In the never-ending war between your girth and the wasitband of your pants, I assume that your expanding gut scored a major battlefield victory yesterday. We're fighting the belts at the dinner table, so that we don't have to fight for tiny seats at the movie theater. Or something.

So what was the best thing that you ate yesterday? Did your family discover some new and exciting way to sear turkey flesh? An exotic side dish involving whiskey? Did science finally reveal a way to make peas less disgusting? Share your dinnertime war stories/recipes below. The best part of the holidays are the memories of all those foods long past. Oh, and family I guess. If you're into that.

Honorable Mention: Pumpkins. Your loved ones may have been cruelly slaughtered and mashed into pie crusts, but rest assured that their sacrifice was not in vain.

Moe_Mahogany is incensed:

Man Fuc That Blaisain MF golf aint even a sport..cant wait to rob that nicca

PhatKatBurglar tries to reason with him:

Tiger don't phuck up man, you got a nice little pinktoe at home.

HotSauce commends his jump-off choice:

The jump-off ain't that bad. I guess he didn't want cheat down like that dude from ESPN. Either go same level, or cheat up. Oh, yeah, Tiger doesn't claim his black side because he gets his golf skills from his Asian side. If this was basketball, then it would be different. LoL!...that should start some shyt!

Bluepeas offers an alternate theory:

His wife probably can't cook..or use Hamburger Helper, seriously. The way to any black man's heart is thru his stomach. My kid's paternal granny taught me that. When I was young & didn't cook yet, I wouldn't trust a man worth a shyt. But now that I cook about 5,6 cultures of all different foods & bake my butt off...I can't get rid of'em for nothing! I'm juggling 3 cats & don't have sex w/ none of'em

And then YoungYacht keeps everybody in check:

We dont know if this is true, he looks to square and business-focused to trip up like this. But you never can tell.

If it is true Tiger aint trying to smash nothing darker than a white paper bag.

*********

Thanks for your continued support of Deadspin. Have a glorious holiday. Be sure to stop by tomorrow for what is now an annual Deadspin Thanksgiving tradition: the Thanksgivingaroo. Or whatever Drew calls it. We'll be back for a little while on Friday.

Be safe out there tonight. Go be like a family.

But for many of you, the day after Thanksgiving is also that time of the year where you have to put on your best Gap sport coat, head out to the local beef-and-beer drink your way through a high school reunion. I documented my experience last year. This year, it's your turn. Please submit your High School Reunion Horror Stories so we call have something to read about besides the shitty Colorado Nebraska game or whatever basketball slop is thrown our way.

This is basically your time to vent: give us all your awkward interactions, bitch about the food, gripe about who got fat. Consider this a service piece for all those unfortunate individuals who will have to spend their Friday evening realizing either that their life hasn't gotten any better since senior year of high school or that, yes, 35-year-old white people still feel compelled to pogo-jump in the air when House Of Pain comes on if they are in a group together.

Send to ajd@deadspin.com. Please don't send anything about Pat Murphy.

Thank you readers for submitting all of these. I tried to get up as many as I could (obviously) as a way of showing my sincere appreciation for what you do down below. If I missed you, my sincere apologies. It wasn't because I don't like you or your heartfelt thank yous weren't amusing enough. Promise.

Anyway other things I'm thankful for:

• Baby Mangino in SHOTY
• Friends
• Family
• The Phils
• The Nightman Cometh

Have an awesome holiday tomorrow and be sure to pop in and see Drew's amazing Jamboroo — it's well worth it. I'll be back Friday, doing the half day hangover bit. Do stop by. Your credit is too shitty to go shopping.

Oh and, of course...thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Go fist a turkey with SKEETS.

Last year, we ran a Thanksgiving edition of the NFL Jamboroo the day before Thanksgiving. But we're gonna forgo that this year and run the Jamboroo early tomorrow morning. Why? Well, for one thing, there isn't fucking jack SHIT to do on Thanksgiving morning. You watch the parade for two minutes, you offer to help your mom cook even though you don't actually want to help, you set your fantasy lineup, you masturbate after sleeping in, then lay in bed for another fifteen minutes so you can masturbate a second time. It's a real black hole in an otherwise awesome day.

So I'll try try and stuff that cavity the best I can with a luscious dick-joke and slivered almond dressing. Nazi Shark offered to make side dishes, although I'm not all that excited at the prospect of trying creamed Jew. Also, we'll have candied yams. And Robert Evans, who already looks as if he's been candied himself. Plus appearances from Queensryche, John Forte, Ocho & Marvin, and many more.

So join me, won't you?

/undoes belt, sticks hand down pants

It'll be a wonderful day to spend as a Deadspin family.

Happy Thanksgiving [Posting and Toasting]

It's Thanksgiving Day tomorrow, as you might have heard, and the one game that was supposed to be inspiring — the Packers-Lions — is slightly less so after the last couple of weeks. Nevertheless, it is football, and you'll have not only the Jets-Cowboys and Colts-Falcons, but also a kinda fun USC-Arizona State game.

But mostly, it's just a time to chill out, eat like a horse and sleep all day. Sounds good to us! We're taking a flight to San Francisco tonight — what could possibly go wrong? — and will be taking tomorrow off. We'll see you Friday morn ... unless you're one of those weird people who shops that day. See you then.

So, enjoy the games tomorrow, eat until you feel like the planets and the stars are crammed into your jeans shorts and are desperately trying to escape — just eat until you look like Mangini! — and try to be safe on the roads out there. All kinds of 90-year-old ladies are out on the road for Thanksgiving for the first time since last Thanksgiving, so go ahead and ignore that left-turn signal of theirs. They don't know it's on.

We're taking tomorrow off, but we'll be back on Friday to play clean up. Enjoy!