Subject line: The Under"belly" of Collegiate Fandom

Dearest Deadspin:

It was brought to my attention by a fellow Temple University alumnus that there was a picture of a stout, hairy man sprawled across your blog. As a consistent blog reader, I find it frustrating to see the constant pictures of lewd fandom plastered on the screen from big time schools. Hell, it's easy to paint your body strange colors at a powerhouse like Miami or USC. You get up, you feel confident about winning, and you break out the paintbrush and go to town on your otherwise flabby or acne covered body.

[Ed Note: Cue "Battle Hymn Of The Republic"]

WELL ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. What about the 'little' guys? What about the Temple Football fans of the world who wake up each Saturday, drive themselves down to their mostly empty stadium, and cheer for their team when it's still a tie ballgame (and then they kickoff). In honor of this weekend's big matchup with inner-state rival, and step-father, Penn State, I share with you this picture. Me, in all my glory, getting up and representing the great school of Temple University. God damn it, THEY ARE PENN STATE, but we're fucking great with the electric hair clippers. So instead of showing the USC song girls in their tiny skirts or the Nittany Lion doing 37 backflips through a ring of fire, do it one time for the little guys...

God bless America.

Andrew Carl

That'll do, Andrew. That'll do.

* * * * *

Another week in the books. Saturday's host: Nashtern. Sunday: Barry P. And new Pearl Jam. Don't forget your FAILgate stories for Monday. Make your own history this weekend if you have to.

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. I'm glad we talked.

Why hello there Deadspin, it is me, Shakey, here to do your live blog bidding on this fine Friday afternoon. You might recognize me from the Dayspin comments section and DUAN. We have a magnificent 6-11 matchup of Arizona State versus Temple University as they fight for the right to face the mighty Syracuse.

If you want more information, just mosey on over to the game capsule Dashiell and I put together and you will be bombarded with immense knowledge of these two programs. Enlightened you will be.

So sit back, relax and get your typing fingers warmed up because I expect a comment explosion for this game. Just don't tear me apart like you did to that snooty Dukie horsefucker last night. I have faith in you, and I hope you have faith in me. This is the best weekend of the year, and Deadspin wants to help make your wildest dreams come true. There's no place I'd rather be. Besides the Bahamas. Also, I'll try to post conservatively so it doesn't take ages to scroll all the way down. I know how annoying that is.

You won't find any semi-retarded Pitt fans bragging about dancing with DeJuan Blair, but you will find me answering ANY questions from the comments section. Because I'm a commenter and I've always wanted that. So yes, this is an interactive live blog.

Also, if you want a break from the March Madness...madness going around these parts, it'd be pretty cool if you checked out The Rookies, which is some blog with a whole bunch of nerds or something. Especially CoolHwhip. He couldn't catch a football for all of King Midas' silver.

Oh, and don't go to the other liveblogs. I heard those guys are a bunch of whore-people.

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19:00: Arizona State has won the tip. This is not a good sign for Temple because that means the ASU center is more athletic then the Temple center. Ruh-roh.

17:54: The skinny spaniard Sergio Olmos scores! That's two more then I expected out of him, because he sucks. Hey, have you ever seen that dude dance? Imagine a giraffe attempting to hump a fire hydrant.

14:51: Harden is swatted by that tall skinny goofy lookin' dude. That wasn't supposed to happen.

12:58: Christmas makes it rain! But Temple's still down. Kuksis took a three point shot that ended up going in as well. I think announcers should say 'Make it rain' more. Pacman ruined it for all of us.

COMMERCIAL: Whew, this liveblogging is tougher then I thought. If I mess up, I blame it on the nerds.

And by nerds I mean LittleWayne'sBleedingHead.

ClintonPortisHead: Question: Which type of bear is best?

A. Black Bear. Fact. Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica.

11:40: I always imagined Jeff Pendergraph to be white. Huh. Also, Glasser makes a looooong two. Juan Fernandez steps in for Temple. He didn't arrive in the United States until mid-December. Apparently he's really dreamy. But I didn't tell you this.

9:56: Pendergraph looks angry. He translated that anger into a 3 point play. ASU is up by 8.

8:56: Question. Can Temple stop Pendergraph? Answer. No. He's leading all scorers with 11 points.

K-Gun: Shakey, I realize you got a lot going on, but you know- if you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?

A. Redwood. Because I could be alive forever and laugh at everyone else as they slowly die. Plus people would fear me because I could fall on them.

7:56: Four of four from the floor. Say that four times fast.

COMMERCIAL: Did I just hear that ASU has a transfer from...from...DUKE!?!??!?! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Wilson ChandlerStick Maker:If Arizona State gets up 20, will you let Brian Fellow make a guest update?

A. Sorry. Brian Fellow is in rehab. Crystal Meth.

6:20: Christmas loves shooting the three, and for good reason. Let's see if Harden, Mr. Probable Number 2 pick, has anything to say in response.

COMMERCIAL: Alright Burger King, enough midgets. If wanted to watch them I'd just switch over to TLC. And you don't see me doing that. Because midgets are weird. Also, Temple's on an 8-0 run. Down by 5.

COMMERCIAL: Commercials suck. Watch this instead.

2:31: Harden just got violated. That was like a North Philadelphia mugging. Yet the referees turned a blind eye. Kind of like the cops down here.

1:55: The asshole color dude just said 'IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME' in a pseudo gay tone of voice. Kill him. Glasser has 14. This is impressive as he is white.

37.8: Temple's strategy must be leave the caucasian one open. This may work if Matt Harpring's in the game, but not for this Derek Glasser character. He is en fuego. ASU up by 11. Also, Dukie Eric Boateng has 0 points and 1 foul. Nice contribution!

phillas: Q. French or German mustard on the sandwich? My stomach awaits.

A. Neither. Eat cake.

HALFTIME: Temple has killed Derek Glasser. Interesting strategy. He has just been brutalized. John Chaney approves.

HALFTIME: It's halftime, and ASU is up 35-26 over Temple. Derek Glasser has 17, Jeff Pendergraph has 11 and ASU has dominated the poor Owls for most of the game. Only an 8-0 run fueled by Dionte Christmas' jump shot has kept Temple in the game. Since it's halftime, we need some entertainment up in here. How about Neil Young's Like a Hurricane?

Also, because Temple can't seem to stop a short white dude, why not a little inspiration.

K-Gun: What is the average flight speed of a coconut-laden swallow?

A. Walking at an extremely slow pace.

HALFTIME: Let's get ready for the second half, you shankapotomis's.

This liveblog brought to you by Brian Fellow. THAT'S CRAZY!

19:36: Temple starts the second half off by chucking the ball into the stands. That omen is probably not good.

18:07: Temple's Lavoy Allen has some rebounding skills. Unfortunately, whenever he grabs an offensive rebound Semaj Inge ends up missing. He's 0/7. Temple's missed it's last 13 field goals. They suck.

17:13: Dionte Christmas with the steal and 3 point play. I'm pretty sure the PBP guy just professed his gay love for him.

16:00: PBP: "IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME"

Color: "Oh, no you don't. Don't start with me." thinking: I'm going to straight up bitch slap this dude one of these days.

Oh yeah, Olmos with the slam. Temple down by 4!?!?!

14:45: Pendergraph says 'I can do that too, except cooler and with more flare'. He flushes it down. Temple down 6. The problem is, no one else can score but Christmas. I think I highlighted this flaw in my tournament capsule. Christmas has 19, the next highest Owl is Olmos with 6.

COMMERCIAL: Great transition back to the game CBS. Is a 7 year old running your replays? Or at least Kige Ramsey? Jeff Pendergraph is absolutely tearing the Temple frontline apart.

13:44: James Harden just fouled Christmas as the Owl was taking a 3 pointer. Harden has 2 points. Um, isn't he supposed to be super good? Rock You Like An Iracane said he reminded him of Gilbert Arenas. Maybe Rock doesn't think Gilbert is very good.

Travis Halfner the Man: Question - I have 61 minutes until I can leave the dungeon that is my cubicle. What can I do to kill the time without actually having to work?

A. Read my shit.

COMMERCIAL BREAK: Glasser's in pain. Looks like assaulting him was a good decision.

11:45: Harden travels. Guess he wants to play like LeBron James. Unfortunately, that is not his name so it doesn't work quite as well.

10:23: Kuksis gets that 'ole shooters roll. Olmos answers with the ugliest jump hook I've ever seen. That's the Rosie O'Donnell of post moves right there.

Samer Ocho Cinco: Kill one fuck one marry one:

Paul Rudd, Jason Bateman, and Nathan Fillion.

A. Who do you think I am? John Amaechi?

Haven't you heard this is a no homo zone. If you're talking with a lisp then your cover's blown.

9:20: Pendergraph is a monster man. Olmos is quite terrified.

8:00: Harden's 0/6 with 2 points in his first tourney game. You hear that? That's his draft stock splattering into a million pieces.

6:49: Temple's actually playing well, down by 3. Dionte Christmas' soul has been taken over by Michael Jordan. MJ has nothing better to do.

"It's starting to look a lot like Christmas" -PBP guy

Someone needs to tase that fool.

6:26: This game has started to heat up. The PBP guy just said, after a Christmas foul, "That'll be a Christmas gift, Jimmy." Who do you think you are, Candace Parker Sec-

never mind.

5:23: Unfortunately, there have been no goofy white man backflip dunks. I am slightly saddened by this. But we still have time. Maybe Olmos can make some Sportscenter magic. Also, Harden still hasn't made a field goal. He's turned into Bo Outlaw.

4:00: Harden makes a three. This is not a good sign for the Owls. SLAMALAMADINGDONG by Ryan Brooks.

Brazil Thrill: Wouldn't this game be a lot cooler if ASU had a white point guard named Jerome Kwanzaa?

A. Very much so.

3:20: Arizona State is up by 7. James Harden has finally shot out of the sucky funk he was in. Now let's see if the other cold invidual, Semaj Inge, can make a free throw. Did you know his name is James spelled backwards!!!?!?!?11!!!?!!! On another note, the Philadelphia Inquirer reports that his parents may have thinking problems.

2:33: James Harden is at the line again. He's scored the last 7. He also has a really sweet beard.

2:18: Pendergraph has picked up his 4th foul. Maybe he should tone down the Beast Mode.

1:39: Harden takes a horrendous jump shot that could have come off the fingers of Ben Wallace. Too bad Temple can't rebound. Temple down 5.

58.5: Temple's pissing the game away. CAN YOU FEEL THE EXCITEMENT!?!?!? Harden misses the front end of a one and one. Maybe he has a concussion.

39.7: It's fouling time. Glasser's at the line though, and he sinks both. Temple failed in killing him, by the way. Temple can't make a layup, ASU ball.

27.1: Temple's down by 7 with little time remaining. Say good bye to Christmas, Owls fans. That is not a pun, I swear.

24.8: This game's almost over why not watch some youtube videos?

Thank you Coolhwhip for the vids.

FINAL: Arizona State University defeats the Temple Owls 66-57 and another 6 seed has prevailed over an upstart 11. The Dionte Christmas era for Temple University is over. Next up for ASU is a 3-6 matchup with the Syracuse Orange. This is Shakey for Deadspin Sports signing off. I love you all.

Remember to check out The Rookies. We don't bite.

Oh yeah, I also have to answer Piniellas Pinata's question.

Piniellas Pinata: Question: How many bukkakke videos did you have to make with Sussman to get this live-blog?

A. It's a 2 year contract with an option for a third year. 2 videos a month.

Bye folks.

2) Baseball U Arizona State has sent 34 players to the NBA, including Byron Scott, Lafayette Lever and the impeccable Eddie House. (No relation to the TV doctor.) But that's not nearly as impressive as their baseball program, which has the third-highest number of Major League alumni of any school. Their progeny include Hall of Famer Reggie Jackson, should be Hall of Famer Barry Bonds, Bob Horner, Dustin Pedroia, Fernando Vina, Hubie Brooks, Paul Lo Duca, Sal Bando, and living legend Oddibe McDowell.

3) Lil' Devils Coach Herb Sendek left the basketball wasteland of the ACC in 2006 to come turn around the lackluster Sun Devil program. They finished dead last in the Pac-10 his first year, but two seasons later they're all the way up to third, knocked off regular season champ Washington in the conference tournament and hope to make it past the first weekend in the NCAAs for the first time in over a decade. They are probably also hoping that it won't be another 10 years before the get back, thanks to a nice youth movement in Tempe. The team has only one senior (forward Jeff Pendergraph) and if sophomore James Harden doesn't get any ideas and bolt for the draft, they'll have the reigning Pac-10 Player of the Year next season. — Dashiell

TEMPLE OWLS

1) Dionte Christmas ain't bad The 6'5" senior averaged 19+ points for the third straight year. Though he shot an Iverson-esque 41% from field goal range, his ability to make it rain from deep and put the team on his 205 pound frame in crucial situations is the sole reason Temple has won back to back A-10 tourneys. The back to back A-10 Tournament's Most Outstanding Player's skills were best showcased during a ridiculous 35 point output in December against then ranked #8 Tennessee when he displayed his penchant for explosive games. The only way Temple can be successful in this tournament is if Christmas brings his A-game. Notice that I did not include any holiday puns.

2) Fran Dunphy: Miracle Worker After a disastrous ending to John Chaney's storied Temple coaching career, the future of the organization was put into the hands of 10 time Ivy League title winner Fran Dunphy in 2006. He responded by leading the Owls to consecutive NCAA tourney bids for the first time since the 2000-2001 squads led by Chaney.

3) Defense Defense Defense Unfortunately, Temple just doesn't have enough offensive weapons. After Christmas, the only legitimate offensive player is 2nd year power forward Lavoy Allen or third year guard Ryan Brooks, who both averaged around 10 points per game. The defense will be the key to success. The Owl defense really came alive during the A-10 tournament, holding opponents to under 65 points a game and forcing a powerful Xavier squad into 34.5% shooting from the field including only 2 field goals in the final 7 minutes of the game in a 55-53 nailbiter. They limited the Musketeers to their lowest point total of the season. If Temple can play defense at the level they did against Xavier, they have a legitimate shot at reaching the Sweet 16. — Shakey

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MICHIGAN STATE SPARTANS

1. Foolish Consistency is the Hobgoblin of Conference Champions. On February 16 , Michigan State went to Indiana to face lame duck coach Kelvin Sampson, and, despite leading by double digits early in the first half, they lost the game by 19. Twelve days later, they scored a whopping 42 points in a loss at Wisconsin. Three days after that, they broke 100 for the first time all season and smoked those same Hoosiers by 29. (Guess Bloomington should have held on to the guy, huh?) They somehow led their conference in field goal percentage, but only managed to score 36 against lowly Iowa. (Yes, that was for one entire game.) They had only one non-conference loss all year (to then No. 1 UCLA), but blew winnable games against Penn State and Purdue and never had a shot at the Big Ten title. So what does it all add up to? Fuck the heck if I know. Come tourney time the Spartans could be done by the first weekend or go through to the final game and I wouldn't really be surprised either way. I'd lean toward the the latter though, because ...

2. Drew Neitzel is Ambidextrous! Bet you didn't know that! Oh wait, everyone knows that because the story of how Drew's loving high school hoops coach father bequeathed his son grit and determination by forcing him to brush his teeth left-handed is a weary color commentator's best friend. Unfortunately, if Drew does not become a NBA late-first-rounder, but instead becomes, say ... a liquor store holdup man, that exact same story will be used by Court TV reporters to demonstrate how his cruel and abusive father crushed a young boy's spirit in an effort to vicariously reclaim his broken athletic dreams through his son. Ain't sports grand?

3. Matt Steigenga, Kris Weshinskey, Jaime Feick. Tom Izzo spent 12 years as an assistant coach under Jud Heathcote, patiently waiting for his chance to take over the program. In the 13 years since then, the Spartans have far surpassed what fans could have ever hoped for in that previous dozen. Every four-year player since Izzo became head coach has played in at least one Final Four. These three former Spartans are not among them, because as much as I adore these fine gentlemen and their contributions to my personal sports memories, I'm not sure if they could crack the starting five of this current squad. (Also because Kenny Anderson is a lying cheater, but that's another story.) The point is this - I am old and grumpy, and even though I was in the student section the day Coach Izzo took over the reigns, I never got to see a Big Ten title won from those seats and I am still bitter about that. The more relevant point is that despite the underachievements noted above, this 2008 team is loaded with talent and few coaches prepare their players better than Izzo, so no untested middle-to-high seed should ever want to face them. Thanks to their beloved coach, Michigan State fans no longer hope ... we expect. He's not so much with the comedy, but the guy knows his basketball.

Oh, and 3a ... Of all the schools in the 65-team field, only one has had its bikini-clad co-eds prominently featured on a hardcore porn blog. You're welcome . — Dashiell Bennett

TEMPLE OWLS

1. Philly's Phinest. An afterthought at the beginning of the season and seemingly since the departure of John Chaney, second year head coach/former Penn coach Fran Dunphy has transformed the Owls into a contender more quickly than anyone could have imagined. While everyone was raving about A-10 flameouts Dayton, Rhode Island and UMass back in December, the Owls laid low and got hot at the right time, winning their final seven games and defeating city and conference rival Saint Joseph's to win the A-10 title in AC. The Owls also assure the City of Brotherly Love that it won't be shut out of the Big Dance, which last happened in 1977.

2. Christmas Time in March. For those of you who still have the Christmas lights up, you're in luck! It's Christmas time in March this year! The Owls are lead by one of the nation's best one-two combos in Mark Tyndale and Dionte Christmas. Tyndale is the versatile senior leader who does all of the little things (leads team in assists and rebounds), while Christmas can light up the scoreboard (20.2 ppg). The one-two punch of Tyndale and Christmas often creates match-up nightmares for most teams; it has been nearly impossible to stop both all season.

3. Ole Ole Ole. The Owls transformation from NIT squad to tournament team may be the result of Spanish center Sergio Olmos progressing from "project" to "valuable big man." The 7'2" Spaniard has improved leaps and bounds from the start of the season, creating a post presence for the Owls that has been missing for years. Also, it's always fun to join the student section singing "Ole, Ole, Ole, Ole..." every time he scores a bucket. — Storming The Floor

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2. Christmas Time in March. For those of you who still have the Christmas lights up, you're in luck! It's Christmas time in March this year! The Owls are lead by one of the nation's best one-two combos in Mark Tyndale and Dionte Christmas. Tyndale is the versatile senior leader who does all of the little things (leads team in assists and rebounds), while Christmas can light up the scoreboard (20.2 ppg). The one-two punch of Tyndale and Christmas often creates match-up nightmares for most teams; it has been nearly impossible to stop both all season.

3. Ole Ole Ole. The Owls transformation from NIT squad to tournament team may be the result of Spanish center Sergio Olmos progressing from "project" to "valuable big man." The 7'2" Spaniard has improved leaps and bounds from the start of the season, creating a post presence for the Owls that has been missing for years. Also, it's always fun to join the student section singing "Ole, Ole, Ole, Ole..." every time he scores a bucket. — Storming The Floor

Anyway, the circumstances surrounding their probation involved the men's tennis team and coach Bill Hoehne using an ineligible player. And boy, did he do an astounding job of covering his tracks.

The coach, who was fired on April 12, 2005, hid the scheme by mumbling the name of the student-athlete during pre-match introductions and by asking opponents to skip formal introductions altogether, the NCAA said. The school and Hoehne were cited for violations including fraud and erroneous student-athlete eligibility certifications.

OK, that's brilliant: Hope not enough people are paying attention that you just stumble over the ineligible guy's name and then move along. It didn't work, though: The team now has to forfeit its whopping three victories.

Temple Sports Put On Single Public Probation [The 700 Level]

So many great Chaney moments. Our favorite is still probably when he threatened to kill John Calipari at a press conference, living the dream of countless college basketball fans. But you also have to admire anyone who sends in a player to break somebody's arm. You just can't see that often enough.

Somewhere, today, Bill Cosby cries.

Wrong Cheney Retires [Philadelphia Will Do]