In order to understand Marbury, we think we must look into his past. Therefore, we've asked The Assimilated Negro to break down various Marbury-related videos from the past to try to get in the man's mind. The first installment of Deconstructing Starbury is after the jump.

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In the past couple years Knicks fans have had to come to terms with the fact that their point guard and team leader is a true-and-living insaniac. A lot of the evidence for this is available on You Tube and the internet at large in the form of clips and interviews etc. So in the interest of trying to make some sense of the nonsensical we will begin the process of Deconstructing Starbury, the New York Knicks are not going to win an NBA Championship anytime soon, but at the least we can dissect Captain Crazy and see how this all happened.

Appropriately we will start at the beginning, the oldest video we could find, with then high school prep star Stephon Marbuy in 1994.

0 - 1:15

Highlights: Early Delusions of Grandeur, How To Fake Laugh, The Half inch of Humility, The Familiar Refrain.

Analysis: So right out the gate we can see how deeply rooted Stephon's delusions of grandeur go when Sam Roberts asks "when did you start playing basketball?" Stephon tells him "2 or 3 years old." Sam Roberts is stunned, and Stephon clarifies that by "playing basketball" he means "hitting the rim." Then Roberts, still incredulous, presumably because he has seen a few 2 or 3 year olds in his day, and a few basketballs, and a few regulation basketball rims and knows a little about physics and gravity and such and with this knowledge you might be a little incredulous also, asks, "did you succeed?"

Of course he did. This is what the kids like to call "shit-talk." It is the first language of young athletes, especially those in urban environs.

At 43 seconds in we get the perfect corny joke and fake laugh exchange.

"You weren't this tall when you were 2 or 3?"

"Naw, hahahahahahah."

Funny stuff. I don't know if it tells us anything, but its good to isolate and identify these false moments. For the children.

One consistently confounding thing about Marbury's particular strain of mental malaise is the extreme polarity. With Stephon's insanity, and I can only presume with other crazies as well, a big part of that the willingness to represent oneself in fairly contradictory ways. For example, being both incredibly vain and incredibly humble. We see this in effect here when after likening himself to a two year old Hercules, Stephon self-effaces:

"Your'e 6'2" now."

"No I"m 6' 1" AND A HALF."

Ahhh yes. Marbury? More like Stephon Modesty. I'd liken this to having a conversation with God and you point to all the heavens and the earth and say, "did you make all this" and God says, "well everything except the packing peanuts and condoms."

"You didn't make the condoms?"

"Naw, hahahahaha."

This segment ends with a familiar response template for Knicks fans. I think Stephon has scored 19 after every game he's played, and he also always does "alright, but not his best." The only thing that has changed is the winning. Here he won, now he doesn't. I guess he wins less as the competition rises. Stephon must know this also, deep inside. I suspect this will be a theme we see in future vids.

1:15 - 2:00.

We are introduced to Nunyo Demasio in this section. His breathing is strained, and he's making me nervous. I'm not sure why he keeps looking at me/ the camera. No one else is doing that. Every time he does it I feel like he's giving me, and only me, some sort of secret subliminal message about where Stephon Marbury hides his treasure in Coney Island. We all know Stephon has a treasure chest of money buried somewhere in Coney Island so that should anything befall him he can always go home dig it up and be ok. This is fact. Nunyo Demasio knows where it is. And he's nervous about it. Now I am too.

2:00 - 3:33

This is an interesting section of the interview. First of all Nunyo and Marbury seem to square off a little for control of the interview. Unfortunately trying to riff on Stephon's family leaves Demasio vulnerable to Marbury's more intimate knowledge.

But we get an extended whiff of defensiveness from Stephon in the section on his brothers who were all high school basketball stars now doing regular, if not menial, work. His rundown of what his brothers are doing is somewhat telling. You can see the evolution.

One brother works at a boy club, just got his degree at Weaver State College. The unimpressive reality of this hits Stephon as he talks about his next brother causing him to blank out on something we figure Stephon — who's been playing ball since 2 or 3 and has 4 basketball playing siblings — would never blank on. "He went to the Clippers for uhh, what was it ... uh ..... CAMP>" Hmmmm, yes. NBA Training Camp. By the time his nervous licking of his lips comes around, I totally understand, 'cause my mouth is dry as well.

"You feeling self-conscious about your brothers?"

"Naw hahahahahaa."

3:33 - 5:05

Nunyo tells us what's behind the Stephon legend, while still talking directly to ME. He's convinced that Stephon has a special charisma. Which with 13 years of hindsight we can now say is a dubious assertion at best. Not that some people don't like Stephon, but it demands an articulation on the distinction between a likable personality, and someone who is afforded respect because they are talented and/or wealthy. Jury might still be out on Step; after all, he did bag that intern in the back of the truck, which likely demands at least a little charisma, but what we can tell for sure from this video is that Nunyo's lack of charisma makes certain that he'd be impressed by Marbury regardless.

"You been laid recently, Nunyo?"

"Naw, hahahahahahaaaah"

5:05 - End

Perhaps the most important part of the video. In response to what he's doing after school Stephon says he's going to school and, "if i happen to make it to the NBA, you know, god willing, if i don't, I would like to be a lawyer."

Stephon Marbury Esq. Attorney at law-yer. I can see the infomercial now. Anyone hating on Stephon running the point should ponder that other possibility for the rest of the week.

He will be classy, measured, mature and totally no fun. We'd love to see him lose his mind, start railing about how Steinbrenner soils himself, how his kids are morons, how Brian Cashman once killed a hooker just to watch her die. We'd love to see him let go of all his frustrations after a decade of being jerked around and emerging, somehow, victorious as the most popular Yankees of them all.

He won't do this, of course, but it's fun to play pretend.

To see what he actually does, we invite you to join The Assimilated Negro with a fun live-blog of Torre's press conference, which begins after the jump. We hope TAN can adequately describe the sensation of watching a man unburden himself by stripping off his clothing and jumping in the Hudson River.

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3:11. Thanks everyone who actually read this through. We should get drinks and share in the pain. It was a pretty boring press conference as far as boring press conferences go. What I tried to do was convey that boredom through my use of words and punctuation marks; I can only hope I was successful. See you next time when ARod takes out the trash. Cheers!

3:10. IT'S OVER!!! Praise Steinbrenner!

3:09. Breaking: Joe Torre isn't going back to the locker. He's already done that.

3:06. Black people do this. White people do that. It's funny cause it's true.

3:02. The questions are taking longer to come. And they haven't changed since the first 15 minutes. Joe is hungrily scanning the audience for participation though. He's also identifying everyone personally now and having a chuckle before the questions. He definitely loves press conferences. On the other hand, I'm never going to watch another one again. I never thought I'd be longing for a Dane Cook commercial ... but ...

3:00. I hate to tell you this, but there are still people asking questions....

2:56. Joe Torre's fussing over $5-$7M, and ARod is wondering if he can get $400M. That's kind of funny. Right? Work with me please. Instead of Jeter, maybe Arod should just come and buy everyone at the press conference and put them in a big house and just play with them for a year. Maybe start a reality show? And a network built around that reality show. I volunteer to do a live blog on the launch of the blog about that show. Should be fun! Oh, that's what we need. More exclamation points!!

2:54. Might as well get some of these commercials out the way: The Lean on Me reference was sponsored by Black History Month Is Every Month Coalition. We thank you for your patronage.

2:52. Joe Torre just blinked. He's losing his hair also. Live on the television. Don't worry I'm capturing every titillating moment for you. This is a great time!

2:50. Joe Torre just made some jokes about his wife being bored with him in the house, or something like that. We're at that point in the press conference, it's like small talk jokes amongst Torre and his beat writer buddies. Please someone do something newsworthy. Like find George Steinbrenner's body.

2:47. We're approaching 50 minutes. What if Joe Torre just decides his new job is holding press conferences and answering the same questions again and again? What do I do then? Please help. I think I've been duped.

2:46. A spanish reporter just told Joe that she speaks Spanish, and would normally use that language, but for him she's going to ask the question in English. I've forgotten the question.

2:45. Hmmm. Ok. Wouldn't it be awesome if Derek Jeter drove up on a motorcycle, with a studded leather jacket on, and some hottest-chick-in-the-world hanging on to his taut belly (!), and ran to the podium and just started yelling, "Mr. Torre Must Stay! Mr. Torre Must Stay!" and whipped everyone into a frenzy? If you've seen "Lean on Me," with Morgan Freeman as bat-wielding principal Joe Clark — If you haven't, YOU MUST SEE IT! Tonight. Watch it with someone you love. You'll feel better. — the scene would be like the finale in that movie. And then Torre would cry .. .and eventually change his mind, and take the offer, and win the World Series. Right there on the steps in front of city hall..... I'm crying now. Are you crying too? Are you crying from the scene or because you're reading a liveblog of the Joe Torre press conference.

2:43. How did we decide to liveblog Joe Torre's press conference. Wow. I'm doing a lot of looking in the mirror this weekend. Me and Joe have thinking to do. About life, and stuff.

2:40. This whole thing just really raises the issue of baseball managers in general. If you start parsing the details, you can't help but want to say ... WTF DO YOU DO???? You sign off on stuff? Wanna steal? ok. Wanna pitch? ok. The results are dictated by the players. And the GM puts the players on the roster. The manager hangs out and gets paid. Breaking News: Anyone could manage the Yankees. At least to the playoffs. What are Jeter and ARod gonna do, take themselves out the lineup? I like thinking about one of the commenters sitting in the dugout mulling with the pitching coach on whether "it's time for Mariano." I think it's time for a Who Wants to Manage the Yankees? reality show. Let's make some money.

2:38. I openly challenge George Steinbrenner to a Scrabulous duel!

2:35. Someone's reading the live-blog and asked Joe "what he thought of this turnout," and he got a little choked up. He didn't go in for the kill though. Someone should use the "l-word."

2:31. Joe says he wishes the umps stopped the game during The Bug Bowl. I can use a football reference, right? Mr. Torre would forgive me.

2:30. Ok, we're half-hour in. Now I"m serious. Where's Steinbrenner? Alive? If you're alive George, please email. i won't believe it until you send me a message on myspace facebook.

2:29. A little tension about Randy Levine. Q: What do you think of him? A: I don't deal with him. And not as smooth as Joe usually is.

2:28. The emotion is gone. We need more tears! Where's Waldman? We need tougher emotionally leading questions. What do you think of Jeter? What did you get Don Zimmer for his birthday?

2:27. Joe Torre's suggestion to the next guy is "Just Be Yourself." I think the book comes out in ttime for spring training next year.

2:26. He suggests that "someone must have nudged him" regarding Steinbrenner. So there IS a conspiracy! I hear The Sopranos theme song faintly rising in the background.

2:25. Who's going to Joe Torre's Media Potluck dinner tonight?I hear everyone's gonna be there ...

2:23. No Steinbrenner. Joe's first mention of him as a "tough taskaster who wants what he pays for." Can anyone verify Steinbrenner is still alive? Press releases don't count. I won't believe it until I see it on youtube.

2:21. While I have an audience, I'm announcing a press conference, just to try it out. I'm announcing that I'm turning down Leitch's offer of $5. With $.50 options every thousand page views. I'm used to $75, STRAIGHT UP. That's the deal. I ushered Deadspin into the post civil rights era. $5 is a slap in the face.

2:19. Q: Is the door absolutely shut? A: I can't say that. But I'm not predictor of the future. If there's a trust established. I'm open. But I don't anticipate it happening.

2:17. "Time for him to look back and appreciate..." all his records and legendary status. Etc. Etc. You almost forget he's made over $70M or something with this job. He'll be ok I think.

2:15. Q: Do you think they offered it knowing that you would turn it down? A: That's for you guys to decide. Q: Would two years have made a difference? A: The paycut was the big issue. It means they're dissatisfied. But two years would have opened a door for communication, yes. (I'm paraphrasing).

2:13. Joe Torre just took a drink of water ... I think this might be a peak moment.

2:12. Nothing new here. He's basically verifying what everyone has said. The contract was a slap in the face (translated to PC Joe Torrese), and that's pretty much it. No negotiating.

2:10. Still laughing from the text message story. Give me time to recover.

2:08. Before questions Torre has an anecdote, About a text message , struggling actor nephew who texted him. He reads, "uncle joe, you may feel a desire to thank me for being such an inspiration to you. but it's not necessary." Hmmm, that was good. Right? .... Here come the questions...

2:07. He thanked Cashman, I guess cause he didn't thank him when he thanked everyone else.

2:06. He's explaining himself. It's what everyone has presumed. The terms were rude. And he didn't want all the stress and added pressure of having to worry about the manager.

2:05. A minute in and we have our first break for cathartic release! This might be very very good.... Ok, he's composed himself. And the server is slow, so I'm able to continue my thought before publishing. Fair warning.

2:04. Joe is wearing a nice suit, and is emotional right off the bat. He starts thanking Scrooge McSteinbrenner. Players, coaches, so no individual mentions of every employee for the past 12 years.

2:03. Hee we go!

2:02. Hasn't started. Should I say something? Ok ...What I do find interesting about this story is that both parties are right, and for both it has everything to do with cachet and nothing to do with $. Yanks offer him top dollar, without the World Series premium. Torre sees a paycut as a slap in the face, which it is. What are you gonna do? Hold a press conference? Liveblog it? Oh, right.

1:59. Watching on YES. Packed house.

1:58. Fair warning: Will told me "go nuts," and I have a genetic disposition towards rambling, and I'm not anticipating this press conference to have much in the way of excitement, so, y'know, ... good luck! Also, I love you. I love you like my father, Joe Torre.

1:57. I'm not sure what channel to watch. It's goign live on most local news networks.

1:55. Breaking News: Joe Torre has TURNED DOWN the Yankees. He will no longer be the manager.

I'm a big fan of diversity and cultural mash-ups: Fried-chicken flavored mayo. Kentucky Fried Couscous. General Tso's Tacos. I plan to invent these. Years ago I voted YES on the "White People Rapping" reform bill, and I continue to lobby for more black bloggers in movie roles opposite Jessica Biel. My record on willy-nilly cultural integration is clear.

Nevertheless, after reading about one man's plan for diversifying NASCAR — his blueprint for Negro NASCAR, if you will — I was forced to wonder, is all diversity good? Should we minorities be interested in every little cultural Aperitif Y.T. has to offer? And, what is NASCAR exactly?

For you to understand my reason for pause, let me lay out this Negro NASCAR fairytale as I understand it:

Part 1: The Dreamer

Setting: A magical fantasy land where NASCAR is "as integral to the fabric of this country as the NFL, the NBA or Major League Baseball." Weeee! What dreams may come!

Meet Rick Clark, dreamer, a magical wizard visionary who one day hopes to see blacks and Latinos take an interest in Caucasians driving around in circles really fast. Not because exposing NASCAR to different minority groups would help enrich the lives of those people (because, y'know, it's a series of car races, so it wouldn't), but because blacks and Latinos will have 2 trillions dollars of spending money in 2009. And I guess that means ... RACE CARS ON US, BABY!!!

Hmmm, I'm thinking that sounds a little cynical on my part. I don't mean it to be. Really! Who am I to clip a brother riding his dream in the fast lane? And furthermore, I should show some respect: Rick Clark boasts a resume to make you hold your breath:

"One of the NFL's top agents in the 1990s, his clients included a list of high pro football draft picks — Bryan Still and Sherman Williams in the NFL and Eric Carter in the Canadian Football League. Now that eye for picking developing talent is turning itself NASCAR's way... "

Mmmmmm. Bryan Still and Sherman Williams you say? Very impressive, Mr. Clark. Glad you mentioned it. Only the best will suffice for a job like this, and your track record demonstrates you are clearly more than ready to usher in this new era.

(We interrupt the narrative thread of this post to bring you this Fun Fact that had to be squeezed in somewhere:

Fun Fact: Rick Clark routinely misunderstands the principle of cause-and-effect:

"I think anybody I've ever met that's never been to a race, and you take them for the first time, most of the time they're pumped up [when they leave]," explains Clark

Yes, Mr. Clark. People are also pumped to leave work at the end of the day. Children are often pumped to leave school for the summer. And everyone is pumped when the race is over.

We now return you back to your original post ...)

OK, maybe I'm being too harsh. I admit to being a little close-minded about NASCAR. And I don't want to be. Really! So let's look more closely at Clark's 3-Step Diversity Plan.

Part 2: The Dream

Step 1: Get 'em while they're young

"These [Nextel Cup] race car drivers started very young.— 4, 5, 6, 7, 8-years-old," adds Kymberly Brantigan, public relations representative for Jeff Gordon and a consultant for Clark. "If minority groups aren't starting at that age, then you have to go back to that age group and get them started."

So what does Kymberly mean by "get them started?" Like, I had a Big Wheel when I was little. And when I walk fast I say "Vroom Vroom" in my head. So would that constitute "getting started"? Or is she saying 4-year-olds need to be given actual race cars? Cause that makes sense to me also.

Step 2: Trailer Park Marketing

"Clark plans to do that through his team's mobile marketing program. Not unlike the 53-foot souvenir trailers you'd usually see inside the track on race weekends, the team has mobile units they plan on debuting through national tours to spread the message of NASCAR all over the country — in places where people have never given the sport a second look. Black colleges, urban elementary schools, hip-hop concerts..."

Genius! I never thought about a trailer park convoy proclaiming the greatness of NASCAR as something that would be regarded as entertainment at say, Howard University, or a 50 Cent concert, or anywhere really. But now that you mention it, yeah, who needs this boring-ass hip hop concert when I can get a souvenir from the NASCARAVAN. This is why we need dreamers!

Step 3: If Jay-Z has a clothing line, NASCAR should have a clothing line

"That pop culture mission, described as "edutainment" by Clark, involves packing these trailers with far more than just the basic education of the team and sport. He plans a tour filled with motivational speakers, debuting a new NASCAR-oriented clothing line called Krewe Wear with an urban look to it —"

First of all, many blacks and Latinos remember Edutainment as an album by hip hop legend KRS-ONE. It came out in '90. The term never caught on as a word we models-for-urbanwear would put air-quotes around, but that was then, this is now. Edutainment is where it's at. I get it! It's style AND substance, dude. Almost like NASCAR itself.

Also, motivational speakers? For real, Rick? Do you like to grab a beer with the fellas and reminisce on all the motivational speakers you used to listen to when you were young? Do you have any recollection of your youth at all?

(This reminds me of a joke I just told myself:

Q: What did the black blogger say to the motivational speaker standing on the ledge trying to hoard in on his Nike money?
A: Just Do It!)

The piece-de-resistance though is the NASCAR "urban" clothing line. Here's a logo from the Krewewear line:

But we thought if NASCAR is going to be so blatant about exploiting our "classic urban style" they might like this one as well:

Part 3: The Checkered Flag of Diversity Denied

"To have the opportunity to — not be the first African-American in the sport by any longshot — but to be the person that could perhaps be the catalyst for positive change over a period of time and to help the sport grow, that is greatly appealing to me as a winner," said Clark.

This is a heartwarming sentiment. And I'm not just saying that because this is a sports blog without access, favor, or discretion. It's more like whenever I see the term "African-American," I get butterflies and that warm snuggly feeling inside. See I don't have a problem with Rick Clark being a ganja smoker dreamer. I'm a dreamer too! Really! But the big problem here — besides the hallucinogens — is this is all about propagating NASCAR.

I hate to be the one to break the news here, but NASCAR is kind of boring. And more important, in these environmentally conscientious times, it's not what the biz people call "a sustainable model." I love car wrecks as much as the next repressed and selfish American, but I don't think they put those cars in the recycling bin when they're done. I'm no scientist, but between the exhaust and debris, I think we can safely say that the ecological footprint left behind your average NASCAR event is equivalent to a nuclear explosion.

Also, I think about the ease with which anyone can play basketball, baseball, football. That seems natural to me. All you have to do is round up some people and a ball. NASCAR, on the other hand, is a sport that requires rounding up an army and invading another country for fuel.

Sooooo, look, I don't want to be a hater. Really! NASCAR deserves its little bit of space. We didn't free the rednecks just so they would have nothing to do. But not every dreg of American culture needs diversification. Maybe if I'm properly "edutained" and watch cars go in circles for 5 hours I might change my mind, but for now I'm going to stay working on my Jessica Biel audition tapes and advising fellow Minority-Americans (awwww, that means all of us) to hold tight and not buy their 4-year-old a race car just yet. At least wait until 2009 when we get our 2 trillion dollars. Then you'll have enough to throw some rims on that piece. Or as Mr. Clark prefer to call them, "urban hubcaps."

(Images by the great Miss Gossip.)