I try to avoid pre-release publicity, even trailers, as much as possible, but inevitably one gets blasted with the Internet news firehose no matter how much one tries to avoid it. So I knew that Arbitrage, which opens Friday, was supposed to be a thriller about a hyper-wealthy hedge fund manager and that it was…

Oh, Bertram, this is just wretched. The help tells me that something called "NBC Sports" is moving all of its talent, and its support staff, three hundred people, to Stamford. In our state, Bertram! Piercing Fairfield county! The horror! Think of the riffraff—Brian Engblom, Peter King, Darren Rovell!—on our streets,…