Just follow the lead of Ryan Kraft, a Dayton-area Penguins fan who was out Joe Louis Arena on the night the Penguins won the Stanley Cup. As the team skated the Cup around the ice, he decided to get closer to the action to take a picture. Then he got closer. Clooooooser. Then he just walked right out on to the ice and joined the fray. No problem.

In the delirium of the moment, no one really seemed to notice or care that one of the team's "family members" was taking fanboy pictures with everyone he could, stealing champagne bottles, and kissing the Red Wings logo at center ice. And when the party headed back to locker room, he just waltzed right in with everyone else. More champagne, more autographs, got his picture taken with Mario Lemiuex and ... yep, that's him holding the Stanley Cup. Unbelievable.

It's both amazing (for this guy) and a little scary (for everyone else) that it's this easy to by pass the bouncers at a championship celebration. Why spend all that effort learning to play hockey at a world-class level when you can just wait for somebody else to win the Stanley Cup and then take it from them? It's so much easier that way.

Centerville grad crashed Penguins' Cup party [Dayton Daily News]

Look at the size of this place. He has to have ponies and lemurs running around on that property. Latvian princes could get married there, if they just so happened to be in Sewickley, Pa.

And now they hit the pool. I imagine floating blissfully in a hockey legend's pool, head resting on the Stanley Cup on a warm June evening, would be totally exceptional on 'shrooms.

Seriously, like, exceptional.

Who do you think has a better chance of answering a simple multiplication question: The bimbsy on the left, Malkin, the wide-eyed teenager, or Malkin's hat.

Okay, if the kids swam near me while I was on 'shrooms, chilling with the Stanley Cup in the pool, then I'd probably lose my shit and drown. Just way too much to handle.

So I'd jump out of the pool, raid Lemieux's wine cellar, but then probably freak myself out even more because I'd be afraid some Eyes Wide Shut-like dude in a robe would sneak up behind me and ask me what the password is. I'd be all like, Fidellio? Feed-ello? Figaro? What is it? Then I'd faint. Anyway, thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Sing out loud to this.

Stanley Cup

But it's times like these when desperate inspiration kicks into overdrive. After flipping through this Stanley Cup celebration gallery. I figured this would be the perfect day to test this out. Send in your own ideas for next week, so we can make Sundays at Deadspin more absurdly enjoyable. Subject: Pointless Sunday Gallery Post.

Kate Moss

Pete Doherty dangled his model ladyfriend/drug buddy Kate Moss out of a window. Is she playing a kazoo? Unlike the Stanley Cup, Kate Moss was not paraded around in the streets after this occurred.

Michael Jackson's Baby

"Blanket" or whatever its name was part of the most famous act of child endangeerment. I believe Michael Jackson is still its father, or was the baby sold to pay off back taxes? I haven't kept up.

Random Turkish Babies

Well, I'm sure this baby was dangled before it was dropped four stories. The cop below caught it in his jacket, apparently.

Random Pieces of Furniture

This is what comes up when you type the word "defenestrate" into Google images. Yay, for Apartment Therapy.

So that's two years in a row that Hossa came ohsoclose to hoisting the Stanley Cup instead of his own petard doing likewise to him. Looking today, on June 13, it looks really foolish for Hossa to have gone from one team to the other.

As TSB's Adam Jacobi mentioned, Hossa did make the correct before-June-12 decision to sign with the best team with the best chance. The sequence of events made the team switch look really bad, but here's one thing to keep in perspective:

Four months. That's how long Hossa played for the Penguins. For years he played for the Ottawa Senators and Atlanta Thrashers, but he was a Penguin for four months. This wasn't a Johnny Damon situation where a longstanding fan favorite switched teams. This is more like a CC Sabathia situation, where players with lots of talent like signing with historically legendary teams. Or perhaps a Joe Lieberman situation. You mean you WERE a Democrat?

It wasn't a horrible move on June 13, either. An optimist would say that Hossa played with two teams in two years, both who reached the Stanley Cup Finals. But the decision, as of June 13, was probably a top three reason the series went the way it did, with the other reasons being the Red Wings injuries finally affecting the veteran players, and Marc-Andre Fleury using his limbs to block shots, rather than score them. Hossa did very little in the Stanley Cup, which means that perhaps signing with Pittsburgh would have helped Detroit repeat. Perhaps the Red Wings would do themselves well to trade Brad Stuart to Pittsburgh.

And he wasn't the only one to crossed Red Rover battle lines. How soon do we forget that backup goaltender Ty Conklin played for the Penguins last year? How about good luck charm Muhammad Ali being negated by the star of Twilight in attendance? And what of that Qdoba burrito that brought BGSU graduate and Penguins coach Dan Bylsma great fortune? Would Deadspin commenters agree* it's the best one available?

Requiem For A Marian Hossa [The Sporting Blog]
Is Ty Conklin Lucky Or Cursed? [FanHouse]
Muhammad Ali leads celebrity contingent at the Joe [Detroit Free Press]
Bylsma Brings Lucky Burrito To Detroit [Puck Daddy]

* - Of course not, because nobody comments on Deadspin anymore.

The Detroit Red Wings have been partying it up with their newly acquired Stanley Cup, taking it to defenseman Chris Chelios' downtown Detroit restaurant for a night of boozing. Play nice with her, fellas. Oop. Too late. You already damaged it. Busted Coverage has a short recap of some of the revelry that lead to the ding in the Cup.

Let the beer flow from the Stanley Cup.That was the case at Chris Chelios' bar, Cheli's, over the weekend as fans got in line to drink some cheap ass watered down beer from Lord Stanley. Chris Osgood stood on the bar, pouring beer into the Cup and Brett Lebda did the pouring [Come again? -Ed.] as fans got to take part in one of the coolest victory celebrations we've ever seen.

When is the last time you saw fans eating moonshine soaked cherries from the tips of the World Series trophy?

I don't know. When was the last time Kansas City won it?

The dent has been repaired, but will the Cup ever recover? She's all shaken up. These louts from Detroit said they were gonna show her a good time and she gets roughed up. It's wrongwrongwrong, but oddly...exciting?

Nope, not in hockey, where the Stanley Cup Trophy is wooed by Lil Jon and seduced by teenage sirens. You're not even supposed to touch the Trophy unless you've won one, and some players have even baptized their children in it.

And it has even been a featured soap opera actor:

Here's to the Stanley Cup: A trophy that actually means something. Unlike some trophies.

This angle, for which I am ever thankful the morning after, is not the greatest; CBC's camera had a better view, combined with two men sitting on the ice a couple feet away wearing Red Wings apparel, laughing their octopi-molesting asses off. At first I thought those two seedy Michiganders had something to do with it, but then again I'm ready to blame the locals at any given point in history.

And it's certainly not the best penguin fall of all time:

Detroit won 4-0, thanks to Mikael Samuelsson's two-goals and Chris Osgood's blocking-the-puck-with-his-stick-and-body skills. A local TV station used the caption subhead "OZ-GOOD." Still trying to figure out where the pun is. Or maybe it's supposed to be funny because it's misspelled. Levity!

And that Cup will go to either the Detroit Red Wings or the Pittsburgh Penguins, who start Game 1 of the Cup Finals tonight. The Deadspin NHL Closer foremen at Melt Your Face-Off will be live blogging the games this weekend, and I guess Versus hooked them up with some free shit to give away. Access, favor, and discretion my white butt.

Meanwhile, the Pittsburgh media is carving out Photoshops for the occasion, with Detroit MS Painters retaliating in kind, as you can see above with my favorite.

As I've said in the past, I never really latched onto an NHL team because growing up the Detroit Reddish Wings were 17 different flavors of awesome, and I couldn't jump onto the Wings bandwagon, which was the only successful model vehicle coming out of Detroit at the time. And I'm not about to go rooting for the Columbus Blue Jackets, because Toledo will be getting a minor league team of their own soon, even though they won't be known as the Peckerheads. But I'm sure if I wasn't a pseudo-Michigander I'd basically despise the Icy Red Machine, and my two-time BGSU title-winning intramural curling team was named the Flying Penguins, so here's to a Pittsburgh champeenship.

Stanley Cup Finals! Liveblogs! Contests! Free Stuff! [MYFO]
More Wings Fans Top Posters [Detroit Free Press]

We congratulate the Anaheim Ducks on their first Stanley Cup title last night. We can't imagine the relief of Ducks fans across the nation, who were able to sleep easy last night, knowing they must no longer fear that they, like their grandfathers and other ancestors, will die without seeing their beloved, historic Ducks win that long-awaited title.

Congratulations, Ducks. The Stanley Cup is finally back where it belongs: Orange County.

Ducks Win! [The Battle Of California]

(Getty Images Photo)

We know hockey gets a bad rap, around here and everywhere else, but we would really like to point that we enjoy watching hockey, particularly that of the playoff variety. But man, seriously, No one is watching these games. The rating for Game 1 was 0.72, which is "Quite Frankly" bad. Allotting for the inherent weirdness of Nielsen ratings, that translates to about 523,000 people watching Game 1 of the sport's championship. That's five Tennessee home football games.

NHL Ratings Comically Bad [Lion In Oil]
I Like The Way Snrub Thinks [Chris' Sports Blog]

And on the sixth day, the Lord invented hockey, and saw that it was good. And there was much rejoicing. (By the way, concerning that statuette ... why no helmets? Seems a little irresponsible of the King of Kings). Some thoughts from blogdome:

• Speaking of Christ; with all the beards out on the ice in the Finals, how could Gillette have missed this opportunity? [The Ice Block]
• The case is made that Cam Ward should not have won the Conn Smythe Trophy. Don't tell Denis Leary. [The Puck Stops Here]
• Um, do Oilers fans know they lost? (Includes the self-proclaimed gayest photo ever on a hockey blog). [Covered In Oil]
• More Oilers fan bitterness; this time directed toward the Norse god Crom, naturally. [Four Bad Men]
• Of course, this blog correctly predicted the outcome of the Finals more than two weeks ago, and has the photo to prove it. [Confessions Of A Hockey Fanatic]
• Comparing Brind'Amour's kissing of the Stanley Cup to the smooching of Al and Tipper Gore. Hey, get a room! [American Hockey Fan]
• The only way to describe this day for a Hurricanes fans, of course, is with a quote from The Princess Bride. [Sweet Tea, Barbeque and Bodychecks]

(UPDATE: SporTech Matter has the video.)

Anyway, that's all moot now, because even the most ardent NHL naysayer has to find it difficult to ignore a Stanley Cup Finals Game 7. Despite the small-market matchup, we kind of think it's a perfect contrast: The Edmonton Oilers, a Canadian dinosaur franchise remnant from back when it was possible for a sports league to have a team in Edmonton , against the Carolina Hurricanes, in which the vast history of hockey — or, at least, ice — in North Carolina is revealed as, uh, lacking somewhat.

The real story, of course, is Edmonton's massive comeback from a 3-1 deficit, a result that seemed so preordained that magazines have already put out Hurricanes Win editions, which would be like "Dewey Defeats Truman" if nobody paid attention to presidential elections.

It should be a mighty fun night. What's that? Oh. We lost you at "hockey." All right: Here's a great Len Bias tribute video.

Edmonton Ready For Game 7 [Canada.com]

An eagle-eyed reader — that is to say, by "eagle-eyed," we mean to say "actually watching hockey" — pointed out this angry fan directly after Edmonton's sudden death goal to win Game 5 of the Stanley Cup Finals last night over Carolina.

Considering the Hurricanes were just one overtime goal from winning the Stanley Cup, we would understand the fan's sentiment, except for one thing: If you look close, you can see headphones the fan is wearing. Yep: Actually listening to an interview with Jeff Gordon, and that California freak just don't get what stock car racing's all about. Eff you, Gordon!

Suddenly I'm Glad To Be Alive [Covered In Oil]

There are two ways to look at it. 1) All Carolina has done is protect their home ice, and the crowd in Edmonton will be all the way live, so the Oil isn't in bad shape, really, or 2) If Edmonton can't lure Grant Fuhr out of retirement, this one's done, because their goalie situation right now is as stable and confident as the Boom Goes The Dynamite Guy.

Between the pipes on the other side of the ice is rookie Cam Ward, the rookie sensation who will likely be your series MVP if it ends as quickly as Carolina would like. He's already the first rookie to post a shutout in the Stanley Cup Finals in 20 years and has become more famous in Carolina than a few Busch series NASCAR drivers. Okay, maybe not.

* = Courtesy Bob Uecker, Major League

Oilers regrouping [newsobserver.com]
See? Highlights Are Harder Than They Look [Deadspin]

We have felt somewhat guilty around these parts for our almost total lack of Stanley Cup coverage. We have meant no offense; we just don't get a particularly strong "Holy crap, the Stanley Cup finals are starting tonight! Gooooo Hurricanes!" vibe. In fact, since the NHL playoffs started, we've received exactly one "where's your Stanley Cup coverage?" email, and that one might have been from Mike Myers.

Nevertheless, the finals do start tonight — it's Edmonton vs. Carolina, by the way — and we are a sports site, so here you go. Here's your Stanley Cup finals preview. Your definitive source on all things NHL is, as always, Off Wing Opinion, and he'll be all over this for the next week or so. As we said: It's Oil against Water. What a matchup!

If you're into such matters, you can make your predictions in the comments, we guess.

Stanley Cup Finals Preview, Game One [Off Wing Opinion]

Hockey hasn't seen a hit like that since Trent made little Wayne's head bleed. Just a straight-up shoulder to the jaw at full-speed. Ooompf. That looks like a man who's going to need help tying his shoes for a week or two.

I just don't believe that he's "fine." There's got to be at least a slight concussion. But it's the Stanley Cup Playoffs... a guy could have open-heart surgery after the first period, and insist on being back in the line-up for the third. And no coach is ever, ever, ever going to let on about an injury.

Game on, eh?

BRIAN CAMPBELL DESTROYS RJ UMBERGER OMFG I DIIIIIIIIEEEE!!!1 [YouTube]

Back in a different lifetime ago, when we worked at The Sporting News, one of our associates was a rather intense hockey guy. In fact, we called him Hockey Guy, probably because he was the only one who really liked hockey. We had daily staff meetings to discuss the coverage plans for the evening — we worked nights — and on the eve of the Stanley Cup playoffs, he wheeled in a TV and VCR.

He looked at us and said, "It's playoff time" and pushed play. The scene in Slap Shot came on, the huge comical fight scene. When it was over, he looked at us, eyes fiery, and screamed, "Let's play some hockey!!!" And you know what? We were really freaking pumped. Yeahh!!!!

The Stanley Cup hasn't held as much interest for us since then, we'll admit, but we think about that enthusiasm every year when the playoffs come around. As you've surely noticed around here, we haven't covered hockey that much, but the playoffs start tonight: It's the least we can do.

So here's a roundup of Stanley Cup predictions from around the Web. Honestly, these predictions could be teams that aren't actually in the playoffs and we wouldn't know, but hey: We're trying, anyway.

• HockeyDirt: Senators over Sharks
• Bob Foltman, Chicago Tribune: Red Wings over Rangers.
• Puck Update: Flames over Sabres.
• Kukla's Korner: Red Wings over Devils.
• Ray Slover, The Sporting News: Flames over Flyers.
• Japer's Rink: Sabres over Sharks.
• The Ice Block: Stars over Flyers
• Deadspin: Red Wings over Senators. Sure. That'll work.

If you're into this type of thing, let's hear your predictions in the comments.

Stanley Cup Playoffs [NHL.com]