These Thursday night ACC Football previews are starting to have a Groundhog Day quality about them. (Insert team here) controls their own destiny unless they lose in which case the same scenerio repeats itself again, and again, and again. Shoot me now. This is why we need a college football tsar (of course he'd have to be Russian) to announce that the loser of Alabama-Florida or the Big 12 Championship Game will be deemed the ACC Champion this year. Wouldn't this be great? If your conference was so bad that by popular acclamation (or tsar dictatorship) Sergei Eisenstein could decree the winner of your conference? Anyway, Miami, winners of five straight ballgames, can get close to clinching the Coastal Division with a win at Georgia Tech.

Both teams are 7-3. Miami is 4-2, Georgia Tech is 4-3 in the ACC. If Miami wins out we know they'll be in Tampa at the ACC Championship Game. They might get there by splitting their past two games. Why? The other five teams in their division are coming off losses. But if Georgia Tech wins they become the first ACC team into the clubhouse with 5 wins in the division. Unfortunately for Georgia Tech they've already managed to lose to three of the five teams in their division. Meaning even if they get to five wins they're likely to lose the multi-team tiebreak on division record. Which makes things complicated once more.

So, of course, Georgia Tech is favored by 4 points and will find a way to win. Look for a low-scoring and ugly game. And lots of future engineers getting rowdy in the crowd. Oh, and one dumpy, moderately attractive girl who is going to spend the rest of her life thinking she is smoking hot thanks to the fact that she went to Georgia Tech. Hopefully she won't be your co-worker. Loser.

Someone has to win the Big East. We know this. There's a BCS spot at stake. But with miles to go before we sleep only Syracuse at 0-3 has completely eliminated themselves from contention. Fans of the other 7 teams in the conference (all 14 of you) can still lay awake at night and dream about the riches and glory that could be yours if only your team could string together a few wins and snag the coveted prize. Tonight the Big East's only ranked team in the Coaches' Poll, South Florida, tries to become the only team in the Big East not named Syracuse to have three conference losses, and Cincinnati tries to avoid adding on their second consecutive conference loss. Yep, like 7th grade girls competing to avoid being the slut of the pre-algebra classroom, it's a battle not to suck.

Cincinnati is 5-2. Prior to getting trounced 40-16 by UConn last week their only loss was at Oklahoma. Now they have to beat South Florida to avoid dropping to 1-2 in conference. Which would be bad. What's worse than this? The next two games are on the road at West Virginia and at Louisiville. So, really, Cincinnati is probably already eliminated from Big East contention. But that's okay. Because their final game of the season, on December 6, is at Hawaii. Which is awesome for the team but will kill their bowl crowd. If you have a choice between following Cincinnati to Hawaii in early December or to Birmingham's PapaJohn's Bowl in late December which are you choosing?

Cincinnati's starting quarterback, Tony Pike, is also tougher than you. Not that there was really any doubt after you pulled yourself from an intramural flag football game with turf toe, but still, it's important to establish these things. Pike started last week's game against UConn and played with a broken left (non-throwing) arm. He was pulled from the game after he lost feeling in the broken arm. Jesus.

On the other side of the field South Florida is trying to avoid another Big East collapse. (Perhaps Jim Leavitt can recruit Jenn Sterger to provide the necessary support to the team since she attended USF for two years before transferring to FSU.) After being ranked as high as #10 in the country, the Bulls have lost 2 of 3 conference games. Losing at home on Thursday night to Pitt and on the road to Louisville. It's a battle for the Big East ages, and who are you kidding, you'll be watching. Unless College Invasion 12 just arrived in your mailbox too. Then? Screw college football.

BYU is undefeated and the darling of the non-BCS football universe. They're going on the road at TCU for a Thursday night game and TCU is now favored. You read that right, the line opened at TCU +2 and has since moved to TCU -1. Meaning lots of people who let their money ride on college kids are not impressed by an undefeated and top ten BYU team. Chances are you know nothing about BYU and TCU. So consider this your rough indoctrination. Sort of like when that guy in your fraternity told you to bite down on the dishrag. Wait, what...?

First, BYU at TCU is on Versus at 8 eastern. File that away. So for at least one night the programmers at Versus have outgamed the guys at ESPN. Second, you didn't know this (and neither did I) but TCU has one of the best defenses in the country and is only giving up 11.4 points per game. Which would be very impressive if BYU wasn't giving up only 10.2 while starting two white cornerbacks. So both defenses are stout. But what's the most impressive of all stats, TCU is only giving up 19.1 rushing yards per game. That's not a misprint. That's insane.

On offense BYU's Max Hall has already thrown for over 1800 yards and 20 touchdowns. Meanwhile TCU's Andy Dalton and Marcus Jackson haven't been nearly as impressive statistically (3 touchdowns and 4 picks between them) but have led their team to an average of 33.7 points per game. Partly because Jackson is a dual threat and leads the team in rushing.

TCU is 6-1 with their only loss on the road at Oklahoma. BYU remains undefeated and aside from a final game at home against Utah this game is probably their best chance for a loss. Which means if you're rooting for a BCS debacle then you need to be rooting for an undefeated BYU to keep climbing in the polls.

BYU has the nation's longest winning streak at 16. TCU still wishes the Southwest Conference existed. Already this tussle is being called the biggest game in Fort Worth, Texas in a decade. Which is saying something gents. Truly...something. Dare we say this: are you ready for some Mountain West football?

I know I am. Oh, and on the other station, in the other game, Bobby Bowden will look befuddled 18 times and SU will win by 14. It's really an easy call. Come watch the Mountain West/Pac-10 title be decided on Versus.

Granted USC opened as a 24 point favorite and will probably beat the bejesus out of Oregon State. But at least USC is going on the road against a Pac-10 team. In conference brain farts are the only thing that have kept the Trojans from complete and utter college football dominance. Crazier things have happened than USC losing to Oregon State. Stanford, anyone? In fact, the last time USC went on the road to lovely Corvallis, Oregon in 2006, they lost 33-31 to break a string of 38 consecutive regular season wins.

It's going to be cool (mid 50's with the potential of rain) at kickoff. Meaning USC's Mark Sanchez (who by the way, isn't he what A.C. Slater would have become if Slater weren't fictional) will have to break out the turtleneck to avoid the chills. Both teams are coming off bye weeks. In fact, USC has already had two bye weeks (three if you count UVa). It's been two weeks since they ran roughshod over the Buckeyes. This game will set up USC for 8 consecutive weeks of play until a much-needed third bye week of the season before the Notre Dame game.

Meanwhile Oregon State (the only people who can name all three of their opponents still think wearing Beaver baseball caps are cool and/or attend Oregon State) is 1-2 and also coming off a bye week. So far Oregon State has lost to Stanford and Penn State while beating Hawai'i. None of these performances instill great confidence. Least of all the 45-14 loss to Penn State. Even still, this is one of USC's 5 Pac-10 road games and how often do you get a chance to see the number one team in the country on a stage all their own?

Not often. Especially not when they're on the West Coast and have a television package that falls somewhere between nonexistent and "Hey, do I get Fox College Sports Pacific," or whatever the hell that station is that is still not in HD. Anyway, three things to note tonight.

1. Joe McKnight has still only carried the ball 18 times this season. Rumor is Brent Musberger has videotaped these runs and watches them flit across his ceiling at night while he's in bed. This is probably true. McKnight is averaging a Reggie Bushian 9.2 yards a carry. Better find out where his parents are living. Pronto.

2. Oregon State's quarterback is named Lyle. Meaning he must have been born in 1958. Which makes his performance all the more impressive. He's averaging over 300 yards a game passing including 404 against Stanford in the opener. On the downside he's 5'11 and weighs 235 pounds. I think he's eating those really cool Beaver hats.

3. Mark Sanchez is listed as "Questionable: groin chafing" on the USC injury report. When asked to explain this injury, Pete Carroll replied, "Hey, that's why you come to USC. We do bye weeks well." So there's that.

Kickoff at 9. Be there. I'm told that the most famous Oregon State alum not named Steven Jackson will be there. I have no idea what her name was but she was on the cover of Playboy holding a football. Sign her up.

The Steelers' quest to get back on track hits St. Louis tonight, and they should probably beware: The Rams haven't looked as awful lately. (Just in time to ruin their draft pick.)

This is another NFL Network game, so people are scrambling to figure out ways to watch it. (No NFL Network in Pittsburgh, though it will be on local stations.) Supposedly that NFL Live thing is online, but we remind you that it does not, in fact, show you the whole game, instead giving you "look-ins." Because that's what you want from a football game; those helpless moments of having no idea what's happening sporadically interrupted by two minutes of actions as you scramble to catch up.

Anyway, yeah, pre-Christmas football. Big Ben goes well with the nog.

It's the Broncos vs. the Texans, and the best we can say about the game is that it will definitely, 100 percent not feature David Carr. Since most of you won't be able to watch it, if you're salivatingly desperate for fan updates, here's Mile High Report and Texans Locker.

But we're sure you're not that desperate. We just wanted to remind you to update your fantasy lineup. It's the playoffs, after all.

Technically, this is an elimination game for the NFC wild-card chase, but it's difficult to be too inspired by that; let's just go with the Storied Franchises label. It's the last hope for Redskins fans and Bears fans. Let's see how many names and football terms Bryant Gumbel gets wrong.

After a loss to the Buzzsaw last week that could generously be called "dispiriting," the Seattle Seahawks faithful are beginning to lose hope, openly referring to last season as a fluke. (We are more optimistic about their chances, but we know nothing.)

Regardless of it all, Seattle can clinch the NFC West tonight with a win over the 49ers on the NFL Network, if you are, again, one of the fortunate few who gets that channel. For all their frustrations this year, a win tonight cinches a first round playoff game, perhaps against the Giants, which would be a fun rematch.

If you're around and wondering where all your friends — imaginary and otherwise — have gone, saddle up and enjoy tonight's open thread. It's a Thursday night game, so get those fantasy lineups in order, open up a Schlitz and try to enjoy watching Bryant Gumbel broadcast a game in the rain. Have fun!

Read It Here First: Last Year Was A Fluke [The Fanhouse]

This, it's safe to say, is not one of those night when we're banging our head against the wall for not having the NFL Network. (We're far more concerned about missing the Rutgers bowl game.) The Steelers and the Browns, two teams long since removed from the playoff picture, go head to head tonight, and it's up to Cris Collinsworth and Bryant Gumbel — who hopefully will rip into Gene Upshaw again or something — to keep our interest. We're not holding our breath.

That said, there's always the possibility that it will snow, and snow makes it feel like it's truly the holiday season, as if the general increase in your stress level hadn't reminded you of that already.

Anyway, if you want to enjoy this game in a virtual, real-time (mostly) commenting environment, hang out here and let your freak flag fly. See what you can do to maximize your level of mirth, and hopefully Roethlisberger's head won't fly off or something. Have fun!