The once and future Knicks albatross showed up for New York's home opener followed through on a promise made on his bizarre Ustream. He plopped down in a courtside seat, whipped out his camera and started filming the game. That's when the person who actually bought that seat showed up.

Security told Marbury to move to his real seat, but rather then act like a normal human being and move, he up and left the arena.

I paid a lot of money for this seat, I don't want to leave," Marbury told one Garden security official during the confrontation. "But it's OK. I'll go."

So while he missed everything after the first quarter, it would have been familiar to Marbury: a furious Knicks rally brought them close, but they shit the bed when it counted.

Bizarre-Bury: Stephon Marbury Bolts Madison Square Garden In Seat Tiff [NY Daily News]

Haywood's latest quote about Marbury (he blogged about it on Yardbarker soon after they came out, as well) came during an interview with Hardcore Sports Radio and it went something like this:

At first it was cool, but after a while it just became disturbing. He's on YouTube crying with no shirt on for no reason, sweating while his boy's rubbing his shoulders. What's that about? That's like gay porn. I don't understand it. He's dancing to a song called ‘Barbie Doll', doing like stripper moves. I have no idea what's going on with the guy, it's almost like he's trying to end his own career. There's not a GM out there that would touch Marbury right now… Have you seen the ‘Barbie Doll' clip? Click on YouTube and go to Barbie Doll. There's no way any other professional athletes would wanna get dressed around this guy, because you gotta think something is a little, he's swinging from both sides of the fence."

Of course, you hate to see Haywood resort to homophobic insults but, at the same time, yeah, that Barbie Doll video is a little bit over the top.

Brendan Haywood: No Athlete Would Want To Get Dressed Around Marbury [SRI]

Fortunately ... as of now, Stephon is still with us, losing his mind and both entertaining and unsettling us in the process. So we can keep the fun going!

Just watch this snippet again. And that's just a SNIPPET. Marbury would have been a potential nominee had he never heard of Ustream. Now? I think Daulerio should offer him a job.

But is it it enough to get him in the Hall of Fame? Seventy five percent is the threshold for induction. Vote below: Polls will be open through the weekend.

Edvard Munch's latest muse endeavored into quite an extravaganza Friday — his words, not mine — which hit one of its most surreal moments when Starbury himself jumped into a pool. That was around the middle of the afternoon. When I tuned in later that night, he was back to blabbering, and it was like nothing had changed, even after eight hours. Maybe he should consider politricks.

Speaking of pools, these bad boys will be banned starting in 2010. Not the swimmers or the gold-medal-winning Vitruvian man, but the LZR Racers. Grab them while you can.

Hey, look, it's a photo of my old friend Natalie Gulbis that the golfer Twitpiced (?) from the Evian Masters. The background looks as nice as that PowerPoint said it would. I wonder if there's a pool.

It's really hot here, and I'm baking like a toasted cheeser. Call me a can't-hack-it panty waste, but you can't play baseball.

So what are we gonna do, Squints? Perv a dish?

Oh, Wendy Peffercorn, my darling lover girl. I can't take it no more!

At some point, you just have to watch for yourself, but in an act of public service, here are the completely unfiltered and Faulkner-esque transcripts from three 10-minute excerpts of Stephon Marbury's UStream Guide to Everything. He's still going. All I did was unmute the laptop and start to type. Starbury took care of the rest.

1:35-1:45 p.m.: My favorite superstar? Denzel Washington. Yo, I was at the Laker game with Denzel Washington. Oh my god, I gotta tell this story, 'cause this is classic. So we at the Laker game, and we sitting down and we talking. So I was like, 'Yo, D, whatup, so you going back to work?' I was sitting in Jeanie Buss's seat. Mr. Buss, the great Mr. Buss, Jeanie Buss, I love her, I love her with all my heart. I take my heart out and give it to her 'cause that's how ill she is. I love that lady. Denzel was like, 'Yeah, I'm about to go overseas, you know what I'm saying? I'm about to go over to Italy and relax and chill and relax myself. You know I got the yacht, it's going to be in the water. I got the plane, it's gonna be gassed and loaded and ready to go. And I got the helicopter on the yacht just in case I want to go to my plane and we decide we want to break out 'cause we didn't want to be on the yacht all day. I'm gonna have my man go fly to Cuba to get me some beans to make some coffee.' I was like, I gotta get on your level, cause that's a living. Training Day? Oh, man, all he did was play himself. "King Kong can't fuck with me!" Ha! That's all he did. He just played himself. D. From the Mount! Oh, man. This is what's up. I love UStream, man. I don't know if I'm gonna play overseas. I don't care where I play basketball at, y'all don't get it. I'm not on basketball, I'm just training to be a monster. I'm just training to be a monster. I'm not thinking about where I'm gonna be playing at, because wherever I lay my head at, that's where I'm gonna rest at, and I'm gonna do what I do, period. If I go overseas and do what I do, whew, man. 'Cause if I go overseas, make sure you go on Starbury.com and cop the new ill jersey that I'm gonna design. Wicked re-tahded. I love my boys when people say that. It's wicked re-tahded. I gotta pakh the cah. Get the keys to the cah. Get the keys to the cah!

2:00-2:10 p.m.: I ain't talking about them. I'm talking about when I was playing in New York, there was a lot of that going on. What I do if I had this and I could do this. Aight. Whatever. What am I drinking? Clear. By Starbury. That's the name of my new water. Clear. You know? How you really feel about D'Antoni? I think D'Antoni, he's a player's coach. He's one of them coaches you say, 'Oh, he become my coach and my contract year's up? Oh, God, thank you. Thank you for that blessing!' That's what I was saying. He was, like, 'Oh, Steph, this is gonna be great. You're gonna score 30 points.' I was geeked up! And I was already working out and training. He was, like, 'You're gonna lead the league in scoring.' I was, like, 'Oh, this is gonna be beautiful. You're putting the rock in my hand.' Cause the rock had been taken out of my hand. If this is what it's gonna be to win a championship, I'm down for it. I'm down. But that wasn't the situation. You work for me? I told you. I'm gonna get something up where everyone get work. All you gotta do is bring people to Starbury. If you go to my Web site, Starbury.com, and go to the very bottom of it, it says OPPORTUNITY. If you go to OPPORTUNITY, you can become a sales rep for Starbury. And I'm gonna pay you 6 percent of whatever you bring to the table. So when you get your catalogue, you could bring it to the store and be, like, 'Yo, I got stuff for the low low. Whachu wanna do?' And if a store say, 'OK, we want a million pairs, 100 thousand of those shorts, 100 thousand of those.' If that purchase order is $100 million, you get $6 million. How you like that? And that's for everybody that's on here. Yeah, we can do that. UStream TV, you see me. Holla back if the window is crack. Whatup, Star. Born. you know who you are. Holla. I love Canada. 'Ohhh, Canada. We' — I love that song. I love y'all's anthem. That anthem is dope. And I love when I come there and they sing it. I love hearing it. It's fresh. Now, I never suck no wee-wee before. Next question. He's bored. I don't know how the whole song go. I only know little bits, little parts of the song. It feels good when haters say stuff, like, 'Do you suck cock?' And I just say no, and move to the next question. It feels good to be, like, 'Why would you say something like, I can't believe you say that, word up, I got goons there, word up.' I don't want no fight with you. I don't want no beef with you. You got in a fight with me 'cause of words? I ain't down with that. I'm not down with that. What do I think about Vince Carter and Dwight Howard? I think that's a great marketing tool for Orlando. Vince is a hometown kid. It's perfect. Vince wanna go back to Vinsanity. Don't get him twisted. He can play. Don't get him twisted. When he put his mind to it, and he say, I'm about to go in? He's a different animal. 'Cause he can shoot the ball from deep. And he can blow by you, and when he blow by you, if he jump, you already know what's next. I ain't gotta tell you. What do I think about healthcare reform? I think our system should be like Canada's system, that's what I think. I like that system. But we not Canada, so we can't do that, but I like free healthcare. I like when people are able to go inside and doctors help them and we pay for it collectively as a group. 'Cause when you get sick, you want people helping you. You my idol. I don't want to be your role model, I want to be your goal model. Those are words from the great Jim Brown. He gave me that. Drew, whatup, baby? Drew, what's up, what's the deal, baby? Drew Barry, the person who introduced me to college with the lob, the perfect lob! Ahhh! I'm back to that again. Screamin'! After a play, a dunk. Oh, yeah. After dunks, man. I can't wait. It's on. Shoutout to Alex Fitzgerald, whatup. Is that Fitzgerald, the kid from the Cardinals, he's a problem. Politics? Nah. I ain't into politricks. I ain't into the politricks business. I don't wanna trick nobody. No, I'm not nowhere near as popular as Yao Ming. I don't even wish that. Yao got problems. He can't go nowhere. I love throwing on a fitted, a hoodie, if I got to. 'Cause I can mix it up. I can go suit it and boot it, I can go dress to impress, I can get fresh to def. All of them different things, we know how to do it.

3:00-3:10 p.m.Would I suck a wee-wee for $1 million? Would you suck a wee-wee for $1 million? Hell no, no wienies, but you gonna ask me that. You disgraced yourself, huh? I didn't even do it, you did that. I tell people, 'Don't be mad at me, be mad at yourself. I didn't do it to you.' Sorry. I can't make you mad because the Knicks didn't do something. If I can make you mad, then you saying that I can control you, and if I can control you, then that's not good. Especially if you a man saying that. If you a man getting on here saying I make you mad, why you do that to my team, you bugging out, daddy. You gotta grow up fast. I don't own no bling anymore. I got rid of all that. I took my bling and invested it into something, and I'm gonna use that money from the bling, that I got back from me, and put it in something else and let that pay for my bling. And the bling ain't even gonna be for me. It's gonna be for my queen. Don't play basketball, you are not a talk show host, you can barely speak English, you need to shoot the ball in the hoop. OK, thank you. Bye bye. Buh-bye. Can you tell me what's a talk show host? Who are the talk show hosts? Kimmel? Who, Jay Leno? Those are the talk show hosts? OK, I got you. I understand. Big L, love Big L. It's going fast now. What's slo-mo? How we kick people out? Nah, you know what, I'm not gonna kick nobody out. I want them to kick themselves out. What you about to eat for lunch, homie? Man, I'm not gonna eat anything, daddy. I'm fasting right now. And my stomach is doing the hula-hoop dance right now. Real tough. My joint is banging right now. I'm fighting hunger pains right now. [Stream cuts out for two minutes] And she keep telling you everyday, you gotta get your own place, Johnny, you're not gonna be able to keep staying in the basement playing on the computer. At least get a girlfriend.

And remember: All of that was factorial.

HAVE AT IT [UStream.com]

After working out some sort of buyout agreement yesterday, the Knicks quickly waived Marbury and all signs point to him being scooped up by the Boston Celtics once he clears; just in time to sneak him on the playoff roster. They hope to add a backup point guard who will play 15-20 minutes a night and I suppose you could do worse.

The Celtics don't need help to grab a high playoff seed, but they probably need something extra to push them past the Cavaliers or Lakers in the playoffs. But Marbury doesn't really strike anyone as a team-first kinda guy. Will he really accept a "role player" position so gladly? Even for the chance at a title? Or would winning a ring in this way forever erase that disgruntled "Starbury" reputation?

It's also been a long time since Marbury played like an All-Star caliber point guard—although being a Knick would sap anyone's will to try—and it's been pretty much never since he played for a contender, so there really is no way of knowing how he will respond once he puts on a Celtics uniform. (And yes, he "reunites" with that tall guy he played two seasons with ten years ago, as if they were holding their breath all this time.) It really is a true gamble, and if it fails (whether it's his fault or not), well ... the I-told-you-sos will be quite delicious for Boston haters.

Then there are Knicks fans—who remain in a perpetual, doctor proscribed haze. A few are predictably taking the
"don't let the door hit" you stance, but most probably can't be bothered to take a break from crafting their anti-Isiah poetry to give a damn. If you know such a person, try to break it to them gently.

Celtics expected to land Marbury after Knicks buy him out [Boston Globe]
Marbury's depature a victory for Knicks fans [Newsday]
ONE LAST CHANCE TO BE STEPH OF LEGENDS [NY Post]
Unlike on court, Stephon Marbury departs with assist [NY Daily News]
Freedom brings responsibility for Marbury [Yahoo]
But What Will Stephon Wear? [Simon On Sports]

Marbury, seemingly trapped in permanent exile from the Knicks, is doing everything possible to get the word out that he's available, can still play, wants to leave the Knicks, and wants to get paid. Oh, and wants be on a contender. Oh, and wants to promote Starbury. Unless there was some major editing done to the chat, I'm sure ESPN is also a little disappointed that Stephon didn't do anything too wacky during his allotted SportsNation chat room time:

Derek (Tucson, Az): If you were asked today to return to knicks and play for them. Would you play?

SportsNation Stephon Marbury: (4:44 PM ET ) They chose their direction and I am trying to move on and end the relationship, becasue D'Antoni wanted the relationship ended from the start of the year.

Jason (Philly): What was the general attitude in the locker room towards Isaih?

SportsNation Stephon Marbury: (4:43 PM ET ) I guess guys saved face.

JB ( Raleigh, Nc): What is the proudest moment in your basketball career?

SportsNation Stephon Marbury: (4:45 PM ET ) I have two: 1) My high school championship and 2) Getting drafted.

You would think having sex with an MSG intern in the back of an SUV would have made the list.

Sports Nation Chat: Stephon Marbury [ESPN]

Marbury is convinced that it's simply a personal vendetta by New York president Donnie Walsh that's keeping him the most well-paid bench warmer in the league, and that explanation makes as much sense as any. They Knicks have already paid him half of his $21 million salary for this year and keeping him around doesn't seem to help team morale. The only justification for not simply paying Marbury off and ridding themselves of the distraction is the highly theoretical possibility that the Knicks might run into Marbury while he's playing for another team, perhaps in the playoffs. Of course, a good trade could actually help them make the playoffs, but the Knicks aren't interested in that.

Marbury says it's "kids games" and he's started quoting Barack Obama saying, "let's put away those childish acts." When you've got Stephon Marbury looking like a civil rights activist, you know you've probably screwed up somewhere along the line.

But the question that seems most in need of asking is the one most people are ignoring. That is—what could the Boston Celtics possibly have to gain by signing him? Does anyone honestly believe makes the Celtics a better team? Or that Starbury willl willingly play the humble and heroic sixth man role? Am I missing something here? (I probably am, but it would help to know what that is.)

MARBURY CONFIRMS OFFER FROM CELTS, BLASTS KNICKS 'KIDS GAMES' [NY Post]
Related: Pursuing N.B.A., Marbury’s Brother Takes Long Detour [NY Times]