Of course, Speedo's offering a discount to certain NCAA competitors (depending on the tournament they compete in), but that's just like saying the first one's always free. Oh, and did we mention the first one falls apart after a few races and needs replacing? Isn't that a curious by-product of the intense applied science in the suit? How... coinkidinky.

We see a possible solution, though we wonder what they will do for drag...

For Amateur Swimmers, the Cost Of Success Doesn't Suit Everyone [Washington Post]

Most intriguing aspect of the Cage of Death, the newest attraction at Crocosaurus Cove, an Australian animal park: The many teeth marks on its clear acrylic outer surface.

The cage has no bars, unlike cages used in shark dives, which prevents the reptiles from gripping on but deep teeth scratches are visible on the sides, deterring some hesitant participants. The cage is then slid along runners over four crocodile pens, carrying a maximum of two divers at a time, and partly immersed in the water so swimmers can see the crocodiles under the water but also come up to the surface for air.

I took shop in junior high, and I know what mishaps can befall acrylic. It's one of the most unstable substances known to man; practically fucking impossible to join and liable to snap apart at the merest jostle. 18-foot crocodiles, meanwhile, have been known to eat cars. Fuck this.

Thrill Seekers Snap Up New Aussie Dare — Croc Swim [Yahoo News]
Crocosaurus Cove [Home Page]

But back to Johnson, or Miss Westlake Village 2007, to her friends. She was also one of 15 finalists at the 2007 Miss California pageant.

Michael Phelps' New Girlfriend? [Mojo In The Morning]

Besides his pricy address, Phelps bought the Meadowbrook Swim Club & Northwest Ice Rink in Baltimore. He and his coach, Bob Bowman, want to turn the facility into an elite Olympic training center. Phelps said he wants to buy a new car, too.

"My friend's in the car business, so he's going to help me," Phelps said Wednesday before leaving Beijing. "I've been looking at some Aston Martins and some Maseratis. It would be pretty sweet to get an old-school Aston Martin, some of the old-school [James] Bond ones. That would be sick."

Actually, it was Bond's Lotus Asprit which had the underwater mode. But the Aston Martin did come equipped with a lethal tyre slasher; handy for those paparazzi chases.

Michael Phelps Makes Olympic-Sized Splash With Luxe Baltimore Condo [New York Daily News]

Here's what Beard said to People Magazine:

"Everyone who knows me knows that I can be a jokester, but I guess I took it too far. I never meant to say anything rude about Michael. I am 100 percent sorry for what I said."

It was on Wednesday that Beard dissed Phelps on a Phoenix, Ariz., radio show, saying that as potential dating material, he had all the charm of the contents of a restaurant dumpster. I believe the word "Ew" was used at least twice. CNN then jumped on the story, calling in "Showbiz Tonight" correspondents Lauren Lake, Michael Musto and Ben Widdicombe to break down the developing story.

Lake, who is evidently a lawyer, said that Beard is secretly longing for Phelps (I think this is true). Musto seemed to indicate that he wanted Phelps for himself, and Widdicombe said something in a drippy British accent that I couldn't understand. Now back to Wolf Blitzer in the Situation Room.

One country yet to be heard from in all of this, by the way: Stephanie Rice. But don't worry, CNN will get to the bottom of it; they're embedding reporters as we speak.

Beard Disses Phelps [CNN]

Meanwhile, Troy Patterson of Slate seems to think that none of the above will be relevant, at least anytime soon.

That Phelps cannot dress himself is part of his gentle charm. He is not your average sloppy 23-year-old. Rather, he seems to have stopped developing, in some respects, at about the age he started training seriously and thus resembles a sloppy 11-year-old superhuman. Not without poise, Phelps has declared events related to his record-breaking string of performances "cool," "very cool," "neat," and "really neat." In the glow of his triumph, he faces the camera with something more interesting than real humility (which is pious) or false modesty (which is dull). He's working a kind of confounded ecstasy, ducking his head as if he's slightly shy to feel so good about himself, easing his way into the idea of not trying to stifle his grins.

This bears watching. There are few things more potentially dangerous than an 11-year-old with a couple million bucks.

Michael Phelps T-Shirt From The Hotness Factory [tcritic]
Newborn Demigod [Slate]

Aaron Piersol and Brendan Hansen swam the backstroke and breaststroke respectively in the race's first two legs to help Phelps earn his 14th gold medal at just 23 years of age. Phelps has concluded his run in the Beijing as the most decorated athlete in Olympic history, now all that's left to determine is where he ranks amongst the greatest athletes in the world.

Of course Shanoff is ready to declare Phelps the GREATEST.HUMAN.EVER., but ESPN will probably want to make things official with one of their ultra-scientific bracket competitions (seriously, who does that?). I assume the Sklar brothers are already hard at work with some assistance from Joe Lunardi, Nick Bakay, and the cast of Beverly Hills Chihuahua. Sure, Phelps has conquered the swimming world, but only time will tell whether or not he can defeat Lance Armstrong, Secretariat, and Jim Thorpe. God bless you, Disney.

Photo Credit: Getty Images via Yahoo! Sports

Phelps' daily diet, from the London Times:

• Breakfast: Three fried-egg sandwiches loaded with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, fried onions and mayonnaise. Two cups of coffee. One five-egg omelette. One bowl of grits. Three slices of French toast topped with powdered sugar. Three chocolate-chip pancakes.

• Lunch: One pound of pasta. Two large ham and cheese sandwiches with mayonnaise on white bread, plus 1,000 calories of energy drinks.

• Dinner: One pound of pasta, an entire pizza and even more energy drinks.

Estimated calories: 12,000. Gaseous index: High. All that's missing are the little chocolate donuts of champions.

Young swimmers throughout the nation are now jumping up from their computer screens and heading to Denny's. It won't be long before all members of the U.S. Junior National team look like this. America, the most buoyant team in the 2016 Olympics.

Phelps competes Saturday morning (tonight, ET) in the 100 butterfly finals. He is then expected to swim Sunday with the U.S. men in the 4x100 medley relay finals, shooting for gold medal No. 8. Ryan Lochte won his first individual Olympic gold medal earlier in the morning, beating U.S. teammate Aaron Peirsol in the 200 backstroke. Rebecca Soni won the 200-meter breaststroke, over Australian favorite Leisel Jones in a world-record 2:20.22.

Buurp.

The Michael Phelps Diet: Don't Try This At Home [London Times]
Phelps Sets Record In 200 IM For Sixth Beijing Gold [CBSSportsline]

Meanwhile, in other non-Phelps swim news, Ryan Lochte and Aaron Peirsol set up a rematch in the 200 back, qualifying 1-2 in preliminary heats in 1 minute, 56.29 seconds and 1:56.35, respectively. They share the world record of 1:54.32. Lochte also earned a berth in the 200 IM final, winning his heat in 1:58.15.

• This Is Why They're Canceling Softball After These Olympics, You See. The U.S. threw its second consecutive no-hitter, dominating the Olympic softball competition like Germany dominated Lichtenstein in 1941. Cat Osterman struck out 13, including eight of the last 10, as the U.S. beat Australia 3-0. In three Olympic decisions dating to 2004, Osterman is 3-0 with a 0.00 ERA. Now this is how the U.S. men's team should be dominating in basketball.

• The Olympics Are Bad For Your Groin. Or so says With Leather.

• Nigeria, Please. The U.S. men's soccer team eliminated by Nigeria, 2-1. Where's Hirshey to make sense of all of this? In a clear case of Soccer Rage, the U.S. was playing without central midfielder Michael Bradley and midfielder Freddy Adu, who have both been suspended. And in the fourth minute on Wednesday, defender Michael Orozco was ejected for elbowing forward Solomon Okoronkwo.

• Oops. My Bad. In a mistake that the ever-forgiving Chinese government will have no problem with whatsoever, rower Zhang Liang, China's national single sculls champion, showed up for the wrong heat on Saturday and was disqualified. He was a favorite to win the gold medal.

Some fun facts from the Michael Phelps file:

• He's a Michigan Wolverine. Suck it, OSU.

• Baltimore native, grew up in the Rodgers Forge neighborhood and graduated from Towson High School. Other notable Towson High alumn ... Divine!

• Has (or at least had) Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, and became a swimmer to create an outlet for his energy. Was arrested for DUI at age 19 in Maryland.

• Among those at poolside as Phelps won his 10th and 11th golds ... Kobe Bryant, LeBron James and Carmelo Anthony. James posed for pictures with Phelps' mom.

• From Phelps' profile on the NBCSports.com Olympics profile page: Phelps appeared at the 1996 Olympic Trials as a 10-year-old, not to swim but to support his sister, Whitney. When she finished sixth in the 200m butterfly final and missed making the team, the family cried in the stands. "It left a scar on our family," Michael says. Whitney's career was cut short by four herniated discs, but Michael says he lives by her example. From the time he was little, he remembers how he would hear her door shut and the car start before dawn as she made her way to practice.

Phelps' goggles malfunctioned during the 200, and he had to squint through water-filled lenses on the way to a world record, which he captured by six-hundredths of a second. The 800 free relay team broke the world mark with a time of 6:58.56, with Phelps swimming 1:43.31 in the first leg. Ryan Lochte, Ricky Berens and Peter Vanderkaay followed.

The previous record of 7:03.24 was set by the Americans at last year's world championships. Russia took the silver, more than five seconds behind the Americans, and Australia won the bronze.

"I'm almost at a loss for words," Phelps said. "Growing up I always wanted to be an Olympian. Now to be the most decorated Olympian of all time, it just sounds weird saying. It started setting in a little bit after the butterfly. I was just trying to focus on my next race, but I just kept thinking, `Wow, greatest Olympian of all time.' It's a pretty cool title. I'm definitely honored."

Next up: The 200 individual medley, 100 fly and 400 medley relay.

Phelps Flies To Olympic Gold Medal Mark [NBCSports.com]

"I never got invited. You don't go to the Olympics just to say, I am going to go. Especially because of who I am," Spitz told AFP in Hong Kong. "I am going to sit there and watch Michael Phelps break my record anonymously? That's almost demeaning to me. It is not almost — it is."

It's easy to write off Spitz as an egocentric lout; and admittedly, some of yesterday's quotes — not to mention the porn stache — are a little much. But people tend to forget that in the early '70's Spitz was considered by many the greatest athlete in history, and it has to be hard to give that up without a fight. It's difficult to put into context what Spitz meant to America, and the world, in 1972. Not only did he win seven golds in Munich, but they came against the backdrop of one of sports' darkest chapters, the Munich Massacre, in which 11 Israeli athletes were killed by Palestinian terrorists. The first Olympics in Germany since Hitler's 1936 Games was not mankind's finest hour; a fact not lost on Spitz, who is Jewish. He didn't get to stick around for the closing ceremonies; being whisked away by police due to fears that he would be a target.

And then you had the lesser tragedies in those Games, including the U.S. men's basketball team, which was denied a gold medal by the Soviets on a controversial officials' decision to put three seconds back on the clock after the teams had already left the floor. Also, America's top two sprinters, Eddie Hart and Rey Robinson, missed the 100 meter finals when they were given the wrong starting time by their coach.

So Spitz was something to cheer about amongst all the gloom, and he played the part to the extreme. As soon as the Olympics were over, he announced his retirement from swimming to become an actor. But infamous guest spots on a Bob Hope Special and the Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour demonstrated to the world that as an actor, he more resembled a fish out of water. The acting thing never panned out, and he took other jobs; including a comeback attempt in 1992 to try and qualify for the Barcelona Games, which fell short. Today his web site refers to him as "a stockbroker and motivational speaker."

AJ said it yesterday and it's true: The IOC doesn't want him in Beijing hogging camera time as Phelps counts down to eight golds. That would be a huge distraction in an Olympics that already has more than its share. But consider it from Spitz's point of view: How do you expect him not to feel slighted? The greatest Olympian in history is about to be replaced, and no one seems to give a damn. Like him or not, Spitz's personality is what it is, and of course he's going to complain about it. Not everyone can be as gentlemanly reticent as Hank Aaron.

The IOC should have made some sort of gesture to Spitz, whether it be to allow him to tape a message of congratulations to Phelps, have a photo op with him, text message 'BFF,' ... something. Despite what you may think about his personality, Spitz once stood for something great; and meant a lot to us. But it's our nature in this throwaway society to dispose of our heroes once we're finished with them, and that's a shame.

Spitz, Once The Star, Upset Over Beijing Snub [Yahoo Sports]

With history about to slip away and Michael Phelps cheering him on, Jason Lezak pulled up next to the lane rope and set out after hulking Alain Bernard, like a NASCAR driver drafting down the backstretch at Daytona. Only 25 meters to go, half the length of the pool. Every stroke brought Lezak a little closer, a little closer, a little closer, his body seemingly carried along by the Frenchman's massive wake. The two lunged for the wall together. When the result flashed on the board, Phelps was still on course for his record eight gold medals.

The French star was extremely confident about his team's chances heading into the big showdown. "The Americans? We're going to smash them," Bernard said. "That's what we came here for."

Australia finished third. The top five finishers all broke the world record, which means that Italy and Sweden — which finished fourth and fifth — broke the world record but didn't even medal. Phelps swam the lead-off leg for the Americans.

Lezak's Classic Finish Delivers Gold [NBCSports]

No word yet on whether the Pox have spread or if other athletes have been affected. Rumor has it that President Bush has volunteered to do full body inspections.

Thank you, Sporting Blog.

I'm pretty sure that these aren't what they'll be using in the Beijing Olympics; the actual suits will look more like this, no doubt. These were from Beijing's swimwear fashion show on Thursday, which is all part of China's push to make Beijing one of the big players in the world fashion industry. Can China achieve world swimwear dominance, and oppress Tibet at the same time? That would be quite a feat.

Sexy Swimsuit For 2008 Beijing Olympics [Ah Boon]

I don't know what that little creature is capable of, but it seems to be effective in teaching Australian girls how to swim faster. A much more dangerous alternative would be to release this guy into the water.

Aussie Aussie Aussie!!! OW OW OW!!!! [Foul Balls]

A pair of USC swimmers have been dismissed from the team after they were spotted streaking through a Columbia neighborhood Friday night.

Residents in Olympia told police they saw freshmen Adam Middleton and Ciro Sauaia running naked down Ohio Street, according to a Richland County sheriff's department report. A surveillance video showed the two 18-year-olds "gyrating" on a front porch, then running down Ohio Street toward Bluff Road.

Considering the little nut-hugging things swimmers wear, we're not sure how anyone could even tell if they were naked or not. We are terrified what the details of "gyrating" are, however.

Two USC Swimmers Dismissed For Streaking [The State]

• Piranhas
• Second-degree burns and blistering from the sun
• Cramps
• High blood pressure
• Sore and swollen eyes from sunblock in the goggles
• Dizziness
• Toothpick fish (the second paragraph under parasitism will terrify you)
• Vertigo
• Abrasians from his wet suit rubbing against his skin
• Bull Sharks
• Dehydration
• Delirium

But yesterday, Martin Strel finished up a swim that featured every single one of those things, swimming the 3,272-mile length of the Amazon river. That's a tough man, and I am awed by his persistence. And now, because he was willing to endure such hardship, he gets... I don't know, I guess he gets to say he swam the Amazon river. Seems like a high price to pay for a conversation starter at parties.

There's a website dedicated to his quest, where the his journey's being documented.

Martin's nausea and diarrhea have subsided but he's still very dizzy and needs someone to help him with walking when he gets out of the water. Strangely, he tells us he doesn't experience the vertigo when swimming, only on land. We expect him to cross the finish line later today.

Some of the team found a frightened three-toed sloth tied to a pool table at a seedy portside bar. We bought the tormented animal for five dollars and released it into its natural jungle habitat.

Great. Now how the hell is he ever supposed to shoot pool again?

Almost Finished [AmazonSwim]
Man completes 3,272-mile swim down Amazon River [USA Today]

And Phelps beat him, taking the gold in the event, leaving Crocker with silver. The last two gold medals should have been a formality for Phelps, particularly in 4x100m relay, in which the American team was expected to destroy the world record. The American team didn't win, though ... because Ian Crocker got the team disqualified. He left the starting block 4 one-hundredths of a second early, which is not allowed.

I probably shouldn't accuse Ian Crocker of anything untoward. Phelps certainly won't, and Crocker, judging from his blog, seems like a very nice and reasonable man who just loves swimming and parsnips. But swimming really could use more controversy and scandal, so here's hoping that Crocker laughs at Phelps at a press conference tomorrow, and then Phelps goes after him like a Ukranian dad after his swimmer daughter.

Phelps sees dream shattered [EuroSport]
Another blog from Melbourne [Ian Crocker]

But as bad as some sports fathers are, we don't remember a father and his swimmer daughter actually punching each other on camera before.

A Ukrainian coach has been stripped of his accreditation for the FINA world swimming championships after being caught on camera physically assaulting his daughter - a world championships competitor.

Victorian Police have reviewed footage captured by host broadcasters the Nine Network, which clearly showed a physical altercation between the two, with both attempting to strike each other. They have not laid any charges against the 38-year-old man.

Footage of the incident is right here. We are convinced, if this fight had continued indefinitely, that she would have kicked his ass.

Family Feud Coach Detained [Sydney Morning Herald]

*** (Note: Oh, our kid will play sports, you better believe it ... and they'll LIKE it.)

So then when did the area become a children's day care center? It seems that every other weekend some parent is throwing their kid into the drink and making him swim from Alcatraz to Aquatic Park, each one younger than the next. The latest was recent zygote Braxton Bilbrey, a seven-year-old second-grader from Arizona. He completed the swim in a brisk, efficient 47 minutes, exiting the water with a baby shark clamped to his butt and demanding Teddy Grahams. Bilbrey became the youngest ever to do it, breaking the record held by 9-year-old Johnny Wilson of Hillsborough, who made the swim in October 2005. Note to Braxton: Johnny does not take kindly to his record being broken. No, not kindly at all.

7-Year-Old Takes Just 47 Minutes To Swim From Island To S.F. [SF Gate]