Cowboys RB Joseph Randle Cracked Jokes In Jail, Asked For A Massage

Cowboys running back Joseph Randle was booked in Frisco County Jail after he allegedly stole cologne and underwear from a Dillard's earlier this month. Watching surveillance footage from the jail, Randle was oddly relaxed about the arrest, making jokes and offering an officer $100 for a massage. » 10/30/14 11:16am 10/30/14 11:16am

Texas Should Declare Independence And Make This Their National Beer

Yesterday, one of my idiot friends told me that certain South Floridians have expressed interest in seceding from the rest of the state. Roughly 11 seconds of exhaustive Googling just now failed to turn up much evidence, but let's say it's true. Makes sense. The government's way up north, and apparently run by a… » 10/24/14 1:14pm 10/24/14 1:14pm

High School Football Player's Speech Will Make You Believe You Can Fly

Apollos Hester plays for the East View (Texas) Patriots, and after a 42-41 victory over Vandegrift Friday night, he was pumped as hell for his postgame interview with TWC News Austin. The conversation got deep pretty quickly. You'll feel like you can do anything after listening to Hester. » 9/21/14 4:57pm 9/21/14 4:57pm

This Half-Naked Alamo Golf Club Flag Thief Is Liberty Personified

Word's out from San Antonio that a thief raided the Alamo Golf Club this morning, stole a flag, and escaped the course unscathed. The club says this man, wearing tube socks, orange shoes, and Texas flag running shorts, should be detained. We say fuck that. Let's find this man, and let's harbor him from justice. » 8/07/13 5:39pm 8/07/13 5:39pm