, even though ten freakin' seconds ago you had just scrolled up from there. Is that a Greek thing? Does the Eggplant Wizard douse the out-of-screen platforms in poisonous ouzo? Or was Pit merely training for his triumphant…
When The Simpsons Were Edgy, But Not Funny
There've been a lot of Simpsons games throughout the years, few of them any good. The one that stands the test of time was probably the original arcade game. I recommend it today as you watch the Indy 500. So I know what you're asking. "Where am I going to find the original arcade machine?" That really isn't my problem.…
At Least One Jew Went On To Become A Video Game Superhero
There might be a perfectly reasonable explanation behind my false sense of superiority. I blame today's retro video game pick, Solomon's Key. You see, every five levels or so were grouped together by a sign of the Zodiac. It started with Aries and moved forward. Aquarius, my birth mascot, was one of the last series of…
"The Red Sword" Didn't Have The Same Kick
Since we're working under a closer-based economy, a lot of stuff is already in progress, so let's not dilly dally. Okay, a little bit of sloth is in order. After all, it is Sunday, and I'm by no means a slave driver. As everyone knows, the slaves drive me! Ah, plantation humor. Oh, crud, there go my chances for winning …
NBA Playoffs ... Or Video Game Baseball?
Well, my fellow Americans, we've got... HEY! Stop putting misspelled captions underneath pictures of cats for ONE SECOND and pay attention here. We've got basketball playoffs for you, and if you don't pay attention to the regular season, you at least start becoming aware of pro hoops around this time. There are two…
TV Listings (With Proper Timestampery)
Quite exciting, this web log magic. For once the TV listings will show up on the correct date, unless of course I'm merely being preemptively presumptuous and the TV listings for today appear sometime next Thursday on Jalopnik. So let's see where the time-o-meter takes us, so in the meantime, please take some time for…
Buzzsaw Girl Is Not Who You Think
The telly selection this afternoon is mediocre. And I can say that with a streak of honesty because the TV companies aren't paying me. Now the Internet, on the other hand ... has TONS of great stuff you can read. And a lot of it can be found on this website! Don't question it. Your retro video game for the day will be…
It's TV or Nerd SimCity, Your Choice
One wonders if Dungeons & Dragons creator Gary Gygax was a big sports guy — we're gonna assume "no" until his estate can prove otherwise — but even he would admit there's a hell of a lot of actual worthwhile games today. The Rockets try to continue their winning streak against the Lakers. The SEC championship somehow…
