Deadspin: thats gotta hoit

Chris Snyder Would Not Like To Be A Member Of This Club

DAULERIO — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 12:00:24 EDT

There seems to be an overabundance of sports-related testicle injuries over the past three months. First it was Felix Pie's "twisted testicle", then Flyers' winger Patrick Thoresen's severe testicle bruising and, now, most horrifying of them all, Arizona Diamondbacks' catcher Chris Snyder's "fractured" testicle, which he will have surgery on today. Snyder was hit with a foul ball in the groin area on Monday night and later diagnosed with a "left testicular fracture."

Now, what exactly happens when you fracture a testicle? According to this handy breakdown on eMedicine, it's a rip or tear in the "tunica albuginea resulting in extrusion of the testicular contents." At first glance, "tunica albuginea" sounds like an exotic dining room paint color or prehistoric fish, but it's actually a "layer of connective tissue covering of the testicles." You need that, if you'd like your testicles to thrive, function, and not end up in your chest cavity each time you sit down. So, that's what he's getting fixed.

D-backs Place Byrnes, Snyder On DL [MLB]

Testicular Trauma [eMedicine]

Felix Pie's Minor Surgery, No Big Deal, Nothing To See Here

Leitch — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 09:15:49 EDT

The sad saga of Felix Pie took a new twist yesterday, and we're sorry we just used that punnish metaphor and actually have doubled over in our chair and are fighting off dry heaves.

Looks like "manually" repositioning Pie's twisted testicle didn't work, so yesterday he officially had his testicle recalibrating surgery. We don't know if that's what they officially call it, but they probably should.

He was scheduled to have the corrective surgery on the Cubs off-day next Monday, but when Pie reported to camp with soreness Monday, the Cubs decided to get the procedure done today.

The surgery involves sewing the outer layer of the testicle to the scrotum wall. The Cubs said it was a minor procedure, and if the problem was not corrected soon, Pie would risk losing the testicle.

Perhaps someone out there has had this surgery and can therefore explain how having a twisted-around testicle is somehow worse than sewing it to the wall of the scrotum.

It's going to be difficult to cheer for a Cub, but after Pie has gone through this, we're almost tempted. The best part about it is that all other, more usual injuries will seem like nothing to Pie. Torn rotator cuff? Please! Just a minor flesh wound!

Pie Out 3-5 Days [Chicago Tribune]
Felix Pie Out With A YEEEEEEEOOOOOOWWWW [Deadspin]

Felix Pie Out With A YEEEEEEEOOOOOOWWWW

Christmas Ape — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 16:30:52 EST

The Cubs have suffered a spate of unfortunate and somewhat bizarre injuries already this spring. Alfonso Soriano has a fractured finger. Jose Ascanio had a bruised face after getting punched in a robbery attempt. Mark DeRosa was hospitalized with an irregular heartbeat. But none has a painful tale as twisted as poor outfielder Felix Pie.

That's right: Pie missed a couple of early games because of a twisted testicle. 100% Injury Rate, aptly named to take up this task, exhumes some of the more freakish injuries athletes have suffered over the years.

Among them:

Sacramento Kings rookie Lionel Simmons missed some games during the 1991 season when he developed tendinitis in his right wrist from playing too many video games, primarily the Nintendo GameBoy.
Wade Boggs injured his back while trying to pull on cowboy boots.
Back in the 70s, Norwegian International defender Svein Grondalen had to withdraw from an International after an accident which happened while he was out jogging. He collided with a moose.
Soccer player David Seaman once broke a bone reaching for his TV remote