I don't know sign language, but I think Steve Nash might have had a problem with Violet Palmer's officiating in last night's game against the Lakers. (The Suns got crushed, btw.) Or maybe he's just invested in a LensCrafters franchise and wants to make sure everyone in the NBA has quality, stylish eyewear. He can take care of that for you in about a hour.

They say the eyes are the window to the soul—which must explain why most NBA refs have souls that are crusted with bird poo. Hey ... THAT'S THREE SECONDS!

* * * * *

Good morning, peoples. 10-6? Can that be right? Cutler almost had more INTs than the Bears had points and they still could have won? Good thing I still don't get the NFL Network.

I thought this Friday might never come ... but what if it never leaves?

Earlier this week, author Todd Gallagher announced his intentions to sue, based on the fact that the premise for "Shaq Vs." bears a passing resemblance to the conceit for his book, "Andy Roddick Beat Me With A Frying Pan." But Todd Gallagher isn't Steve Nash, no one cares.

But since Steve Nash is Steve Nash, when he lawyered up, people listened.

Shortly after O'Neal was traded to the Suns in February 2008, Nash mentioned to his new teammate a reality show he was pursuing. It would feature the Suns point guard taking on professional athletes in their own sport.

The topic didn't come up again until early in the 2008-09 season, when O'Neal boarded the Suns bus and told the team he would be starring in a new reality show in which he would be taking on, you got it, professional athletes in their own sport.

"You mean the idea you stole from me?" one Suns representative said he heard Nash say.

That one had a happy ending, and Nash is now listed as an executive producer on the show. But I'd love to see them work together on something that could better showcase their talents. Say, a buddy cop show featuring Nash and Shaq as hard-boiled detectives who are assigned to partner with the new robot on the force — that, I'd watch.

Now check out O'Neal flailing at Oscar De La Hoya.

Shaq Vs. ... A Man Claiming the Show Is a Rip-Off [TMZ]
Shaq's Behind-The-Back Move [Arizona Republic]

Nash was on with David Letterman last night, filing a comedy field report from the NBA Finals and guess what? He wasn't terrible! He's got a sense of humor of about himself, he pronounces words correctly, thinks pretty quickly on his feet, and didn't drop the microphone. He's already more qualified that 90% of ESPN or TNT's studio analysts.

He has got to do something about that hair though. I thought he only looked like that after four quarters of playing basketball. Yeesh.

Late Show with David Letterman [CBS]

Nash was already hurt and confused by new coach Terry Porter and his repeal of former coach Mike D'Antoni's liberal "let Steve Nash run wild" policy. Now he has to find a way to cope with the loss of Bell, who was obviously his super special backcourt friend.

“All I can say is that he’s my best buddy and my best friend,” Nash said after the short-handed Suns lost to the Lakers. “The guys loved him, and Boris, too. It’s hard you know. I have a hard time committing to this as a business. I take this personally.'

“I take my career home with me and I care about my teammates,” Nash said. “When you lose two of your best friends on the team, it’s hard. We’re not only recreating chemistry, we’re changing our style. But we’ve got lots of time to build.”

Doesn't that just tear you up inside? I'm sure he'll write, and Steve and Raja can still go to the same summer camp next year and it will be just like the old times. Chin up, pal!

P.S. The Suns are doomed.

Nash upset as Suns trade Bell, Diaw for Richardson [AP/Yahoo]

So here's the explanation as to why Steve Nash and Baron Davis were dressed like weirdos and riding a tandem bike in Santa Monica recently. Although I still don't fully understand. Can someone help me out here?

What I know: It was some kind of online movie trailer spoof, apparently, and the two were going for the Step Brothers look. Although filming themselves building bunk beds would have been much funnier.

Competition: Best Movie Trailer Spoof [I Beat You]

• Three-Pointers You Can Believe In. Steve Nash increased investments in infrastructure, energy independence and education in the first half; brought the troops home from Iraq in the third quarter; and scored 15 of his season-high 37 points in the fourth to lead the Suns past the Bucks 114-105. All in all, not a bad Tuesday. Grant Hill returned to the Suns' starting lineup, less than two weeks after undergoing an appendectomy. He had eight points in 27 minutes.

• Back Together Again. Forget Obama, the Sacramento Kings are definitely voting Hillary. With their three stars healthy and starting for the first time, the Kings rolled to their most lopsided win of the season. Ron Artest scored 27 points, Kevin Martin added 19 and Mike Bibby scored all 15 of his in the first half to lead the suddenly spry Kings to their third straight victory, 128-94 over the Nets. New Jersey has now dropped six straight. I don't think Brooklyn wants them anymore. (Ed. Note: Some of us didn't want them in the first place.)

• I Like Big Dunks And I Cannot Lie. Lost amidst the madness of Monday's MLK matinees was the NBA's announcement of the players chosen to compete in this year's dunk contest at All-Star weekend. My bad. Your dunkees: sticker beast Dwight Howard, defending champ Gerald Green, Toronto's own Jamario Moon and Rudy Gay. Solid field. And new lil' wrinkle this year — after the final round of dunks, fans will be able to vote by text message or on NBA.com to help determine the winner. Yup. Vote 'Toine!

No site captures this feel more than the great Free Darko, which we read like a doctor's chart every day during the NBA season. They understand the dichotomy between individual achievement and collective glory, and how those are not mutually exclusive. And they've got a way with letters too. Right now, they're actually doing a writeup on every single NBA player.

Therefore, we've asked them to look at the arcs of certain players going into this season, what 2007-08 means to them, their teams and their legacies. They'll be previewing a player a day, up to tipoff.

Today: Steve Nash. Your author is Brown Recluse, Esq. His words are after the jump.

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Michael Jordan has ruined basketball for an entire generation.

For evidence, look no further than Kobe Bean Bryant. Not the current imbroglio with the Lakers, which is the sort of thing Michael kept largely out of public view, but the walk, the turnaround jumper and, most important, the obsessive need to be the best. Jordan's competitive nature is now celebrated so widely that holding a petty grudge, such as Arenas' pledge to score 50 on the Blazers, is acknowledged as a sign of immaturity, but also interpreted as a sign of potential greatness. It's what Jordan would have done. Jordan's hegemony over the league has meant that there is only one way for a player to be competitive. Crush. Kill. Destroy. In fact, anyone not possessing such a single-mindedness is seen as deficient, even weak.

Steve Nash offers up a different path. Much has been made of Nash's "Canadian reticence," but you best believe that he wants to win as badly as anyone who has ever played this game, including His Airness. It's just that Nash doesn't strive to beat his opponent; he wants to beat the game. A recent article in Play, a publication whose name belies the seriousness with which professional athletes are supposed to approach their sport, relates a story about Nash figuring out that passing the ball out using only one hand was three-tenths of a second faster than doing it with two. That's indicative of Nash's obsessive focus and drive to win, a mind in constant motion, just as he is with the rock in his hands. Nash sees basketball as a puzzle, not as a contest.

In the same article, the author mentions a series of games of H-O-R-S-E between Nash and Leandro Barbosa that ended in a tie. It's a safe bet that Michael Jordan has never tied at anything in his life.

All of this is not to say that Nash steps on the court and sees chess pieces. He is a human being, after all. And the king he most wants to checkmate isn't the one wearing a crown and being carried around on a throne. He's the one wearing the rings. Four of them, to be exact. As much as the Suns are cast as the anti-Spurs—"fun and gun" to the Spurs "right way"—the player in the league most like Steve Nash is Tim Duncan. They share a cerebral approach to the game and a certain off-court inscrutability. I have no idea what Duncan feels about the war or how much he paid to download "In Rainbows," but I'd be willing to wager that if he and Nash were stuck in an airport together, they'd discover that they have a thing or two in common.

You can also be certain that Nash hasn't forgotten about the bloody nose, being checked into the bench by Robert Horry or having to play one of the most important games of his life two men down. Nash isn't out to hurt anyone or make them look bad, but if the uniforms of the losing team next spring happen to be silver and black, I think he might take an extra amount of pleasure in that.

The media has already determined that if Nash can't win it all this year, he might not ever get the chance again. Nash will be 34 years old by the time the playoffs roll around, Marion's still doing the Jan Brady and Amare's knee could give out again. But the reality is that Marion's been saying the same shit for two seasons now, with little effect on his play on the court, and Amare is a superhuman who cannot be judged by the standards we use for mere mortals. He made first team all-NBA while still testing his knee out and, if recent reports are accurate, is poised to completely blow minds in 2007-08.

As for our hero Nash, he simply does not follow the typical trajectory of an NBA player (peak at 28, rapid decline after age 33 or so) because he is not a typical NBA player. He doesn't rely on run-and-jump athleticism or quickness, but rather unmatched skill and conditioning. Despite a wonky back, Nash is in possibly the best shape of his life right now, and it's unlikely that his court vision or jumper is going to be leaving him any time soon.

In the end, the main reason that Nash's championship window is not in danger of closing is that he doesn't even think in those terms. In that regard, he is completely dissimilar from his good pal Dirk, who looked painfully aware of exactly of what was happening to him, but was powerless to stop it.

Apparently, they have corn in Arizona.

"It's bizarre I don't really know what to make of it. It's just pretty cool," Nash said.

Our favorite are the former honorees: Jay Leno, Oprah Winfrey, Larry King and Luis Gonzalez. Heady company, Steve!

Children Of The Corn Starring Steve Nash [100 Percent Injury Rate]

The major story this morning, of course, involves those last few seconds, which NBA Sheriff Stu (Fife) Jackson will be rifling through all day before meting out suspensions (or not). The strange code of suspensions could end up, strangely, punshing the Suns more than the Spurs, despite Robert Horry's "body check," because they could lose Amare Stoudemire for leaving the bench. This would be a grave injustice and would be no fun for anybody (even Spurs fans want him to play). But rules are rules, and the NBA may have no choice.

As gripping as this series continues to be, it would be a shame if such a key player were forced to sit out on a play that the other team started. No matter what, though, the Suns have the advantage again, and if Steve Nash is still able to stand a couple games from now, they might keep it.

Dear Stu Jackson [Pounding The Rock]
Hypocrisy For Flagrant Fouls In The NBA [100 Percent Injury Rate]
Phoenix Got The Calls [True Hoop]

(By the way, speaking of True Hoop ... have you seen his comment section since he went to ESPN? Yipes.)

I hated how this game ended. How am I supposed to enjoy the win given the circumstances? ... Why can't the NBA have a little foresight with these situations? You know, if a player gets cut in the last five minutes of a playoff game, the team can take a full time out that is extended to five minutes to allow for stitching. Who would be against this rule? The Spurs, as voiced by Robert Horry, certainly aren't happy with how things played out: "You feel bad for the guy because you want to have the best team out there at the end of the game, and he wasn't out there."

We're not all THAT surprised that Nash turns out to be a bleeder, but it was an unfortunate end to an otherwise fantastic game. And it also puts the Suns in a huge hole right off the bat; at least the Bulls and Nets didn't lose home court. In the year of the Mavs and Suns, the Spurs, once again, are plodding along in the spotlight, ruining everything with their blasted efficiency.

We Totally Earned That Win [Pounding The Rock]

• A Win To Impress Even Mr. Hand. It's not like we have to tell you that only three players have ever won the Maurice Podoloff Trophy three years in a row. Could Steve Nash be the fourth? If he insists on taking another photo like the one here, we hope not. (Dude, all Steve needs is some tasty waves and a cool buzz, and he's fine.) Nash wasn't the leading scorer on Sunday against the Mavericks — Leandro Barbosa got that honor with 29 — but his 23 points and 11 assists helped lead the Suns to a 126-104 win. Game over in the West? The Suns shot 65 percent from the floor (46-of-71), the best in the NBA this season. Josh Howard scored 28 for Dallas, and Dirk Nowitzki scored 21. The Mavericks are still going to get the No. 1 seed, by the way, so we'll see what happens.

• Farmar's Long Day. From the D-Fenders to the Lakers in six hours? Jordan Farmar became the first player ever to play both in the D-League and the NBA on the same day, when he was called up by LA on Sunday night after having played a game for the Lakers' developmental league affiliate that afternoon. Of course the D-League has only been around for two seasons, and Farmar did play his afternoon game in the same building, so it wasn't that big a deal, we suppose. But he did get an up-close look at the new, generous Kobe Bryant, who had a season-high 13 assists and 19 points in the Lakers' 126-103 win over Sacramento. Bryant took 14 shots and made six. Farmar got into the game in the fourth quarter and had four points in seven minutes. He had scored 18 points, with six assists and three steals in 41 minutes in the D-Fenders' 109-101 loss to the Anaheim Arsenal on the same court.

• Rocket To Nowhere. That's it, we're not picking the Rockets in our NBA Playoffs pool. Too inconsistent; Houston led 77-70 late in the fourth quarter, but a three-point play by Matt Harpring gave Utah an 82-81 lead with 1:35 left, the Jazz winning 86-83. Mehmet Okur scored 20 points for Utah, which likely will play the Rockets in the first round of the playoffs.

• Rip To The Rescue. Richard Hamilton's return helped the Pistons, but the Heat will have to wait for their star to get back into the lineup. Hamilton, who missed four games with a concussion and the flu, scored 17 of his 19 points in the second half to lead Detroit over Miami 94-88. The Heat, meanwhile, said that Dwyane Wade should be back at practice by today.

Oh, the bitter rumblings of a man who knows his MVP days are behind him. Shaq will never again be a contender for an NBA MVP award... and with Dwyane Wade's shoulder having been destroyed at the hands of the vicious Shane Battier, and Shaq nearing retirement age, there's also a chance that he might never again be a part of a team that's relevant to discussions of an NBA championship.

I say he entitled to this bitterness. If he doesn't feel Steve Nash is a worthy MVP, fine. If every time the Heat play the Suns, Shaq wants to look at Steve Nash, grab the spot below his giant rhinoceros balls and yell "TAINT! TAINT!" then I think he's entitled to that, too. Rage on, big man.

O'Neal calls Nash's MVPs 'tainted' [Arizona Republic]
Shaq Calls Steve Nash's MVPs 'Tainted' [NBA FanHouse]

• The Hobbit Returns. "So, how did it go in Vegas? What did you do?" "Oh, a little shopping. You know. Saw a couple of shows." "Oh yeah? Which ones?" "Um, Wayne Newton. And, ah, those magicians with the tigers." "Did you do anything else?" (Awkward silence. Holds up new shirt). Hey, Tuesday morning was like a brand new NBA season had started, wasn't it? Steve Nash returned, restoring order to the Phoenix Suns. Allen Iverson is back with the Nuggets. Look, there's Michael Redd! Elton Brand! And Agent Zero! (Actually, Gilbert Arenas had only been absent emotionally). So where to start? Nash had 13 points and 12 assists in his first game back from a shoulder injury, and Shawn Marion had 31 points to lead the Suns to a 115-90 win over the Clippers.

• Home Again Home Again, Jigiddy Jig The Spurs haven't had a home game in more than three weeks? Really? Well, they won in San Antonio on Tuesday, 95-80 over Denver, led by Tony Parker's 17 points. Allen Iverson was back in uniform for the Nuggets after missing 10 games with a sprained ankle. He was 3-of-11 from the field. Carmelo Anthony led Denver with 15 points and Nene had 13. Usually we wouldn't mention a 13-point performance, but come on ... it's Nene!

• Mr. Fifty Saves The Universe. Yep, Agent Zero is back, as his 38 points led the Wizards to a 112-100 win over the Timberwolves. But he has a rival in the nickname department, as teammate DeShawn Stevenson dubbed himself Mr. Fifty, for being one of only three Wizards players to be shooting 50 percent or better from the field (Arenas is at 42 percent). Stevenson scored a season-high 23 points (9-for-11 shooting) and then decreed that only teammates Brendan Haywood and Etan Thomas — the only other ones shooting 50 percent or better — were allowed to talk to him.

• Seeing Redd. Michael Redd returned for the Bucks (17 points in "limited minutes"), but it wasn't enough to prevent the Pistons from taking an 84-83 win Tuesday. Milwaukee's Mo Williams missed a layup just before the final horn. Chauncey Billups led the Pistons with 19 points.

• Napoleon Rallies The Troops. Ha, we wish we could have been there. It seems that Steve Nash — injured in the first half and unable top play — gave the Suns a Knute Rockne speech at halftime of their game with the Nuggets, which they were losing. Result? Phoenix 113, Denver 108. "During the first half they roughed us up, knocked us around and we didn't stand up to them. Steve had a talk at halftime and we played with a little bit more oomph in the second half," Suns coach Mike D'Antoni said. Nash aggravated his injured right shoulder in the first half. The Nuggets were missing Allen Iverson and Marcus Camby, but Carmelo Anthony had 31 points. The Suns' Amare Stoudemire scored 36 points and had 13 rebounds. Nuggets fans aren't exactly giving their team a pass due to all the injuries, by the way.

• Shaq Is Back, Pretty Much. Shaquille O'Neal has officially returned for the Miami Heat; his 22 points helping the Heat beat the Bobcats 113-93. Dwyane Wade had 27 points as the Heat won their fourth straight. O'Neal had missed 32 games.

• In Mehmet We Trust. If you're like us, there is only one player that you are pretending to be with the clock ticking down in that imaginary game of Nerf wastebasket basketball. Yes, Mehmet Okur. It's good at the buzzer! Okur scored 12 points in the fourth quarter in Utah's 100-95 win over Chicago on Monday. The Jazz are 3-1 since losing Carlos Boozer to injury. Okur finished with 20 points.

• The Butler Did It. With Agent Zero malfunctioning, it was up to Caron Butler, who responded with a career-high 38 points in Washington's 118-108 victory over Seattle on Monday. It was the SuperSonics' franchise-record 15th consecutive road loss (cue wah-wah horn sound effect). Gilbert Arenas had 16 points on 4-for-14 shooting.

• When The Sun Hits Your Eye Like A Big Pizza Pie That's Amare. Exactly how good are the Phoenix Suns? There's no real consensus in Arizona, where fans can't even agree on Steve Nash's hairstyle. But the Eastern Conference thinks they're pretty damned good. The Suns have won 20 of 21 games against Eastern Conference foes, including Sunday's 115-100 victory over Cleveland, prompting LeBron to say "The way they're playing right now, they're unbeatable." Nash scored 23 points and had 15 assists, and Amare Stoudamire had 22 points as Phoenix won its 17th straight, the NBA's longest win streak in seven seasons (and tied for fifth-longest ever). The Lakers own the record with 33 straight in 1971-72. The Suns are 34-4 since opening the season 1-5.

• It Came From Beneath The Starting Lineup. Michael Finley, well down there on the Spurs' bench, was somehow in the game at the end and took the shot that counted; a 3-pointer with 1.3 seconds remaining that gave the Spurs a 96-94 win over the Lakers. Finley was averaging 7.7 points, but scored 17 on Sunday, including five 3-pointers. Kobe Bryant had 31 points. San Antonio was 22-of-24 from the free throw line line, while Los Angeles was 18-of-31.

• Doctor Detroit. Wouldn't it be swell if Chris Webber finally led a team to a championship, and that team was his hometown Pistons? (Perhaps "swell" isn't the word.) Webber and Rasheed Wallace combined for 37 points, 20 rebounds and eight blocks to lead Detroit to a 95-87 win over the Pacers. The win was coach Flip Saunders' 500th, and we're sure that Wallace baked him a cake, or at least sent a singing telegram.

• What Made Milwaukee Famous, Has Made A Loser Out Of Me. Mo Williams' 20-foot jumper with three seconds remaining gave the Bucks a 107-105 win over the NBA's most valuable franchise, the Knicks.

• The Hibachi Will Not Run On Solar Power. So ... we're assuming that the Gilbert Arenas Revenge Tour is good for only one win per team? That's kind of lame. After scoring 54 against the Suns the last time the teams played, Arenas scored 31 — but started 1-for-6 from the floor — on Tuesday as the Suns clobbered the Wizards 127-105. Steve Nash scored 27 points for Phoenix on 11-for-13 shooting and had 14 assists as the Suns won their 14th straight. Remember the teams' previous meeting in Phoenix, when Washington won in overtime as Arenas scored 54 and was yelling "Hibachi" after each of his scores? That was fun.

• Are You Not Entertained? When do the Suns next play the Mavericks, because we kind of want to see that in person. Let's see ... March 14. In Dallas. Well, maybe one of them will fall apart by then. Dirk Nowitzki's 33 points, 10 rebounds and eight assists led the Mavericks to a 111-95 win over Orlando on Tuesday, Dallas' 35th win of the season, and 21st in their past 22 games.

• The Dynamic Duo Strike Again. Meanwhile, the Nuggets are preparing to crash the party, as they claimed their fifth straight win in the second round of the Allen Iverson/Carmelo Anthony Experience Starring Steve Blake. Anthony, in his second game back after a suspension, scored 34, with Iverson scoring 21, as Denver beat Seattle 117-112. Blake had two key 3-pointers in the late going. Iverson also scored his 20,000th career point, which was subtracted from his game totals and sent to the NBA Hall of Fame in a ziplock baggie.

• All The NOOCH That's Fit To Print. Hey, and Iverson's old team is even winning! Kyle Korver had 25 points as Philadelphia beat New Orleans 102-96.

• This Too Shall Pass. The art of the pass is not lost on Steve Nash, who had a rather nasty game on Thursday, even for him. Nash had a season-high 21 assists — becoming the first player in nine years with two 20-assist games in a season — leading the Suns to a 109-90 win over the Cavaliers despite LeBron's 34 points. The Suns had 33 assists on 37 baskets. The last player besides Nash to have two 20-assist games in the same season? No, we're afraid the correct answer is current Dallas Mavericks' coach Avery Johnson, not Yinka Dare.

• Our D-I-V-O-R-C-E Becomes Final Today. Ugly divorce proceedings seem to agree with Jason Kidd. America's favorite battered husband had a triple-double — the 82nd of his career — as the Nets beat the Bulls 86-83. Kidd had 23 points, 14 rebounds and 11 assists.

• Webber Coming Home?. Yahoo sports is reporting that Chris Webber is close to signing with the Pistons, which makes sense we suppose. The ex-Michigan Fab Five member can't officially join the team until Monday. Steve Fisher could not be reached for comment.

We actually appreciate Wait 'Til Next Blogs' take on it: He really does now look like a white Sam Cassell. This is hardly an improvement, one would think; we'd be downright depressed to have any part of our physical description involve either the words "Sam" or "Cassell."

Here's a good wager, though: Dirk Nowitzki suddenly decided it would be really cool not to have any hair. Just a guess.

White Cassell Spotted In Arizona [wait til next blog]

A site we'd never heard of — but was probably inevitable — called Drunk Athletes has typically just posted the warmed-over Ben Roethlisberger, Matt Leinart, Dirk Nowitzki drunk pictures we've all seen countless times. Must give them credit today, though, because they dredged one up that was new to us: It's two-time MVP Steve Nash flashing his Robin Williams like there's no tomorrow.

Somehow, we can't imagine Jordan trying this move. Magic, maybe.

Steve Nash Drunk [Drunk Athletes]