Series Schedule
Game 1: Wednesday, October 22, 8 p.m. Philadelphia at Tampa Bay.
Game 2: Thursday, October 23, 8 p.m. Philadelphia at Tampa Bay.
Game 3: Saturday, October 25, 8 p.m. Tampa Bay at Philadelphia.
Game 4 : Sunday, October 26, 8 p.m. Tampa Bay at Philadelphia.
Game 5 (if necessary): Monday, October 27, 8 p.m. Tampa Bay at Philadelphia.
Game 6 (if necessary): Wednesday, October 29, 8 p.m. Philadelphia at Tampa Bay.
Game 7 (if necessary): Thursday, October 30, 8 p.m, Philadelphia at Tampa Bay.

SEVEN THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE RAYS-PHILLIES SERIES

1. Remember The Thunderdome! Back before the Cowbells, or even before the Devil Rays, Tropicana Field was born, alone, empty, abandoned straight out of the womb. St. Petersburg built the stadium — then known as the Florida Suncoast Dome — in 1990, in hopes of getting the White Sox to come to town. When that didn't work, they tried an expansion team; Miami and Denver got them instead. So, it was unused until 1993, when the NHL's Lightning played there. (That's when it was called the Thunderdome.) In the 1996 playoffs, more than 28,000 people saw the Lightning, which is more than the Rays' average any season other than 1998, their debut. In 2003, they averaged 13,158 fans, a number that's lower than the number of fans my Illini got for a end-of-December, with the students home for the holidays, loss to Tennessee State. (I know: I saw it.)

2. Aw, But For 1993. Even for those dopey mulleted Midwesterners out there who might have been turning 18 during the 1993 NLCS, the 1993 Phillies were instantly likable. (And no one even had any idea yet that Darren Daulton was hurtling through time and space!) Everybody had their favorite player; I'm sad to say that mine was, yes, John Kruk. Here's something I didn't realize about that NLCS, though; the Phillies won in six games but were completely outplayed. That somehow makes their win mean even more. Unfortunately, they lost the World Series to a team from Canada, and the World Series was so upset that it took the next year off.

3. Jamie ... She Used To Be My Girl. Not to harp on Jamie Moyer here — I think I've mentioned him in every Phillies preview — but, as Jonah Keri points out, Moyer's debut in the major leagues when Evan Longoria and David Price were less than a year old. Hopefully, Carlos Pena and Carl Crawford will take a wrong turn at Daulerio's apartment: The two lefthanded hitters have hammered Moyer throughout their careers. That Game 3 Moyer start reeks of big trouble; it would behoove the Phillies to get a split out of the Trop, at least.

4. Famous People! Every good World Series matchup breakdown needs to observe the time-honored tradition of comparing the two cities famous residents. And by "famous residents," I mean "people who got the hell out of town at the first opportunity." So, let's go to it!
Tampa: Tony LaRussa, Nick Carter, Ray Charles, Randy "Macho Man" Savage.
Philadelphia: Noam Chomsky, R. Crumb, Dick Clark, Bill Cosby, Richard Gere, M. Night Shyamalan, Bob Saget, Will Smith, Rev. Jeremiah Wright.

I think we have a clear winner.

5. Mayor Bets! Speaking of silly World Series traditions, the mayors of St. Petersburg and Philadelphia did one of their I'll give you this if your team wins, and you'll give me that if mine does things. If the Phillies win, St. Petersburg mayor Rick Baker gives up "coconut shrimp from Cha Cha Coconuts at The Pier, stone crab claws from Clearwater's Frenchy's restaurant, Cuban sandwiches from the world-famous historic Columbia Restaurant in Ybor City, commemorative championship label Cuesta-Rey Centro Fino Cortez Cigars from the J.C. NewmanCigar Company, and key lime pie from the Fourth Street Shrimp Store in St.
Pete." If the Rays win, Philadelphia mayor Michael Nutter gives up "Philadelphia cheesesteaks, delicious Tastykakes, Philly soft pretzels, mac-n-cheese from Delilah's Southern Cafe and a Rocky statue." So, look for the winning team's mayor to drop dead of a heart attack within a week of the Series' final game.

6. Let's Get A Good One This Time. Jayson Stark is right: We haven't had an awesome World Series in quite some time. I'd argue that this one was the best possible World Series (note the time on that post, by the way; I'd been up all night), but, you know, it would be fair to classify me as somewhat biased. Anyway, yeah: The last great one was in 2002, when the Rally Monkey killed Barry Bonds. This one has the feel of one that'll be far more fun.

7. For Crying Out Loud, It's The World Series! So what if you hate the Phillies? So what if you don't know anything about the Rays? It's the World Series, people! Woo-hoo!

PREDICTION
It's going to seem strange to have a nail-biting, insane Game 7 of the World Series in a dome, but we're headed there. Rays in 7.

Oh, Cardinals won two out of three from both these teams this year. Let me have that.

Series Schedule
Game 1: Friday, October 10, 8:30 p.m. Boston at Tampa Bay.
Game 2: Saturday, October 11, 8:30 p.m. Boston at Tampa Bay.
Game 3: Monday, October 13, 4:30 p.m. Tampa Bay at Boston.
Game 4 : Tuesday, October 14, 8 p.m. Tampa Bay at Boston.
Game 5 (if necessary): Thursday, October 16, 8 p.m. Tampa Bay at Boston.
Game 6 (if necessary): Saturday, October 18, 4:30 p.m. Boston at Tampa Bay.
Game 7 (if necessary): Sunday, October 19, 8 p.m, Boston at Tampa Bay.

SEVEN THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE RAYS-RED SOX SERIES

1. Boy Fights! Yeah, yeah, everyone on TBS — which, surprisingly, is the network broadcasting this series; Red Sox fans are finally spared Tim McCarver — will be hyping these teams' "intense" fight back in June. But it's still pretty cool that in the American League Championship Series, there's a palpable sense that people will start punching each other. (This certainly would have jazzed up last year's dull NLCS.) Let's just hope that if a big fight does break out, we don't get pundits tsk-tsking These Darned Athletes Today. Come on! Fights are fun! They're not punching us!

2. Don't Expect Cowboys-At-Buzzsaw-Esque Crowd Proportions. Amusingly, Kurt Warner and Ken Whisenhunt are actively begging Buzzsaw fans not to sell their tickets to well-oiled Cowboys fans. This sort of dynamic has led several Red Sox friends think they're going to have some sort of home-field advantage at the Trop. Don't count on it. The Rays easily sold out the first two games of the ALDS, and the Trop was louder than anyone who has ever seen one of their 8,000-fans specials might suspect. This is not going to be Fenway South.

3. Grant Balfour Is &#;*@ing Awesome. One of the biggest fear any sports fan has is that they care more about the outcome of a particular game than an individual player. This is not an issue with Rays reliever Grant Balfour, who violently curses himself out any time he so much as throws a pitch a couple of inches outside. Do not watch this man pitch with someone who is deaf and overly sensitive to torrents of profanity.

4. Where The Hell Did This J.D. Drew Come From? Before coming to the Red Sox, J.D. Drew had appeared in postseasons for the Cardinals, the Braves and the Dodgers. He went .246 (albeit with his fair share of walks) and generally looked like the same dispassionate, "I'd Rather Be Preaching Somewhere Oh Jeez I Think I Hurt My Hammy Again" vacant stare fans of those teams (and the Phillies, of course) had come to know and loathe. And then the guy goes to Boston and turns into Mr. Clutch. Infuriating.

5. Start Coming Up With Excuses For Your Boss Right Now. Game Three of this series will be played at 4:30 Eastern Time at Fenway Park on Monday. (Sussman, to the live blog!) This is happening Friday with the NLCS Game Two, but it's still worth noting that if the stock market explodes again next Monday, there will be no one manning the store.

6. Two In A Row. If the Red Sox can end up winning the World Series, they will become the first team to win consecutive World Series since the Yankees won three in a row from 1998-2000. The Blue Jays won in 1992-93, and the Yankees in 1977-78. The last National League team to win two World Series in a row? The Reds, in 1975-76. This is Jayson Stark, for ESPN.

7. All Together Now: Holy Crap, Tampa Bay Is Four Games Away From The World Series! Back in 2007, I asked RJ Anderson of D-Rays Bay to preview the Devil Rays' season. He wrote: "So what does being a Devil Rays fan mean? Well, your team is constantly under attack by most naive media members who paint the team as hopeless and talentless, the management as "clueless," and the fans as "none" ... and that's just from some local media members. The Rays may call Tampa home, though they play in neighboring St. Petersburg, but really there are a larger majority of New York Yankee and Boston Red Sox fans here than for the local Rays." This is probably still true, but, man, Rays diehards like Anderson really have earned this, haven't they? Here's the D-Rays Bay post from the other evening: "Fiddle me this, fiddle me that, thank you Rays for this appearance of Monsieur J. Fiddle Cat. I hope this day never ends." Congratulations. Let's see how long this can keep going.

PREDICTION
This hurts me more than it hurts you. Red Sox in five.

Series Schedule
Game 1: Thursday, October 2, 2:30 p.m. Chicago (Vazquez) at Tampa Bay (Shields).
Game 2: Friday, October 3, 6 p.m. Chicago (Buerhle) at Tampa Bay (Kazmir).
Game 3: Sunday, October 5, TBA. Tampa Bay (Sonnanstine) at Chicago (Danks).
Game 4 (if necessary): Monday, October 6, TBA. Tampa Bay at Chicago
Game 5 (if necessary): Wednesday, October 8, TBA. Chicago at Tampa Bay.

SEVEN THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT THE RAYS-WHITE SOX SERIES

1. It's Nice That Carl Can Make It. For years, the only reason anyone has even noticed Tampa Bay has been when someone in your fantasy league drafted Carl Crawford in the first round. (Doing this has never, ever led to a league championship.) Now that the Rays are actually in the playoffs — Tampa Bay! In the playoffs! Holy crap! — it would be a shame if Crawford weren't back in time from his hand injury. But good gnus! He's on the playoff roster and is expected to start Game 1 Thursday. After six fruitless years at the Trop, he's certainly earned this.

2. That's Not Griffey, Not Really. Hey: I love Ken Griffey, you love Ken Griffey, everybody loves Ken Griffey. (Particularly when he gives hecklers jock straps.) But, despite his barely-made-it assist at home plate Tuesday night, this is not the Ken Griffey we have known. Because he doesn't take steroids, Griffey is aging like a normal person, and he hit .249 this year with just 18 homers. (Three with the White Sox in 131 at-bats.) He posted his worst slugging percentage since his rookie year, when he was 19 years old. It's still nice seeing him here, though; it's his first postseason game since 1997, and he has never reached a World Series.

3. OZZIE. Pretty much every Ozzie Guillen moment is brilliantly entertaining, but, as you might expect, I still love the Jay Mariotti feud. Guillen famously called Mariotti a "fag," and, somehow, in this day and age, Mariotti ended up being the one people hated more afterwards. (It is Mariotti, after all.) My favorite parts? 1. When Guillen's hairdresser came out to defend him as not anti-gay. 2. Guillen's "apology:" "If I hurt anybody with what I called him, I apologize, but I wasn't talking about those people. I was talking strictly about [Mariotti]. I will apologize to the people I offended because I should have used another word. Besides that, I'm still waiting for Jay. Why he's so afraid to show up to the ballpark? When you're afraid to do something, you feel guilty about something. Then tell him we'll pay his cab. Tell him to tell us where he lives, and we'll bring him to the ballpark and we'll have a conversation. But that's the way he is. He's garbage, still garbage, going to die as garbage. Period."

4. Seriously, Now: The Rays Have No Fans. It's impressive, and worthy of lauds, that the Rays have sold out their playoff games. But let's be straight here: The Rays, as nice a story as they are, still don't have very many fans. Despite the most exciting season in team history (by far) and a team that's relentlessly fun to watch, the Rays finished 26th in attendance, behind Cincinnati, Toronto and Washington. They averaged 22,259 fans a game, which is almost as many people as the Dean Smith Center holds. Everybody's happy for the theoretical Rays fan who has loyally supported the team for years and is finally being rewarded. If that person exists. Because I don't know of one. And I suspect you don't either.

5. They Have A Sweet Team President Though. It was only a year and a half ago that blogger Matthew Stiles auctioned off his team loyalty on eBay. The bidding reached $535, and the winner was ... Rays president Matthew Silverman. Seriously: He actually bought himself a fan. I have to say, Silverman definitely deserves this year to have happened.

6. THIS IS JI
JIM THOME. If you haven't been introduced to the brilliance of Jim Thome on The Dugout, god, get yourself over there, immediately. My favorite is still the one where Thome shows up on "Oprah."

7. The Devil Rays Are In The Playoffs. Seriously, guys: THE TAMPA BAY RAYS ARE IN THE PLAYOFFS. They even have home field advantage! They beat the Red Sox and the Yankees. The brain melts.

PREDICTION
Oh, man, do I ever believe. And hey, Mets fans, look ... it's Kazmir! At least he gets to pitch in the playoffs. Rays in four.

Every weekday until the start of the season, a different writer will preview his/her team. We asked a gaggle of writers, from the Web, from print, from books, to tell us, in as many or as little words as they need, Where Their Team Stands. This is not meant to be factual, or dispassionate, or even logical: We just asked them to riff on why they love their team so much, or what their team means to them, or whatever.

Today: The Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Your author is Cork Gaines.

Cork Gaines, is the editor and lead writer for Rays Index. He is a Tampa native and University of Iowa graduate that is currently lost in New York City. Despite this, he still maintains his status as a Tampa Bay Buccaneers season ticket holder and often makes trips back to the Bay Area just because he has an urge for a grouper sandwich from Hurricane. His words are after the jump.

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I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call "previews". I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering have I said something stupid, am I boring, am I writing too much, are you reading enough? I'm not really interested. But I think you might be interested. So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to insert a joke? Do I have to wait for the end cause then it's awkward, it's like well 'piss-off'. Do you do like that poop joke? Where you like, you laugh like this and snot comes out because you don't want your boss to know you are reading Deadspin. Or do you just go right in and tell the inappropriate OJ joke? Or no joke at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called "just the Tampa Bay Rays". Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, "ouch, ouch my eyes hurt."

*Will sets Rays preview in corner*

Watching the 2008 Tampa Bay Devil Rays will be like watching Natalie Portman in "Beautiful Girls." You know she is going to be hot when she grows up, but part of you wonders if it is OK to look at a 14-year-old that way. And when she does finally grow up and she is even sexier than you imagined, there is a part of you that still sees the 14-year-old and it makes you feel a little guilty. And yet, you can't wait for the Tampa Bay Rays first nude scene...Wait...What was I saying? Nevermind...
Ladies and gentlemen, these are not your older brother's Devil Rays.

The first ten years of the franchise were bad ... really bad. So the new ownership decided changes needed to be made. They cowered to the delicate sensibilities of a few old people in the St. Pete area and dropped the Devil. GM Matt Silverman recently said of the name change "We're no longer the bottom feeding fish...We're much more about the energy of the sun." That's right. The team that plays in a dome now has sunshine for a mascot.

Along with the name change came new uniforms, which were unveiled in a ceremony that lasted longer (2 days) than the Red Sox World Series celebration (1 day) and featured the musical styling of Kevin Costner. It could have been worse. We could have been subjected to Tom Petty reenacting his role in "The Postman" ... Green is out. Dark blue, Carolina Blue and Yellow are in. The team's logo has now been spotted on more semi-celebrity douchebags in the past month (1) than the previous 10 years combined (0). This is not to be confused with semi-celebrity butt-lickers (Dick Vitale) and semi-celebrity fake athletes (Hulk Hogan). We are still debating whether or not this is an upgrade.
The changes didn't stop there. Gone are Delmon Young and his shoulder-mounted bat launcher along with Elijah Dukes and his sperm . And...wait for it....wait for it...the team actually spent money. The Devil Dogs gave long-term contracts to Carlos Pena and James Shields and signed free agents Troy Percival and Cliff Floyd. Of course, between the two, they are 186 years old, have two healthy knees and 8 saves since 2004.
The addition of Percival, as well as several others, means the bullpen, which was statistically one of the worst in the history of baseball, has gone from "I think they just sharted on the mound" to "they give me Irritable Bowel Syndrome". And according to the Bill James Bible, IBS is worth 5.5 wins in the standings.
Random Joke: What is the difference between a Red Sox fan and a Yankees fan? Who cares. Fuck 'em both.
The Rays also added Matt Garza and Jason Bartlett (via the Dick Bat-Tosser trade). Garza joins Scott Kazmir and James Shields to form the top young rotation trio in baseball. They should be joined shortly by two of the Rays seemingly endless supply of top pitching prospects, which includes Jake McGee, Wade Davis and the top pick of the 2007 draft, David Price, among others.
Bartlett should be an upgrade at both shortstop and in the significant-other department over Ben Zobrist. Bartlett, along with the move of Akinori Iwamura to second base, will vastly improve one of the worst defenses in baseball, but Bartlett is going to have to hit better in 2008, if he is going to hold off baseball's top shortstop prospect, Reid Brignac, in 2009.
With all these off-season changes, our heads are spinning, and there are still a number of questions to be answered about the 2008 Tampa Bay Rays sans Devil...
1. Will Edwin Jackson (think Nuke LaLoosh) or Andy Sonnanstine (El Duque's Caucasian brother from another mother) step up and give the Rays one of the best starting rotations in baseball, or are they just place-holders for the above-mentioned prospects? Magic 8-Ball says: Nuke is a big pile 'o poo, but The Duke will be a serviceable innings eater that will win 10-12 games.
2. Can the bullpen back-enders Troy Percival and Al Reyes stay healthy all year? Magic 8-Ball says: Is this a serious question?
3. Will super-prospect Evan Longoria, be the second-coming of David Wright? Magic 8-Ball says: The Dirtbag can do it all! He can hit, hit for power, field, cure cancer, bake, babysit your kids and end the suffering in Darfur.
4. Will we ever reach a point when Rays fans won't panic when they read headlines like THIS? Magic 8-Ball says: Enjoy the 64 kazillion Eva Longoria references in 2008.
5. Will scientists act in time to combine Joel Guzman (power, defense) and Willy Aybar (OBP) into the perfect baseball player? Magic 8-Ball says: We are still years away from enjoying Jolly Guzbar. In the meantime, they both suck.
6. Can Carlos Pena repeat his 2007 performance? Magic 8-Ball says: Pena was a part-time player for first month of 2007. He will have more lineup protection 2008. He has learned to use the whole field. He is in his prime and is a better hitter now than he was 4-5 years ago. You do the math, asshole.
7. Will the Rays be able to sign Scott Kazmir to a long-term contract? Magic 8-Ball says: The Rays are trying to have the same sustained success as the Twins and the A's and that means occasionally they will need to trade their young players when they get expensive. After the Twins gave $486 zillion to Johan Santana, the Rays have a better chance of winning the 2008 World Series. The question is not if the Rays will trade Kazmir. The question now is when.
8. If the Rays win more than 70 games and do not finish in last place, will the time equilibrium be disrupted? Magic 8-Ball says: If Lyle Lovett can sleep with Julia Roberts, anything is possible. Not only will the Rays win more than 70 games in 2008, they will win more than 80 and will actually play meaningful games in September. Seriously. And no, I am not that drunk.
The Tampa Bay Rays will be a team to reckon with in the very near future. I don't give a rat's ass if the Spankees and the Pink Hats keep the Rays in third place five of the next six years. Making the playoffs with a $150MM payroll is like banging a drunk ugly chick. It's easy. And it will never be as pleasurable as having a threesome with your girlfriend and Natalie Portman, which is what it will feel like that one year the Tampa Bay Rays do win the division.
Will 2008 be the Year of the Tampa Bay Devil Dogs?.............O LOOK! CAKE!

The Rays will indeed have the promised "major entertainment star" on hand Nov. 8 when they unveil their new look at Straub Park in downtown St. Pete. I initially wondered about the wording of that, since you figure they'd just call a band a band. Now I get it. The star in question is indeed major—Kevin Costner—but he also happens to have a band. Who knew?

Anyway, the St. Pete shindig will begin at 6:30 p.m., immediately following the fashion show (beginning at 5:30) that will serve as the official debut of the Rays' new uniforms. Fireworks will follow [Costner's "band"'s] set at 8 p.m. The fashion show is scheduled to include current Rays players and coaches along with the likes of Wade Boggs and Fred McGriff.

We don't imagine it took much persuasion on the part of the Rays. "Hey, Kevin, if you show up in St. Pete, you can wear a baseball uniform and we'll let your crappy band play. That work? Oh, no, you don't have to come until November. What? Oh. You're here now? That's you knocking? Well, jeez, come on in then."

f You Unveil It, They Will Come [DRaysBay]

Or, at least, enough to drive a man to drink, rear end a batboy and try to take off when police are chasing.

Authorities say Hickey rammed his pickup into the back of another pickup driven by the D-Rays' batboy just outside of Tropicana Field. Although the batboy pulled his car over, an undercover cop saw Hickey drive off.

The plainclothes policeman followed Hickey to Interstate 275, where he radioed fellow officers about the vehicle. Police soon stopped Hickey, but they had to drag him out of the car after he wouldn't come out voluntarily. Hickey also struggled with the cops before he could be cuffed.

There may be no better metaphor for life as an employee of the Devil Rays than smashing into a bat boy and having to be dragged out of your car. Go D-Rays!

Devil Rays Coach Arrested [Sports By Brooks]

(UPDATE: Here's his mugshot, via The Smoking Gun)

Yes, the Devil Rays, as you know them, are gone. They are now the Tampa Ray Rays. Because the devil is evil.

Here are the new uniforms. We ask then, again, who will go down in history as the greatest Devil Ray of all time? Probably Carl Crawford, though we bet Wade Boggs will try to make some sort of claim.

Tampa Bay Devil Rays To Become Tampa Bay Rays [SportsWrap BeRecruited]
Rays Unis Leaked [DRays Bay]

That is to say: What if the Giants had actually moved to Tampa like they were originally supposed to. The Sporting Orange flashes back to 1992, when the Giants were this close to moving to St. Petersburg. Owner Peter Magowan ended up outbidding the Tampa group, and the team stayed in the Bay Area. And we missed the opportunity of seeing Bonds hit 80 homers a year at the Trop.

True, Bonds probably would have never signed his big contract with the Tampa team, considering the history he and his family had in San Fran. But it's a funny thought, and we'll take solace in knowing that it could have been worse.

What If...Barry Bonds And The Tampa Bay Devil Rays [The Sporting Orange"

Apparently, Dukes smokes weed every day — which, frankly, might not necessarily be a bad thing — and is doing steroids.

NiShea Dukes, testifying in divorce proceedings, accused her baseball-player husband of smoking marijuana daily and using steroids. Although steroids use remained in question at the end of the 2 1/2 -hour hearing Monday morning, Devil Rays outfielder Elijah Dukes did admit under oath that he smokes marijuana. Judge Kevin Carey ordered Dukes to take random drug tests for marijuana.

We find it amusing that Dukes is accused of using illegal drugs, having a chronic drinking problem and threatening to kill his wife ... and yet the fact that he might have used steroids is the most damning charge that could have been levied at him. You dead, dawg.

Just When You Think You Know A Guy [Winning The Turnover Battle]
Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail [Deadspin]

"I know if I stayed with her I'd physically be in prison because she provoked me by hitting me. She done hit me across the head with a picture frame and everything. I hate that because I told my kids I would never go back to jail for no domestic violence."

Of course all of this did not go over well with the Devil Rays front office, who had a meeting with Dukes later in the afternoon to discuss his radio call-in habits. Another our our favorite excerpts:

"Just like the Bible says, If you know it's not true you don't have to say anything and I haven't been saying anything. But I will say something about this situation with my mom out my mouth, because everyone knows I do love my mom. And I am tough on my mom but I know for fact I never told nobody my mom smoked crack because that would be a lie on my behalf. She never told me and I never caught her.''

We believe we saw that embroidered on a pillow once.

The Dukes WDAE interview can be found here, and also at The Big Lead.

Dukes Lets Off Steam, Defends Self In WDAE Exclusive [WDAE 620]
Angry Dukes Sounds Off [The Heater]

The girl, expected to give birth Nov. 5, told investigators she and Dukes had consensual sex on the living room sofa. She said Dukes got angry when she and another person confronted him about the pregnancy. "Yeah, we sat down and told him and he got mad and threw a Gatorade at me," she told investigators.

The incident has prompted a state investigation into the foster home.

Well, what next? Time now to spin the big Elijah Dukes Anti-Social Behavior Wheel and watch it land on ... it looks like ... poaching endangered owls! Unexpected, we must say, even for him. But we're certainly looking forward to it.

Teen: Dukes Got Me Pregnant [St. Petersburg Times]
Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voicemail [Deadspin]

Dukes' wife, NiShea Gilbert, 26, a teacher at Beth Shields Middle School in Ruskin, told the court in another filing Thursday that her husband threatened to kill her and sent a photo of a handgun to her cell phone. She played the St. Petersburg Times a voice mail message she said was from Dukes:

"You dead, dawg," says an angry voice. "I ain't even bullshitting. Your kids, too."

The St. Petersburg Times also tells of the time that Dukes stormed into his wife's middle school, screaming at her to the point that she called a deputy, who banned him from the property. You have to admit, though, that Dukes' five-tool talents are prominently on display here: He'll not only kill her, but her kids too. Versatile, that guy.

Ballplayer's Wife: He Threatened Me, Kids [St. Petersburg Times]

It's all part of the Devil Rays' "Legends Of Wrestling Night" at the Trop tomorrow night.

Lucky Fans in attendance will receive tickets to Wrestlemania XXIV and upcoming WWE Raw, as well as WWE merchandise! Legend of Wrestling Night will include in-game interviews, post-game matches, and autograph signings with: WWE Hall of Famers Bret "The Hitman" Hart, Greg "The Hammer" Valentine, and the voice of WWE "Mean" Gene Okerlund. In addition, other WWE Legends like The Return of The Nasty Boys, Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake, and Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart. Players and Coaches will be involved in the matches.

Honestly, though, if someone doesn't suplex Raymond, we're going to be sorely disappointed.

Yeah, though, they're getting rather fired up about this.

Raymond [DevilRays.com]

All right, whether you're ready for it or not, baseball is starting Sunday night. (The Mets will watch the Cardinals raise their World Series title flag. The Cardinals won the World Series last year.) The full slate of games kick off Monday, so we figured it was time to start previewing some divisions. Three today, three tomorrow, with hopefully your predictions as well, because, as you all know, we're terrible at predictions.

Anyway, we're doing the AL today, starting with the AL East. Here's last year's predictions.

1. New York Yankees. Carl Pavano's winning 23 games and the Cy Young. And then he will never pitch again.
2. Boston Red Sox. Look, in that picture, Dice-K unleashes his new "levitation ball." So many cool things in Japan.
3. Toronto Blue Jays. Frank Thomas looks so weird in a Blue Jays uniform; not that he particularly looks all that great in anything.
4. Baltimore Orioles. If Sammy Sosa hits 40 homers this year, we do not blame Baltimore fans for whomever they decide to punch.
5. Tampa Bay Devil Rays. boom bitch.

So come on, everybody ... it's baseball season! Really!

You know, nothing is going to encourage kids to head out there and hit the books than an interactive reading session with Tampa Bay Devil Rays Shawn Camp and Rudy Lugo, particularly because each and every one of the kids is better at reading than Shawn Camp and Rudy Lugo. (Seriously, those SUPERSTAR ATHLETES appear to have been failed by the school systems. Really!)

Dream, kids: DREAM.

Yes, But Do They Like Green Eggs And Ham? [Rays Index]

And who was the winning bidder, you ask? Why, none other than Devil Rays president Matthew Silverman. That's right: The president of the Devil Rays officially bought himself a fan.

We have to say, this is the most proactive move we've seen the Devil Rays organization make — Silverman also donated another $1,000 to AIDS research — and now they have another blogger. We now have a new favorite baseball exec ... though we're not masochistic enough to follow the Devil Rays any closer because of it.

Ebay Charity Auction Won by MLB Executive [ArmchairGM]
Devil Rays Acquire The Rights Of Free Agent Blogger For $535 [Rays Index]
What Would It Take You To Blog About The Devil Rays For A Year? [Deadspin]