Bachman was working the sidelines during the Monday Night Football game in New Orleans and at one point was taking photographs of the stadium crowd from the Vikings sideline which was near the MNF Countdown set. Bachman was standing directly behind Scott, who just so happened to be speaking with a Saints cheerleader at the time. Bachman wasn't photographing him, but given that his lens was pointed in their general direction, it caught Scott's attention. Scott said to Bachman something to the effect of "With the internet now man? Why? All I'm asking is why?" Bachman, startled by the question, tried to tell Scott that he wasn't taking pictures of him, but it initially didn't convince Stu. Bachman said that Stu wasn't testy with him and was quite polite — Stu didn't grab his camera or even demand he stop taking photos — but he was just a little taken aback that Scott would question why he was doing his job to begin with. Bachman said he showed Scott that he was deleting the shot of Stu and the cheerleader (which didn't exist, mind you — Bachman just pushed a button and deleted another photograph to spite him) and Stu said "Cool, cool" and walked away.

Scott, via ESPN media relations, had "no comment" on the incident. Just for some background via other ESPN sources close to the situation: Scott's reaction was in direct response to the "Lemme know" goofiness that caused him such distress. (And Scott was standing there, chatting with his colleague Emmitt Smith at the time. Scott was supposedly just asking the cheerleader something completely innocuous based on their conversation.) Given that supposedly harmless scenario, Scott still chose to somewhat politely guilt-trip an accredited photographer who was just doing his job on the sidelines at a Monday Night Football game. Would a candid shot of Stu chatting up a cheerleader on the sidelines during the middle of a MNF game be newsworthy? Possibly. I guess. But Bachman didn't even think of that and was unaware of the significance of the interaction. And remember what the setting is: this is a Monday Night Football game. This is not some private party where these types of concessions could (alright, should) be made. Scott's a popular sports personality at a public event and a working photographer there to get shots for a story pretty much has every right to snap things he thinks might be newsworthy. Jonathan Bachman didn't think Stu Scott talking to a cheerleader was newsworthy — however, Stu Scott did.

Look, I can completely understand that Stu's doing his best to avoid getting attached to anymore tawdry rumors but, honestly, if the interaction was as innocent and inconsequential as he claims it was, why would he say anything to Bachman to begin with?

Besides, he is getting divorced. He's allowed to make new friends.

There are many reasons as to why I shouldn't link to an Onion article titled, "Stu Scott's Left Eye Moves To Fox", but the reasons why I should link to it somewhat outweigh them. I think. Not sure. But what harm could possibly come from linking to someone else's cruel satirical sports writing if it's not your own? It is the Onion. It's not like it's an Onion knock-off. The messenger should be spared in this case.

Oh man:

In a move that came as little surprise to members of the sports media, ESPN anchor Stuart Scott announced Wednesday that his left eye had signed a lucrative eight-year, $70 million deal with Fox Sports and would report to work within the next month. "Though we did our best to hide it, usually by using thicker than normal glasses, I think people could easily tell that my left eye and I had been going in different personal and professional directions for some time," Scott said during a press conference at which the eye was present, but elected to remain silent throughout, staring off to one side as Scott spoke. "I wish it all the best in its future endeavors." Fox Sports President Ed Goren said he has big plans for the eye, adding that its off-putting and distracting SportsCenter host has been holding it back for far too long

I'm sure it was the Obama interview that made this deal possible.

Stuart Scott's Left Eye Moves To Fox [The Onion]

And what was his song of choice? Why "I'll Be" by Edwin McCain, of course. You know: "I'll be your crying shoulder, I'll be love's suicide" Dave's Football Blog was there once again this year and scored all the ridiculous photos of ESPN karaoke revelry. And, of course, Mr. Belding was there.

Watch Stu Scott make the white girls scream.

Stuart Scott sings the hits [Dave's Football Blog]

This month's GQ, "The Comedy Issue", features a slate of interesting articles about the state of comedy — the up-and-comers, the old guard, in an easy-to-read lay out, anchored by a Seth Rogen feature, which tells us all how the shlubby kid with the Jew-fro became the hottest property in Hollywood — and is end-to-end a very satisfying read. In the front of the book, which may or may not be part of the "Comedy Issue," GQ writer Nate Penn has a quick q-and-a with ESPN's Stuart Scott. Clearly he's either a little annoyed at answering this whole blog question (don't blame him) or he's just come around to actually reading them — this one in particular.

GQ: Mike Francesa has suggested that you've developed compromisingly close ties to your subjects — you golf with Tiger Woods, for example. Will Leitch, ex-Deadspin editor, says that sports blogs are on the rise because fans think reporters don't write candidly about athletes for fear of losing access.

Stuart Scott: You're going to make friendships with the people that you cover. But look at our coverage on ESPN. Do we treat these athletes with kid gloves? To me, Will Leitch and Deadspin are a joke. He doesn't have access, so he makes stuff up. About a year and a half ago, ESPN was doing Super Bowl coverage in Miami. I went to this place with some co-workers, and a friend at another network, who is also a former Broncos cheerleader, text-messaged me: "You guys want come over to the hotel and have a beer?" A Deadspin writer was looking over my shoulder as I texted, and the next day on the site, he writes that I was making a booty call. What they do is crap."

Was Dan Steinberg not deserving of this type of answer? Anyway, glad to see Stu Scott's feeling better.

A Conversation With Stu Scott [Sports Bog]

Stuart Scott Doesn't Read Your Blog [Sports Bog]

Steinberg asked Scott if his blog-reading habits have changed since the last time they spoke. Nope:

Dan Steinberg: Hey, Stuart, got a second? I talked to you last year at the Spelling Bee....

Stuart Scott: Oh, the blog! My brother actually saw it and he kind of directed me to it.

DS: Did I malign you?

SS: You were honest. It was cool. First and only blog I've ever read.'

DS: I feel like things have changed since then, I feel like they've gone a lot more mainstream since then.

SS: What, blogs? They may have.

DS: I'm just curious if you've changed at all?

SS:[Shakes Head]

DS: Guess not.

Steinberg then followed Stu around a bit more, peppering him with questions about all sorts of media-related inquiries and then he drops this one on the Boo-Yah.

At this point, I told Scott that A.J. Daulerio, his foil from Super Bowls past, had been named Deadspin editor. Scott wasn't immediately familiar with the name. "Whatever," he said, when I explained who he was. "If that's what he wants to do with his life...."

A.J. Daulerio: [Shakes Tunica Albuginea ]

A Converastion With Stuart Scott [D.C. Sports Bog]

Of course, Stuart Scott took some time away from bass-in-your-facing to meet and greet with some of his fans.

Also, one of Stu Scott's admirers, courtesy of Don Chavez.

Hmm. Wonder if Michelle Beisner was there?

Oh, and also, who's up for pissing the night away with Howie Schwab?

Must have been a good time. Schwab pulled out his sweet Nautica circus peanut-colored polo. He was also so drunk, he thought he was having his picture taken with So Taguchi.

Stuart Scott Is A Man Of The People [Don Chavez]
Stump The Schwab Likes To Party [Don Chavez]

(To make clear, by the way, these photos aren't, in fact, from ESPN: The Weekend. We're told they're even a bit old. That doesn't make them any less enjoyable. And why DOES Mr. Belding show up at all these things?)

Appearances like this give Obama a useful pipeline to white working-class voters. It actually reminds me of a half-cocked theory I've been toying with, which is that younger, edgier sports chatter—most prominently on ESPN, but also on talk-radio stations across the country—seems to be injecting elements of African-American culture into white working-class minds, and in a pretty favorable light. (Who doesn't love Stuart Scott?)

(Emphasis ours.)

As you would probably suspect, the writer (the otherwise awesome Noam Scheiber) watched as commenters gave a collective, "Uh ... we can think of a few people."

Whatever your thoughts about Scott's most famous Deadspin moment, we always found the more indicative Stu Scott moment to be his adminition to fans for booing athletes. We do, to be clear, like everybody, wish Stu all the best in his current health battle. But we're voting on approval ratings here.

So: Do you like the Stuart Scott? Do you not like the Stuart Scott? Lemme know.

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

There was a period in my life where I became obsessed with Jim Morrison. I was about 18 at the time, and even though I wasn't a Doors fan, I gravitated toward Morrison because I was an impressionable moron. Mostly, his lyrics. In my ridiculously untapped mind, this guy was handed a megaphone from God. This is something only a dim-witted 18-year-old would think. Because after I started loading up chap-books of my own Morrison-esque rip-offs, I quickly began to realize that, wow, if I keep this up, I am destroying any possibility that I won't grow up to be an asshole.

But for a little while there, I felt a true sense of enlightenment. I grew my hair long. I wore homemade bracelets. I attended coffee house readings and was truly in awe of some of the pretentious cocks standing on stage "riffin'" about life and the pain of being a middle-class college student forced to take a part-time job. Some of them would do traditional rhyme scheme, using stilted merry-go-round metaphors and Tori Amos songs to convey the sense of empowered emptiness they've acquired since the break-up of a long-distance relationship. Other, more serious, kids would get up there, dressed in black, chronically sullen, and pull a napkin out of their back pockets and read their precious dashed-off musings about how life is like a ball of yarn or that the universe is one, big giant beating heart.

Thankfully, Stuart Scott ignored possible social disgrace and forged ahead anyway with his own scat-diddily nonsense during Wednesday night's mind-blowing "Poetry Jam" session. Can't knock him too hard, though — it's obvious he's blessed with more creative gifts than I realized. Hopefully, ESPN will not hold back anymore of their employees from showing off their artsy side during broadcasts. Perhaps John Buccigross can juggle flaming knives, or Neil Everett is an established concert bassoonist. Until ESPN gives them the same creative deference they did to Scott, we'll never know. For now, hopefully, we'll have more of Stu's electric verse. Stu rapping — no, preachin'— about life. Oh, and sports.

So this week, I'm gathering up all the Indians on dawn's highway bleeding, collecting all the ghosts that have crowded a young child's fragile, eggshell mind and placing odds on the next topics for Stu Scott's poetry jam.

Is everybody in? Is Everybody...IN?

(Best Stu Scott voice possibly required for column's full effect.)

"Holla, Torre": 3/1

Oh, old man with the gloomy eyes,
Your plump Italian nose, runny from the weeping,
Your pinstripes are fading, like the brave Navajo.

Cheer up, greasy man, you've got four rings.
And you will not be forgotten, by the Bronx's noisy roar
Suzyn Waldman, soul sister in arms, who charms,
her voice broken, shattered
Like her Jew hymen was so long ago.

(Holla)

Oh, old man with the gloomy eyes.
Should you find peace beyond The Game?
You will, dago brutha.
In your family, your friends, a warm cup of Mazacao tea,
Enjoy the newfound days,
before your bowels break,
like the levees in New Orleans,
And flood your shorts,
not with negroes,
but with the wilting turds of Yankee memories.

Spoken word...

"The Heroic Return of Allan Houston to the Knicks, Part VII": 2/1

Take heed, brother-man, they laughin' at-choo:

Your crumbling knees,
your steeze,
your dirty dungarees.

Look who's back, now?
The player, boy with 'tha shot, who's hot,
Like Trot, but not Nixon, he's Fix'n, for the

Knicks....IN.
Aught. Oh. 7.
Have you ever been to Devin?
The castle, not the Hester,
Your three-ball's the molester,
of a baby, or a goat, or a
lady in a raincoat.

Be warned, in the East,
The A.H. 'bout to feast,
on yer scoreboard your overlord,
yer dirty ol' umbilical cord.

Chickens start Roostin',
Cuz it's the return of Houston.
Allan, you dig?

Spoken word...

"What up, Pats?": 2/1

Oh, little angry man, in the sweatshirt as gray
as mom-mom's groin hair,
Why don't you ever smile?

Your team is bound by nothing,
Just glory, unlike the sinewy slaves
who were shackled by chains and
whipped for stealing old meat from the farmhand's trash.

Yet, your wins don't come fast enough,
your patience, vanished,
Like the summer rainbows
or Catholic innocence
or Tedy Bruschi's vertebrae.

Dynasty Man!
You don't need sneaky Chinese cameras,
or a quarterback's arm,
or the other graceful panthers
on offense.
Remember
they're still just big-donged dummies
controlled by you.

This is your world, now.

Spoken word...

"Serena Williams, Girl, Let Me Swim in Your Skirt": 1/1

Lady, please, your serve so sweet, I'll love you if you
let me stroke your bulbous lumps of dark, dark ham.

Monkey woman, writhe with me,
and I'll clock your spot
with a with an 8-inch crotch rock

Yer pop's is calling,
but don't mind him, cuz
he's got no business
in our love souffle.

Shelf-set sista,
lemme pop that trunk
And spray your back
with my super silky
man meringue

Spoken word...

But SportsbyBrooks is quick to point out that Kenny Chesney also has an album coming out that day, Just Who I Am: Poets And Pirates, so watch your backs, Fifty and Kanye. Bluegrass and Southern rock. Represent.

Kanye West, 50 Cent Showdown On BET [Tampa.com, via SportsbyBrooks]

And then they go out and ruin one of our absolute favorite television events. That's right, kids: At the end of this month, the Scripps Howard National Spelling Bee will be hosted by ... Mike and Mike.

"Mike and Mike will bring their unique perspective to the Bee Finals - an immensely popular competition," said Bob Toms, vice president of remote production, ESPN. "Their commentary will help us showcase the personalities of these remarkable young people, and the pressure these spellers face as they compete in front of a national Prime Time television audience."

Oh, and Lemme Know is gonna be there too. We no longer feel any guilt; you guys are destroying our souls.

Spell F-A-I-L-U-R-E, Kid [Deadspin]

Mother's Day will soon have come and gone, but there's still time to relive one of the all-time greatest mother moments in sports history. Carmelo Anthony's mother, overcome with emotion, beaming with pride as her son lives his proudest moment ... and Stuart Scott antagonizing her with a microphone. What's going through her mind, Stu? Something like, "get away from me," I'd wager.

Carmelo Anthony 2003 nba draft [YouTube]

On ESPN Radio's Mike & Mike in the Morning show, guest Stuart Scott discussed the Don Imus controversy. Hosts Mike Greenberg and Mike Golic asked Scott whether it's fair for Imus to be in so much trouble for calling the Rutgers women's basketball team "nappy-headed hos" when rap lyrics frequently use such language.

Scott's response was bizarre, to say the least. He said rappers who use those words "mean it in an affectionate way."

Anyway, we just wanted to make sure that all of Scott's hos — even the ones in different area codes! — we warmed and touched by his classification of their status, nappy-haired or otherwise. So, you know, lemme know.

Stuart Scott Says Calling A Woman A Ho Is "Affectionate" [The Fanhouse]
Daulerio: Stuart Scott Attempts To Jack Himself Up [Deadspin]

In a roundup of odd and confusing photos from the NBA All-Star Game last weekend, Leave The Man Alone found this unfortunately closeup photo of Stuart Scott.

Yes, we know about Scott's damaged eye ... but the damaged eye doesn't seem to be the problem in this photo. You know, if you don't stop scratching, that's never gonna heal.

Fashion Roundup: NBA All-Star Weekend [Leave The Man Alone]

The best thing we overheard all weekend was at the massive ESPN block party Friday. We didn't break out the Whisper 2000, but two guys were talking about Stuart Scott in our general area, and we couldn't help but listen in. Supposedly, Scott (who we didn't see all weekend) was absolutely irate with [Daulerio's] hilarious tale about trying to bed a cheerleader. Though we didn't dive into their conversation, we overheard these two young men saying that Scott really wanted to 'kick that kid's ass' and it didn't seem in jest. Almost like he was hunting for him.

We checked in with Daulerio, but he's not answering his phone: Perhaps Stu already got to him! Other fun Big Lead tidbits: Gregg Doyel was hanging out with Jemele Hill (!!!!!), and two of Sports Illustrated's best writers, Franz Lidz and Jeff MacGregor, have accepted buyouts. Unless Rick Reilly can keep writing columns as outstanding as his was last week every week — rather than once a month or so — we sense trouble over there.

Media Musings From A Party-Filled Super Bowl Weekend [The Big Lead]
Stuart Scott Attempts To Jack Himself Up [Deadspin]

Deadspin "correspondent" AJ Daulerio is filing dispatches from the Super Bowl all week. Last night, he hit the motherlode. This is the final of his three tales from a crazed night.

Bears defensive end Alex Brown looked like he was having the time of his life last night. The former Gator enjoyed well-wishers from both Bears fans and Gator fans alike. He's affable, he smiles a lot, and he was never without a vodka cranberry. The first part of the night, he was hanging with Michael Strahan at the front of the Clevelander. Strahan, even though he's post-divorce, still looks like a guy that's getting the shit kicked out of him by a woman.

Before the Super Bowl, Brown was probably best remembered for his part in the Sugar Brawl. Lt. Winslow, Canes fan ("I FUCKING BLEED ORANGE AND GREEN") remembers it vividly. Lt. Winslow had to get to the bottom of what happened. He advised me, as my attorney, that he wouldn't do anything that would result in a beating by a gigantic black man. The mustache can only protect so many.

After the jump, read Winslow's full transcript with Alex Brown in front of the velvet ropes, as we waited to get into Irvin's Lair about the Sugar Brawl. Oh, and there's some Stuart Scott fun down there too.

Lt. Winslow: Yo Alex can i get a pic?
Alex Brown: Sorry man, no pics.
LW: I understand, I understand. Well then let me ask you this. Off the record ... what really happened that night on Bourbon Street?
AB: What night you talking about?
LW: Come on man. I'm a Cane; you know what night I am talking about.
AB: Ohhhhhh THAT night. Man, what you know about that?
LW: Dude... I fucking bleed orange & green. I mean, i know what I've HEARD happened, but I want to hear it from the source.
AB: What you heard happened?
LW: Well... I heard that my boys started that shit, that Al Blades poured a drink over Reche's(Caldwell's) head and that's how it started.
AB: (laughs) You are 1/2 right.
LW: Thats what I heard. That Al Blades started it.
AB: Yeah, and he was the first motherfucker to get knocked out too.

(The bouncer at The Clevelander calls his roommate and puts roommate on the phone)

AB: (Into phone): Well yeah man, I would be jealous if I was you too. I got to go now — I got to go take care of business with these 3 ho's upstairs.

However, as soon as he went upstairs, said ho's were already talking to Sean Salisbury. (That'll happen!) On the stairwell, we noticed Stuart Scott leaning up against the railing, talking on his cell phone. The conversation overheard was about "getting together later on" and he was obviously disappointed that someone wasn't meeting up with him. But who?

Later, inside, as I approached Stuart Scott to get a picture taken with him ("No thanks, dude" is what he said), I leaned over his shoulder and caught him text messaging and the name of the person he was sending the message to:

"Lemme know."

Now, obviously, "Lemme know" is pretty non-descript. But at 12: 30 a.m., in Miami, well, it means "Are you coming out tonight to fuck me or what?" Especially given who Scott was texting (I literally read the name right off his phone):

Her name is Michelle Beisner, former Denver Broncos cheerleader and aspiring D-list Hollywood actress-type. Blonde. White Woman. Hey, nobody likes to start rumors about Stuart Fucking Scott, but if Michelle Beisner is his booty call, well, BooYa, my friend. Boo Fucking Ya.

Anyway, they've put together a song called "F U Stuart Scott," about everyone's favorite "Hey, fans, don't boo!" anchor Stuart Scott.

It's what the kids call a "diss" song, though it makes us wonder if these kids could maybe use some milk and a nap. Honestly, if your song ripping on Stuart Scott causes us to say, "Jeez, Stuart Scott should be above this," it might be time to pick up those GRE study guides again. Just a thought.

By the way, if you ask us, Scott's worst crime is ruining the enjoyment we once got every time we flipped over the pillow and realize it was, in fact, cool. This small life pleasure has been irreversibly spoiled by Stuart.

The song, if you dare, is below. We did what we could to warn.

powered by ODEO

So here's the strangest thing we've seen in a while (or at least since yesterday): Someone on eBay is selling an 11-inch-by-14-inch framed matted photo of Stuart Scott pouting on a tricycle.

Somehow, this had no bids of yet and, in fact, the auction ends in about seven hours. So we bid on it, because we really need to figure out what the heck this is. Is he wearing goggles? And a floaty? Did he just leave Blaine's tank or something? Help!

STUART SCOTT ESPN POUTING 11x14 MATTED PHOTO [eBay]