What to watch while planning a vacation to Bill Simmons' "Mount Rapmore" »
• College Basketball: #6 Illinois @ Iowa. Dee Brown continues his Godzilla-like march through the Big Ten, but today, will face a very solid defense. [Big Ten Wonk]
• Golf: Mercedes Championships. Stuart Appleby has a one-stroke lead, but I'm not sure who to root for in this one. I kinda hate anyone who spends January… »
What to watch as those Queer Eye guys attempt to make you somewhat less repulsive ...
· Rockies at Giants. Look, if one of you isn't above .500 by Aug. 15, we're cancelling the NL West.
· Hobbit boxing (some call it the featherweight division): Ramirez vs. Smalls.
· WNBA: Connecticut Suns at NY Liberty. To play in… »
What to watch in lieu of interaction with loved ones ...
· Marlins at Cardinals. New MLB rule: Following any home run, player must complete drug test before runs will count.
· Darts: World Championships. Men who spend most of their time in pubs will test their skill as ow! Hey, that wasn't funny!
· Athletics at Twins. »
What to watch as the tattoo removal guy lasers her name from your arm, and, finally, your heart ...
· Tigers at Athletics. Detroit's Sean Douglass, pride of the Toledo Mud Hens, tries to go 4-0.
· Weetabix Cereal Women's British Open. Servings per container: 1. Calories: 0.
· Pugilism: Lubwana vs. Tony in… »
What you missed while trying to convince Larry Brown to coach your son's 5th grade basketball team ...
· Let's mistakenly play two: Blue Jays beat Angels in 18th inning.
· Using a branch for a club and a small rock for a ball, Tiger still only seven strokes back at Buick Open.
· Braves sweep Nationals as Chipper Jones… »
What to watch as E.T. fends for himself in his flight from authorities ...
· Mets at Astros. Houston fans give a warm welcome to former Astro Carlos Beltran, who ... hey! Who threw that brick?
· Soccer or football? Winner of D.C. United vs. Chelsea gets to name it once and for all.
· How Nick Watney got his groove… »
What you missed while attending to your duties as Pope ...
· Our long national nightmare is over: Knicks, Brown finally tie the knot.
· Yankees stopped by Santana (not the band).
· We are filled with shame: < ahref="http://www.suntimes.com/output/fire/cst-spt-fire28.html">AC Milan beats MLS Chicago in exhibition… »
The burglar stole everything except your crappy TV. Thank the Lord. ...
· Hey, maybe the Padres will make Phil Nevin catch again! That would be funny.
· What are we going to do tonight? I have six words for you my friend: Frontier League Baseball All-Star Game.
· Now that the dancing show is over, perhaps it's time to… »
What you missed when the Pillsbury Dough Boy had you arrested for inappropriate poking
· Maddux: Gets 3,000th strikeout. You: Eat 30,000th Chicken McNugget.
· Phelps wins 200 free at World Swim Championships despite that meddlesome Aquaman.
· Sosa mistakenly uses non-corked bat, ties Frank Robinson on homer list
What To Watch Until Squirrels Eat Through The Cable ...
Twins at Yankees: N.Y. needs to finish ahead of Red Sox, if for no other reason than to stop a Fever Pitch sequel
Boxing: Ren Gonz lez vs. Samuel Hern ndez. Bantamweights — they're so cute at that age.
WNBA: LA Sparks vs. Phoenix Mercury. Feel the heat? Um, feel… »
You awoke on the front lawn with a dog licking your face and various unexplainable tattoos. We'll bring you up to speed.
· OK, that idea the Red Sox had about putting Schilling in the bullpen? Not so good.
· Monday Night Golf: Tiger, Daly lose to two guys who just wandered in from a nearby bar.
· Alex Smith sacked… »
What to watch with binoculars on your neighbor's new plasma screen TV ...
· Giants at Cubs. Dusty Baker sure glad he left that sinking ship.
· Lincoln Financial Battle of The Bridges Golf Tournament. Or, Battle at the Bridges (ESPN describes it both ways). Anyway, Tiger Woods is on one of the bridges, apparently.
· … »
What you missed while setting up the world's longest line of dominos ... oops.
· Armstrong can now drink a margarita out of a different Tour de France trophy every day of the week.
· Busch wins Pennsylvania 500, Wallace second after stopping for a family of ducks.
· Ben Crane shoots 69 to win US Bank Championship,… »
What to watch as the Oompa Loompas do your household chores ...
Dodgers at Mets. Jeff Weaver vs. Victor Zambrano for all the marb ... for, ah, third place in their respective divisions.
PGA U.S. Bank Championships: "Gambling is illegal at Bushwood Sir, and I never slice. ... Damn!"
Foot Fetish: NE Revolution at Club… »
What you missed while impassionatley engaged in the fight, for your right, to paaaaaarrrrrty.
· Guerrero Slams Yankees: We'd make a "Touched by an Angel" reference here if it wasn't so lame.
· Brown, Isiah Meet. Strangely, the open Knicks job never comes up.
· Armstrong emerges from mountains with yellow jersey,… »
What to watch as your speedboat is being repossessed ...
Yankees at Rangers. If Steinbrenner acts quickly, Griffey could be on a plane for this one.
From France, the LPGA Evian Masters. Whoa, Lance Armstrong playing through!
Washington D.C. United at Kansas City Wizards. May be blacked out in the Kansas City area if… »
What you missed during your frenzied scramble to buy every Wonka Bar in town ...
Schilling gets first save since '92, but let's be honest, it was against Tampa Bay.
Lance Armstrong facing little resistance as he approaches Paris — kind of like the Germans in WWII.
Pistons fire Larry Brown, officially becoming the LA… »