With Boston's 5-4 loss to Baltimore on Tuesday, the Rays moved a half-game ahead of the Red Sox to record another historic first: both Florida teams are in first place at the same time in May. The Marlins (also 23-16) lost to the Reds, 5-3, but are still 1 1/2 games ahead of the Phillies in the NL East. J.P. Howell III (3-0) went two scoreless innings for the win. Rays bloggers are whistling Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah out of their asses, as Clark Griswold would say.

• Wedge Politics. Cleveland got seven hits one night after manager Eric Wedge ripped his hitters for poor preparation at the plate. The Indians are now a half-game out of first in the AL Central after Paul Byrd and two relievers combined for a 4-0 win over the Athletics; Cleveland's fourth shutout in seven games. Ryan Garko did the honors on offense with a three-run homer.

• Fire Millen? Time to check in on the Tigers, who at 16-23 are last in the AL Central. Tuesday's 3-2 loss to the Royals gives Detroit a 2-8 record over its past 10 games. Kansas City's Jose Guillen, who was hitting .165 on May 5. has gone 10-for-18 since then, with five doubles, to raise his average to .216. He had a two-run double on Tuesday.

• Big Unit Playing Out The String. Randy Johnson didn't look so hot and lasted only five innings, but it was enough to get his 287th career victory, 8-4 over the Rockies. Stephen Drew's three-run homer was the big blow. Johnson (3-1), who gave up four runs on nine hits, left the clubhouse without talking to reporters. What an all-around pleasant fellow.

• Down In Old Napoli, That's Amore ... Jered Weaver, he of the 7.02 ERA, suspended his general suckiness of late to throw a one-hitter over seven innings in the Angels' 2-0 win over the White Sox. Mike Napoli's sacrifice fly in the eighth was all the offense needed.

• Wizard Cat Defensive Player Of The Day. Grady Sizemore, Cleveland Indians. One of two tremendous plays by the Clevelanders on Tuesday (second baseman Asdrubal Cabrera had the other), center fielder Sizemore — who owns two cats — makes this diving catch with no outs in the sixth off the bat of Oakland's Kurt Suzuki. Wizard Cat gives this catch: Four wands.

Contact Wizard Cat at wizardcat@live.com.

Baseball Prospectus was raving about the Rays at the beginning of the season, but you got the sense even they didn't quite believe it. We must salute those long-time Rays bloggers who have been dutifully documenting this team and, maybe, perhaps, who knows, could actually be rewarded this year. Predictably, they're trotting out the Bad News Bears references.

Five games over .500 is uncharted waters for the Rays, but why stop there? The earth isn't flat and we're not going to fall off if we surpass 5 games over. Let's hope that our team plays with chips on their shoulders, rather than listen to ESPN/Fox or any other fairweather media outlet who have started to toot Tampa Bay horns because the Rays have a better record than the Yankees. (Ed. Note: We haven't the slightest idea what you're referring to!) Last time out, when we had our 3-game sweep of the Red Sox, we had a day off and my only guess is that the team listened to all the BBTN positive remarks and they were quickly brought back down to earth on the Tuesday game.

I know a few posters here were alive when the original "Bad News Bears" movie was out in theatres, or was played on TV, and Walter Mathau's character was reading the schedule of the games up ahead. Next up is the Yankees, what does it mean for the Yankees?? Bad news for the Yankees!!!

We can't help but cheer for the Rays all week. Not just because they're playing the Yankees, of course. This sort of optimism is so rare in Tampa that it would be devastating, we think to see it extinguished so quickly.

The Bad News Rays [Drays Bay]

The ad, is turns out, is for something called the Indiana Jones Legend Sweepstakes, which is not linked to the schedule pictures themselves. I didn't discover the site until typing "MLB," "Indiana Jones" and "money-grubbing whores" into a search engine. They make some tenuous tie-in between "baseball's living legends" and the new movie Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. As I understand it, you go to the site and sign up with all of your personal bank information to possibly win two tickets to see Baby Mama somewhere in Mexico. So there you have it: Movie ads in your baseball schedules. Has a man no refuge at all?

Oh well. It must be a relief for Jamie Moyer to look at the schedule and see someone older than himself.

• Could This Be The End For The Rays? I knew that this was a disturbing omen. Once terrifying and deadly, the scourge of the sea, it seems that the rays have just given up. Scott Kazmir returned for the Tampa Bay, but was cuffed around by the Red Sox on Sunday, exiting in the fourth inning of Boston's 7-3 win. Kevin Youkilis had four RBI for the winners. It completed a three-game sweep for the Stockings, who were swept by the Rays in their previous series.

• Jason Isringhausen Is Haunted By Your Derision. Jason Isringhausen was booed back to the stone age on Friday when he gave up a game-tying two-run, ninth-inning homer to the Cubs' Alfonso Soriano (The Cardinals went on to win, 5-3 in 11 innings). But on Sunday the closer dispatched the top of the Cubs' order in the ninth, the Cards winning 5-3. Albert Pujols had a two-run double in the fourth as first-place St. Louis moved 1 1/2 games ahead of the Cubs in the Central.

• An Angel On His Shoulder. Who has Joe Saunders on their fantasy team? Anyone? Despite giving up 12 hits, the Angels' left-hander improved to 6-0 after a 6-5 win over the Orioles. Gary Matthews Jr. and Torii Hunter homered in the first.

• It's Pat! Philadelphia kept pace a half-game ahead of the second-place Mets in the East as Pat Burrell had two doubles and two RBI to lead a 6-5 win over the Giants. It was Charlie Manuel's 500th career victory, which I celebrated with a Ding Dong with a candle in it.

The Rays are now tied with the Orioles atop the East, and just to confirm what your Far Side desk calendar has already shown you, it's April 28. That means you only have two more days to say "Tampa Bay is in first? Ah well, it's only April." Tampa Bay in first place in May has never occurred in the history of mankind, so get ready. The Rays have won six straight and are not to be trifled with. Shields threw a two-hitter for his first career shutout and Evan Longoria homered for the Rays' first three-game sweep of the Red Sox. Beckett (2-2) struck out a career-high 13 and walked one over seven innings. Of course no one is surprised by all of this more than Rays fans themselves; for the third straight game on Sunday, Red Sox fans outnumbered them at Tropicana. Hope they work that out for next time.

• Who Is The Better Pitcher? Arizona's Brandon Webb (6-0, 1.93 ERA), or the Yankees' Chien-Ming Wang (5-0, 27 strikeouts)? Discuss.

• Your Barry Zito Update. 0-6, 7.53 ERA. He lasted less than four innings for the Giants, while Edinson Volquez (4-0) struck out a career-high 10 over seven innings in the Reds' 10-1 win. Figuring their respective salaries, at the current rate of exchange you can buy 86 Volquez's for one Zito.

• What Can Brown Do For You? Joe Blanton outdueled Felix Hernandez as the Athletics ascended to first in the West, beating the Mariners 4-2. Emil Brown's two-run single in the eighth broke it open against Hernandez, who struck out 10 and allowed four hits.

• The L's Are Silent; Like The Twins' Bats. A shutout at Rangers Ballpark? Wha? Vicente Padilla (3-2) gave up seven hits and Milton Bradley had a three-run homer as Texas beat Minnesota 10-0.

• Blame It On Rios. Alex Rios four hits to help the Blue Jays break a six-game losing streak, 5-2 over the Royals. Rios scored the go-ahead run in the fifth on Scott Rolen's single to left, coming home when left fielder Jose Guillen threw to second base instead of hitting the cutoff man (comical sound effect).

B.J. Upton's three-run homer during a six-run fifth, and the aforementioned Niemann ("Ni! Ni!") led the Rays to a 6-2 win over the still-in-first-place Orioles. Carl Crawford had a two-run single before Upton's homer (on a 3-2 pitch with two out). So are you ready for three wild scrambles in the American League, where no team has a better record than 8-5, and only the Tigers are more than 2 1/2 games out of first in their respective division races?

• He'll Do In A Pinch. I think we can all agree that it's a glorious day when Carlos Zambrano (career batting average .215, with 12 homers) is called on to pinch hit. Zambrano didn't disappoint in the 10th with two on; muscling a grounder to short that should have gone for an inning-ending double play. But Chase Utley threw away the relay to first, allowing the go-ahead run to score. Final: Chicago 6, Philadelphia 5. The End. Now go to sleep, children.

• Welcome Back, Kapler. Gabe Kapler, who at this time last season was managing the Class A Greenville Drive, had a homer and two doubles to lead the Brewers over the Mets 9-7. Trivia: The Greenville Drive's home field is located across the street from the childhood home of Shoeless Joe Jackson.

• Tigers Not Yet Ready To Stop Sucking. Joe Crede and Paul Konerko each hit grand slams as the White Sox slipped by the Tigers 11-0. Konerko's came in the third off Kenny Rogers and Crede's, his second this season, came in the fifth against Zach Miner. So, Chicago in first in the AL Central, and Detroit at 2-10.

That's what Reyes did last night/this morning for his 38th, and it worked out right well for him.

Apparently Al was in Hyde Park Cafe when he fell against a ceramic pot. Thinking someone randomly pushed him, Al started "exchanging" words with a gentlemen. We don't know what was said, but the guy ended up punching Al in the face. Police say Al "began to spit blood on the people in the area and began to swing his arms about." The bar's bouncers were trying to control Reyes, but Al wasn't having any of it as he continued to spit blood and swing his arms around.

After not being able to calm him down Police tased him, knocking him to the floor, but that didn't stop Reyes. He refused Police commands to stay down, got up, and was tased a second time. Reyes was eventually calmed down and treated for a cut on his nose. Al was charged with affray; Mora was charged with battery. Both were released on their own recognizance.

This is yet another example of the instigating, provoking nature of clay pottery. There you are, just minding your own business, and next thing you know, what started with a simple disagreement with a ceramic pot ends with you spitting blood and being tased by police. (Twice.) Happy 38th birthday, Al!

Happy Birthday Al Reyes/Don't Tase Me Bro [Rays Anatomy]

So, here goes:

1. Boston Red Sox. We agree with Gillin from earlier today; the Red Sox seem destined for a slow start. But they're stacked and have even more guys coming. We still can't believe the Boston Red Sox are the model for all sports franchises right now.
2. New York Yankees. More proof: The Yankees, though they'll never admit it, are trying to follow the Red Sox plan to the letter.
3. Tampa Bay Rays. We can legitimately see them finishing over .500 this year. It was the "Devil."
4. Toronto Blue Jays. That whole budget increase didn't work out too well. At least we still have baseball in Canada somewhere.
5. Baltimore Orioles. Boy this is still going to get worse before this gets better.

Let's hear 'em, because baseball freaking starts tomorrow. (Kind of.) And tomorrow? The American League West

Seriously, Tampa. You mess with the pinstripes, and you're gonna ... well, you're not gonna! Yeah, take that!

"There are going to be problems, especially if they go after our stars. It's not going to be tolerated. We never have done it to them. It's just not going to happen anymore."

But they shouldn't go after Shelley Duncan! Absolutely not. Not when the Yankees, in a way, literally own the Rays:

"I don't want these teams in general to forget who subsidizes a lot of them, and it's the Yankees New York Yankees, the Red Sox, Dodgers, Mets New York Mets. I would prefer if teams want to target the Yankees that they at least start giving some of that revenue sharing and luxury tax money back. From an owners point of view, that's my point."

You just know there's an anti-blog screed lurking in the aorta of Hank's chest. C'mon, Little Stein. Let it out. It desires freedom.

Hank: We're Not Going To Take It [New York Post]

Yankees' manager Joe Girardi disagrees, however. And Don Zimmer disagrees with the disagreement.

So there was Zim Sunday, saying he was "dumbfounded" to hear that Girardi had taken exception to the way Rays rookie Elliot Johnson had bowled over Francisco Cervelli at the plate on Saturday, a collision that left the Yankees' catching prospect with a broken wrist. "What happens if our man slides in with the plate blocked and breaks his leg?" Zimmer said. "Their guy blocked the plate and our guy bowled him over. What's that got to do with spring training? That's the way you play the game."

Girardi had said on Saturday that the play was "uncalled for" in spring training. But instead of whining about it, catchers should be proactive and start wearing spiked shin guards.

Joe Girardi's Stance On Collision Stuns Mentor And Tampa Coach Don Zimmer [New York Daily News]
Where's The Line Between Playing Hard And Playing Dangerous? [AOL Fanhouse]

Of course, they also have chatted about Kenny Lofton, Kyle Lohse and most of the other free agents who remain unsigned. As one team official put it Monday, if the Rays weren't discussing all of those options, they wouldn't be doing their jobs. But any suggestion Bonds might join the Rays, fueled by a published report Monday, would be erroneous, according to people familiar with the discussions.

So to recap, the team that signed Jose Canseco and brought you Legends of Wrestling Night thinks that signing Bonds would be too weird.

UPDATE: Tampa Bay blog Rays Index has an interesting ad at the top of its home page ... for Barry Bonds ring tones. Ha.

Rays Say They Aren't Pursuing Barry Bonds [Tampa Tribune]
What If ... Barry Bonds And That Tampa Bay Devil Rays [The Sporting Orange]
Barry Bonds May Be Leaving Our Shores [Deadspin]

—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-

I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call "previews". I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering have I said something stupid, am I boring, am I writing too much, are you reading enough? I'm not really interested. But I think you might be interested. So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to insert a joke? Do I have to wait for the end cause then it's awkward, it's like well 'piss-off'. Do you do like that poop joke? Where you like, you laugh like this and snot comes out because you don't want your boss to know you are reading Deadspin. Or do you just go right in and tell the inappropriate OJ joke? Or no joke at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called "just the Tampa Bay Rays". Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, "ouch, ouch my eyes hurt."

*Will sets Rays preview in corner*

Watching the 2008 Tampa Bay Devil Rays will be like watching Natalie Portman in "Beautiful Girls." You know she is going to be hot when she grows up, but part of you wonders if it is OK to look at a 14-year-old that way. And when she does finally grow up and she is even sexier than you imagined, there is a part of you that still sees the 14-year-old and it makes you feel a little guilty. And yet, you can't wait for the Tampa Bay Rays first nude scene...Wait...What was I saying? Nevermind...
Ladies and gentlemen, these are not your older brother's Devil Rays.

The first ten years of the franchise were bad ... really bad. So the new ownership decided changes needed to be made. They cowered to the delicate sensibilities of a few old people in the St. Pete area and dropped the Devil. GM Matt Silverman recently said of the name change "We're no longer the bottom feeding fish...We're much more about the energy of the sun." That's right. The team that plays in a dome now has sunshine for a mascot.

Along with the name change came new uniforms, which were unveiled in a ceremony that lasted longer (2 days) than the Red Sox World Series celebration (1 day) and featured the musical styling of Kevin Costner. It could have been worse. We could have been subjected to Tom Petty reenacting his role in "The Postman" ... Green is out. Dark blue, Carolina Blue and Yellow are in. The team's logo has now been spotted on more semi-celebrity douchebags in the past month (1) than the previous 10 years combined (0). This is not to be confused with semi-celebrity butt-lickers (Dick Vitale) and semi-celebrity fake athletes (Hulk Hogan). We are still debating whether or not this is an upgrade.
The changes didn't stop there. Gone are Delmon Young and his shoulder-mounted bat launcher along with Elijah Dukes and his sperm . And...wait for it....wait for it...the team actually spent money. The Devil Dogs gave long-term contracts to Carlos Pena and James Shields and signed free agents Troy Percival and Cliff Floyd. Of course, between the two, they are 186 years old, have two healthy knees and 8 saves since 2004.
The addition of Percival, as well as several others, means the bullpen, which was statistically one of the worst in the history of baseball, has gone from "I think they just sharted on the mound" to "they give me Irritable Bowel Syndrome". And according to the Bill James Bible, IBS is worth 5.5 wins in the standings.
Random Joke: What is the difference between a Red Sox fan and a Yankees fan? Who cares. Fuck 'em both.
The Rays also added Matt Garza and Jason Bartlett (via the Dick Bat-Tosser trade). Garza joins Scott Kazmir and James Shields to form the top young rotation trio in baseball. They should be joined shortly by two of the Rays seemingly endless supply of top pitching prospects, which includes Jake McGee, Wade Davis and the top pick of the 2007 draft, David Price, among others.
Bartlett should be an upgrade at both shortstop and in the significant-other department over Ben Zobrist. Bartlett, along with the move of Akinori Iwamura to second base, will vastly improve one of the worst defenses in baseball, but Bartlett is going to have to hit better in 2008, if he is going to hold off baseball's top shortstop prospect, Reid Brignac, in 2009.
With all these off-season changes, our heads are spinning, and there are still a number of questions to be answered about the 2008 Tampa Bay Rays sans Devil...
1. Will Edwin Jackson (think Nuke LaLoosh) or Andy Sonnanstine (El Duque's Caucasian brother from another mother) step up and give the Rays one of the best starting rotations in baseball, or are they just place-holders for the above-mentioned prospects? Magic 8-Ball says: Nuke is a big pile 'o poo, but The Duke will be a serviceable innings eater that will win 10-12 games.
2. Can the bullpen back-enders Troy Percival and Al Reyes stay healthy all year? Magic 8-Ball says: Is this a serious question?
3. Will super-prospect Evan Longoria, be the second-coming of David Wright? Magic 8-Ball says: The Dirtbag can do it all! He can hit, hit for power, field, cure cancer, bake, babysit your kids and end the suffering in Darfur.
4. Will we ever reach a point when Rays fans won't panic when they read headlines like THIS? Magic 8-Ball says: Enjoy the 64 kazillion Eva Longoria references in 2008.
5. Will scientists act in time to combine Joel Guzman (power, defense) and Willy Aybar (OBP) into the perfect baseball player? Magic 8-Ball says: We are still years away from enjoying Jolly Guzbar. In the meantime, they both suck.
6. Can Carlos Pena repeat his 2007 performance? Magic 8-Ball says: Pena was a part-time player for first month of 2007. He will have more lineup protection 2008. He has learned to use the whole field. He is in his prime and is a better hitter now than he was 4-5 years ago. You do the math, asshole.
7. Will the Rays be able to sign Scott Kazmir to a long-term contract? Magic 8-Ball says: The Rays are trying to have the same sustained success as the Twins and the A's and that means occasionally they will need to trade their young players when they get expensive. After the Twins gave $486 zillion to Johan Santana, the Rays have a better chance of winning the 2008 World Series. The question is not if the Rays will trade Kazmir. The question now is when.
8. If the Rays win more than 70 games and do not finish in last place, will the time equilibrium be disrupted? Magic 8-Ball says: If Lyle Lovett can sleep with Julia Roberts, anything is possible. Not only will the Rays win more than 70 games in 2008, they will win more than 80 and will actually play meaningful games in September. Seriously. And no, I am not that drunk.
The Tampa Bay Rays will be a team to reckon with in the very near future. I don't give a rat's ass if the Spankees and the Pink Hats keep the Rays in third place five of the next six years. Making the playoffs with a $150MM payroll is like banging a drunk ugly chick. It's easy. And it will never be as pleasurable as having a threesome with your girlfriend and Natalie Portman, which is what it will feel like that one year the Tampa Bay Rays do win the division.
Will 2008 be the Year of the Tampa Bay Devil Dogs?.............O LOOK! CAKE!

"What's possible? Play in October, that's possible," ace Scott Kazmir said. "That is possible. That's what I got out of Joe Maddon talking to us, and talking to all of my teammates, it's not something that's impossible. We have what it takes to win here."

Indeed. Time travel? Yeah, that's possible. How else could I be posting things six hours in advance? But, yeah, Scott, not even my mastery of quantum physics could get the Rays to the playoffs. And you all made the fatal mistake of letting Elijah Dukes go. You are of less than no interest to me now. Be gone!

Dukes found himself in the middle of a Dominican league game and was thrown out for — get this! — arguing with the umpire, and chest bumping him a little. It measures just a 6.3 on the Dukes Intensity scale. But maybe it's society's fault. Literally:

It's not uncommon, however, for these games to become heated - and this one was between the league's top teams - with players jawing and fans screaming and throwing bottles onto the field, and umpires are quick to eject players in order to retain control.

Elijah Dukes: "Is this heaven?"

Licey: "... It's the Dominican Republic."

Dukes Erupts Yet Again [St. Petersburg Times]