"Chef" over at SportsJournalists.com knows Todd Tichenor. Todd Tichenor is a friend of Chef's. (Maybe.) You, sir, are no Todd Tichenor. Simply titled "A Note," the message is reprinted here in its entirety because its important, dammit. (Is that "America The Beautiful" I hear playing softy in the background?)

This may get me banned, suspended.......whatever.

Doesn't matter much to me.

The people who are bashing the umpire today, have obviously never umpired in any sport in their life.

If you knew anything about Tichenor, you would know that he is married and has 2 young boys, which he sees only for a day at a time very very rarely.

If you knew anything about Tichenor, you would know that he was analyzed (without him knowing) during his first MLB game behind the plate. Out of every pitch thrown, he missed 2 ball/strike pitches. 2 out of over 280.

If you knew anything about Tichenor, you would know that he went to umpiring academy in Florida right out of JUCO, and that when he comes back home during the winter, he substitute teaches at a local grade school.

If you knew anything about Tichenor, you would know that his dad died of cancer at a very early age, and that there is a Fred Tichenor Memorial Softball Tournament that is played every year out here.

If you knew anything about Tichenor, you would know that when he was on the bench playing JUCO baseball, when an ump didn't show up, he would be the first in line to strap on the gear and go.

But......none of you know anything about him.

But I tell you what......if you want it, i'll gladly im you his cell phone number, his personal address where his wife and two young boys are, and you by God give him the riot act, tell him what a horrible umpire he is, how much he sucks, anything that a lot of you gutless, spineless bastards don't have the nerve to tell him, instead ripping him a new one on an anonymous message board.

Yes, he should definitely be banned for that ... the way Rosa Parks was banned from riding buses. That'll do, Chef. That'll do.

A note [Sports Journalists]
Earlier: Todd Tichenor Got His Money's Worth Last Night

Tichenor has actually had a couple of cups of coffee in the majors, umping 81 games in 2007 and 2008, but he was brought back up from AAA to fill-in for Ed Montague at the Metrodome on Thursday and he did not waste any time breaking out the thumbs. In the span of one frame he tossed both catchers and both their managers for (barely) arguing calls. It seems that Todd very much likes to pull the chain.

It started in the top of the seventh when he tossed noted hothead Mike Redmond (12 seasons in the majors with no ejections) after he objected to a close play at the play—that Tichenor clearly got wrong. When Ron Gardenhire went out to object, he didn't fare much better.

"I thought Red was emotional, sure," Twins manager Ron Gardenhire said. "He jumped up, but he's just going to argue a little call. I just thought [Tichenor] pulled the trigger too quick, that's all."

Arguing about about a quick ejection? You better believe that's an ejection.

Ump an equal-opportunity ejector [Star-Tribune]
Jason Varitek, Terry Francona get the ol' heave ho [Boston Herald]
Ejections appear way off base [Boston Globe]
Outta here! Tichenor hits an umpire's grand slam [Big League Stew]
Todd Tichenor Practices Umpiring Prior to Twins v Red Sox [Bob's Blitz]