The United States Does Not Have An Official Language, No Matter What The MLB Network Tells You

The establishment of an official language has long been a political flashpoint. Though it was once a favored cause for Presidents of generally good repute, it's now mostly a topic invoked to effortlessly rile up nativists and a touchstone for people hell-bent on alienating furr-uh-nurrs. Ordinances have been passed…

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93 Years After His Death, Teddy Roosevelt Finally Wins The Presidents Race At Nationals Park

This is a great day for America. What, the presidential debate tonight? Psh. No, it's because Teddy is finally off the schnide, having won his first-ever Presidents Race after 525 consecutive losses, thanks to some assistance from a faux-Phillie Phanatic. Ryan Zimmerman then homered to lead off the next inning and tie…