JON STEWART: Cubs fans are considered a subset of stupid?
JOHN OLIVER: Oh absolutely John. They’ve had a hundred years to figure out that what they want will never happen, and yet they still yearn for it.
JS: And that is stupid.
JO: Yes, that’s very stupid.
JS: Because the Cubs will never win.
JO: No, that’s right John. The Chicago Cubs will never, ever win the World Series. They won’t do it.
JS: They’ve made God angry.
JO: That’s right. That’s what I’m saying.

Thank you, Daily Show. And thank you, Cubs.

Baseball Rules On Comedy Central’s Late Night Shows”> [Big League Stew]
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

As we see via the link here, he touched the ball at least once, although I picture him more as a defender. Possibly a goalie. Actually I was sure he was into lacrosse. Live and learn.

I wonder what the statistics are on how many soccer players have become comedians? It's hard to picture Wayne Rooney doing a set at The Laugh Factory.

Jon Stewart: Snarky Soccer Player [Hugging Harold Reynolds]

Well, here it is: Carl Monday being bum-rushed on "The Daily Show." The segment is as entertaining as we could have hoped — we love Jason Jones' Monday-esque intro — and, we hope, succeeds in finally crossing Carl over to an America that will never, ever be ready for him.

Congratulations, Carl. We're proud to have known you way back when. And to think all this started just because poor Mike Cooper happened to be wearing an Ohio State sweatshirt.

The Most Brillant Thing You'll See All Day [Deadspin]
Hall Of Fame Inductee: Carl Monday [Deadspin]

(UPDATE: WKYC, Carl's station, has some extra footage. And it's pretty amazing.)

What a lot of people are objecting to, however, is not so much the fact that Cheney mistook an attorney in an orange vest for a small game bird. It's that the incident occurred during a stock hunt — in other words, Cheney was stalking quail that had been raised in captivity and released from a net moments before the hunting party came upon them. Or, as Ed Helms of The Daily Show described it:

Cheney slowly approaches in his SUV, gets out, and trains his 28-gauge shotgun on the slow-moving birds which are three feet away — and then, the hunt is on. These are pen-raised, witless quail with no wings; quite a challenge for the Vice President.

That, say many, is bad form, and perhaps even a metaphor for previous actions of the administration. (If you're into the whole "politics" thing.) And it gives us an excuse, as suggested by a commenter, to run a picture from "Duck Hunt."

Oh, by the way, just because we've decided to ruin your work day, here's where you can play "Duck Hunt" all day. Look out for lawyers, and enjoy the ride.

Cheney's Shot a Real Metaphor [Real History Blog]
Ready, Fire, Aim! [The Daily Show With Jon Stewart]
Top Ten Dick Cheney Excuses [Late Show With David Letterman]
Official Texas Fish and Wildlife Hunting Accident and Incident Report [The Smoking Gun]
Duck Hunt [Flash Games]