Because the prairie provinces are generally uncontroversial, and those few controversies are always hockey-related, the latest media storm in Calgary is due to the Flames jumping the line to receive the swine flu vaccine.

LeBron and two teammates have tested positive for Influenza A, and the Cavs are treating them like H1N1 cases. Worse, King James just gave more fuel to the anti-vaccine crazies: He thinks he got sick from his flu shot. [ESPN]

According to the Boston Herald, the NBA has issued "an anti-handshake" directive, asking players to fist or chest bump each other to combat swine flu. Also, please use a handkerchief when boxing out. [Herald/NoGutsNoGlory]

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And no, he didn't get it from being showered in urine and vomit by Mexican fans. But here's your excuse for yesterday's match result, Sam's Army. [FanNation]

A producer for the Mets television network may have swine flu, and Carlos Beltran and John Maine both have unspecified stomach ailments. Rest assured this story will be handled with measured calm and forbearance by the New York media. Wait, what's that? "Pig Panic"? Never mind. [New York Post]

Throwing a no-hitter or four in high school baseball? Passe. Doing it the day after burying your father, New York City's first victim of swine flu? Now we're talking.

Speaking of bold, unexpected strategies—Guadalajara defender Hector Reynoso has been banned from international competition because he spit and sneezed on opposing players and then told them he had swine flu.

Huntsville, Ala.: "Right now, we are being advised by our Medical Advisory Committee to shut down all activities until further notice." [ESPN.com]

The state of Texas is postponing all of its high school sports activities (plus some nerdy stuff) in order to keep their filthy population from spreading the deadly pork-based flu virus. You may commence panicking.