Deadspin: Suggested Chat Questions

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 12:10:54 EST

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• 11 a.m. Fantasy Sports with E. Karabell: Can I have baseball with the movie Legend, please?
• 1 p.m. NFL draft guru Mel Kiper: They're throwing around the word guru pretty haphazardly these days, aren't they?
• 2 p.m. Trainer Roger Mayweather: When have you scheduled your rematch with Zab Judah?

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 12:10:19 EST

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• 10 a.m. Your take with Amy Nelson: Oh, you don't want my take, Amy. Believe me.
• 10:30 a.m. Mike & Mike in the Morning: Since this is a chat, how am I supposed to tell which one is the fat one and which is the gay one?
• Noon. MLB Insider Rob Neyer: Why oh why didn't Jeter use TurboTax as you suggested?

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 12:10:27 EST

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SporsNation chatters ...
• 11 a.m. Scouts Inc. on NFL losers: Oh bouncing field goal attempt, you are so like life itself. Where will you eventually land?
• 12:30 p.m. Did Madden actually say "Tom Brady is playing the best football of any quarterback ever"? And did Favre begin to cry?
• 2 p.m. Nextel champ Jimmie Johnson: Ever had a drink mixed with a gasoline-powered blender?

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 12:10:35 EST

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• 11 a.m. Injury report with Stephiana Bell: It hurts so badly when you deny our love. Won't you make the pain go away?
• Noon. MLB with Jerry Crasnick: How much are season tickets to the Bonds trial?
• 3 p.m. NASCAR with David Newton: I don't care; I'm still calling it the Busch Series. Who's gonna stop me?

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 12:10:37 EST

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• 1 p.m. Baseball insider Keith Law: More embarrassing firing ... Ari Gold by Vinnie Chase, or Scott Boras by A-Rod?
• 2 p.m. SportsNation on ESPN radio: Could you play something by Travis Tritt?
• 3 p.m. NHL analyst Barry Melrose: That whole grabbing-the-crotch thing is why there are no NHL teams in Green Bay, right?

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 12:10:10 EST

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• 10 a.m. Your Take with Amy Nelson: It's the live, in-show chat during ESPN2's First Take! Which you can see on ... your TV? The computer? Help!
• 11 a.m. NFL with Chris Mortensen: Ah, this is more like it. Solid, accessible misinformation that we can all understand.
• 2 p.m. SportsNation on ESPN Radio: What is this radio you speak of? Why can't I get a picture? (Throws against wall).

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 12:10:49 EST

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• Noon. MLB Insider Rob Neyer: Could we announce the steroids list Academy Awards style, with witty comments by Billy Crystal?
• 12:10 p.m. West Virginia QB Pat White: So how did the Crimson Tide let you get away?
• 2 p.m. NFL draft with Steve Muench: So who is the next big No. 1 bust?

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 12:08:00 EST

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• Noon. Ex-Viking wide reiever Cris Carter: What do you think of Illinois now, Mr. Buckeye?
• 12:30 p.m. Scouts Inc. on NFL winners: Wait, the Rams are in your section today? What?
• 4 p.m. Golf with Jason Sobel: Hello, I'm Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC. Please drop the niblick and have a seat.

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 12:10:02 EST

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• 1:30 p.m. College football with Jim Donnan: I'm late for work; any chance of steamrolling this wrinkled shirt?
• 2 p.m. Baseball with Keith Law: Vernon Wells' blog says that you have no interest in returning to ESPN next year. Discuss?
• 2 p.m. Bracketology with Joe Lunardi: Perhaps it was not wise to bracket my 2006 income taxes?

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 12:10:17 EST

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• 11 a.m. Fantasy sports with Cockroft: Pole vaulting with Allison Stokke! Wait, what was the question?
• Noon. NCAA MBB with Andy Katz: Where shall we go when the Mid-Majors rise up and enslave mankind?
• 2 p.m. Inside college hockey: How can you not love a sport the state of Maine dominates?

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 12:10:30 EST

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• 11 a.m. Fantasy sports with E. Karabell: As long as Larry Johnson is healthy, my fantasy team is pretty much unbeatable.
• 1 p.m. Football with Mel Kiper. OK, I'll hold it, and you come along and kick it with all your might, OK?
• 2 p.m. Baseball America's Jim Callis: A-Rod to the Mariners? Discuss.

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 12:10:53 EST

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• 2 p.m. SportsNation radio: This is like TV for blind people, right?
• 3 p.m. NBA with John Hollinger: Now do pay attention Agent Zero; this isn't an ordinary pen ...
• 4 p.m. College football with Bruce Feldman: If Rudy were a senior at Notre Dame this year, would he start?

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 11:45:03 EDT

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• 11 a.m. Fantasy FB with Scott Engel: Is this the New Nerddom?
• 1 p.m. MLB with Jayson Stark: Could the Expos be brought back? Because A-Rod would like to play in Montreal.
• 2 p.m. Boxing with Dan Raphael: Best boxing chat anywhere, and you can take that to the LAKE!

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 12:10:00 EDT

Suggested questions for tonight's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• Noon. NCAA football with Pat Forde: What does your wife think of all the Pat Forde groupies?
• 2 p.m. SportsNation on ESPN Radio: Are you wearing pants?
• 3 p.m. NHL with Barry Melrose: Is there shrinkage in hockey?

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 12:10:50 EDT

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• Noon. NBA Insider David Thorpe: What's it like on the inside? Do you have a shank?
• 1 p.m. Tennis with Peter Bodo: Is this a Nickelodeon children's show?
• 2 p.m. Baseball America's Jim Callis: Is it hard to drive in Boston these days due to all the smug?

We Had To Ask

rickchand — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 12:10:37 EDT

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• 1 p.m. Dallas Cowboys' WR Patrick Crayton: A chat? Wouldn't a note on your locker suffice?
• 1:30 p.m. Radio's Colin Cowherd: Are you actually typing your own answers, or are you stealing them from The M Zone?
• 2 p.m. TMQ's Gregg Easterbrook: You reversed yourself on global warming, and on the Jewish movie executives column ... shouldn't you make a beeping sound when you back up like that?

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 12:10:48 EDT

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• 11 a.m. Scouts' Inc. on NFL losers: Or as it is also known, The Rams and Dolphins Show.
• 12:30 p.m. Scouts' Inc. on NFL winners: Can Belichick's new nickname be The Great Santini?
• 3 p.m. NCAA BB with Andy Glockner: What have you done with Andy Katz? Where is the body?

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 12:10:48 EDT

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• 11 a.m. Fantasy football with Scott Engel: Why must my fantasies all involve Matt Stover?
• 2 p.m. NCAA football with Jim Donnan: Boston College must do down ... can the world handle another unbeaten Boston sports team?
• 3 p.m. Injury report with Stephiana Bell: It only hurts when I laugh. And when I pee.

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 12:10:39 EDT

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• Noon. Competitive eater Joey Chestnut: We think we've figured out who's been stealing Berman's Hot Pockets from the break room fridge.
• 2 p.m.. SportsNation on ESPN radio: Which one's the gay one again, and which one's the fat one?
• 3 p.m. NHL with Barry Melrose: How come the Bruins haven't been invited to the era of Boston sports dominance?

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 12:10:14 EDT

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• Noon. Pro bowler Tommy Jones: Are we talking bowling or postseason football? Please advise.
• 1 p.m. MLB with Scouts' Keith Law: By day, ESPN employee and mild-mannered graduate of the Tepper School of Business at Carnegie Mellon. By night, the costumed, gay supervillain Razmatazz!
• 2 p.m. College football with Ivan Maisel: Trying to get into a nightclub while wearing an "I (heart) Ivan Maisel" T-shirt ... help or hindrance? Discuss.

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 12:10:10 EDT

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• 11 a.m. Fantasy sports with Nate Ravitz: What's the deal on Nicholas Hent and A.J. Hammel? Have you been holding out on us?
• 2 p.m. SportsNation on ESPN Radio: A show designed just for me? So, all polka music?
• 3 p.m. NASCAR with David Newton: Gentlemen, start your Ricky Bobby quotes.

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 12:10:29 EDT

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• 1 p.m. Baseball with Buster Olney: Can you teach me how to look like the dad from Home Alone, like you do?
• 2 p.m. College football with Mark Schlabach: Is it wise to use Beano Cook's mobility scooter for beer runs?
• 4 p.m. Golf with Jason Sobel: Is there anything more exciting than a golf chat?

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 12:10:59 EDT

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• 1 p.m. MLB with Jayson Stark: I didn't understand your last answer. Can I call a timeout?
• 2 p.m. Boxing with Dan Raphael: Can there be a division only for boxers with their own grill?
• 3 p.m. Injury report with Stephania Bell: Nothing is injured except Kenny Lofton's pride.

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 12:10:03 EDT

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• 11 a.m. Fantasy sports with T. Cockroft: Is it right to trade sexual favors for the rights to Tom Brady?
• 2 p.m. MLS with LA's Chris Albright: Galaxy, I'm assuming?
• 4 p.m. Football scientist KC Joyner: Why can't they make a mummy that isn't so difficult to unwrap?

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 12:10:05 EDT

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• 11 a.m. NFL with Chris Mortensen: Chris Mortensen ... more accurate than Crossing Over with John Edwards? Discuss.
• 2 p.m. Baseball America's Jim Callis: Boston Red Sox ... the new Yankees, or the recent Orioles? Discuss.
• 3 p.m. NCAA football with Beano Cook: Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. 'Give me five bees for a quarter,' you'd say... Now where were we?

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 12:10:00 EDT

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• 10:15 a.m. Hall of Famer Joe Morgan: No Joe, the microphone is not a corn dog.
• 1 p.m. College hoops recruiting with Kelvin Sampson: No, sorry. Scratch the last three words in that. My mistake.
• 2 p.m. NASCAR with Terry Blount: No only haven't I had my shots, but Gunnar isn't wearing his leg brace, and there's a Dukes of Hazzard Marathon on the TV today. Can I get a rain check?

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 12:10:27 EDT

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• 1 p.m. Baseball with Buster Olney: Runners on first and third, one out, tie game in the fifth, Todd Helton is up. What would Jesus do?
• 1 p.m. College football with Bob Davie: How far south is South Florida? Do they speak Spanish?
• 4 p.m. Golf with Jason Sobel: Has anyone seen a Titleist?

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 12:10:46 EDT

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• 11:45 a.m. Actor David Koechner: Since he was in that movie, are Anchorman quotes permitted now?
• Noon. 75 Years Of SEC Football: Ken Burns, you've done it again!
• 1 p.m. MLB with Jayson Stark: Hello, Baxter? Baxter, is that you? Bark twice if you're in Milwaukee. Is this Wilt Chamberlain? Have the decency to say something.

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 12:10:43 EDT

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• 2 p.m. MLS with FC Toronto Chivas USA midfielder Jesse Marsch: The Red Patch Boys have taken over my home and are eating my food. Could you ask them to leave?
• 3 p.m. NHL with Barry Melrose: I injured myself trying to pronounce "Keith Tkachuk." Can you help me up?
• 4 p.m. Football scientist K.C. Joyner: A planet where apes evolved from men?!

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 12:10:25 EDT

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• 11 a.m. NFL with Chris Mortensen: Actually someone just called a timeout seconds before this chat began. Start over!
• Noon. NBA with David Thorpe: My team sucks, and I'm pretty sure that Isiah Thomas just fondled me.
• 1 p.m. Tennis with Peter Bodo: If we don't hurry, we'll be late for the Paul McCartney concert. Oh! What a freak!

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Tue, 09 Oct 2007 12:10:05 EDT

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• Noon. MLB Insider Rob Neyer: Let's see how you look in this Yankees' cap, Rob. Hmm. Can you come in for an interview on Friday?
• 2 p.m. NASCAR with Terry Blount: Intake infraction? Yeah, I've been fined for that as well.
• 3 p.m. Fantasy sports with Matthew Berry: I had Kris Brown on my bench this past Sunday. Can you kill me now, please?

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 12:10:32 EDT

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• 11:30 a/m. MLB with Goose Gossage: What are you sitting around here for? Torre wants you suited up and at the park by noon.
• 1 p.m. NCAA FB with Bob Davie: USC is No. 7? So should Stanford be No. 6?
• 3 p.m. Jim Jones Jr.: If you're looking to shake the notoriety of the Jonestown massacre, is talking about it on ESPN really the way to do it?

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Fri, 05 Oct 2007 12:10:42 EDT

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• Noon. MLB with Jerry Crasnick: What is it again that I should be doing right now? Oh yeah, watching TBS.
• 1 p.m. Boxing with Dan Rafael: Why men hit each other? What is bell? Help, me tangled in fat ropes!
• 3 p.m. Injury report with Stephiana Bell: Ow, my dignity!

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 12:10:54 EDT

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• 1 p.m. MLB with Scouts' Keith Law: It should have been the Mets down 1-0 to the Rockies, damn it.
• 2 p.m. MLS with Toronto D Jim Brennan: Is there anything that will get more hits than a Canadian soccer chat?
• 3 p.m. Fantasy sports with M. Berry: Marc Bulger just got benched, and I lost my luck dragon. What else can go wrong?

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 12:10:04 EDT

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• Noon. NBA with David Thorpe: But the real question becomes; who will now sex Mutombo?
• 2 p.m. NFL blogger Matt Mosley: Are you a real blogger if you know Berman's cell phone number?
• 3 p.m. College football with Beano Cook: Yes, it's just like a typewriter, Beano. But with pictures!

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 12:10:48 EDT

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• 11:15 a.m. MLB with Joe Morgan: Are you aware that your microphone has been unplugged since Aug. 12?
• 1 p.m. NFL with Matt Williamson: Kornheiser's inane chatter ... merely annoying, or actually harmful to your eardrum?
• 3 p.m.Author Todd Gallagher: Could Superman win a footrace with God? Could something else that will never happen sell more books?

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 12:10:29 EDT

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• 11 a.m. Scouts Inc. on NFL losers: If the Eagles had played the 49ers on Sunday, would the resulting vortex of suck have killed everyone involved?
• 12:30 p.m. Scouts Inc. on NFL winners: Congratulations to Brett Favre — who is the father of my baby! — on breaking the TD reception record.
• 4 p.m. Page 2's Jemele Hill: What are your thoughts on opinion columns being relegated tp Page 2? Is that kind of like the police setting up fenced enclosures for protesting?

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:10:29 EDT

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• 11 a.m. Fantasy NFL with Scott Engel: Your advice to choose the Bengals defense has proven unwise. Prepare for merciless retribution.
• 3 p.m. Injury report with Stephania Bell: By ignoring my letters, you have broken my heart. Won't you please have pity and heal my tortured soul, dear Stephania?
• Noon-4 p.m. Friday's Scouts Inc. NFL block: It's an orgy of NFL chat goodness. Who'll bring the soy sauce?

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 12:10:51 EDT

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• Noon. NBA Live '08 with Gilbert Arenas: How does being on the cover make you an expert on the game? I thought you only played Halo 3?
• 3 p.m. Ottawa Senators C Mike Fisher: Isn't your team playing right now?
• 4 p.m. Football Scientist KC Joyner: Your paper on global warming, while intriguing, was written on a series of cocktail napkins.

We Have To Ask

rickchand — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 12:10:02 EDT

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• 11 a.m. Women's World Cup with Graham Hays: Live from Chengdu ... because the public would not stand for taped earlier from Chengdu.
• Noon. NBA with David Thorpe: I'm wearing my yellow 'I Believe' t-shirt! What, too soon?
• 1 p.m.. Tennis with Peter Bodo: Wait, I was first to ask a question in this chat. How could you call me second? Are you blind? Second? You cannot be serious!