Craig Clasen was spear fishing in the Gulf of Mexico with friends Cameron Kirkconnell and photographer D.J Struntz when the shark circled them. Fearing the worst, Clasen decided he must kill it or he and his friends would spend the rest of the day being pushed through the 12-foot monster's digestive tract. It was much tougher than anticipated; it took two hours for that fucker to die.

Once I shot it in the gills I felt a moral obligation to finish the job,' says Mr Clasen.

'I didn't want it to go on any longer than it had to. I shot the fish like I would do any other fish and worked it up closer and did my best to kill it as humanely as possible.

'I speared it in the gills which I knew would kill it and from that I tried to put a shaft into its brain as quickly as possible.

'I shot it six times in the head with a spear and I wasn't having much luck - it was a slow drawn out process.

'Sharks are so resilient and so tough from millions of years of evolution they are just survivors.

'The best way and quickest way to finish the job and kill the shark and recover it was to get a rope around its tail, drag it from the back of the boat and attempt to drown it.

'In the end we had put a knife its skull once I got lose enough to it and use a long blade knife even after trying to drown it.'

Be sure to check out all the photostaken by Struntz, who miraculously managed to not poop all over himself while his friend wrestled with a giant shark. Very impressive.

Pictured: The moment a diver grappled with a 12ft shark to save a friend [The Daily Mail]

Alston was arrested Monday morning, his second arrest this month, for the minor, tedious charge of slashing a man's neck with a knife.

The latest incident occurred when a member of Alston's entourage got into an argument with 41-year-old Wilbert Ashman at a trendy nightclub called Stereo, according to the New York Post and Daily News. The argument turned into a brawl, and according to Ashman, he was slashed on the right side of his neck. Alston was arrested, and Ashman later picked him out of a police lineup.

"I'm really upset about it," Ashman's wife told the Daily News. "I can't believe it. I was like, 'Oh, my God. Your throat.' "

You see, if you can't get your entourage to slash haters in the throat for you, christ, what's the freaking point of having an entourage? We really shouldn't have to explain everything; this should be self-evident.

Rockets' Alston Arrested Again [Houston Chronicle]

This week's column is just bursting with punter-on-punter action. The motivation, obviously, is the jury verdict in the North Colorado state stabby punter trial, which decided that one Mitch Cozad, disgruntled backup punter, stabbed starting North Colorado State punter Rafael Mendoza in an attempt to get his job. Even though this assault happened on September 11, 2006, there will be no memorials for Mendoza's punctured leg: no commemorative pins, no televised concerts, no Paul Greengrass movies. Only the Colorado legal system could've provided any closure on the ordeal. And they did, finding Cozad guilty of second-degree assault. Mendoza should stop crying about his ordeal and be thankful that he was not a a six-year-old pageant girl found strangled in her parent's basement. That never ends well in Colorado.

But Cozad is/was a kicker, and kickers, in general, are wired differently. Some have more athletic talent than given credit for (Colts punter Hunter Smith, for example), and some are just blessed with a fluky ability to knock stuff a long distance with their foot. But their psyches are a little warped. Field goal kickers, especially, mostly due to the demands and pressures of week-to-week hero-to-goat syndrome that plague the position. But there is also a quiet cockiness about field goal kickers because on most occasions, they're also their team's leading scorer. But punters? Just potato sack-thighed nobodies who execute the most demoralizing part of the game; they're walking impotence with tiny shoulder pads.

And this time of the year is actually the only time that punters actually have to fight for their jobs. Rarely does a team carry two punters on its roster. But now even the most seasoned veterans are pushed; whether it be against an undrafted rookie out of community college with a big leg, or an Angolan rugby player who can supposedly punt a bowling ball 50 yards in his bare feet. There's always someone there trying to take their undemanding six-figure salaried job. Trying.

So this week, I'm lacing up my Mitres, ironing my John Teltschik jersey, and placing odds on the first NFL punter to attempt to off their competition.

White man came, across the sea, he brought us pain and misery...

Dirk Johnson: 4/1

Johnson is the incumbent, serviceable Philadelphia Eagles veteran who has been overshadowed so far by a giant 6'5" gorilla Aussie named Sav Rocca since the team arrived in Lehigh two weeks ago. Rocca is a former Australian Rules Football Star (never quite sure what that is, exactly) whose monstrous boots are turning a lot of heads. Johnson himself has stated that this is the toughest competition he's had in five years. And as Rocca, being a wild Australian, would be a tough man to kill, unless he's mysteriously attacked by a stingray. Johnson may have trouble smuggling one of those into camp.

Todd Sauerbrun: 1/4

Sauerbrun shamed himself a couple years ago when he failed the NFL's illegal substance test after his name popped up on a list investigating the Carolina Panthers trainer. He's also had a DWI and was suspended last year for ephedra. He also has this odd hatred of the Gramatica brothers that is borderline psychotic. Now, he's back, trying to latch on with the Broncos, but last year's punter Paul Elstner stands in his way. Sauerbrun claims to have mellowed out, but if he really wants a job, he'll get it. Each day, Elstner should double check that his shoes aren't stuffed with shards of glass or that his tee isn't outfitted with an explosive device.

Michael Koenen: 2/1

Last year, Koenen attempted to be the first triple-threat special teams guy — punt, field goals, and kickoffs — in the league since 1981. That didn't work, and the Atlanta Falcons had to sign Morten Andersen to kick field goals. This year, Koenen has one job: punting. However, pride has a funny way of fucking with you, and Koenen may still feel he deserves all three special teams jobs now that newly acquired Billy Cundriff is standing in the way. Don't be surprised if Koenen attempts to run over Cundriff with a blocking sled each day in camp until he gets his way.

Matt Turk: 2/1

Turk's been a fragile guy ever since his older brother Dan died tragically a few years ago from testicular cancer, and now after being stiffed by the St. Louis Rams this off-season, he's frothing to prove to the Houston Texans just how powerful his mighty foot is. But, but...it's Chad Stanley's job. Nope. It's Matt Turk's job. And Matt Turk will do anything to continue to punt in the NFL, because it is the only thing that keeps him from deteriorating into a sobbing mess each morning. Sorry, Chad. You hand over the job nicely, or Matt Turk will come over there and destroy your kneecaps with this helmet. And then Matt Turk will kick everyone you know in the face. Until you give up your job, Chad. Don't be a hero ... that's Matt Turk's job. Now hit the road, Chad.

Anyway, Cozad is now about to go on trial for first-degree attempted murder, and he's claiming detectives tried to force him to confess.

"The first time, he said, 'You little (expletive). You better start telling me the truth, or you're going to jail for a very long time,"' Cozad said. Cozad said the next two times the recorder was paused he or his mother, who was also in the office, were berated. Cozad finally said, "I'm done," at which point he was taken into custody.

Ordinarily, we would decry the obvious police bias against punters, but we just can't bring ourselves to do it: They're punters, and they deserve whatever they get. Punters are a nationwide menace here to steal our souls and eat our children, and we must take them down one at a time. You're next, Feagles.

I Don't Think He's In Any Position To Be Complaining [Blown Coverage]
It's Like Tonya Harding, But Less Manly [Deadspin]