Series Schedule
Game 1: Wednesday, October 22, 8 p.m. Philadelphia at Tampa Bay.
Game 2: Thursday, October 23, 8 p.m. Philadelphia at Tampa Bay.
Game 3: Saturday, October 25, 8 p.m. Tampa Bay at Philadelphia.
Game 4 : Sunday, October 26, 8 p.m. Tampa Bay at Philadelphia.
Game 5 (if necessary): Monday, October 27, 8 p.m. Tampa Bay at Philadelphia.
Game 6 (if necessary): Wednesday, October 29, 8 p.m. Philadelphia at Tampa Bay.
Game 7 (if necessary): Thursday, October 30, 8 p.m, Philadelphia at Tampa Bay.

SEVEN THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE RAYS-PHILLIES SERIES

1. Remember The Thunderdome! Back before the Cowbells, or even before the Devil Rays, Tropicana Field was born, alone, empty, abandoned straight out of the womb. St. Petersburg built the stadium — then known as the Florida Suncoast Dome — in 1990, in hopes of getting the White Sox to come to town. When that didn't work, they tried an expansion team; Miami and Denver got them instead. So, it was unused until 1993, when the NHL's Lightning played there. (That's when it was called the Thunderdome.) In the 1996 playoffs, more than 28,000 people saw the Lightning, which is more than the Rays' average any season other than 1998, their debut. In 2003, they averaged 13,158 fans, a number that's lower than the number of fans my Illini got for a end-of-December, with the students home for the holidays, loss to Tennessee State. (I know: I saw it.)

2. Aw, But For 1993. Even for those dopey mulleted Midwesterners out there who might have been turning 18 during the 1993 NLCS, the 1993 Phillies were instantly likable. (And no one even had any idea yet that Darren Daulton was hurtling through time and space!) Everybody had their favorite player; I'm sad to say that mine was, yes, John Kruk. Here's something I didn't realize about that NLCS, though; the Phillies won in six games but were completely outplayed. That somehow makes their win mean even more. Unfortunately, they lost the World Series to a team from Canada, and the World Series was so upset that it took the next year off.

3. Jamie ... She Used To Be My Girl. Not to harp on Jamie Moyer here — I think I've mentioned him in every Phillies preview — but, as Jonah Keri points out, Moyer's debut in the major leagues when Evan Longoria and David Price were less than a year old. Hopefully, Carlos Pena and Carl Crawford will take a wrong turn at Daulerio's apartment: The two lefthanded hitters have hammered Moyer throughout their careers. That Game 3 Moyer start reeks of big trouble; it would behoove the Phillies to get a split out of the Trop, at least.

4. Famous People! Every good World Series matchup breakdown needs to observe the time-honored tradition of comparing the two cities famous residents. And by "famous residents," I mean "people who got the hell out of town at the first opportunity." So, let's go to it!
Tampa: Tony LaRussa, Nick Carter, Ray Charles, Randy "Macho Man" Savage.
Philadelphia: Noam Chomsky, R. Crumb, Dick Clark, Bill Cosby, Richard Gere, M. Night Shyamalan, Bob Saget, Will Smith, Rev. Jeremiah Wright.

I think we have a clear winner.

5. Mayor Bets! Speaking of silly World Series traditions, the mayors of St. Petersburg and Philadelphia did one of their I'll give you this if your team wins, and you'll give me that if mine does things. If the Phillies win, St. Petersburg mayor Rick Baker gives up "coconut shrimp from Cha Cha Coconuts at The Pier, stone crab claws from Clearwater's Frenchy's restaurant, Cuban sandwiches from the world-famous historic Columbia Restaurant in Ybor City, commemorative championship label Cuesta-Rey Centro Fino Cortez Cigars from the J.C. NewmanCigar Company, and key lime pie from the Fourth Street Shrimp Store in St.
Pete." If the Rays win, Philadelphia mayor Michael Nutter gives up "Philadelphia cheesesteaks, delicious Tastykakes, Philly soft pretzels, mac-n-cheese from Delilah's Southern Cafe and a Rocky statue." So, look for the winning team's mayor to drop dead of a heart attack within a week of the Series' final game.

6. Let's Get A Good One This Time. Jayson Stark is right: We haven't had an awesome World Series in quite some time. I'd argue that this one was the best possible World Series (note the time on that post, by the way; I'd been up all night), but, you know, it would be fair to classify me as somewhat biased. Anyway, yeah: The last great one was in 2002, when the Rally Monkey killed Barry Bonds. This one has the feel of one that'll be far more fun.

7. For Crying Out Loud, It's The World Series! So what if you hate the Phillies? So what if you don't know anything about the Rays? It's the World Series, people! Woo-hoo!

PREDICTION
It's going to seem strange to have a nail-biting, insane Game 7 of the World Series in a dome, but we're headed there. Rays in 7.

Oh, Cardinals won two out of three from both these teams this year. Let me have that.

Series Schedule
Game 1: Friday, October 10, 8:30 p.m. Boston at Tampa Bay.
Game 2: Saturday, October 11, 8:30 p.m. Boston at Tampa Bay.
Game 3: Monday, October 13, 4:30 p.m. Tampa Bay at Boston.
Game 4 : Tuesday, October 14, 8 p.m. Tampa Bay at Boston.
Game 5 (if necessary): Thursday, October 16, 8 p.m. Tampa Bay at Boston.
Game 6 (if necessary): Saturday, October 18, 4:30 p.m. Boston at Tampa Bay.
Game 7 (if necessary): Sunday, October 19, 8 p.m, Boston at Tampa Bay.

SEVEN THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE RAYS-RED SOX SERIES

1. Boy Fights! Yeah, yeah, everyone on TBS — which, surprisingly, is the network broadcasting this series; Red Sox fans are finally spared Tim McCarver — will be hyping these teams' "intense" fight back in June. But it's still pretty cool that in the American League Championship Series, there's a palpable sense that people will start punching each other. (This certainly would have jazzed up last year's dull NLCS.) Let's just hope that if a big fight does break out, we don't get pundits tsk-tsking These Darned Athletes Today. Come on! Fights are fun! They're not punching us!

2. Don't Expect Cowboys-At-Buzzsaw-Esque Crowd Proportions. Amusingly, Kurt Warner and Ken Whisenhunt are actively begging Buzzsaw fans not to sell their tickets to well-oiled Cowboys fans. This sort of dynamic has led several Red Sox friends think they're going to have some sort of home-field advantage at the Trop. Don't count on it. The Rays easily sold out the first two games of the ALDS, and the Trop was louder than anyone who has ever seen one of their 8,000-fans specials might suspect. This is not going to be Fenway South.

3. Grant Balfour Is &#;*@ing Awesome. One of the biggest fear any sports fan has is that they care more about the outcome of a particular game than an individual player. This is not an issue with Rays reliever Grant Balfour, who violently curses himself out any time he so much as throws a pitch a couple of inches outside. Do not watch this man pitch with someone who is deaf and overly sensitive to torrents of profanity.

4. Where The Hell Did This J.D. Drew Come From? Before coming to the Red Sox, J.D. Drew had appeared in postseasons for the Cardinals, the Braves and the Dodgers. He went .246 (albeit with his fair share of walks) and generally looked like the same dispassionate, "I'd Rather Be Preaching Somewhere Oh Jeez I Think I Hurt My Hammy Again" vacant stare fans of those teams (and the Phillies, of course) had come to know and loathe. And then the guy goes to Boston and turns into Mr. Clutch. Infuriating.

5. Start Coming Up With Excuses For Your Boss Right Now. Game Three of this series will be played at 4:30 Eastern Time at Fenway Park on Monday. (Sussman, to the live blog!) This is happening Friday with the NLCS Game Two, but it's still worth noting that if the stock market explodes again next Monday, there will be no one manning the store.

6. Two In A Row. If the Red Sox can end up winning the World Series, they will become the first team to win consecutive World Series since the Yankees won three in a row from 1998-2000. The Blue Jays won in 1992-93, and the Yankees in 1977-78. The last National League team to win two World Series in a row? The Reds, in 1975-76. This is Jayson Stark, for ESPN.

7. All Together Now: Holy Crap, Tampa Bay Is Four Games Away From The World Series! Back in 2007, I asked RJ Anderson of D-Rays Bay to preview the Devil Rays' season. He wrote: "So what does being a Devil Rays fan mean? Well, your team is constantly under attack by most naive media members who paint the team as hopeless and talentless, the management as "clueless," and the fans as "none" ... and that's just from some local media members. The Rays may call Tampa home, though they play in neighboring St. Petersburg, but really there are a larger majority of New York Yankee and Boston Red Sox fans here than for the local Rays." This is probably still true, but, man, Rays diehards like Anderson really have earned this, haven't they? Here's the D-Rays Bay post from the other evening: "Fiddle me this, fiddle me that, thank you Rays for this appearance of Monsieur J. Fiddle Cat. I hope this day never ends." Congratulations. Let's see how long this can keep going.

PREDICTION
This hurts me more than it hurts you. Red Sox in five.

Series Schedule
Game 1: Thursday, October 2, 2:30 p.m. Chicago (Vazquez) at Tampa Bay (Shields).
Game 2: Friday, October 3, 6 p.m. Chicago (Buerhle) at Tampa Bay (Kazmir).
Game 3: Sunday, October 5, TBA. Tampa Bay (Sonnanstine) at Chicago (Danks).
Game 4 (if necessary): Monday, October 6, TBA. Tampa Bay at Chicago
Game 5 (if necessary): Wednesday, October 8, TBA. Chicago at Tampa Bay.

SEVEN THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT THE RAYS-WHITE SOX SERIES

1. It's Nice That Carl Can Make It. For years, the only reason anyone has even noticed Tampa Bay has been when someone in your fantasy league drafted Carl Crawford in the first round. (Doing this has never, ever led to a league championship.) Now that the Rays are actually in the playoffs — Tampa Bay! In the playoffs! Holy crap! — it would be a shame if Crawford weren't back in time from his hand injury. But good gnus! He's on the playoff roster and is expected to start Game 1 Thursday. After six fruitless years at the Trop, he's certainly earned this.

2. That's Not Griffey, Not Really. Hey: I love Ken Griffey, you love Ken Griffey, everybody loves Ken Griffey. (Particularly when he gives hecklers jock straps.) But, despite his barely-made-it assist at home plate Tuesday night, this is not the Ken Griffey we have known. Because he doesn't take steroids, Griffey is aging like a normal person, and he hit .249 this year with just 18 homers. (Three with the White Sox in 131 at-bats.) He posted his worst slugging percentage since his rookie year, when he was 19 years old. It's still nice seeing him here, though; it's his first postseason game since 1997, and he has never reached a World Series.

3. OZZIE. Pretty much every Ozzie Guillen moment is brilliantly entertaining, but, as you might expect, I still love the Jay Mariotti feud. Guillen famously called Mariotti a "fag," and, somehow, in this day and age, Mariotti ended up being the one people hated more afterwards. (It is Mariotti, after all.) My favorite parts? 1. When Guillen's hairdresser came out to defend him as not anti-gay. 2. Guillen's "apology:" "If I hurt anybody with what I called him, I apologize, but I wasn't talking about those people. I was talking strictly about [Mariotti]. I will apologize to the people I offended because I should have used another word. Besides that, I'm still waiting for Jay. Why he's so afraid to show up to the ballpark? When you're afraid to do something, you feel guilty about something. Then tell him we'll pay his cab. Tell him to tell us where he lives, and we'll bring him to the ballpark and we'll have a conversation. But that's the way he is. He's garbage, still garbage, going to die as garbage. Period."

4. Seriously, Now: The Rays Have No Fans. It's impressive, and worthy of lauds, that the Rays have sold out their playoff games. But let's be straight here: The Rays, as nice a story as they are, still don't have very many fans. Despite the most exciting season in team history (by far) and a team that's relentlessly fun to watch, the Rays finished 26th in attendance, behind Cincinnati, Toronto and Washington. They averaged 22,259 fans a game, which is almost as many people as the Dean Smith Center holds. Everybody's happy for the theoretical Rays fan who has loyally supported the team for years and is finally being rewarded. If that person exists. Because I don't know of one. And I suspect you don't either.

5. They Have A Sweet Team President Though. It was only a year and a half ago that blogger Matthew Stiles auctioned off his team loyalty on eBay. The bidding reached $535, and the winner was ... Rays president Matthew Silverman. Seriously: He actually bought himself a fan. I have to say, Silverman definitely deserves this year to have happened.

6. THIS IS JI
JIM THOME. If you haven't been introduced to the brilliance of Jim Thome on The Dugout, god, get yourself over there, immediately. My favorite is still the one where Thome shows up on "Oprah."

7. The Devil Rays Are In The Playoffs. Seriously, guys: THE TAMPA BAY RAYS ARE IN THE PLAYOFFS. They even have home field advantage! They beat the Red Sox and the Yankees. The brain melts.

PREDICTION
Oh, man, do I ever believe. And hey, Mets fans, look ... it's Kazmir! At least he gets to pitch in the playoffs. Rays in four.

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I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call "previews". I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering have I said something stupid, am I boring, am I writing too much, are you reading enough? I'm not really interested. But I think you might be interested. So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to insert a joke? Do I have to wait for the end cause then it's awkward, it's like well 'piss-off'. Do you do like that poop joke? Where you like, you laugh like this and snot comes out because you don't want your boss to know you are reading Deadspin. Or do you just go right in and tell the inappropriate OJ joke? Or no joke at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called "just the Tampa Bay Rays". Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, "ouch, ouch my eyes hurt."

*Will sets Rays preview in corner*

Watching the 2008 Tampa Bay Devil Rays will be like watching Natalie Portman in "Beautiful Girls." You know she is going to be hot when she grows up, but part of you wonders if it is OK to look at a 14-year-old that way. And when she does finally grow up and she is even sexier than you imagined, there is a part of you that still sees the 14-year-old and it makes you feel a little guilty. And yet, you can't wait for the Tampa Bay Rays first nude scene...Wait...What was I saying? Nevermind...
Ladies and gentlemen, these are not your older brother's Devil Rays.

The first ten years of the franchise were bad ... really bad. So the new ownership decided changes needed to be made. They cowered to the delicate sensibilities of a few old people in the St. Pete area and dropped the Devil. GM Matt Silverman recently said of the name change "We're no longer the bottom feeding fish...We're much more about the energy of the sun." That's right. The team that plays in a dome now has sunshine for a mascot.

Along with the name change came new uniforms, which were unveiled in a ceremony that lasted longer (2 days) than the Red Sox World Series celebration (1 day) and featured the musical styling of Kevin Costner. It could have been worse. We could have been subjected to Tom Petty reenacting his role in "The Postman" ... Green is out. Dark blue, Carolina Blue and Yellow are in. The team's logo has now been spotted on more semi-celebrity douchebags in the past month (1) than the previous 10 years combined (0). This is not to be confused with semi-celebrity butt-lickers (Dick Vitale) and semi-celebrity fake athletes (Hulk Hogan). We are still debating whether or not this is an upgrade.
The changes didn't stop there. Gone are Delmon Young and his shoulder-mounted bat launcher along with Elijah Dukes and his sperm . And...wait for it....wait for it...the team actually spent money. The Devil Dogs gave long-term contracts to Carlos Pena and James Shields and signed free agents Troy Percival and Cliff Floyd. Of course, between the two, they are 186 years old, have two healthy knees and 8 saves since 2004.
The addition of Percival, as well as several others, means the bullpen, which was statistically one of the worst in the history of baseball, has gone from "I think they just sharted on the mound" to "they give me Irritable Bowel Syndrome". And according to the Bill James Bible, IBS is worth 5.5 wins in the standings.
Random Joke: What is the difference between a Red Sox fan and a Yankees fan? Who cares. Fuck 'em both.
The Rays also added Matt Garza and Jason Bartlett (via the Dick Bat-Tosser trade). Garza joins Scott Kazmir and James Shields to form the top young rotation trio in baseball. They should be joined shortly by two of the Rays seemingly endless supply of top pitching prospects, which includes Jake McGee, Wade Davis and the top pick of the 2007 draft, David Price, among others.
Bartlett should be an upgrade at both shortstop and in the significant-other department over Ben Zobrist. Bartlett, along with the move of Akinori Iwamura to second base, will vastly improve one of the worst defenses in baseball, but Bartlett is going to have to hit better in 2008, if he is going to hold off baseball's top shortstop prospect, Reid Brignac, in 2009.
With all these off-season changes, our heads are spinning, and there are still a number of questions to be answered about the 2008 Tampa Bay Rays sans Devil...
1. Will Edwin Jackson (think Nuke LaLoosh) or Andy Sonnanstine (El Duque's Caucasian brother from another mother) step up and give the Rays one of the best starting rotations in baseball, or are they just place-holders for the above-mentioned prospects? Magic 8-Ball says: Nuke is a big pile 'o poo, but The Duke will be a serviceable innings eater that will win 10-12 games.
2. Can the bullpen back-enders Troy Percival and Al Reyes stay healthy all year? Magic 8-Ball says: Is this a serious question?
3. Will super-prospect Evan Longoria, be the second-coming of David Wright? Magic 8-Ball says: The Dirtbag can do it all! He can hit, hit for power, field, cure cancer, bake, babysit your kids and end the suffering in Darfur.
4. Will we ever reach a point when Rays fans won't panic when they read headlines like THIS? Magic 8-Ball says: Enjoy the 64 kazillion Eva Longoria references in 2008.
5. Will scientists act in time to combine Joel Guzman (power, defense) and Willy Aybar (OBP) into the perfect baseball player? Magic 8-Ball says: We are still years away from enjoying Jolly Guzbar. In the meantime, they both suck.
6. Can Carlos Pena repeat his 2007 performance? Magic 8-Ball says: Pena was a part-time player for first month of 2007. He will have more lineup protection 2008. He has learned to use the whole field. He is in his prime and is a better hitter now than he was 4-5 years ago. You do the math, asshole.
7. Will the Rays be able to sign Scott Kazmir to a long-term contract? Magic 8-Ball says: The Rays are trying to have the same sustained success as the Twins and the A's and that means occasionally they will need to trade their young players when they get expensive. After the Twins gave $486 zillion to Johan Santana, the Rays have a better chance of winning the 2008 World Series. The question is not if the Rays will trade Kazmir. The question now is when.
8. If the Rays win more than 70 games and do not finish in last place, will the time equilibrium be disrupted? Magic 8-Ball says: If Lyle Lovett can sleep with Julia Roberts, anything is possible. Not only will the Rays win more than 70 games in 2008, they will win more than 80 and will actually play meaningful games in September. Seriously. And no, I am not that drunk.
The Tampa Bay Rays will be a team to reckon with in the very near future. I don't give a rat's ass if the Spankees and the Pink Hats keep the Rays in third place five of the next six years. Making the playoffs with a $150MM payroll is like banging a drunk ugly chick. It's easy. And it will never be as pleasurable as having a threesome with your girlfriend and Natalie Portman, which is what it will feel like that one year the Tampa Bay Rays do win the division.
Will 2008 be the Year of the Tampa Bay Devil Dogs?.............O LOOK! CAKE!

The Rays will indeed have the promised "major entertainment star" on hand Nov. 8 when they unveil their new look at Straub Park in downtown St. Pete. I initially wondered about the wording of that, since you figure they'd just call a band a band. Now I get it. The star in question is indeed major—Kevin Costner—but he also happens to have a band. Who knew?

Anyway, the St. Pete shindig will begin at 6:30 p.m., immediately following the fashion show (beginning at 5:30) that will serve as the official debut of the Rays' new uniforms. Fireworks will follow [Costner's "band"'s] set at 8 p.m. The fashion show is scheduled to include current Rays players and coaches along with the likes of Wade Boggs and Fred McGriff.

We don't imagine it took much persuasion on the part of the Rays. "Hey, Kevin, if you show up in St. Pete, you can wear a baseball uniform and we'll let your crappy band play. That work? Oh, no, you don't have to come until November. What? Oh. You're here now? That's you knocking? Well, jeez, come on in then."

f You Unveil It, They Will Come [DRaysBay]

Or, at least, enough to drive a man to drink, rear end a batboy and try to take off when police are chasing.

Authorities say Hickey rammed his pickup into the back of another pickup driven by the D-Rays' batboy just outside of Tropicana Field. Although the batboy pulled his car over, an undercover cop saw Hickey drive off.

The plainclothes policeman followed Hickey to Interstate 275, where he radioed fellow officers about the vehicle. Police soon stopped Hickey, but they had to drag him out of the car after he wouldn't come out voluntarily. Hickey also struggled with the cops before he could be cuffed.

There may be no better metaphor for life as an employee of the Devil Rays than smashing into a bat boy and having to be dragged out of your car. Go D-Rays!

Devil Rays Coach Arrested [Sports By Brooks]

(UPDATE: Here's his mugshot, via The Smoking Gun)

Yes, the Devil Rays, as you know them, are gone. They are now the Tampa Ray Rays. Because the devil is evil.

Here are the new uniforms. We ask then, again, who will go down in history as the greatest Devil Ray of all time? Probably Carl Crawford, though we bet Wade Boggs will try to make some sort of claim.

Tampa Bay Devil Rays To Become Tampa Bay Rays [SportsWrap BeRecruited]
Rays Unis Leaked [DRays Bay]

That is to say: What if the Giants had actually moved to Tampa like they were originally supposed to. The Sporting Orange flashes back to 1992, when the Giants were this close to moving to St. Petersburg. Owner Peter Magowan ended up outbidding the Tampa group, and the team stayed in the Bay Area. And we missed the opportunity of seeing Bonds hit 80 homers a year at the Trop.

True, Bonds probably would have never signed his big contract with the Tampa team, considering the history he and his family had in San Fran. But it's a funny thought, and we'll take solace in knowing that it could have been worse.

What If...Barry Bonds And The Tampa Bay Devil Rays [The Sporting Orange"

Apparently, Dukes smokes weed every day — which, frankly, might not necessarily be a bad thing — and is doing steroids.

NiShea Dukes, testifying in divorce proceedings, accused her baseball-player husband of smoking marijuana daily and using steroids. Although steroids use remained in question at the end of the 2 1/2 -hour hearing Monday morning, Devil Rays outfielder Elijah Dukes did admit under oath that he smokes marijuana. Judge Kevin Carey ordered Dukes to take random drug tests for marijuana.

We find it amusing that Dukes is accused of using illegal drugs, having a chronic drinking problem and threatening to kill his wife ... and yet the fact that he might have used steroids is the most damning charge that could have been levied at him. You dead, dawg.

Just When You Think You Know A Guy [Winning The Turnover Battle]
Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voice Mail [Deadspin]

"I know if I stayed with her I'd physically be in prison because she provoked me by hitting me. She done hit me across the head with a picture frame and everything. I hate that because I told my kids I would never go back to jail for no domestic violence."

Of course all of this did not go over well with the Devil Rays front office, who had a meeting with Dukes later in the afternoon to discuss his radio call-in habits. Another our our favorite excerpts:

"Just like the Bible says, If you know it's not true you don't have to say anything and I haven't been saying anything. But I will say something about this situation with my mom out my mouth, because everyone knows I do love my mom. And I am tough on my mom but I know for fact I never told nobody my mom smoked crack because that would be a lie on my behalf. She never told me and I never caught her.''

We believe we saw that embroidered on a pillow once.

The Dukes WDAE interview can be found here, and also at The Big Lead.

Dukes Lets Off Steam, Defends Self In WDAE Exclusive [WDAE 620]
Angry Dukes Sounds Off [The Heater]

The girl, expected to give birth Nov. 5, told investigators she and Dukes had consensual sex on the living room sofa. She said Dukes got angry when she and another person confronted him about the pregnancy. "Yeah, we sat down and told him and he got mad and threw a Gatorade at me," she told investigators.

The incident has prompted a state investigation into the foster home.

Well, what next? Time now to spin the big Elijah Dukes Anti-Social Behavior Wheel and watch it land on ... it looks like ... poaching endangered owls! Unexpected, we must say, even for him. But we're certainly looking forward to it.

Teen: Dukes Got Me Pregnant [St. Petersburg Times]
Elijah Dukes Is Not Subtle About Voicemail [Deadspin]

Dukes' wife, NiShea Gilbert, 26, a teacher at Beth Shields Middle School in Ruskin, told the court in another filing Thursday that her husband threatened to kill her and sent a photo of a handgun to her cell phone. She played the St. Petersburg Times a voice mail message she said was from Dukes:

"You dead, dawg," says an angry voice. "I ain't even bullshitting. Your kids, too."

The St. Petersburg Times also tells of the time that Dukes stormed into his wife's middle school, screaming at her to the point that she called a deputy, who banned him from the property. You have to admit, though, that Dukes' five-tool talents are prominently on display here: He'll not only kill her, but her kids too. Versatile, that guy.

Ballplayer's Wife: He Threatened Me, Kids [St. Petersburg Times]

It's all part of the Devil Rays' "Legends Of Wrestling Night" at the Trop tomorrow night.

Lucky Fans in attendance will receive tickets to Wrestlemania XXIV and upcoming WWE Raw, as well as WWE merchandise! Legend of Wrestling Night will include in-game interviews, post-game matches, and autograph signings with: WWE Hall of Famers Bret "The Hitman" Hart, Greg "The Hammer" Valentine, and the voice of WWE "Mean" Gene Okerlund. In addition, other WWE Legends like The Return of The Nasty Boys, Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake, and Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart. Players and Coaches will be involved in the matches.

Honestly, though, if someone doesn't suplex Raymond, we're going to be sorely disappointed.

Yeah, though, they're getting rather fired up about this.

Raymond [DevilRays.com]

All right, whether you're ready for it or not, baseball is starting Sunday night. (The Mets will watch the Cardinals raise their World Series title flag. The Cardinals won the World Series last year.) The full slate of games kick off Monday, so we figured it was time to start previewing some divisions. Three today, three tomorrow, with hopefully your predictions as well, because, as you all know, we're terrible at predictions.

Anyway, we're doing the AL today, starting with the AL East. Here's last year's predictions.

1. New York Yankees. Carl Pavano's winning 23 games and the Cy Young. And then he will never pitch again.
2. Boston Red Sox. Look, in that picture, Dice-K unleashes his new "levitation ball." So many cool things in Japan.
3. Toronto Blue Jays. Frank Thomas looks so weird in a Blue Jays uniform; not that he particularly looks all that great in anything.
4. Baltimore Orioles. If Sammy Sosa hits 40 homers this year, we do not blame Baltimore fans for whomever they decide to punch.
5. Tampa Bay Devil Rays. boom bitch.

So come on, everybody ... it's baseball season! Really!

You know, nothing is going to encourage kids to head out there and hit the books than an interactive reading session with Tampa Bay Devil Rays Shawn Camp and Rudy Lugo, particularly because each and every one of the kids is better at reading than Shawn Camp and Rudy Lugo. (Seriously, those SUPERSTAR ATHLETES appear to have been failed by the school systems. Really!)

Dream, kids: DREAM.

Yes, But Do They Like Green Eggs And Ham? [Rays Index]

And who was the winning bidder, you ask? Why, none other than Devil Rays president Matthew Silverman. That's right: The president of the Devil Rays officially bought himself a fan.

We have to say, this is the most proactive move we've seen the Devil Rays organization make — Silverman also donated another $1,000 to AIDS research — and now they have another blogger. We now have a new favorite baseball exec ... though we're not masochistic enough to follow the Devil Rays any closer because of it.

Ebay Charity Auction Won by MLB Executive [ArmchairGM]
Devil Rays Acquire The Rights Of Free Agent Blogger For $535 [Rays Index]
What Would It Take You To Blog About The Devil Rays For A Year? [Deadspin]

Well, we're just more than a month away from the start of baseball — spring training is here! — so it's time to do the same thing in the baseball world. Every weekday until the start of the season, a different writer will preview his/her team. We asked a gaggle of writers, from the Web, from print, from books, to tell us, in as many or as little words as they need, Where Their Team Stands. This is not meant to be factual, or dispassionate, or even logical: We just asked them to riff on why they love their team so much, or what their team means to them, or whatever.

Today: The Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Your author is R.J. Anderson.

R.J. Anderson is a senior columnist at D-Rays Bay and long time resident of Tampa, and is currently writing a book detailing the Chuck Lamar - Vincent Naimoli era. His words are after the jump.

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"Rebuilding the Dream." Such was the 2006 Tampa Bay Devil Rays' theme; hopes were high and seats were (surprisingly) full come the home opener, and why not? Things began to look up for the cellar dwellers of the American League East, not since the team's inception had the slate been so completely clean.

And so that's why the 2006 season was such a disappointment; new owner Stuart Sternberg took over and for the most part did everything an owner dealing with the 'Devil Dogs' could do: He raised spirits, shook hands, allowed free food, and kissed babies.

Andrew Friedman and Gerry Hunsicker teamed up as the 'general manager,' though the team doesn't officially have a position called that, and revamped the entire organization. Mainstays like Aubrey Huff and Toby Hall were traded, among others, and what began the year as a mid-ranked farm system grew into the best in baseball by season's end. 2006 in a nutshell was just a transition year from the eight years of terror and destruction the former owner, Vincent Naimoli, and general manager, Chuck 'Chuckles' Lamar put upon the team and it's fans.

So what does being a Devil Rays fan mean? Well, your team is constantly under attack by most na ve media members who paint the team as hopeless and talentless, the management as "clueless," and the fans as "none" ... and that's just from some local media members. The Rays may call Tampa home, though they play in neighboring St. Petersburg, but really there are a larger majority of New York Yankee and Boston Red Sox fans here than for the local Rays.

The team is now entering its 10th season of existence, an amazing feat considering we're probably going on jersey change number three come 2008. From rainbow warriors to green and white stingers to probably blue rays (insert Playstation 3 joke here), the new ownership is willing to do anything to break that stigma that the team will always be losers, and that is why 2007 is so important, and quite possibly, the turning point in Devil Rays history.

The team made some drastic changes last year to wipe its hands of the previous regime. To begin with, the dome was cleaned, free parking was installed, outside food was allowed inside and a touch tank with cownose rays was installed in mid-summer. The team made plenty of trades during the season, including dealing away the Rays two most successful closers, Lance Carter and Danys Baez, before the season for Los Angeles Dodgers' prospects Edwin Jackson and Chuck Tiffany. All and all the team would make 8 trades, three of which came with the Dodgers.

The Rays went through four different closers; incumbent closer Chad Orvella struggled under direction of pitching coach Mike Butcher (who left after the season), leaving the team to use Dan 'Mallet of God' Miceli for the first few weeks of the season as the closer. One Miceli went down to injury, the Rays traded minor leaguer Carlos Hines to the Giants for Tyler Walker, who recorded 10 saves, leading the Rays all year with basically a month of work. Walker would also get hurt and lead to Brian Meadows (yes, that Brian Meadows) closing until September.

In the field the team would only be able to depend on left fielder Carl Crawford; every other position either had injuries or just poor play for the first half of the year. Rocco Baldelli returned for the final 90 games and actually outplayed everyone on the team in that time, showing he not only could bat leadoff, but could actually improve his much criticized on base skills by drawing four walks late in the season against the Red Sox. The other part of the outfield trio would be a mixture of Damon Hollins, Russ Branyan, Greg Norton and Joey Gathright for most of the season until uber-prospect Delmon Young was called up and immediately showed the potential that Rays' fans have salivated over since he was selected first overall in the 2003 draft.

Jonny Gomes got off to an amazing start, leading the AL in homeruns, until he injured his shoulder in May and struggled to do much more than pop-up, finally getting shoulder surgery, many think Gomes could hit 35-40 homeruns annually, and for all purposes is the Rays' version of Nick Swisher.

B.J. Upton struggled all year at shortstop and, after the Zobrist trade, was moved to third base, where he would play in the Majors from August 1 on, committing his share of Web Gems and errors alike. Rumors spread during the off-season about a potential trade or at least a position change for Bossman Junior, though it appears he'll be the Rays' Chone Figgins, playing second base, shortstop, and third base, and possibly the outfield.

On the mound all five of the opening day rotation members (Scott Kazmir, Mark Hendrickson, Casey Fossum, Seth McClung, and Doug Waetcher) were either inactive, not Rays, in the bullpen or in the minors come September.

The 2007 team appears to be exponentially better than the team that took the field in 2006, and manager Joe Maddon's future rides on that opinion becoming fact. Maddon signed a two-year deal in November 2005, with two club option years, both of which must be executed at once. If Maddon's team shows improvement over the 61-101 record from last season, it's very possible he sticks around for the remainder of his deal; if somehow the team underperforms that low standard, well, Maddon shouldn't stick around to see the results. Bench coach Billy Evers was actually 2-0 with two walk-off homerun victories last season while Maddon attended the graduation of his girlfriend across the country. (Seriously.)

The fact that Maddon used 140 different lineups last year doesn't bode well either, though with all the injuries and trades that can't be completely pinned on him. Another one of the questionable parts of Maddon's game is his usage of the bullpen; it is a hope that former Houston Astros' pitching coach Jim Hickey will help out as he takes over for the departed Butcher who was, literally, a butcher. (Note: Not literally.)

The offseason came with a few simple promises to the fan base: The team would upgrade the infield defense, improve the bullpen, no longer trade major league players for minor leaguers and that Carl Crawford was "untouchable," At least three of those promises were upheld, the infield defense is vastly improved with Iwamura, who won five gold gloves in Japan, and Brendan Harris who is a decent enough defender. The bullpen was addition by subtraction as Travis Harper and Brian Meadows were released, though some balked at the idea of bringing in Scott Dohmann, we can only hope he is a camp body. Crawford wasn't shopped around, and the team did none of that veterans-for-prospects dealing. Seventy-fiver percent isn't too bad.

Also this offseason, the front office put in new turf, a new video board, began to put plans into action to redo the outside of 'The Trop,; and recently leaked the idea that beginning in 2008 the team would be called by only the moniker 'Rays' rather than 'Devil Rays', and would perhaps feature a new logo with base colors of blue and yellow.

So, 2007 ... the year the Rays come out of the cellar for the second time in their decade long history? Perhaps. The year the Rays win 72 or more games, setting a franchise record? Maybe. Come April 2, Scott Kazmir on the mound at Yankee Stadium against the vaunted Pinstripers, we'll begin what should be, if nothing else, the most fascinating and perhaps exciting season in D-Rays' history.

Anyway, he played for the Homestead Grays in 1913, the New York Lincoln Giants in 1926 and the San Francisco Giants in 2005.

Simmons held that old sepia photo of the 1913 Homestead Grays for those long 20 seconds, he gradually decided that one face did ring a bell. He fixed on it and pointed his weathered hand at the player sitting in the middle row, second from the right. He said nothing as he pointed.

Who is that? he was asked.

"That's Si Simmons," he said.

Really? Was he sure?

"That's me," he declared. "Oh, we had good times."

What's the secret to Simmons' longevity? He watches Tampa Bay Devil Rays games. Honestly: That's pretty much the last thing on earth we would have thought would keep someone alive.

Baseball's Oldest Old-Timer Opens a Window [New York Times]

• 1. Young Love. The White Sox beat the Devil Rays 12-9, as Chicago supplanted Minnesota as the leader in the AL wild-card race. But we were more interested in watching bat-tossing wunderkind Delmon Young, who went 2-for-3 in his major league debut for Tampa Bay. And what a debut ... in his first major league at-bat, Young was booed, and then drilled in the back/left arm on the first pitch by Freddy Garcia. So what, Ozzie Guillen was pals with the minor league umpire whom Young hit two months ago (for which he drew a 50-game suspension)? Young knocked a home run in his third plate appearance.

• 2. Goodbye, Happy Streak. Jason Lane had plenty of offense in his bat (a pinch grand slam in the eighth), but Willy Taveras went 0-for-3, ending his hitting streak at 30 games. Anyway, the Astros continued their futile inspiring NL wild card bid with a 10-3 win over Milwaukee.

• 3. Oh Love! Oh Life! There Is No Life, But My Love Is Dead!. We are not even amused by the prospect of saying "Dan Uggla," because, you know, he homered and drove in four runs as the Marlins won their ninth straight, beating the Cardinals and The Rotting Corpse Of Mark Mulder, 9-1.

• 4. Barry Ball. Blasphemy in Atlanta! Hammerin' Hank set the all-time home run record here, and now Barry Bonds hit stwo home runs — his first multi-homer game since 2004 — to come within 28 of the mark. Sadly, te Giants forgot to win, losing 13-8.

• 5. Von Ryan's Express. Attention citizens of Philadelphia: Ryan Howard has tied Mike Schmidt. Repeat, Schmidt is no longer the sole single-season home run lead ... hey! Who threw that thermos?!

The Tampa Bay Devil Rays are seeking outgoing, energetic, and enthusiastic individuals to work in a PART-TIME capacity during regular season games. Our Role Players are responsible for driving awareness and encouraging fan participation in various alcove activity areas. These interactive areas have been created to enhance the overall fan experience at the stadium.

Note: When you apply for this job online, you will be required to answer the following questions:
1. YES/NO: Do you enjoy talking to people you have never met?
2. YES/NO: Do you have a general knowledge of baseball?
3. YES/NO: Do you consider yourself very outgoing?
4. YES/NO: Do you understand that this is a part-time position?

Interestingly enough, this is exactly the interview process manager Joe Maddon puts all his new players through.

Role Player: Tampa Bay Devil Rays [Baseball Jobs]

You know, we continue to find it amazing, in this day of MLB Extra Innings and MLB.tv, that any television announcer would speak freely during the commercial break. Dude: There's a microphone on you. Someone's going to hear.

Anyway, WBRS Sports Blog has fun footage from yesterday's Tampa Bay-New York game, as our heroes babble on about stadium music, The Voice Of The Yankees and, of course, hot chicks in the stands. Well done, gentlemen.

Tampa Bay Broadcasters Caught! [WBRS Sports Blog]

• 1. Grand Theft Crawford. Ah, stealing home. It brings to mind Jackie Robinson, and that unwatchable movie starring Mark Harmon and Jodie Foster. Oh, and Carl Crawford. How great is it that the Devil Rays' Crawford began plotting his theft of home on Wednesday the night before the game? He noticed that Curt Schilling pitched from the stretch when Crawford was on third, and in the fourth on Wednesday, Jason Johnson also tried it, and Crawford struck. He made it home easily. Tampa Bay has won three straight over Boston, including Wednesday's 5-2 win, as Crawford stole three bases overall. He leads the A.L. with 32 and is the eighth player in major league history with 200 steals before age 25. Crawford also had two singles.

• 2. Big Stein Smells A Pennant! (Or Could It Be A Calzone?). After using up all of their offense in Tuesday's 19-1 win, the Indians watched the Yankees get revenge, 11-3, on Wednesday. Call it Melky Cabrera day in Cleveland, as the Yankees' rookie got his first career grand slam in New York's eight-run fourth.

• 3. Mmmmm, Walk-Off Single ... On the day following the big Coney Island Nathan's International Hot Dog Eating Contest, how could we not report on the Milwaukee Brewers? We mean, what other team gives you this? Plus, the Brewers' ninth walk-off victory of the season, and 16th win in their last at-bat, 6-5 in 13 innings over the Reds. It was Rickie Weeks' single that did it.

• 4. Why Your AP Baseball Writer Sucks. OK, you be the judge. Good newspaper writing, or horrific reach? Josh Fogg walked out of the clubhouse wearing a camouflage T-shirt. It was appropriate attire given the way he disguised his pitches during the Colorado Rockies' 5-3 win over the San Francisco Giants on Wednesday. Please cast your ballots now. But do not include any write-in comments on how, after nearly half the season is over, absolutely nothing has been decided in the NL West, where four teams are within a game of each other, all hovering near .500. We are aware that this division leaves something to be desired.

• 5. He Hates Meeces To Pieces. Bobby Jenks, who sounds like he sould be chasing Pixie and Dixie rather than pitching in the American League, nonetheless struck out the final three batters in the ninth — after giving up three straight singles — to earn the save as the White Sox beat the Orioles 4-2. If our math is correct, that leaves Chicago one-half game behind first-place Detroit in the Central.

Young was asked how difficult the suspension was for him. Young does not even answer. He just shakes his head and rolls his hand as if to indicate to move on to the next question. He's asked if he learned anything from the suspension. Young responds by saying "That's the same question" and again rolls his hand to indicate to move on to the next question. ...

Later on, Young was asked about his relationship with the manager and coaches, and Young responds that he "keeps his distance" from the coaches. He also indicates that he has not spoken to the manager or coaches since the incident because he doesn't need to "socialize on past events." At the end of the interview, [the interviewer] thanks Delmon for sitting down with him, and, best we can tell, Young does not respond at all, except to take off his mic and walk away. [The interviewer] then can be seen looking towards his producers with a shrug of his shoulders and a very telling look on his face, that seems to display a bit of anger or annoyance. According to reports, Young's attitude was much the same when he met with reporters on the field. He snapped at several reporters for asking questions they shouldn't ask and even for brushing his leg with a microphone chord.

We don't mean to imply that maybe there's just something going on with the Young family, but ... boom bitch!

Prodigal Son Returns [Rays Index]
Dmitri Young's Rehab Experience [Deadspin]

So, here's your modern-day equivalent: Why, Duquette, Why?, a new blog devoted to loud laments about the legendary trade of Scott Kazmir by the Mets for the self-destructed Victor Zambrano. Here's what you can find there.

What does Scotty KKKKKKKKKKK (yeah, that's right 11!) do to help us with our pain? I'm beginning to think he not only hates the Mets organization for trading, but that he hates all Met fans too. As if he needs to torture us with his greatness to prove a point.

If you love pain — unending, stretching throughout the next decade pain — this is the blog for you.

Why, Duquette, Why?,

(By the way, the first fantasy baseball league we ever played in was called "The Ernie Broglio Memorial League." Two-thirds Cardinals fans, one-third Cubs fan. A happy time, that was.)

We've never been to a game at Tropicana Field in Tampa, home of the Devil Rays, but we always imagined it would be like visiting an enormous Wal-Mart right before it closes. Gawker Media fly-in-the-ointment Andrew Krucoff visited the Trop on Wednesday and filed this brief, but very funny report just for us. Enjoy A-Rod doing the twist, the saddest autograph line and much more. We totally need to see a game in Tampa.

(CREDITS: Shot by Andrew Krucoff and starring his friend Mike Robb, aka "Fungo" of The Farmhands, baseball's greatest rock band.)

No one has found video of the incident yet, and the radio broadcasts describe a less violent attack that some of the newspaper reports have shown. But Raystalk has a firsthand, eyewitness account of the incident, and though it might not have been as violent as people feared, it's certainly going to warrant a healthy suspension.

Now I want you all to understand exactly what happened here. I saw it was a toss. He tossed the bat. He didn't hurl it. He didn't exactly throw it. He didn't fling it. He certainly didn't draw back and take a full cut at the umpire. It wasn't a violent act. It wasn't intended to cause harm, what Delmon did. But it was deliberate. It was calculated. And, although not violent, it was certainly malicious.

Young can expect a healthy suspension, which should delay his trip to the major leagues. Though, considering this is the Devil Rays, that could end up being a blessing.

Saw It With My Own Eyes [Raystalk]
Delmon Young Sticks Up For Striking Umps [Rays Index]
Delmon Young K's, Goes Crazy [Dan's Take]

(UPDATE: Here's audio of the broadcast.)

• 4. Can't Stop The Big Red Machine. Speaking of 4-0, in Cincinnati, everything is coming up Bronson. Arroyo threw a one-hitter over eight innings as Cincinnati claimed a 5-0 win over haplesss Washington; the Nationals officially achieved hapless status when President Bush signed an order on Tuesday in the Rose Garden. But that's just temporary.

• 5. Bonus Dick Cheney Reference Inside!. And here it is, the Forced Lead of the Month Award, which this month goes to the Associated Press, via MSNBC. We believe it goes something like this: "Josh Bard could have used a fishing net or a spear, maybe even a shotgun. Anything to help in his hunt for Tim Wakefield's levitating knuckleballs would have been helpful." Thank you, Tom Withers. Anyway, Jhonny Peralta's three-run homer and catcher Bard's four passed balls led the Indians over the Red Sox 7-1.

* = Pujols leads the majors with 29 RBI.

Well, be ready, folks, because the "More Cowbell" sketch is officially tipping into exhaustion: The Tampa Bay Devil Rays are hoping to make "More Cowbell" the next Rallly Monkey.

The short clip - a snippet of an April 8, 2000, Saturday Night Live skit that ranks among the show's funniest - made its way to the videoboard opening night, and soon will become a Tropicana Field staple, with plans to make it the Rays' version of the Angels' now-legendary Rally Monkey. ... "The clip is drop-dead funny," owner Stuart Sternberg said. "It gets funnier and funnier each time. We'll bring in other bits, but I'm hoping this one becomes our - and the fans' - signature."

In general, we would be supportive of a baseball owner being a fan of the "More Cowbell" sketch; it's difficult to imagine, say, Steinbrenner or Reinsdorf being into Will Ferrell. But this is the Devil Rays. It seems more likely than not that they will kill the sketch, along with the careers of Ferrell, Walken and pretty much anyone involved in comedy whatsoever.

Rays Tales [St. Petersburg Times]

• 1. They Will Get You To The Final Four. Pitcher Shawn Camp is a proud graduate of George Mason University. But he showed none of that Basketball Mojo in his first season with the Devil Rays last year. Here's what the team site has to say about him: "Although Camp has good stuff, he failed to put everything together for most of the season. A middle reliever, he showed improvement during September. Left-handers hammered him for a .407 average." When your own team site uses terms like "hammered," that's bad.

• 2. They Will Never Get Scurvy. The official Devil Rays team site is cracking us up. Here is their bio information, in its entirety, on pitcher Jesus Colome: "Is the youngest of eight children ... Sold fruit as a youth in his native San Pedro de Macoris."

• 3. Don't Accept Their Challenge To A Basketball Pickup Game. It's A Trick! Pitcher Mark Hendrickson (6-foot-9, 230) played four seasons in the NBA with the 76ers, Kings, Nets and Cavaliers, from 1996-2000, averaging 3.3 points and 2.8 rebounds in his 114-game career (better than us). He was a career 80.2 percent free throw shooter (way better than us), and was a two-time All-Pac-10 center for Washington State.

• 4. They Are Beloved By Jimmy Fallon Fans (Both Of Them). The Devil Rays have never made the playoffs, but have seen them vicariously in the movies. In the film Fever Pitch, the scene in which Drew Barrymore runs across the field to where Jimmy Fallon is sitting, near the Red Sox dugout, was filmed after a game between the Red Sox and Devil Rays, with about half the crowd staying after to be extras. The September 16, 2004 game was won by Boston, 11-4.

(Tomorrow: The Arizona Diamondbacks)

Obviously, the landscape of the American League East obviously changed dramatically yesterday, but we're gonna go ahead and try to forecast matters anyway. It's hard, but we must tredge forward, regardless. We must stay strong. Some bad predictions:

1. Boston Red Sox. We kind of have a feeling Manny Ramirez is going to knock in 160 runs this year. Plus, Coco Crisp raps.
2. New York Yankees. What if A-Rod turns out to be great in the clutch and the Yankees still don't make the playoffs? Who dies then?
3. Toronto Blue Jays. A.J. Burnett is already hurt. This is going to be ugly.
4. Tampa Bay Devil Rays. They're out of last! They're out of last!
5. Baltimore Orioles. We would raise them a spot of Brian Roberts would change his first name to "Bip."

So, you got thoughts on this? We bet you do. Bring it, in the comments.

• 1. Julio Lugo is a dick. The perpetual fantasy sleeper shortstop was arrested in April 2003 for spousal abuse, after she accused him of punching her in the face and slamming her head into the windshield of their car. She later modified her story at trial, where Lugo was found not guilty. The prosecutor, frustrated by the story reversal, said, "How sad is it to hear a woman say over and over, 'I hit myself with the truck. I provoked him. It was my fault.'"
• 2. The name is the problem. The team is considering changing its name from the "Devil Rays," saying "Devil" has a negative connotation. Well, only when "Rays" is added.
• 3. They're as current as ever. Going against every trend in baseball, the Devil Rays do not have a general manager. New owner Stuart Sternberg says he considers the position "outdated."
• 4. They're honest. On the Devil Rays Web site, the team's logo features the words "Under Construction." Runner-up, we presume: "Excuse Our Mess."

(Tomorrow: San Francisco Giants)

The Tampa Bay Devil Rays announced yesterday that they are changing their team name after this season because of the negative connotation of the word "Devil." (Oh, poor Tampa, as if that's the only problem.) The team doesn't know if it will just be called the "Rays" or will change their name entirely. We think it would be funny if they changed it to "Yankees," just to make George Steinbrenner extremely confused every time he wakes up in the morning.

A Devil Ray By Any Other Name... [Baseball Musings]

Pinella's time in Tampa will ultimately be an amusing footnote in both his life and the D-Rays', who, ironically enough, are primed for a breakout with a new manager. Pinella will take a new job — in the Bronx, perhaps? — and his tenure will seem like Pete Rose playing for the Expos, or Joe Gibbs coaching under Daniel Snyder. We'll all just forget that it happened, even though it was often so, so fun.

Mission Accomplished [Drays Bay]
Pinella Officially Sets Season On Fire [Deadspin]