One hundred and eight players, almost a tenth of the league, received medical exemptions due to their attention-deficit hyperactivity disorders. That's up slightly from last year, and up from 28 players in 2006. Completely coincidentally, MLB's stimulant ban went into effect in 2006.

While ten percent sounds like a realistic number of ADHD sufferers among Park Slope's helicopter parents, only about 4% of children are affected, with more than half outgrowing it by adulthood. Additionally, these are major league baseball players, who are loath to admit to any psychiatric disorder, and probably would have had a tough time excelling in life as they have had they been serious sufferers.

Besides those 108 players, 12 more without an exemption tested positive for ADHD drugs.

Is there something unique about the sport of baseball that attracts individuals with ADD? I suspect not. It seems to me an excessively high number," said [Dr. Gary] Wadler, chairman of the committee that determines the banned-substances list for the World Anti-Doping Agency.

On the bright side (if you invest in a designer steroid lab), only one player tested positive for steroids in 2009. And, from the Times article,

Two players received exemptions to use performance-enhancing drugs because of hypertension, two for low levels of testosterone, one for narcolepsy, one for obsessive compulsive disorder and one for postconcussion syndrome.

Any guesses?

Number of M.L.B. Players Given Drug Exemptions Up Slightly [NY Times]

The Wall Street Journal broke down the testing procedures of 22 major sports and federations, and ranked them all on a 100-point scale. It's absolutely worth perusing the entire list, but let's note some highlights.

•The most stringent policy belongs to US Boxing/IBF. In the last sport you'd expect to be on the up-and-up, it's nearly impossible to beat the test without some super secret undetectable substance (which I think we assume all athletes are on anyway).
•The most lax policy? The X Games, which have no formal policy whatsoever. Unsurprising considering the target audience, but at least they're not overtly encouraging drug use. Just subtly.
•Also with no testing policy in place is the CFL or bowling, though the PBA says "members may not participate in the sale or distribution of controlled substances."
•MLB's updated policy is barely sufficient, but what about all those minor leaguers they keep catching?
•Horse racing and cycling score quite highly, thereby rendering this list laughable.

My favorite note is that World's Strongest Man competitions fall under the banner of entertainment, and refused to provide the Journal with their testing procedures. And you know what? I'm fine with that. If Magnus ver Magnusson needed a little boost to throw those kegs over the wall, then so be it.

A Sports Fan's Guide to Drug Testing [WSJ]

According to National Underwriter magazine — "the most outspoken newsmagazine in the property-casualty insurance industry" — McGwire sought coverage for his balky ankle during the home run chase of 1998 that we now pretend to feel horrible about. Phil Gusman reports:

[Lloyd's underwriter Jonathan Thomas] said a lot of medical details had to be vetted before Lloyd's underwriters would consider writing a policy. Details included exactly how the ankle is strapped, types of orthotics used and any anti-inflammatory medications taken.

One substance used by McGwire at the time-androstenedione-was part of the regiment [sic] that Lloyd's said should be maintained to help Mr. McGwire recover.

At the time, the substance was not on Major League Baseball's banned substance list for performance-enhancing drugs, but it has since been added and is considered a "steroid precursor." And so, as Mr. Thomas noted, "something that was the start of all the steroid [discussions in baseball] was part of the underwriting interest for this policy."

A lot of people cried out in those days for McGwire to renounce Andro, lest he unduly influence the children, those impressionable souls who a few generations earlier, if I recall, took to high-powered hallucinogens en masse because of baseball's permissiveness toward Dock Ellis. But what if McGwire had given up Andro at the time? What sort of role model is that? How would we have told the kids that their hero was someone who had violated the terms of his insurance policy?

H/T reader Campbell

Alligators, Body Parts, Fantasy Leagues: All In A Day's Work For Specialty Writers [National Underwriter]

First you ruin baseball, and now you're ruining sportswriting. Is there nothing you won't fuck up, steroids?

BRONX BOMBSHELL: DEREK JETER SAYS HE USED STEROIDS

Awesome! I hope this is real, and not a "what-if" gambit!

Well, what would you do if ESPN interrupted your regularly scheduled programming for that one?

Damn. It was a "what-if" gambit.

To answer your "what-if" gambit: I would be mildly surprised for eleven seconds, then I would nod slightly at the non-news that another huge star had taken steroids, then I would chuckle to myself while thinking about what Mike Francesca would say about it. ("Not today. Not in The Bronx. Not with all the ghosts looking down from heaven. Not Derek Jeter. Not like this...not like this..."). Then I would turn the channel to see if anything good was playing on Starz HD West. Maybe "You Can Count On Me" or something. I can watch that movie over and over again without getting bored. Unlike the movie called "Baseball Players Did Steroids."

Would it be enough to make you shred your season tickets, douse your baseball cards with charcoal fluid and delete America's pastime from your Facebook friends list?

I have several questions.

1. After A-Rod, Bonds, McGwire, Palmeiro, Sosa, Clemens, Giambi, Manny, Ortiz, and like 8200 others, why would one more star player make me shred my season tickets?

2. Charcoal fluid? Do you mean "lighter fluid?" "Charcoal fluid" sounds like something that you spray on something else to make it smell like charcoal. (Which I call: Axe Body Spray.) (Boom! Take that, Axe Body Spray!)

3. The phrase "...delete America's pastime from your Facebook friends list" is the textbook definition of an adult writing about something "the kids" do when they don't really understand what that thing is. This isn't a question so much as an exhortation: please, people who don't really understand the internet – stop trying to use internet lingo. If you don't, I will text message your MySpace vlog and lol cats to the bit torrent meme!

If I ever see Jeter's name attached to the hip of performance enhancers, I'm done. I mean it — I'll never watch another big league game again.

Just, hang on a second there, sparky. Really? Really. If Derek Jeter did steroids, you would never watch another baseball game again. Ever. Not this year, not next year, never. Wojo is WoDone with WoBall, if Derek Jeter has done steroids. When everyone else, in every sport, has done steroids.

I call bullshit on this, frankly, because: although I personally hate steroids, and all they have done to tarnish the game I love, a pretty fucking hefty amount of famous and popular players have done steroids, and Wojo, like the rest of us, is still watching baseball. Because it's baseball, and baseball is awesome, even if every single player worth a damn since 1992 has been jamming llama testicle suppositories up his butt to make himself run faster. It's baseball. It's fun. Baseball!!!!!!

Also, grammar quiz: what kind of insane literary device is the phrase "attached to the hip of performance enhancers?" a) Metonymy b) vernacular idiom c) utter nonsense d) Grumbletorp-noun phrase?

The answer is e) bad.

Because if Captain Pinstripes could do the Vitamin S deed, then anybody can.

Bad news, Wojo. Anybody can, and most of them did. And for the record, "Captain Pinstripes" is the name you should use to make fun of Jeter, and his bulletproof reputation in the national news media. It really sounds like you're making fun of him, when you call him Captain Pinstripes. It's like calling him Calm Eyes McGee.

Also, metaphor quiz: what kind of writing is "do the Vitamin S deed?" (a) good (b) cool (c) awesome (d) funny? The answer is: (e) no.

Jeter's name is where I draw the line in the PED sand. He is the absolute last guy I'd ever suspect of juicing.

Me too, for the record, since he has been pretty statistically consistent (yeah, I used "consistent" – deal with it) in his career, he's not a big power guy, and his head hasn't ballooned outward like a giant loaf of baking bread. And, he admittedly seems like a good dude who has his priorities in the correct order. But you probably have another reason for thinking this...

It seems so, well, beneath him.

Oh – right. Derek Jeter exists on a higher spiritual, moral, and dare I even say yes I think I do dare say physical plane than the rest of humanity. Derek Jeter's face is carved into the side of Egyptian sarcophagi that predate him by thousands of years. Derek Jeter floats eleven inches off the ground. Derek Jeter's urine is legal tender currency in Asia.

That is also a good explanation.

He is the one player who I actually think would walk away from the game if he thought he had to cheat to compete.

The one player? Tell that to Randy Velarde!

Bonds, who didn't need to cheat but did anyway, was undone by an ego the size of Alcatraz.

Is that big? I honestly don't know whether Alcatraz is a big or small prison. Which brings me to my next point: why use a defunct prison as the b-side in a hyperbolic metaphor? Just because Bonds played in San Francisco? Jeff Kent had a temper as hot as the roof of the TransAmerica Pyramid. Chase Utley's swing is a cheesesteak of perfection^[1]. Feliz Hernandez is Microsoft Office.

^[1]"Chase Utley's swing is a cheesesteak of perfection" is a registered Food Metaphor Trademark of FireJoeMorgan.com, Inc., LLC. No reproduction, retransmission, or other use of the Food Metaphor "Chase Utley's swing is a cheesesteak of perfection" is allowed without the express written consent of FireJoeMorgan.com Inc., LLC, and its parent companies: Fremulon Ins., Inc., Raytheon, General Dynamics, Boeing, Halliburton, AIG, and the Peoples' National Bank and Trust of Kaesong. All rights reserved.]

Clemens, the pathological liar who tries to intimidate people into believing his gum-wrapper-thin explanations, cheated because he was "The Rocket" and you're not.

Also, money, maybe, was a factor.

Not Jeter. I can see him marrying Mariah Carey before I see him squirming in front of a Congressional hearing with the lawyered-up Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire. I can see him in a Boston Red Sox uni before I see him smirking his way through PED revelations like Manny Ramirez did in Los Angeles.

Not Jeter. No way. Here are some words I would use to describe Jeter: I would say his most admirable legacy is his respect for the game. I would also say that his career has attained mythic status. And I would definitely say that someday, Jeter will leave the game the way he played it – with class.

Oh – hang on. Sorry. Those are all things that Sports Illustrated said about Mark McGwire when he retired. Because at the time, it seemed like they were true. Then, later, it turned out that they were wrong, because Mark McGwire was eating camel pancreas and drinking tapir prostate extract and rubbing Bald Eagle semen on his gums and basically cheating the whole time.

Nobody in baseball definitely didn't do steroids. It doesn't mean everyone did. It just means nobody definitely didn't. It's their bed – they have to lie in it.

Now, again, I personally don't think Jeter is using, or has ever used, PEDs. But let's just cool it with the hagiography, okay? As the saying goes, "When you write a hagiography of a baseball player, you make a hagio out of graph and y." (That is nonsense.)

Also, I like that Jeter's pedestal is so high, the worst fate Wojo can imagine befalling him is marrying Mariah Carey, who is pretty effing hot and also rich and famous.

I'm not a Yankees honk. In fact, I want to scrape my ears with a steel-haired barbecue grill brush every time I hear play-by-play man John Sterling do that grating, "Thhhhhhhhhhhhe Yankees win!'' thing.

Me too! All is forgiven. I take it all back. This article is awesome.

But how can you not admire the way Jeter treats his craft? He is the template for baseball professionalism.

No he's not. He's about the same amount of "professional" as about 300 other guys. He's just more famous. If Jeter had played for the Brewers his entire career, he'd be Robin Yount. Still great, still in the Hall of Fame, but not slobbered over. (And, I am going to point out for the millionth time, Jeter didn't exactly come to ARod's defense when he was getting booed while in a slump a few years ago – and that was after he had come to Giambi's defense in a very similar situation.)

That's why I'd need a year's worth of Dr. Oz therapy sessions if it turns out Jeter did the steroids deed. And I'm not the only one.

1. Yes you are the only one. Dr. Oz is a cardiac surgeon and anti-aging specialist who goes on Oprah a lot. It is unclear to me how he could help you. Are you saying you would have a heart attack? Or that you would need botox? Or something?

2. Stop saying "did the [steroids] deed."

Yankees fans would go into permanent mourning if Jeter betrayed them. A-Rod's steroids admission they could handle; he was a free-agent import. Jeter, though, was born and raised by the organization. You think Yankees and you think Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio, Mantle, Maris, Berra, Munson, Reggie and Jeter.

For the record, Babe Ruth was not "born and raised" by the Yankee Organization either, obviously. Roger Maris was signed by Cleveland and also played with KC before joining the Yankees in 1960. Reggie Jackson played for the Yankees for five seasons, and with other teams for sixteen seasons. But whatever. They're all True Yankees.

Here's the thing, you guys. The Yankees are just better than other players. That's the deal. They're better. They're better. Just accept it. There should be two Halls of Fame, I think. One for human players who excel at baseball, and one for Yankees. And maybe a third for True Yankees Who Knew How To Win. Paul O'Neill, Tino, Brosius, Chad Curtis, Ramiro Mendoza, Jeter, Rivera, Girardi, Posada, Pettitte, Bernie, Wells, Cone, and that's fucking it. (And somehow Don Mattingly, even though he won exactly nothing, but fuck you, he was a winner.) They would be housed in a separate building, and admission would be $10,000. They would have gold-plated plaques, and visitors would have to take off their shoes out of respect for the True Yankees and would also have to view the plaques through special like astronomy glasses so as to avoid their retinas being burned out by the sheer beauty of the True Yankees' memorialized visages. And offerings could be made, maybe – that would be nice. Slaughtered goats and sprinkled holy water and incense could be burned in front of fucking Paul O'Neill's fucking plaque because he so totally Knew How To Win and was Such a True Warrior and True Yankee that it seems like the least anyone could do when given the monumental once-in-a-lifetime fucking chance to be in a True Yankee's plaque-i-fied presence for like 30 seconds, and maybe see the remnants of a water cooler he smashed to bits after striking out looking in the third inning of a 5-2 win over the Royals in early June because he is such a True Warrior even though someone else on another team who does that is a Punk and a Hot Head, is avert one's eyes and slaughter a goat or something out of Respect for the Greatest Fucking Humans Who Ever Walked The Fucking Earth.

Whatever. One man's opinion.

It's unclear why I just went off on Paul O'Neill, who has nothing to do with this article at all. Oh well. I really should get my delete key fixed.

Can you imagine if Albert Pujols, the man who eventually replaced McGwire at first base, was a syringe enthusiast?

Yeah, I can. Super easily. You know why? He exhibits the #1 correlative behavior: he plays baseball. Everyone who plays baseball, it turns out, might have done steroids.

City officials would have to set up a baseball suicide prevention clinic at Busch Stadium. Cards fans adore Pujols.

I adore Pujols. But that doesn't mean he definitely never did steroids.

A Jeter steroids admission would be the deal-breaker for me.

Develop premise for article. Repeat premise. Goto 10.

Pujols, too. If those guys went pharmaceutical, I couldn't go to a big league game if Bud Selig paid me.

Yes you would. This is insane. Yes you absolutely would, whether or not the commissioner of the sport paid for your tickets. You would, because you like baseball. Don't be that douche who said "If George Bush is elected I'm moving to Canada!" and then didn't move to Canada.

Who would it be for you?

Ken Griffey, Jr.? If The Kid did it, I'm gone.

No you're not.

Chipper Jones? The same.

No. Dude, no.

Mariano Rivera? I'd think about it.

No you wouldn't.

Joe Mauer? The sound of weeping followed by my baseball resignation letter.

The sound of you going about your normal life followed by you watching baseball.

Jim Thome? Baseball's nicest guy wouldn't do that to us, would he?

Possibly. And he wouldn't have been doing it "to you." He would have been doing it to be better at baseball and make a ton of money.

Tim Lincecum? Sadness if The Freak was a fake.

Sadness, sure. As well as continued baseball watching.

Trevor Hoffman? Hells bells, please not Hoffman.

Trevor Hoffman doing steroids wouldn't even be the main article on ESPN.com.

Yuniesky Betancourt? I'd Yunies-keep going and never look back!!!!

I'm just kidding. He didn't write that. The last one was David Wright.

So far the game has survived the depressing revelations. It sort of coagulates, scabs up and then heals as best as it can.

But there could come a time when the PED damage reaches a tipping point. For me, the magic number is 2.

The number of minutes it took you to write this article? The number of people who agree with you? The number on a scale of 1-10 of how surprising it would be if any baseball star were revealed to be a steroids user?

Jeter's jersey number.

Wojo out.

Perhaps the only reason we even know that Alex Rodriguez, David Ortiz and Sammy Sosa failed drug tests back in 2003, is because federal prosecutors working on the BALCO case seized the records and urine samples from baseball's testing program, including the information that linked test results to individual players. Their investigation was only supposed to cover the 10 specific players linked to BALCO, including Barry Bonds, Jason Giambi and Gary Sheffield (who have never been publicly linked to "the list"). They took it all and now they've been scolded for it.

The player's union sued and yesterday the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco (i.e., dirty hippies) ruled that the seizure was illegal and therefore prosecutors may not use the evidence in court, in the BALCO case or any future trials. It could still go to the Supreme Court—since there are larger issues at stake about searching electronic records—but if they reject the case or uphold the ruling, the samples and the data may finally be destroyed.

Too late to save the players who have already been named, of course, and since the list has already been seen by numerous lawyers, rumors and revelations will continue to persist. And all so the Justice Department could nail Barry Bonds on a perjury charge. (Which happened six years ago, by the way, and they still haven't prosecuted him.) So this has been a great use of everyone's time.

Appeals court bars feds from using pro baseball players' steroids test results [San Jose Mercury News]

Metformin HCl. Glipizide. Lisinopril. Viagra. All these and more are found in the drug cabinet of one of our nation's senior middle-distance runners. And who cares if they're the only things keeping him alive? What about the sanctity of the game?

The Times takes an in-depth look at steroid use by competitors in USA Track & Field's Masters Series, focusing on the 70-to-90-year-olds. The report gives no answers because it doesn't particularly raise any questions. Are there prohibited substances taken by the old folks? Sure. Do they need these drugs for medical purposes? Probably.

USA Track & Field doesn't test for PEDs because of the cost, but at international competitions they're more stringent. Take 56-year-old sprinter Kathy Jager, who was disqualified after testing positive for anabolic steroids. The one prescribed to her as part of her treatment for menopause.

I'm sure there are folks taking something like Manny," Mr. Snyder said, referring to Manny Ramirez, the baseball player for the Los Angeles Dodgers who this year was suspended 50 games for violating the sport's drug policy. "But most are using drugs for medical reasons."

I say let 'em play. Most won't outlive a 1-year ban.

For Older Athletes, Drug Question Emerges [NY Times]

Arroyo says in a must-read interview with USA Today that he's pretty sure that he's on The List of failed tests from 2003, because he "took androstenedione the same way I took my multivitamins." And the guy takes a lot of multivitamins.

"I take 10 to 12 different things a day, and on the days I pitch, there's four more things. There's a caffeine drink I take from a company that (former teammate) Curt Schilling introduced me to in '05. I take some Korean ginseng and a few other proteins out there that are not certified. But I haven't failed any tests, so I figured I'm good."

Yeah, that sounds fine. Most of the things Arroyo takes are over-the-counter "remedies" that are not on the approved list of supplements that Major League Baseball has endorsed. So it's pretty much a miracle that he hasn't failed a test yet. But he started taking supplements when he was five and hasn't looked back.

But there's more! Arroyo basically calls out everyone—saying owners care way more about making money than they do about winning (probably true!), Americans who fill their bodies with junk food couldn't care less about steroids (also probably true!), and nobody gives a crap about what Manny Ramirez or Bronson Arroyo do to their bodies.

I can see where guys like Hank Aaron and some of the old-timers have a beef with it," Arroyo says. "But as far as looking at Manny Ramirez like he's (serial killer) Ted Bundy, you're out of your mind. At the end of the day, you think anybody really (cares) whether Manny Ramirez's kidneys fail and he dies at 50?

Arroyo concludes by claiming that he regrets nothing and no one else should either. He's basically saying what everyone else secretly believes—even if they won't admit it. Players will do whatever they can to gain an advantage, they continue do it despite all the furor, and nobody really blames them. Also, fans want their teams to be better and don't really care how that happens. Most importantly, Bronson Arroyo doesn't give a fuck about anything.

That's a direct quote: "I don't give a fuck." I'm glad we cleared that up.

Reds' Arroyo is gambling on supplements, despite risk [USA Today]

The A's took their former MVP back this spring with semi-open arms, even after Giambi bolted for New York, confessed to juicing, grew a hellacious mustache, then came crawling back seven years later looking for work. But now he's batting .193 with only 24 extra-base hits in 83 games, so they gave him his outright release today. Door, split ya, etc.

It might appear that if even the A's are fed up, Giambi won't be back in a major league uniform anytime soon, if ever. But we've been here before. In 2004, after the BALCO scandal broke—and he was also diagnosed with a tumor—he turned in the worst season of his career. (Remarkably similar to this one, actually.) Many thought then, that minus the 'roids his career was over. The next season, he bashed 32 home runs. In 2007 and the beginning of 2008, he struggled mightily and it looked like his body was failing him again. But he finished last season with 145 games played (his most since '03) and was second on the Yankees in slugging percentage.

Now he stinks again. So will he again find some miracle tonic to rejuvenate his 38-year-old body, or will he slink into the twilight of baseball card shows and Viagra commercials? Only his unlicensed Dominican "barber" knows for sure.

A's release Jason Giambi [San Jose Mercury News]

It's obvious that the Boston Globe has been sitting on this story a while, waiting to connect it to something larger, but they're going with it now while the BoSox steroid iron is hot. It's the type of investigative journalism that's too common these days: it's clear the paper worked long and hard on this, and the page one placement and length make it seem like it should be really important, but in the end it leaves you feeling a little cold, and confused.

The facts are that two members of Red Sox security were investigated by MLB for steroid use, and subsequently let go by the team. That's all. But the juiciest stuff is in the implications, which remain only implications. It's likely the Globe was following those bread crumbs when the Times scooped them this week.

Alex Cyr was busted with a vial of steroids last July, which started everything unraveling. Cyr was more than security, he was a part-time assistant to Manny Ramirez, often running errands for the slugger. Implication number one.

Cyr told investigators he bought his steroids from co-worker Jared Remy (son of NESN broadcaster Jerry). Remy, for his part, was very close to Felix Leopoldo Marquez, and claims he and Marquez openly discussed and used steroids together. Marquez was a salaried personal assistant to David Ortiz. Implication number two.

But, again, the good stuff — the stuff the Globe wishes it could report, and the stuff fans want to read — just isn't here. But, fortuitously for this story's chance at having legs, that's not going to stop anyone from inferring that steroids were everywhere in Fenway and everyone knew about them. The lesson here: in the middle of a witch hunt, implications are all you need.

Sox Fired Two In Steroids Case [Boston Globe]

The Sox must have better dealers than the yankees, two WS titles in last 8 years to zero for the yankees!! Lets go sox!! -Chris

Ok and we are believing the New York Times????? They can't even report politics right or what is going on in world right. Notice the Key name in the newspaper, New York. Just a case of Yankee fans trying to hit the Red Sox, I wont believe that David Ortiz used it until another news source finds it to be true like our own Boston Globe. -Rob M.

DUUUHHHHH!! -nellsbells

I guess Jeter's name is the next to come out. -Deezy21

Theo was begging the New York papers to report this today so he could justify not making a move before the deadline tomorrow this takes all the pressure off him to just sit back and watch the season fall apart and blame it on the steroid scandal great timing isn't it we can't win a game and the deadline is tomorrow damm i need to get the attention away from the awful job i am doing right now running this team lets release manny and papi's name now so i can just relax and collect my check like isiah did in new york with the knicks -Ray

No wonder A-Rod wanted to come here in that trade from Texas. -Jim

Are we sure it's steroids and not jelly donuts? -jconn

Time to allow steroid use among athletes. Come on which Papi would YOU rather watch? -crazylegs

THE PATRIOTS HAVE BEEN DISRESPECTED AGAIN. It's the first day of training camp and just when we ought to be whining about media coverage of the Pats, the Red Sox come in and steal their headlines again. WHEN WILL THIS INDIGNITY END? THE PATRIOTS HAVE BEEN DISRESPECTED AGAIN. -Shameus

This must be untrue. Everyone knows nobody from the Red Sox would do such a thing. Just ask anyone from WEEI or Red Sox "nation". This only happens on other teams. -DorchesterBill

how's that wrist injury doing? it's really affecting his hitting this year. -02113

BIG PAPI SAY IT ANT SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMETHING STINKS!!!!!!!!!!! -superflygraham

I like David Ortiz. I will always like him. -american

Poor Pedro Gomez drew the short stick and got on the phone today with the Juice Prophet, who continues to prove that you can be totally in the right about something and still sound like an utter boob:

"If you were in the game in the last 20 years, there's a 95 percent chance you were knowingly using something,'' Canseco said. "I said 80 percent back then because that was the number of players that I knew were on. But that number was greater.''

This translates roughly to, "That number I pulled out of my ass a few years back is smaller than the number I'm pulling out of my ass right now."

Canseco says MLB facing bigger issue [ESPN]

At 24 years old and coming off the best season off his young career, Parque tore the labrum in his throwing shoulder and never recovered. After two years of fruitless therapy and desperate to get his fastball back, he ordered some human growth hormone (yes, he's in the Mitchell Report), took a couple of injections, and then gave up. He retired in 2003, pitching only 70 innings in his final three seasons.

Apparently, the torment of those dark days have been eating away at him ever since. He painstakingly tries to explain himself. He had kids to feed! He was so young! He's just a man! You know what? We get it, Jim. You were desperate to rebuild your career and, yes, almost anyone of us would have done the same. No one is mad at you, buddy.

But let's say for a moment that Parque hadn't freaked out and stopped taking the drug. What if he had continued using HGH and it made him a serviceable pitcher for five more years or so? He makes a couple million dollars, his family is more financially stable, the White Sox get a fourth starter, and no one is the wiser. I know the "steroids = cheating" crowd won't appreciate this, but ... so what if he did?

Here's Jim own words about it:

HGH was not banned by Major League Baseball when I ordered it. It was controversial and unethical, but it was not banned.

[...]

I had done just enough research to know that what I was about to do had huge risks. Because I did not obtain the drugsfrom a lab, they could be tainted or entirely different than what I ordered. I was uncomfortable, but I injected the substance about six times. It immediately made me sleep deeper. My skin became baby-soft, and I could feel my workouts improving. It never gave me more strength or bulked me up, but it provided quicker recoveries. I began to throw harder because my shoulder felt no pain. I was able to withstand more throwing, creating a work environment that I had not experienced in two years.

So basically ... he took a drug and it made him feel better. He suffered an injury and this helped him get over it. What is wrong with that? How is that any worse than a player who takes aspirin for a headache or vicodin for a sore back or a shot of anesthetic to numb a foot injury or having a surgeon temporarily alter your peroneus brevis tendon so that you can become an American hero? Aren't those things just as "performance enhancing" (maybe more so) as Parque's baby soft skin? All convincing explanations accepted below, but you'll have to work pretty hard to invent one.

It's true that we don't know a lot about HGH and its effects on the body, but every drug that's ever been manufactured started out that way. There's little evidence that it actually makes you bigger or stronger and it doesn't add any drop to your curveball. Maybe if athletes were allowed to use it, supervised correctly, we might learn what it can really do. And maybe more pitchers like Parque wouldn't have to retire at age 27.

Ex-Sox pitcher Jim Parque confesses: Why I juiced [Sun-Times]

Via The New York Times comes this fascinating tidbit:

Russoniello said that since he took over as United States attorney, in 2007, he has developed a greater appreciation for the Balco investigation and how the use of performance-enhancing drugs by athletes can influence teenagers.

"Stan Musial was my hero when I was a kid, and he smoked cigarettes," Russoniello said. "I smoked cigarettes. Did I smoke cigarettes because of him? Well, there was not anything that he did to deter me from smoking cigarettes."

So there you are, folks: the intellectual underpinnings of the government's pursuit of Barry Bonds. Stan Musial and his Chesterfields didn't do anything to deter little Joey Russoniello from smoking. Sheesh. Between this guy and failed athlete Jeff Novitzky, our war on steroids is beginning to feel more and more like a very long, very expensive therapy session.

Legal Experts Don't See Conflict in Bonds Lawyer's Advisory Roles [New York Times]