"I wanted to honor Tryson's name," Bryant said. "I didn't think it was very fair for his life to end so short. This is the best way, I believe that I could get out and honor him. I miss him. I wish he was here. But he was here with me. He helped out....

"I didn't want to have a bad game today," Bryant said. "I wanted to be focused to lift Tryson up, to put him in the spotlight. I was going to go 3-for-3 today. It didn't matter. I wasn't going to let anything screw up the day when I had the opportunity to acknowledge him again."

Here's a thought — what would have happened if Bryant missed those three field goals? Would it have been less heroic or an easy excuse for a poor performance? And would Bryant have been as willing to talk about it post-game? But was it even in Jon Gruden's best interest to use Bryant under those circumstances. Placekickers are wired differently than other NFL players and getting in the proper mindset is often what stands between success and unemployment. There was an emergency back-up plan in place if Bryant didn't want to kick. It's equally gutsy of Gruden to go with Bryant given those circumstances — both personally and professionally.

Thankfully, it worked out.

Matt Bryant's strength goes beyond the game [ESPN]
A Father's Heavy Heart [Tampa Tribune]

The Giants came out with throw after throw after winning the toss, and it eventually paid off with huge completion to Amani Toomer after the defense bit on the play-action fake. The aged John Carney finished off the Bengals with a 22 yarder for the 26-23 win.

For Tampa it was all Griese all the time, for better or worse. Fortunately in the end it proved to be for the better. The veteran playing in place of Jeff Garcia led the offense on an 80-yard touchdown drive at the end of regulation, capped off by a short touchdown pass to the league's preeminent douchebag, Jerramy Stevens. After stopping the Bears on the first possession of extra time Griese got the ball back in his hands. He came through with a 12 play, 90 yard drive that Matt Bryant finished off from 21 yards out. The Bucs won 27-24 in Chicago with the former Bear putting up a ridiculous line of 38/67 for 407 yards with 2 touchdowns and 3 interceptions.

Those 67 attempts are the most in Chicago history, and just three off of the NFL record set by a young Drew Bledsoe.

Mr. Mutoni will be back shortly with the late game updates.

The NFL season has officially started, so it's time to finish the impassioned season previews from various writers, bloggers, diehard fans, cooks, TV personalities, and numerous other walks of life whom consider football the only sport worth watching. Clearly, these previews will be running until, oh, the first round of the wild card playoffs based on how quickly they've been coming in. So, for the next few days, expect a lot of these. Actually, let's see how many we can get out in one day.

Today: The Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Your author is Josh Zerkle.

Josh Zerkle is one of the weekend contributors here, and also does his thing on KSK and occasionally for With Leather. He lives in the Palmetto State, home of the most overrated rivalry in all of sports, Clemson vs. South Carolina.

Only recently was I certain of how to spell Buccaneer (that's with two Cs and two Es), which might be all the blinding insight you'd need into a team that you'll probably never talk about, wager on, or even see on TV. But the NFL is one of those sports where if you follow one team, to some degree, you're following every team. So let's brush up on what makes this team relevant, both historically, and today.

—The Bucs had American sport's first openly gay mascot.

Say bonjour to "Bruce," as he was affectionately called when the expansion Bucs began play in 1976. And to ensure that Tampa Bay would be remembered as the Mecca for man-love, their uniforms were Some people called him "faggoty" and "a bad influence on hetero children everywhere," but he was proud! And, sadly, when the Buccaneers updated their uniforms in 1997, poor Bruce suffered a miserable and undeserved fate. Rest in peace, Bruce.

Some speculate that the real reason Tampa Bay changed uniforms was to make way for the league's first openly gay team — the Dallas Cowboys.

—The Buccaneers have a fucking pirate ship in their stadium!

Well, hang on. It's not a REAL pirate ship. It doesn't sail the stormy seas, it partakes in neither raping nor pillaging, and I'm quite certain that no timbers have been shivered to date. But it is 103 feet long, and the fake cannons on board fire when the home team scores. Still, it's not like the Cowboys have a replica of the Alamo in their new digs. That's because the Cowboys are neon-nightclub-flaming gay.

— The Buccaneers have players and coaches with whom you're actually familiar.

They signed head coach Jon Gruden to an extension in the offseason. They signed 362 quarterbacks in 2007, but all of them combined were still cheaper than Donovan McNabb. Out of that fray emerged Jeff Garcia, who completed 64% of his passes in the 13 games that he played.

And anyone playing fantasy football this year is by now familiar with the meteoric rise of Earnest Graham last season, with his 10 TDs in a 13-game span. Graham restructured his deal so that he received $1 million just for getting into camp. Oh, and his 2008 salary is guaranteed. Dexter Jackson, one of those speed demons coming out of Appalachian State, was taken by the Bucs in the second round of the draft, and he expects to contribute on offense and special teams right away.

—The Bucs won their division last year; they're good!

They did shit the bed at home against the Giants in the wild card round last year. But, as you know, that Giants team ran the table for their third Super Bowl victory just weeks later. The meat and potatoes of this team has returned for 2008 (plus they got rid of Chris Simms! Fist pump!) and they'll look to repeat as division winners in a relatively weak NFC South.

For many decades now, the state of Florida has been a haven for retirees looking to escape the unpleasant changing of seasons in the northern states. If you're a fan of one of the 29 teams that aren't located in the Sunshine State, or one of the other two that are, give this team some consideration for you time and attention.

Or you can watch the Dallas Cowboys up until they buttfuck themselves out of the playoffs in January. Your call.

The Tribune has learned Favre will not stand in the way of a trade from Green Bay to Tampa Bay and the deal is likely to be finalized within 24 hours. The chances of the trade unraveling are remote and Favre has indicated to the Bucs directly that he is willing to change teams after 16 years of growing his legend in Green Bay.

The Packers, unwilling to deal the 3-time league MVP to an NFC North rival, view the Bucs as a compromise in this ugly impasse. The Bucs view Favre as an upgrade on QB Jeff Garcia, who made the Pro Bowl in 2007 while leading Tampa Bay to an NFC South title.

Questions, questions. Who will be involved in the trade? Will it involve Jeff Garcia, who, after all, has the third-highest rating among active quarterbacks and made the Pro Bowl last season (replacing, ironically, Favre)? It was greatly due to Garcia's play — winning their division — that Gruden got a big contract extension. You know Garcia was sitting around a month ago muttering "Somehow I just know it's going to be me getting screwed here."

Anyway, welcome to the Matt Flynn Era in Green Bay.

UPDATE: Fox Sports says the Tampa Tribune story is untrue; and that it's really the Jets who are most in play. "Right now the Jets have a better deal on the table than the Buccaneers do,” Fox Sports' Jay Glazer said. “The deal the Jets are offering right now is so much sweeter than the deal the Buccaneers are offering.” But Glazer added that even though Favre is talking to the Jets, he so far simply hasn’t warmed up to the idea of playing for them.

Report: Favre On Verge Of Joining Bucs [Tampa Tribune]
Jets Make Best Offer; Are Favre's Last Choice [Pro Football Talk]

“[I'm] going to choke it to death until somebody pulls my grip off of it," Garcia told the assembled beat writers at his first day of training camp. He sounds serious. " If (Favre) comes in, as much as the accolades are huge on that side, I’m the starting quarterback, and it’s going to be a battle."

You kind of feel bad for Garcia, who, barring a couple bad seasons here or there (and Detroit purgatory), has always produced at this level, but still has to prove himself every season. Not only is he looking for a new contract from Tampa Bay, Garcia is also battling about 24 other quarterbacks at camp this year in addition to the threat of a Favre arrival.

But he's undeterred. And he knows that Jon Gruden is an unabashed quarterback whore, so he deals. “He loves quarterbacks. But he likes to just date. He doesn’t like to marry, " Garcia said at the press conference.

Jeff Garcia: perennial bridesmaid.

"Choke It To Death" [Atop The Crow's Nest]

The speculation about Favre heading to Tampa moved aroundplenty this week, but it has all been disregarded. (Of course) But if Farmer is to be trusted — and there's no reason not to at this point — it appears if Favre is going anywhere, it's the Bucs. For now.

Guess the conversations Favre has had with Gruden were all made on a pay phone.

Sam Farmer [Dan Patrick Show]

Is it just me or per capita do people get arrested more in Tampa than any other city? You'd think with a strip club like Mons Venus everyone would always be in a good mood. Sadly, that's not the case. The latest Tampa casualty? Bucs safety Donte Nicholson.

Yeah, I don't know who Nicholson is either. Nevertheless, after coming to the aid of his roommate (who falsely claimed to be a Bucs player) during the roommate's arrest, Nicholson was held on the ground and tased. Cue The Tampa Tribune:

When Nicholson refused to stay on the ground, the deputy fired a shot at him with his stun gun, Bordner said.

It didn't faze Nicholson, Bordner said. As Nicholson began to pull the electric probes from his body, the deputy reactivated his Taser, sending another jolt of electricity into Nicholson's body. That subdued Nicholson, who then was arrested, Bordner said.

Is there anything scarier than tasing someone and having them calmly start removing the electric probes? I think I would have run then.

Bucs safety Nicholson arrested after scuffle outside Pinellas club [The Tampa Tribune]

Seldom-Used Bucs’ Safety Donte Nicholson Proves His Worth: Impervious to Taser [The Big Lead]

Talib blew off his scheduled visit with the Cowboys last month. Mario Manningham blew the Cowboys interview off at the Combine. Now I hate the stinkin' Cowboys as much as any kid who grew up a snowball's throw away from Veterans Stadium, but since when do NFL prospects blow off the Cowboys? They're a glamour franchise coming off a great year, and their owner is one of the most powerful men in sports, a guy who drives a cement mixer filled with hundred dollar bills and will drop them in a player's driveway if he likes what he sees. What are these kids thinking? "Oh, Jerry Jones wants to talk to me, but I just bought Super Smash Bros. Brawl for Wii, and I can't go anywhere until I figure out how to beat Sonic with Samus."

Oh, Talib smokes grass. That explains it.

Talib's marijuana problems (he tested positive three times at Kansas) shouldn't surprise anyone. In many photos, the kid's a dead ringer for Snoop Dogg, though in fairness I should point out that Snoop is taller, probably tackles harder, and wouldn't be caught dead in a red Jayhawks jersey. KU coach Matt Mangino downplayed the pot allegations, saying that Talib is a guy "you'd have babysit your kids." Note that Mangino said Talib could babysit your kids, not his kids. For the record, Snoop is one heck of a youth-league coach, and I would trust my kids with him, if only because I'm sure Pharrell Williams would be doing all the work.

Talib may look like Snoop, but his role model is Deion Sanders. Sanders took Talib to lunch in early April and gave the kid some pointers: don't smoke pot, don't blow off Jerry Jones. Hopefully, Talib took the advice to heart. He has a Primetime-esque resume, with great quickness, hands, and return skills. He doubled as a receiver at Kansas and has loads of big-play ability. He also has some of Sanders' shortcomings: poor tackling skills, an ego that's visible from space.

Plus he smokes grass.

Talib seems like a bad fit in Tampa, where they expect cornerbacks to play close to the line and tackle running backs. Mike Jenkins and others are still on the board. But maybe Deion Sanders and Ronde Barber can take him under one wing each. Sanders is already threatening to "pick Talib's brain" on NFLN. Oh my.

The Eagles have traded down. The top 20 is over. The Joe Flacco selection press conference is imminent. Time for Mike Tanier to disappear. But not before self-pimping. Check me out on Football Outsiders, buy Pro Football Prospectus in July, chat with me live on Baseball Prospectus Monday at 3 PM, and look for me in "Leaf" the independent film about the legendary draft bust, which is playing Sunday night at 7:30 PM at the Broadway Theatre in Pitman, New Jersey. I'll be there, talking movies and talking draft!

Patrick Tribett of Ohio was nabbed for "abusing harmful intoxicants." Hey, at least he huffed in team colors. (That one was from The Smoking Gun, actually).

Mugshotdujour.com
It Ain't Just Paint [The Smoking Gun]

Mike Alstott made a ton of Pro Bowls as a fullback, a position he never really played, and is mostly notable for being one of those guys that broadcasters absolutely love beyond all rational understanding. You break a couple of tackles every once in a while, and no one notices your poor running stats and your inability to block.

But at least he's getting out while he can still stand.

This isn't really much of news either, if Alstott didn't retire this season there was a good chance his head would simply fall off. The long time fan favorite should have retired a long time, in 2003 he had a vertebrae removed from his neck, replaced with bone from a cadaver and had the entire thing fused with titanium. Alstott was the NFL version of Frankenstein

Tough guy, fantasy football vulture, inevitable FOX broadcaster. Mike Alstott will be hearing "BOOM .... BOOM" from Chris Berman in his ears for the rest of his life, and so will we.

Alstott Retires [Best Bucs Blog]

-Jeff Garcia had everything set up to capitalize on the Giants inability to put things away, but instead he threw a limp-wrist interception in the endzone. Nice job cockface.

-Tampa got the ball back and they still couldn't do anything with it. I'm starting to think that the NFC South isn't all that good a division.... checks Carolina's record ...yeah, it blows. Giants are back in control.

Fourth Quarter

-Ahmad Bradshaw is starting to find some running room of his own. I bet Terry is beginning to question whether or not he could have a distant black relative.

-TOUCHDOWN TOOMAH! These Giants are tough as nails!

New York 24 - 7 Tampa Bay

-I'm going to win another bet!!!

-And back comes El Jefe! TOUCHDOWN, ALEX SMITH! The vintage Jeff Garcia has arrived at the stadium, and not a minute too late, because the game's about to end.

New York Giants 24 - 14 Tampa Bay

-Bono can eat my ass.

-AND IT'S OVER! New York wins it and the Bucs have a quick trip back home to the golf course strip club. Three cheers for Eli Manning... if you're in to that sort of thing.

First Quarter

-We have a kickoff, and here comes Eli Manning! Buckle up and wait to see if he confuses Ronde for Tiki. My boy Tanard Jackson is sitting back at safety just waiting to put a hurt on somebody.

-White people be puntin'

-Sam Young just hit his head on the rim while blocking a shot. Football things happened.

-TOUCHDOWN TAMPA BAY! Ernest Graham and Jeff Garcia did nice work on that drive and the ex-Gator capped it with a short touchdown run.

Tampa Bay 7 - 0 New York

Second Quarter

-After a couple of worthless possessions the ball is back to New York. These Giants have yet to do anything of note. Eli has two completions for nine yards and Brandon Jacobs is putting up -1.33333333333333 yards per carry.

-AWKWARD TOUCHDOWN PASS, ELI MANNING! Elisha actually put together a pretty nice, albeit short, drive with the help of Amani Toomer's three catches. Brandon Jacobs took a dump off pass the final handful of yards to even things up at a touchdown apiece.

Tampa Bay 7 - 7 New York

-Meanwhile Pitt and Nova are tangled up in a Big East classic, I'd tell you the score but it's in lo-def and I no see good.

-The Giants have the ball and they're marching it right back down the field on the Bucs defense. Steve Smith just broke out into the open secondary for 21 yards.

TOUCHDOWN, BRANDON JACOBS! These Giants are not to be trifled with. Manning has caught fire (9 of his last 10 have been completed) and Jacobs is starting to run through people, including the great Tanard Jackson (who is now injured).

New York 14 - 7 Tampa Bay

-Now the Bucs really need to answer with a drive to end the half.

-Ramon just lost his handle in the waning seconds and 16th ranked Villanova took out a suddenly ailing Pitt team 64-63. DeJuan Blair and Sam Young were awesome, but they really miss Fields and Cook. Yeah, this weekend isn't going so well for my teams. I'll stop now.

-Well so much for the Bucs answering, for this half at least. The Giants get the ball back with a bit of time and to burn should they choose to go for the deathblow.

-Pussies.

Halftime!

Let's go to the predictions from around the Interwebs:

• Cool Standings: Giants.
• Football Outsiders: Buccaneers.
• Matt Pitzer: Buccaneers.
• Bill Simmons: Buccaneers.
• Michael David Smith: Buccaneers.
• Big Daddy Drew: Buccaneers.
• Dan Shanoff: Buccaneers.
• AJ Daulerio: Buccaneers.
• DEADSPIN: Giants. We think Eli Manning will save his late-game, back-breaking interception for the Packers.

Your thoughts?

According to the report, the dispute began when Renee Boston took her 2-year-old daughter for a short walk. When she was nearing her house, she saw David Boston in his vehicle pulling out of the driveway, leaving their 1-month-old son alone in the house. Police said Renee Boston was locked out, and she could hear their baby crying inside. She called David Boston, who said he was just driving around the block.

When he returned, the couple began to argue. According to police, David Boston became angry and threw a sofa cushion at his wife, hitting her in the face and nearly hitting the baby. When she called 911, he ripped the phone cord from the wall, according to the report. She took herself and her children upstairs, fearing for their safety, the report said.

Boston was arrested for felony false imprisonment for preventing his wife from calling 911, misdemeanor domestic battery, culpable negligence and resisting an officer without violence. He was released from jail Monday after a bail hearing.

I'm just wondering about the misdemeanor domestic battery. Is that what you get for throwing a cushion? Because if this is wrong, I don't want to be right.

Ex-Dolphin Boston Is Arrested In Domestic Dispute [Sun-Sentinel]
David Boston Is A Great Dad, Arrested [With Leather]
David Boston Celebrates Making The Bucs By Performing Stupid Human Tricks [The Buried Lead]

The thing about this division is that there are three teams who have the feel, to us, like ones that are going to implode this year. But they can't all implode, we suppose.

Some picks!

• AJ Daulerio: Saints, Falcons, Panthers, Buccaneers.
• Kissing Suzy Kolber: Saints, Panthers, Buccaneers, Falcons.
• Robert Weintraub, Slate: Saints, Panthers, Falcons, Buccaneers.
• Matt Pitzer, USA Today: Panthers, Saints, Falcons, Buccaneers.
• Aaron Schatz, Football Outsiders: Saints, Buccaneers, Panthers, Falcons.
• Sports Illustrated: Saints, Panthers, Buccaneers, Falcons.
• DEADSPIN: Saints, Falcons, Panthers, Buccaneers. No matter what happens, deep down, Mr. Mexico's problems might end up helping more than they hurt. Eventually. Long time from now.

As always, we know nothing.

Your author is Russell Levine, an editor for Football Outsiders. His words are after the jump.

—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-

I never knew a 4-12 season could be so liberating.

After nearly a decade of Sunday afternoon viewing appointments with my favorite team, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, marked by frequent yelling, throwing things and rocking back and forth in a fetal position on the edge of my couch, last season was blissfully drama-free.

It wasn't supposed to be that way. The campaign began with high expectations. The Bucs were defending NFC South champs. Chris Simms had come miles in his development. The defense, though aging, had been the league's top-ranked unit the year before.

Perhaps I should have known the optimism was a mirage when I praised Simms in last year's Deadspin preview only to have any and all commentary torpedoed by the revelation that he and Kyle Shanahan are ink buddies.

Yet their schedule seemed favorable, serving up a softy, Baltimore, in the opener. By halftime, it was 17-0, Ravens. By the gun, it was 27-zip. By Week 3, Simms was without a spleen, and the fans were actually happy about it. There was a brief flicker of hope when Simms's replacement, rookie Bruce Gradkowski, actually appeared competent, and Tampa looked like it might be able to make a playoff run in the putrid NFC.

But I knew. So complete was the domination in that opening loss that I shrugged my shoulders and accepted that the Bucs were going to stink. The worse they played, the more enjoyable my Sundays became, freed as I was from my typical three hours of torture while watching my team on NFL Sunday Ticket.

Oh, I still watched. Every snap, every game. Only now it was sometimes on a three-hour or three-day TiVo delay. My Sundays were blissfully stress-free. In a season in which my alma mater, Michigan, was making a run at a national title, my nerves needed the respite anyway.

One man who wasn't enjoying the Bucs' free fall was the head coach, Jon Gruden. He arrived as a conquering hero, a hard-ass who whipped nice guy Tony Dungy's troops into the fighting trim that carried them to a Super Bowl triumph in Gruden's first season, 2002.

Fast-forward five years, and Gruden is in desperation mode. Once one of the NFL's brightest coaching stars, "Chucky" is scrambling to save his job. As a result, the coach, along with the team's Official Rubber Stamper (aka, Gruden's hand-picked GM Bruce Allen), have been throwing money at any free agent they can find. And given that there are still a few NFL players who haven't had their fill of Mons Venus, they've had some success. Jeff Garcia, ex of the CFL, the 49ers, the Browns, the Lions, and the Eagles, arrived on the same day the team completed a trade for Jake Plummer, who has decided to retire rather than climb aboard the good ship Buccaneers. This coming mere weeks after Simms and his abdominal scar — the one that's reportedly affected his throwing so much, he's now third on the depth chart — were re-signed.

But Gruden wasn't done perusing the QB market. In mid-July, Daunte Culpepper arrived for a workout after being released by the Dolphins. Somehow, Gruden and Allen allowed him to remain on the scrap heap. They still have Gradkowski and a McCown brother to be named later. No word on if Y.A. Tittle and his walker will be in by the end of August.

Camp began with more ominous signs. On opening day, Gruden and Allen told defensive end Simeon Rice to take a pay cut or get cut. He chose the latter, which pissed off defensive leader and all-around good guy Derrick Brooks. He promptly tweaked a hamstring and was sidelined. Brooks is both a Hall-of-Famer in waiting and a civic treasure in Tampa, which might be the only thing that protects his job. Gruden and Allen have already felt the fan base's wrath after dispatching John Lynch and Warren Sapp and drastically reducing the role of fullback Mike Alstott. Messing with Mr. Derrick Brooks might be the final straw, especially as the Super Bowl memories fade.

Then again, free agency also brought the arrival of linebacker Cato June from the Colts, who only plays Brooks's position at weakside linebacker. June is a Pro Bowl performer from a Super Bowl champ, but this signing makes less sense than the trade for Plummer. June was a lousy safety at Michigan, and only made a million tackles in Indy because the rest of the defense stunk. He's too small to play the strong side or in the middle. Gruden probably doesn't have the juice to cut Brooks, but given June's contract, he'll play somewhere.

The guy who stands to lose playing time, Ryan Nece, is one of my favorite Buccaneers. Like Brooks, Nece is a tremendous community guy. Unfortunately, character mattered a hell of a lot more to Dungy than it does to Gruden, who has been busy turning Tampa into a home for wayward souls. The latest example is tight end Jerramy Stevens, whose drinking and dropped passes got him run out of Seattle.

Waiting to fight for playing time at third receiver is one David Boston, who has picked up a pair of major knee injuries, a steroids suspension and an assault charge since he was last a productive NFL player in 2002.

Bucs fans appear to be tiring of this team and its struggles. After winning the Super Bowl, the Bucs boasted a season-ticket waiting list of over 100,000 names. I know: I was one of them. I live in New Jersey, but figured the churn rate on 100,000 season tickets would probably carry into my retirement years. By the time I got the call, I'd be ensconced at Del Boca Vista.

I was only off by about 30 years. My number came up this offseason, less than five years after putting my name on the list. Since I'm not quite ready for the daily grind of shuffleboard, I'll have to pass for now.

At least my fellow Bucs fans who do attend the games will be able to drink themselves into unconsciousness if the team stinks again this season. As Deadspin readers know, a law was recently passed permitting hard liquor sales at Raymond James Stadium. The fans just might need it.

Not me. I'm taking the one of the few good ideas I've ever gotten from Bill Simmons to heart. I've still got one more year of stress-fee fandom thanks to the expiring five-year statute of limitations on fan griping following a championship.

When the season kicks off in a few weeks, I'll be hoping for the best and expecting the worst. My fellow stat geeks at Football Outsiders say the Bucs have a chance to make the playoffs. So what if this is the one team we can never seem to get an accurate read on? We thought they'd be at least a .500 club last year.

Still, a playoff run wouldn't be a complete shock, not with Tampa Bay's schedule (Hello, AFC South and NFC West). Not if Garcia can star in the role of Rich Gannon, the last castoff QB to thrive in Gruden's ridiculously complex short passing game. The competition in the NFC South isn't exactly stellar, either. New Orleans won't sneak up on anyone this year. Joey Harrington and David Carr could be the starting quarterbacks in Atlanta and Carolina, respectively, by midseason. Not exactly a murderer's row.

Sure, they'll probably melt down again and Gruden and Allen will probably get canned. Maybe the Bucs can bring back Tony Dungy. Whatever happened to that guy, anyway?

Yep, the Buccaneers aren't just for beer anymore: You can know inject the hard stuff into your eyeballs to your heart's content.

Football fans will soon be able to choose a cocktail instead of just beer or wine while watching the Tampa Bay Buccaneers from their seats at Raymond James Stadium. The Tampa City Council today gave preliminary approval to the sale of hard liquor throughout the facility, which holds more than 65,000 people. Liquor sales are allowed now only in the stadium's club seats and suites, which hold about 15,000 people.

Your realize this means this guy is gonna have access to tequila at 11 a.m. every Sunday this year. Please don't let them extend this to Oakland and Cleveland. We're begging.

Liquor To Flow At Raymond James Stadium [This Just In]

Gaines Adams revolutionized the "Bandit" position at Clemson. It was a tough job: he had to sack quarterbacks while driving a black Trans Am with Sally Field in the passenger seat.

Actually, the Bandit is just a right end who rushes the passer. Clemson has cool names for many of their defensive positions: the strong safety is a "Cat," one of the outside linebackers is a "Joker", and the fourth-string 3-technique tackle is the "Rabid Chipmunk."

Adams is a tremendous pass rusher, and the Bucs need a pass rusher, having sacked just 26 quarterbacks last year. He's also young, and the Bucs need youth on a defense that looks like a casting call for a Cocoon sequel.

Of course, Jon Gruden spent the off-season salivating over Calvin Johnson like a fat kid staring at a White Castle crave case. Gruden now has a case of Johnson envy. When you have Johnson envy, you have to consummate a trade, and the Lions (29 sacks last year) would love Adams . This, by the way, explains the appeal of the draft: it's all a giant double entendre for something really disturbing.

But it really is true; Jake's walking away. Even yesterday, when I mentioned a potential future in the Peace Corps, I didn't believe it would really happen. It is. He said so himself on The Jake Plummer Foundation's website.

First, I want to thank my family and close friends for their loyal support all these fun-filled, roller-coaster years, Plummer said. Second, I owe all of my greatest achievements in football to the men who stood by my side as my teammates and coaches. Football has been awesome to me in many ways. I leave the game with my health and happiness, and look forward to the future; I've got many rivers to cross."

Well, good for him, and I wish him all the best in his river-crossing adventures. I don't blame him for not wanting to spend the next few years bouncing around the league in a back-up role, each year listening to "Godammit, we signed Jake Plummer" reactions from the fans of every team with whom he signs. There might be better ways for Jake Plummer to spend his time.

Still, it feels like Jake Plummer's career should have come to an end with a little bit more drama... something like a 7-interception playoff game, or maybe punching Broncos owner Pat Bowlen in the stomach. It ends with a whimper, though, with unwanted competition from Jeff Garcia and a message on a website.

I feel cheated. This is your fault, Jay Cutler.

A Message From Jake [The Jake Plummer Foundation]

The Bucs yesterday continued to corner the market on middling QBs. With Chris Simms and Bruce Gradkowski already in the mix, they signed Jeff Garcia and traded for Jake Plummer. That's going to leave one of those gentlemen in the pitiable position of being cut in favor of whatever three guys they decide to keep. I don't know if the Bucs are any better today than they were two days ago, but they've certainly upped the number of different ways in which they can lose.

Much of yesterday/today's free agent money was spent on linemen. The Chargers kept Kris Dielman, the Bengals' Eric Steinbach jumped to Cleveland, and ESPN says that Dallas is coming to terms with Leonard Davis. All of these deals, by the way, are going to equal or exceed the deal that Seattle refused to give guard Steve Hutchinson last year. What seemed like a ridiculous deal just a year ago can be had by any old starting guard this year. Go figure.

Drew Bennett was signed to a big deal by the Rams, who feel like they need more help at receiver, instead of a frivolous luxury like, oh, I dunno... defense. Travis Henry was released by the Titans. They owed him $8.3 million if he stuck around. Word is that he's talking to Denver. The Lions signed pass-rushing defensive end DeWayne White to a 5-year, $29 million deal, despite the fact that he's started five games in three years. Andre Johnson re-upped with the Texans, Terry Glenn's sticking with the Cowboys, and the Patriots are expected to sign Wes Welker to an offer sheet.

Free Agency Roundup [FOXSports.com]

The Denver Broncos quarterback won't yield the fourth- round pick the team acquired in a trade Friday with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Instead, he'll embark on a future probably filled with extensive travel, quality time with his serious girlfriend and charitable work, maybe even the Peace Corps in retirement.

I don't know if it's something he's really considering; that's not a quote from Plummer or anyone close to him. If it's not serious, Plummer has become, to my knowledge, the first NFL athlete in history to use the Peace Corps in contract negotiations. If it is true, then I couldn't help but admire a guy leaving the NFL to go plant trees and dig irrigation ditches in a third-world nation.

At the same time, though, I'd feel like a prick if I was mean to Jake Plummer for nearly has entire career, and just decided to be nice to him when he retired... so I offer this advice to his Peace Corps superiors. Don't let Jake be the guy throwing bottles of water to thirsty children. They would surely be intercepted by rebel forces.

(UPDATE: That trade to Tampa Bay may have happened happened anyway.)

"You get your food poisoned," Sapp said at Raiders headquarters. "They don't want you out there on Sunday. You don't think about it. It just got crazy. I know it's real, especially in Philly, come on."

Sapp said that one time at a restaurant in Philadelphia, when their food arrived he switched plates with a teammate, and that night the teammate "was throwing up all the way to New York."

Sapp, who joined the Raiders before the 2004 season, said he has not had food poisoning after leaving Tampa Bay. "I've been good out here on the West Coast. I guess they're more liberal out here."

Ha, schizophrenia is always fun. But we do have to commend Sapp for bringing back the classics.

Sapp Says Tampering of NFL Players' Food 'Real' [MSNBC]

That said, last night's MNF game between Carolina and Tampa Bay was aggressively boring; we give credit for a yeoman's effort by ESPN to come up with a headline that said so without saying so: "Carolina gets win, but there's room for improvement." (Yes: Also, Tampa Bay lost, and there's room for regression. And footballs were thrown, but there's opportunity for them to be handed off as well.) When in doubt on what to write about following a Monday night game, we can always hit the old standby: The announcers. At The Fanhouse, The Mighty MJD contorts himself to write something some of us couldn't help but think: Joe Theismann is currently a stronger broadcaster than Tony Kornheiser. Ugh. We think we need a shower after typing that.

Carolina Wins, But There's Room For Improvement [ESPN]
The Kornheiser Chronicles: Week 10 [The Fanhouse]

That said, it's still football on a weekday, and we'll always take that. The Bucs' season looks pretty much over, but the Panthers have a chance to catch up with the Saints soon and make everyone forget about yet another rough early start.

So, as always, if you're sitting around tonight with some booze and want to make some friends, or just discuss old episodes of "Las Vegas," pop in and stroll around for a bit. We don't know who the celebrity guest will be either; maybe they'll bring back Christian Slater, just for giggles. Be safe out there.

Amazingly, Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb did this before Buccaneers kicker Matt Bryant kicked a 62-yard field goal — with room to spare! — to beat his team yesterday.

(We love McNabb ... but it sure does seem like he pukes a lot, doesn't it? He's like our teenage girl cousins, seriously. "No, Donovan, really, you're totally pretty!")

Donovan McNabb Pukes [The 700 Level]

It features Palmer playing "Deal Or No Deal," with Howie Mandel, and choosing the jersey number of Buccaneers players who proceed to pummel him. (At one point he appears to have a torn shoulder.) The animation is crude, the humor isn't really there and, uh, they're really pretty brutal to little animated Carson. All that's missing is Kimo von Oelhoffen slicing his knee with a cheese grater.

We, of course, love it and would like to see more like it on official team sites. Who wouldn't enjoy what flash animation the Eagles site would come up with for Terrell Owens? Maybe some Owens pill pong?

Buccaneers Flash Intro [Buccaneers.com]

Well, no matter what happens with the NFC South, we will always know they have the most adventurous cheerleaders. Nothing to turn up one's nose at.

• Robert Weintraub, Slate: Carolina, Atlanta, Tampa Bay, New Orleans.
• Peter King, Sports Illustrated: Carolina, Atlanta, Tampa Bay, New Orleans.
• Paul Zimmerman, Sports Illustrated: Carolina, Tampa Bay, Atlanta, New Orleans.
• Bill Simmons, ESPN: Carolina, Tampa Bay, Atlanta, New Orleans.
• Aaron Schatz, FootballOutsiders and Fox Sports: Carolina, Atlanta, Tampa Bay, New Orleans.
• AJ Daulerio, Deadspin Cultural Oddsmaker: Carolina, Tampa Bay, Atlanta, New Orleans.
• Matt Pitzer, USA Today Sports Weekly: Tampa Bay, Carolina, Atlanta, New Orleans.
• Michael David Smith, Football Outsiders: Carolina, Atlanta, Tampa Bay, New Orleans.
• Deadspin: Carolina, Tampa Bay, Atlanta, New Orleans. No, no, really, this is the year Ron Mexico steps up. Totally.

Who's got the fever for the flavor of prognostication? Go for it! Over the top!

We asked a gaggle of writers, from the Web, from print, from books, even a TV guy or two, to tell us, in as many or as little words as they need, why My Team Is Better Than Your Team. This is not meant to be factual, or dispassionate, or even logical: We just asked them to riff on why they love their team so much, or what their team means to them, or whatever. We will be running two a day until the beginning of the NFL season.

Right now: the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Your author is Russell Levine.

Russell Levine is a contributing editor at Football Outsiders. His words are after the jump.

—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—--

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers have been playoff contenders pretty much for a decade now — their six postseason appearances are tied for the NFL lead since 1997 — so it pains me to think there's a developing generation of NFL fans that knows absolutely nothing of the franchise's infamous past.

The Bucs have risen from two decades of mostly hideous football to win a recent Super Bowl, yet the scars from the early years run deep. Their history includes a dozen consecutive seasons with 10-plus losses, some of the ugliest uniforms of all-time and a mascot that struck fear in the hearts of interior decorators everywhere. Remember Bucco Bruce, aka "The Gay Blade?" You know, still single after all these years?" Bruce (for the proper effect, pronounce it with a lisp), a winking pirate with a giant feather in his cap and a big hoop earring and a knife in his teeth, looked like a cross between Captain Feathersword and a refugee from a Fire Island Halloween bash.

The Bucs' scars are my scars. I picked them as my team when I was seven — and they were darlings of the NFL. Little did I know that my first day as a Bucs fan — the 1979 NFC championship game loss to the L.A. Rams — would be the high-water mark for the next 18 years. I stuck with them through all of it, despite growing up in central New Jersey (in fact, my next-door neighbor was the same John Bolster who wrote the Dolphins preview yesterday). I wore my James Wilder No. 32 jersey proudly every Sunday. I drew pictures of Bucco Bruce in elementary school art class.

I came close to packing it in once; I think it was the Alvin Harper experience that nearly sent me over the edge. But the team was sold, and the new owner proclaimed a new era. He spent money, hired a coach with a clue (Tony Dungy), got a stadium built. And on January 26, 2003, the new, pewter Bucs kicked the crap out of the Raiders in the Super Bowl. I was there, sitting by myself in a sea of Raider fans at Qualcomm Stadium. I got choked up when it was over simply because of the price I and every other long-time fan had paid in emotional sweat and tears to be able to enjoy that moment. We, too, had worn the orange.

The owner who rescued the franchise, Malcolm Glazer, would rather we all forget the orange. Bucco Bruce hasn't seen the light of day since new uniforms were unveiled in 1997. During Thanksgiving weekend, NFL.com typically displays "throwback" logos for 31 of 32 teams: Tampa Bay is the lone exception. It's one of the reasons Glazer and his family (three sons are team executives) aren't beloved in Tampa, despite having delivered a Super Bowl to long-suffering fans. They're not exactly warm and fuzzy, either. I met another of the Glazers once and thanked him profusely for what the family had done for the franchise. He told me "I want you to have something," before reaching into his wallet and handing me ... a pocket schedule. Not exactly the invite to the owner's box that I was hoping for.

To be fair, Malcolm Glazer is currently recovering from a pair of strokes, so let me give him credit for a few things. He is the first man to sport the "beard but no mustache" look successfully since Abe Lincoln ... His acceptance speech of the Lombardi Trophy was the most awkward two minutes of television since "The Wonder Years" went off the air ... Oh, and he stuck it to Euros everywhere by buying up their favorite soccer club, Manchester United. Has your team's owner ever been hanged in effigy by 10,000 drunken, heavily tattooed soccer hooligans? Daniel Snyder can only dream.

Our owner may not be better than yours, but our coach sure is. Jon Gruden looks like Chucky, sleeps three hours a night and set an unofficial record for bleeps the last time he wore a mike during a game. His offense is so complex that "U Shift to Green Left West F Short Fire Two U Banana Z Over" is a three-yard slant. How's that for intimidation! Even our verbiage is tougher than yours.

Gruden is colorful, but he's got nothing on John McKay, the USC legend who was the first coach in franchise history. Once asked about his team's execution during a particular game, he replied, "I'm in favor of it." Then there was Sam Wyche, infamously caught by NFL Films describing his bladder infection to the opposing coach during pregame pleasantries. Before his final game with the Bucs, the lame-duck Wyche tried to send the team out wearing orange jerseys and pants — a monochromatic nightmare that not even the present-day Seattle Seahawks can match. As the story goes, a locker room mutiny ensued in which the team refused to take the field dressed like pumpkins. Thankfully, the players won.

Our history is better than yours, too. Yeah, the 1972 Dolphins went 17-0. Big deal. The Bucs have played 30 seasons without ever returning a kickoff for a touchdown. You tell me which is more impressive?

You want legacy? The Buccaneers are responsible for impeding the geographic knowledge of an entire generation of Americans. The team does not play in "Tampa Bay," which is a body of water. The city they call home is "Tampa." (For proof, check the dateline on all those news stories about Deadspin Hall-of-Fame nominees Renee Thomas and Angela Keathley). That's the Buccaneers: stifling the intellectual growth of kids everywhere since 1976. Gives them sort of a "burnouts smoking butts in the school parking lot" edge, don't you think?

All the history is nice, but when you get right down to it, these days this is a pretty good football team. Chris Simms no longer resembles the over-hyped college player who was good for four turnovers in every big game he played. Cadillac Williams was the rookie of the year last season. Joey Galloway is 34 and has two rebuilt knees, yet is still the fastest straight-line runner in the NFL. The defense can play a little, too, with studs like Ronde Barber, Derrick Brooks and Simeon Rice — who's as crazy as Darryl Dawkins, by the way. The coordinator, Monte Kiffin, is an old-school wizard whose "Tampa 2" scheme is all the rage around the NFL.

One final thing you should know about the Bucs. If you hate stat geeks, they're for you. At Football Outsiders, we run all kinds of complex stats and spreadsheets to tell you what's going to happen in the NFL. Yet the Bucs so confounded us in 2003-2004 — going 12-20 despite our predictions that they'd be a playoff team — that when our numbers said they'd be good again last year, we threw up our hands and said "uncle." Of course, they went 11-5 and won their division. The numbers say they're probably going 8-8 this year, but the Bucs are better than our numbers, and they're also better than your team.

You are football players. You are MEN.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Chris Simms had such a bond with receivers coach Kyle (son of Mike) Shanahan, with whom he played at the University of Texas. In fact ... they really have a bond.

Chris Simms and Kyle Shanahan became such good friends at the University of Texas that they have their initials tattooed on each other's lower leg. ... Both players remember when they went with three other close friends and UT teammates — tight end Bo Scaife, defensive back Rod Babers and receiver Montrell Flowers — to get their tattoos. "Kyle was a real wimp about it," Simms said

That's right: They have each other's initials tattooed on each other's lower leg. We're really not sure how to handle this information.

UT Friendship Leaves Mark On Simms, Shanahan [Houston Chronicle]

Meanwhile, on the football front, John Gruden has revealed that the Buccaneers' offensive unit is no longer using the name Halle Berry as an audible, and has now changed to Jennifer Aniston and J-Lo. Said Gruden:

Halle Berry? Let's be honest, she is a fox and our players never forget that one. That one's used up, so we're on to Jennifer Aniston, J-Lo and Pam Anderson. We like to use girls once in a while, but in the regular season we have our basic audibles that we'll continue to use.

Going For Bo [Cincinnati Enquirer]
Sound Off [Tampa Tribune]

• Mike Patrick just said the words, "An exciting muff."

• Redskins come up huge on a 4th and 1. They blitz like hell, something they haven't been doing a lot of, and force Chris Simms to lob up a prayer that turned out to be incomplete. Great call by Redskins defensive coordinator Gregg Williams, though I think Coach Janky Spanky could've come up with something even better.

• "Look at this defense, watch 'em penetrate the line of scrimmage. BANG! I mean— They just— Uh— All I can say is the penetration. They're penetratin'." - Paul Maguire.

• This is turning into one hell of an exciting game. Brian Kelly makes an exceptional interception, Chris Simms hits Edell Shepherd with a great pass, but he can't quite hang on to it, which ends up costing the Bucs a challenge and their last time out. Redskins take possession with 2:48 to play.

• I think we just saw a 14-yard-punt in an NFL playoff game. I said this was exciting. I didn't mention anything about it being particularly well-played.

• Oh, man. And this one's going to end with another interception and a tipped pass. Say what you want about the Redskins performance today; it wasn't an offensive masterpiece. But it was a road playoff win, and under any circumstances, that's impressive.

• Right before the Bucs score, Chris Simms steps up to the line of scrimmage at the Redskins 1-yard-line and asks the crowd for quiet. For about the next 10 seconds, Simms motions for the fans to quiet down as they just get progressively louder.

• Damn, even the NFL Network is taking shots at Drew Rosenhaus. They have a commercial showing a bunch of dudes making preseason predictions that now seem asinine, like "With Randy Moss out of there, it'll be smooth sailing in Minnesota." A guy with a banjo says, "Man, that Drew Rosenhaus... that guy knows how to manage his athletes."

• Paul Maguire on Jon Gruden: "They hit him with that bucket of water, Joe, and he almost drank the whole bucket. Hee Hee. He's tough enough to do it." Tough enough to drink a bucket of water? Okie dokie.

• Michael Pittman hits Sean Taylor in the face, and Sean Taylor gets a 15-yard penalty and is ejected. That makes sense. Oh, wait... Sean Taylor spit in Pittman's face. Okay, he deserves to be thrown out, and you know, you can't really blame Pittman for slapping his facemask. That is outstanding officiating by Mike Carey, and an absurdly stupid thing for Sean Taylor to do.

Our rooting interests in this first wild-card game is clear; nothing against the Buccaneers, but our hearts would sink if we really thought we'd seen Clinton Portis' act for the final time.

This is the first playoff game of the weekend, which means the smiling, welcoming face leading us into the playoffs will be Jon Gruden's. Plus, we should see that old clip of Chris Berman, when he was "skinny," catching a pass from a Buccaneers practice anytime now.

A roundup of picks from around the Web, including our own. Warning: Our picks are almost always wrong.

• Bill Simmons: Redskins.
• Daily Quickie's Instant Histrionics: Redskins.
• Harmon Forecast: Buccaneers.
• NFL Spam: Redskins.
• Onside Kicks: Redskins
• Peter King: Redskins.
• Paul Zimmerman: Redskins.
• DEADSPIN PICK: Buccaneers. Sadly.

(Give us your predictions and rationales in the comments, if you're up for it.)

The Buccaneers brass insists it was an accident and that no offense was meant to the Saints, who, uh, are slightly familiar with hurricanes. It is not known if during Bears games they play Sufjan Stevens' "John Wayne Gacy," if during Redskins games they show footage of the burning Pentagon and if during Bills games, they just show old clips from O.J. Simpson movies.

The best part about this: The Bucs say the song is just part of their typical cheerleader routines. Hey, Tampa: Update the ole' playlist, OK?

Song Offends Some Bucs Fans [Tampa Bay 10]

I don't even know if I can watch the second half. Every time their graphic changes at the top of the screen, everytime they update the down-and-distance, everytime the little snowplow drives across the top of the score, I'm getting sleigh bells jammed into my ear. Fellas, we know it's Christmas. We get it. I caught on after the 348th jingle of the bell. Christ. It is the most irritating thing about their football coverage, and this is a network that employs Terry Bradshaw.

The Patriots lead 21-0 at the half, and I hope it gets worse so I can stop watching and avoid further punishment.