I should have just said that I wouldn't want to be on the same team with a gay person because I just don't think it's right for them to be on a team and the team not know that you are gay. ... Nothing happened to me. I just don't condone [being gay]. When I see gay people holding hands or kissing in the streets, I just don't think that's right.

It's a rather outstanding interview, and it's another of example of "the good Scoop." As for Hardaway, he just wants to make it clear that he doesn't "hate" gay people. He'd just rather they knock it off with the whole "humpin' dudes" business.

"I Don't Have A Hate Bone In My Body" [ESPN]
Scoop Jackson's Look Back [Deadspin]

Look, according to union rules, technicians in the ESPN video truck get one 15-minute coffee break every two hours. So if you're the director, sometimes you need to delegate. "Go ahead and choose which section of the crowd to pan, Buzz. I'm finishing my danish." Or, you know, perhaps every fifth person in the Kentucky rooting section had a similar sign, and there was just no better place to point the camera.

Or could it be that Tim Hardaway really believes that the LSU roster is populated with gay players? That's a distinct possibility. Oh, those crazy kids in Lexington. Here's how it looks on video:

We're not sure, but we think we also saw Ralph Wiggum in there holding a sign that reads "I Like Purple."

Also, as Awful Announcing pointed out, what's the deal with the girl up front? We can only assume that that's some sort of hospital outpatient bracelet she's wearing.

What Kentucky Really Thinks Of LSU [Awful Announcing]
What's Eating Tim Hardaway? [Deadspin]

You might have seen this already, but this clip from the "Jimmy Kimmel Show" — which, surprisingly, is rumored to have been in trouble of late — dips a bung into the brain of Tim Hardaway and pretty much captures is deepest, darkest, most desirable fears. Plus, it's Takei.

(UPDATE: Never fear, Kimmel fans: the show appears to be fine.)

I really went back and forth on whether or not I should post this. If it was any more explicit, I wouldn't have. You can't see any ding-dong here. There are four of these clips (be sure to check out Tim rubbing lotion on his ass in clip #2) on YouTube, and why they exist or how they got there, I haven't the foggiest idea. I just thought I'd pass it along.

It does call into doubt Will's headline from earlier this week, though: "Tim Hardaway Wants Only Straight Men To See His Penis." I think deep down, whether he can admit it or not... Tim Hardaway wants everyone to see his penis.

Tim Hardaway Naked In The Locker Room - (3 of 4) [YouTube]

• YAYSports. We've been searching and searching for anything that'll lead to where this hatred came from, but have come up with nothing. We're assuming he's deeply religious or something boring like that, but hold out hope that like he was captured by a gay gang who like kept him prisoner for days at a time and like made him watch Cabaret for days on end. Whatever the case, Tim seems determined to destroy the legend of the U-Tep 2-Step. On one hand, you must commend him for not being afraid to speak his mind. On the other, we wish he'd do it on TV, so we could like watch the reaction in the interviewer's face.

• The Hype Guy. Couldn't you just imagine Timmy in the movie Borat with the way he outwardly said those things?

• We Are The Postmen. This thing just keeps getting better. Here's a fun little story stellar Postmen reader Don sent along to us a little bit ago, as told to him by a friend: When I was valeting cars out at Disney, Hardaway was staying at our hotel for a few days. He kept tipping like shit for the first couple days and we all new he was a millionare so of course word got around and all the valet's didn't like him. On a Saturday night he comes out and asks a few of the valets what club would be hopping that night. My boy Tommy tells him he needs to go check out the Parliament House as it is off the chain on Saturday and he really tells him how good of time he will have and how many bitches will be there. Hardaway goes and comes back later that evening extremely pissed off demanding to talk to management. Turns out he wasn't too happy that the valet's had sent him to a gay club. .always take care of your valet's.

• A Bargain At Twice The Price. As expected, Hardaway memorabilia on eBay is priced to sell. Here's one item, though, that you can't afford tp pass up.

• TrueHoop. Kevin Arnovitz from ClipperBlog e-mails that Tim Hardaway's anti-gay comments are good in the long run: "It's that old classic: One brother is beating the s—- out of the other brother, then there's a knock. It's Mom, and she yells through the door, 'What's going on in there?!' She cracks the door open and the older brother, like the cat with the canary, says, 'Oh, nothing, Mom!' and flashes a big smile. Then Mom, with a furrowed brow, says, 'Alright. Behave.' Then she closes the door and, once she's out of an earshot, the kid goes back to beating the s—- out of his brother." At least Hardaway said, 'Mom, I'm thrashing my brother because he's a f—-—- piece of s—-.' Now Mom actually has to parent."

Over at NBA.com, by the way, the controversy is totally absent. When Stern banishes you, he banishes you.

Tim Hardaway Signed Rainbow Flag Floor [eBay]

Since the Super Bowl ended and the swirling madness of March has yet to come upon us, those interested in professional sporting activities have had limited big-time events to occupy our time, evidenced by "SportsCenter"'s increased NASCAR coverage over the last few days. The one event earmarked to break up the doldrums has been the NBA All-Star Game, which promised to be even more of a glitzy, half-court alley-oop, behind-the-back pass spectacle than usual, thanks to its relocation in Las Vegas. David Stern braced himself for gambling blowback, hooker buffets, and all of the other sinful accompaniment that could potentially derail this firecracker weekend, only to have John Amaechi's gayness and Tim Hardaway's allegiance to the Westboro Baptist Church tripwire the event before any of the players even sasquatch their way on to the Vegas tarmac.

Now, Stern has a public relations staff working overtime to ensure that anyone affiliated with the NBA has to keep their comments about the Hardaway/Amaechi slap-fight to a minimum - or else, like Hardaway, face league banishment for expressing views not representative of the NBA's "No, no - we LOVE homos!" stance. Right now, Stern is probably praying for somebody to start blasting at Michael Jordan's Birthday party at the Bellagio. In this world, it's much easier to sidestep thuggery than gay bashing.

But is there a way to move away from the issue and keep the focus on the All-Star excitement? Some adjustments will have to be made.

So, today, I'm pulling out my vintage 1984 University of Hawaii jersey, making my best Johnny Weir dunk face and calculating the odds on what'll happen this weekend as a result of Hardaway's statements.

Show me your killer crossover, after this jump.

—-—-—-—-—-—-—

Tim Hardaway Goes to Rehab: 1/2

This is the world we live in. Regardless if Tim Hardaway has even taken one sip of Hennessey in his life, it'll probably be recommended that he spend some time away from everybody to "work through his issues" and find out where the origins of his misguided hatred come from. Soon after, we'll see Hardaway attending LGBT meetings and Act Up marches all across the country in an effort to redefine his image — and make him once again employable as an NBA analyst somewhere. After that, Hardaway and Amaechi will most likely have a sitdown on Oprah, where they'll be forced to embrace, completely exorcising Hardaway's fear of being groped in the shower by one of his teammates. Unfortunately, the best way to rewire people these days is to put them on Oprah. If only Morton Downey Jr. was still alive.

Danny Gans To Sing National Anthem With Sir Elton John: 2/1

In case there are any protesters marching outside the arena, the best way to ensure that the NBA is a tolerant league is to use a recognizable gay entertainer to quash those suggestions. Even though Danny Gans is supposedly well known for his spooky impersonations of famous singers and originally planned to warble the National Anthem using many of his various voices — Smokey Robinson, David Bowie, um, Ricky Martin — it just won't be enough. If there was ever a perfect place for Elton to magically pop-up in a purple, sequined suit and pink coke bottle glasses playing a rainbow colored piano, this is the time. "I can't lie..".

Reshuffling of the NBA Celebrity All-Star Roster: 3/1

Yes, there's a way to do this subtly, without raising too many eyebrows. Just replace Little Bow Wow with Neil Patrick Harris, David Arquette with T.R. Knight and Carrot Top with that dude from N'Sync ... oh, and make sure that there's a WNBA player on the court at all times. Thankfully, Taye Diggs is already penciled in as a member of the East team. There's a start.

Nobody Talks to Jim Gray: 4/1

Stern will most likely alert all participants — even those loosely affiliated with the NBA — to not answer any questions from the long-faced man with the thinning hair and the evil glint in his eye. Gray's penchant for exploiting the negative and making people squirm has probably made him the least welcome person in Las Vegas this weekend. Stern has drawn up "exit route" maps so former players and NBA executives can easily navigate the unfamiliar confines of the Thomas & Mack Center in case they get cornered. In addition, Gray will have to set-up all interviews this weekend via the NBA's special guest PR handler — Chad Curtis.

Yesterday, "Jim Rome Is Burning" showed the famous clip of Tim Hardaway throwing a television monitor onto the court. Our special investigative skills of video editing have uncovered why drew his ire. We should have all seen this coming back then.

Tim Hardaway Wants Only Straight Men To See His Penis [Deadspin]

With all the fun we're having Tim Hardaway today, a reader writes in and blames ESPN for the whole thing:

ESPN publishes a book in which a gay former player comes out of the closet.
ESPN personalities all jump on this self-created "story" to publicly express that they are indeed tolerant.
ESPN personalities ask every living athlete about their thoughts on gay players hoping that...
An ESPN personality finally catches a former athlete, who's not up on the latest tolerance talking points.
ESPN runs non-stop coverage of said comments.
ESPN personalities get to go on camera once again and say how much they're against hate.

Interesting, though we'll confess that few people are having more fun with this Hardaway business than we are. (It's a slow sports week.) By the way, you can bid on TimHardawayIsGay.com

Tim Hardaway Wants Only Straight Men To See His Penis [Deadspin]
Tim Hardaway's Deeper Hole [Deadspin]

OK, so here's what we want to happen today: Every half hour, we want someone to call Tim Hardaway to ask him about his comments about hating gay people. You can ask him the same question every time, every half hour. It'll be great, because he'll find a way to dig himself an even deeper hole each time. This is from a television interview last night, in which he responds to the question of what he would do if he had a family member who was gay.

Seriously, every half hour. By the end of the day, he'll be like, "Listen, I'm just saying that gay people should be ground into deli meat and fed to wolverines. You know, that's just what I believe."

"You know, I hate gay people, so I let it be known. I don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people. I am homophobic. I don't like it. It shouldn't be in the world or in the United States.''

When you listen to the whole interview, what's most amusing is just how flippant Hardaway is about it; he's just matter-of-fact about the whole thing. "Hey, I hate gay people ... who doesn't, right? Who's with me?" Considering the statements — which are so over the top that it's almost hard to be offended by them; it's like getting angry at a dog for not being able to juggle — it's pretty clear that Hardaway's future as a television commentator is over, and that David Stern is going to have him killed.

But our favorite part of this story is Hardaway's "apology."

"There are more important things to worry about than my comments. We should be more concerned about President (George) Bush and all the people dying in Iraq."

Well, jeez, Tim, when you put it that way ... you're absolutely right!

Tim Hardaway Interview [790 The Ticket]
Hardaway Makes Anti-Gay Comments On Radio [Miami Herald]
Ex-Heat Star: "I Hate Gay People [Local10]