(NCAA buckets. Duh.)

Today has pretty much been a snoozer as far as basketball action is concerned. That may all change tonight during the NCAA's evening sessions.

Purdue vs. Washington, 5:40 PM, Portland. You gotta fight! For the right! To get demolished by UConn next week!

North Carolina vs. LSU, 5:45 PM, Greensboro, NC. The North Carolina schools' annual NCAA tournament tour of North Carolina's arenas continue. Will Hansbrough ever close his mouth and/or get a rebound? Tune in to find out!

Oklahoma vs. Michigan, 5:50 PM, Kansas City. Will Michigan avenge their 1976 Orange Bowl loss to Oklahoma? Tune in to find out!.

Gonzaga vs. Western Kentucky, 8:10 PM, Portland. Chicago sports radio host Dan Bernstein has a theory that every year in the NCAA tournament, one of the Cinderella teams has red jerseys. Is Western Kentucky this year's Crazy Red Team? Tune in to find out!

Duke vs. Texas, 8:15 PM, Greensboro. Tonight, we are all Texans. Hook 'em, Horns!

• College Basketball: Oklahoma vs. Texas (9 pm EST). Tonight, the parts of Colt McCoy and Sam Bradford will be played by AJ Abrams and Blake Griffin. [ESPN]

Uhhhh...jeez. That's about it for sports. Pop in a movie, make some amateur porn, buy Pants Party tickets, or something.

• NBA: Chicago Bulls vs. Atlanta Hawks (7:00 pm ET) [WGN] - Nice of WGN to interrupt their flood of Andy Griffith episodes and crappy first-run syndicated fare to run something that's nowhere near as good as we remember it and something nowhere near as good as it's claimed to be.
• College Football: Emerald Bowl - California vs. Miami (FL) (8:00 pm ET) [ESPN] - Sometimes you feel like watching the Emerald Bowl; sometimes you don't.
• Olympics: The Beijing Olympic Opening Ceremony: The TV Event of the Year (8:00 pm ET) [NBC] - ... it wasn't the premiere of "My Own Worst Enemy"?
• Movie: Who Framed Roger Rabbit? (9:00 pm ET) [TMCX] - We're not bad; we're just posted that way.
• Movie: An Officer and a Gentleman (10:15 pm ET) [AMC] - Now this is our idea of an ass bandit.

This will be the last weeknight "To Watch Tonight" for the foreseeable future. (OK, ever. The weekend folks may continue to do it, but that's their call.) I know it's a grand tradition, but it's also a lot of work coming up with those zany one-liners that somehow reference the Dallas Mavericks. It's a lot of work for very little payoff, too. It's the least clicked, least commented upon feature we have and it's time that we put it to rest. There's only so many pictures of Kristin Chenoweth's breasts out there that I can post.

If you really need to know what's on TV tonight, here's what you do. Pick up your remote control, hit the little button that says "Guide" on it, and you're good to go. (Or bookmark the links below. That's pretty much all I used to compile it.) Even "TV Guide" couldn't survive the digital age and it was way more informative and insightful than this page will ever be. Better crossword puzzles too.

Yahoo TV Listings
ESPN Programming Guide

So, I'm sorry, but you're going to have to find your own entertainment from now on. Here's an idea—Go read a book or something.

(This is indeed a sad, sad day; look for the To Watch Tonight 10-Year Reunion in 2018. The Doody family will be there! — Rick).

• 6:00 — TV: Law & Order: Criminal Intent First of a six-episode marathon. Not that anyone cares, but this is easily my least-favorite L&O; I don't know if it's because it's a stock Colombo ripoff, or because it doesn't follow the same formula as the others. But Iracane loves it, and I guess that's good enough for posting it. [Bravo]

• 8:00 — College Football (sort of): BCS Selection Show [FOX]

• 8:00 — Pro Football: NFL — Washington Redskins at Baltimore Ravens [NBC]

• Boxing: Welterweights, Oscar De La Hoya vs. Manny Pacquiao. Protect yourself at all times and come out swingin'. [HBO pay-per-view]

• College Football: Cincinnati at Hawai'i. Aloha! [ESPN2]

• Movie: Mission Impossible III. Now with that deleted scene where Tom Cruise makes out with Phillip Seymour Hoffman. [TNT]

• College Football: MAC Championship: Ball State Cardinals vs. Buffalo Bulls (8:00 p.m., ET) Help us, Sussman. You're our only hope. [ESPN2]
• NBA: Portland Trail Blazers at Boston Celtics (8:00 p.m., ET) Kevin Garnett to Blazers: "Nice shoes, jerks." [ESPN]
• Special: "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" (8:00 p.m., ET) The Grinch's sentencing hearing will be on Monday. [ABC]
• NBA: Toronto Raptors at Utah Jazz (10:30 p.m., ET) Utah is jazz. [ESPN]
• Movie: "Heat" (8:00 p.m., ET) Are you looking to become a penologist? [Bravo]

• College Basketball: Big 12/Pac-10 Hardwood Series: USC Trojans vs. Oklahoma Sooners (7:00 p.m., ET) For the national champio....? Oh. Nevermind. [ESPN2]
• College Football: Louisville Cardinals vs. Rutgers Scarlet Knights (7:30 p.m., ET) Too much red for me. [ESPN]
• College Basketball: Big 12/Pac-10 Hardwood Series: UCLA Bruins vs. Texas Longhorns (9:00 p.m., ET) What does LenDale White think of all this? [ESPN2]
• NBA: Phoenix Suns at Dallas Mavericks (8:00 p.m., ET) We're goin' ballistic, Mav! [TNT]
• Special: "Barbara Walters: The 10 Most Fascinating People of 2008" (10:00 p.m., ET) Baby Mangino? [ABC]
• NBA: San Antonio Spurs at Denver Nuggets (10:30 p.m., ET) Great ... sloppy seconds. [TNT]
• Movie: "The Bourne Ultimatum" (9:00 p.m., ET) They should have left him alone! [HBO]

• College Basketball: ACC/Big Ten Challenge: Indiana Hoosiers vs. Wake Forest Demon Deacons (7:00 p.m., ET) What if they were the Demon Hoosiers? [ESPN]
• College Basketball: ACC/Big Ten Challenge: Michigan Wolverines vs. Maryland Terrapins (7:00 p.m., ET) Don't get me started. [ESPNU]
• College Basketball: ACC/Big Ten Challenge: Penn State Nittany Lions vs. Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets (7:30 p.m., ET) A yellow jacket? With that tie? [ESPN2]
• College Basketball: ACC/Big Ten Challenge: North Carolina Tar Heels vs. Michigan State Spartans (9:15 p.m., ET) Live blog? What ever will I wear? [ESPN]
• College Basketball: ACC/Big Ten Challenge: Florida State Seminoles vs. Northwestern Wildcats (9:30 p.m., ET) Does anyone else miss Charlie Ward? [ESPN2]
• Series: "Pushing Daisies" (8:00 p.m., ET) I'm a man of my word. [ABC]

• NHL: Tampa Bay Lightning vs. Philadelphia Flyers (7:00 p.m., ET) If only the puck were glowing... [Versus]
• College Basketball: ACC/Big Ten Challenge: Ohio State Buckeyes vs. Miami Hurricanes (7:00 p.m., ET) That looks like pass interference to me. [ESPN]
• College Basketball: ACC/Big Ten Challenge: Iowa Hawkeyes vs. Boston College Eagles (7:00 p.m., ET) Try the other men's room, Hawkeye fans. [ESPNU]
• College Basketball: ACC/Big Ten Challenge: Clemson Tigers vs. Illinois Fighting Illini (7:30 p.m., ET) Needs more Zook. [ESPN2]
• College Basketball: ACC/Big Ten Challenge: Duke Blue Devils vs. Purdue Boilermakers (9:00 p.m., ET) Yes, Duke will save us. [ESPN]
• College Basketball: ACC/Big Ten Challenge: Virginia Cavaliers vs. Minnesota Golden Gophers (9:30 p.m., ET) Five games? Now you're just pushing it. [ESPN2]
• Movie: "Citizen Kane" (8:00 p.m., ET) People will think what I tell them to think. [TCM]

• College Basketball: ACC/Big Ten Challenge: Wisconsin Badgers vs. Virginia Tech Hokies (7:00 p.m., ET) Also known as "The Big Ten Loses 7 Non-Conference Games Week." [ESPN2]
• NHL: Colorado Avalanche vs. Minnesota Wild (8:00 p.m., ET) What is a Wild, anyway? [Versus]
• NFL: Monday Night Football: Jacksonville Jaguars at Houston Texans (8:30 p.m., ET) Sage! Come back, Sage! [ESPN]

• College Basketball: Boston College Eagles vs. Purdue Boilermakers (7:00 p.m., ET) What's a Harvey Wallbanger? [ESPN2]
• NBA: Orlando Magic at Philadelphia 76ers (7:30 p.m., ET) Get along, 76ers. [ESPN]
• Movie: "The 40-Year-Old Virgin." (8:00 p.m., ET) She was a ho. For shooooooooo. [USA]
• College Basketball: UAB Blazers vs. Oklahoma Sooners (9:30 p.m., ET) Blaze. Lazer. Blazers! [ESPN2]
• College Basketball: Maui Invitational Final, Notre Dame Fighting Irish vs. North Carolina Tar Heels (10:00 p.m., ET) Somewhere, Matt Doherty weeps. [ESPN2]
• Series: "Pushing Daisies." (8:00 p.m., ET) You failed. So I'll just keep posting pictures of Kristin Chenoweth's cleavage in silent protest until it goes off the air forever. [ABC]

• College Basketball: Texas Longhorns vs. Notre Dame Fighting Irish (7:00 p.m. ET) They don't seem that "fighting" to me. [ESPN]
• College Football: Western Michigan Broncos vs. Ball State Cardinals (7:00 p.m. ET) A win, and WMU doesn't get a BCS bid either![ESPN2]
• College Football: Navy Midshipmen vs. Northern Illinois Huskies (7:00 p.m. ET) You're going to need a bigger boat. [ESPN Classic]
• Special: "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving" (8:00 p.m. ET) Mmm. Popcorn. [ABC]
• College Basketball: North Carolina Tar Heels vs. Oregon Ducks (9:30 p.m. ET) Psycho T downgraded to Mildly Unstable T [ESPN]
• College Basketball: Kansas Jayhawks vs. Syracuse Orangemen (10:00 p.m. ET) It's a rematch of that game everyone forgot about. [ESPN2]
• NHL: St. Louis Blues at Nashville Predators (7:00 p.m. ET) So Nashville's mascot is a bank? [Vs.]

• College Basketball: Syracuse Orangemen vs. Florida Gators (7:30 p.m., ET) So much orange. [ESPN2]
• NFL: Monday Night Football: Green Bay Packers vs. New Orleans Saints (8:30 p.m., ET). Open up a window and let in the Brees. [ESPN]
• College Basketball: Kansas Jayhawks vs. Washington Huskies (9:30 p.m., ET) Carry on, my wayward sons. [ESPN2]
• College Basketball: Oregon Ducks vs. Alabama Crimson Tide (12:00 a.m., ET) If the Duck floats ... [ESPN2]
• Movie: "Million Dollar Baby" (8:00 p.m., ET) Spoiler alert: Clint Eastwood is old. [AMC]

• College Basketball: Coaches vs. Cancer Classic Final: Michigan vs. Duke (7:00 p.m., ET) What's not to like? [ESPN2]
• NBA: Houston Rockets at Washington Wizards (7:00 p.m., ET) Wax Arenas should be good 15 and 5. [ESPN]
• College Football: Fresno State Bulldogs at San Jose State Aztecs Spartans (9:30 p.m., ET) Great. Now I'll never tell these two schools apart. (see?!) [ESPN2]
• NBA: New Orleans Hornets at Oklahoma City Thunder (9:30 p.m., ET). What's that noise? [ESPN]

• College Basketball: Coaches vs. Cancer Classic: Southern Illinois vs. Duke Blue Devils (7:00 p.m., ET) Salukies, Dukies. Dukies, Salukies [ESPN2]
• College Football: Miami Hurricanes vs. Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets (7:30 p.m., ET) Those colors do not go well together. [ESPN]
• NBA: Detroit Pistons at Boston Celtics (8:00 p.m., ET) Unless someone is punching Bill Laimbeer, I'm not interested. [TNT]
• College Basketball: Coaches vs. Cancer Classic: Michigan vs. UCLA (9:00 p.m., ET) Ditto. [ESPN2]
• NBA: Los Angeles Lakers at Phoenix Suns (10:30 p.m., ET) Maybe Kobe will finally answer that question. [TNT]

• College Football: Ball State Cardinals at Central Michigan Chippewas (7:00 p.m., ET) I guess Birds and Chips are okay, too. [ESPN2]
• NBA: Dallas Mavericks at Houston Rockets (8:00 p.m., ET) I might have some inside info on this game, if you're interested. [ESPN]
• Soccer: World Cup Qualifier: Guatemala vs. United States (10:00 p.m., ET) No wonder Cal Ripken had to leave the country. [ESPN2]
• NBA: Chicago Bulls at Portland Trail Blazers (10:30 p.m., ET) Derrick Rose looked at me! [ESPN]
• Series: "Pushing Daisies" (8:00 p.m., ET) Please watch this show. It's probably too late, but I'd hate to see it canceled. [ABC]

• NCAA Men: Richmond Spiders vs. Syracuse Orangemen (6:00 p.m., ET) Have you ever seen a spider eat an orange? [ESPN]
• NHL: Minnesota Wild at Pittsburgh Penquins (7:00 p.m., ET) Is this some sort of ice basketball? [Versus]
• NCAA Men: Preseason NIT: St. John's Red Storm vs. Boston College Eagles (7:30 p.m., ET) That John ... what a saint! [ESPN2]
• NCAA Men: Kentucky Wildcats at North Carolina Tar Heels (8:00 p.m., ET) Without Tyler, what's the point of even living? [ESPN]
• NCAA Men: Preseason NIT: Davidson Wildcats vs. Oklahoma Sooners (9:30 p.m., ET) Stephen Curry makes Dell Curry look like the shrimp curry I had for lunch. [ESPN2]
• NCAA Men: Preseason NIT: UAB Blazers vs Arizona Wildcats (11:30 p.m., ET) Enough with the wildcats! [ESPN2]