Chick-Fil-A's Grilled Chicken: The Emilio Estevez Of Chicken Sandwiches

Eating at Chick-fil-A is always a personal conflict. How do you decide between its super-friendly employees and quality food on the one hand, and the antiquated social views at the top of the company on the other? For the sake of loyal Foodspinners, I put that conflict aside to to help mediate another one: Should… » 7/17/14 3:43pm 7/17/14 3:43pm

Let's Try Chips Ahoy! Ice Cream Creations, A Dessert-Flavored Dessert

Remember ice cream? Oh man, ice cream. There are so many wonderful things to remember about ice cream, but first and foremost—more than the carnival of flavors and colors; the various zany, luxurious toppings and swirls; the fun presentations (Sundae! Banana split! Ice cream cone! Ice cream cake! Root beer… » 3/08/14 1:00pm 3/08/14 1:00pm

Taste Test: Nutella And Its Chocolatey American Ilk

How long we toiled—suffered! toiled and suffered!—how bitterly we toiled and suffered—and died!—under the pitiless yoke of plain peanut butter, cruelest and least forgiving of all the spreads. How fervently we yearned for chocolatey deliverance. We took to the rooftops of our humble mud-homes, blind with grief and… » 9/14/13 11:00am 9/14/13 11:00am

I Sucked on a Breast Milk Lollipop and Lived to Write About It

Back in June I covered an exciting new product hitting the novelty lollipop market: the Texas-based Lollyphile Breast Milk-Flavored Lollipop. My feelings on the matter were a blend of maximum-lolz, medium-nausea, and the smug comfort of living very, very far away from Texas. Here's what I wrote at the time: » 8/02/13 2:06pm 8/02/13 2:06pm

Taste Test: The Ruffles Ultimate Line, Which You Must Never Eat, Ever

Do not eat the Ruffles Ultimate chips and dips. Do not eat them. Don't ever eat them. Ever. They are awful, disgusting, hateful garbage; if they were a prank, no sane person in full possession of his or her faculties would ever fall for them. Don't eat them. Never eat them. Not ever. Never. Eat them not. Be… » 7/20/13 3:00pm 7/20/13 3:00pm

Forgive Me, Lord: I Ate Watermelon Oreos and Then Fed Them to Children

Okey dokey! Here we go the fuck again!!! Not content with draining my will to live via chemical burn and washcloth sandwich Candy Corn Oreos last September, Nabisco has released a new seasonal Oreo flavor for my editor to force into my mouth on camera. You've probably heard of it by now. It is the Watermelon Oreo. » 6/27/13 1:40pm 6/27/13 1:40pm

I Got Drunk on All Kinds of Celebrity Liquor So You Don't Have To

I don't really like alcohol that much. I mean, I definitely drink it—I like a wine or a cocktail (and a cocktail and a cocktail) on a Friday afternoon—but I'm not one of those people who, say, sips a fine oaky bourbon and is all, "Oh, impudent...aspirational...cryptic...NEEDS MORE LOAM." I don't give a shit. Just… » 6/17/13 3:58pm 6/17/13 3:58pm

Taste Test: Uncrustables. What Does The Crustless PB&J Say About Us?

One of parenthood's myriad challenges, as any parent will attest, is finding the time in one's overscheduled, playdate- and tedious-errand-choked day to make weirdo peanut-butter-and-jelly-stuffed pierogi to foist upon our frightened and sobbing children. Thankfully, somebody at The J.M. Smucker Company is looking… » 6/01/13 12:41pm 6/01/13 12:41pm

Taste Test: Popeyes Rip'n Chick'n. Who Thought This Was A Good Idea?

It began, one imagines, as a simple question, posed conspiratorially around a gleaming boardroom conference table in an upper floor of AFC Enterprises headquarters in Sandy Springs, Ga.: Why settle for chicken fingers, when you could have an entire horrifying rheumatoid chicken hand that you grimly rip apart like the… » 4/27/13 1:00pm 4/27/13 1:00pm

Taste Test: Why Is There A Strawberry Margarita In My Light Beer?

As someone with a lifelong passion for cheap, horrible beer, I couldn't have been more excited when I walked into a bodega the other day–the same bodega I go to every day to buy a bigass bottle of Coke Zero and a Jack Link's beef stick–and saw a stack of 12-packs of Bud Light Lime STRAW-ber-RITA right in the middle… » 4/22/13 3:20pm 4/22/13 3:20pm

Taste Test: Will Dorito-Sheathed Tacos Be The End Of Us All?

You saunter up to the counter at your local Taco Bell, you order your Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Taco (taking care not to actually say all of that, for fear of creating the accurate impression that you have paid rapt attention to the television advertisements and planned this trip in advance; instead affecting your best… » 3/16/13 3:00pm 3/16/13 3:00pm

Taste Test: The Portable Yogurt That Isn't

Go-Gurt's charmingly daft, hilariously unappetizing name implies its creation myth: the notion that, out there in the world, there were consumers who liked feeding their kids delicious, nutritious yogurt, but were frustrated by its cripplingly immobile nature—"I need a portable, on-the-go yogurt!" they groused,… » 1/12/13 1:30pm 1/12/13 1:30pm