There's No Room In This Post-Modern World For A Little Boy And His Pecker

sussman — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 15:30:41 EST

Last month, this very site raised your hopes with an Ohio minor league sports team being named the Peckerheads. Well, it brings me great pain to inform you all that such a team mascot will not happen.

The owners of Toledo's expansion minor league hockey and football teams have decided to give into the overwhelming feedback by its fellow citizens that the Peckerheads mascot is inappropriate, citing that dick jokes were meant to be shared between you and the Lord God. They're going to call the hockey team the Walleyes, and while they don't have a mascot for the football team, the general manager already ruled out the Woodpeckers, Peckers and Peckerheads. The story has no mention of explicitly ruling out Peckerfaces, Peckerbreaths, or the Ramblin' Peck:

"If we could push rewind, we would not have registered 'Peckers' and 'Peckerheads.' I don't think 'Woodpeckers' would've raised an eye brow. Given that we did [register 'Peckers' and 'Peckerheads'], people focused on those two names."

Shh, shh. Don't look back. Rather, look ahead to a time when this prim and proper world of minor league sports will tolerate — nay, embrace the Pecker as its beloved mascot with a loving fist, not an iron one.

Mud Hens Snag Catchy 'Walleye' As Moniker For Hockey Franchise [Toledo Blade]
Politician On A Mission To Rid Toledo Of Any And All Peckers [Deadspin]

Politician On A Mission To Rid Toledo Of Any And All Peckers

sussman — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 15:30:25 EST

So, big sports news here in Toledo. After the minor league hockey team went on hiatus, they're returning soon, along with an arena football team, in a brand new sports arena. And here's where you start caring, because the new football team might be called the Toledo Peckerheads.

The organization which owns the new hockey and arena league teams has already applied for rights to use "Walleye" and "Woodpecker," both of which are indigenous to Ohio, but only one of which could really injure someone if they peck their little beak in your eye. (Hint: it's not the walleye. Good guess, though.)

But county commissioner Ben Konop, despite his boyish good looks, is not at all amused at the thought of the Toledo Woodpeckers. Why? I don't understand the objection.

These are the people's teams and the people's arena, and the public has spoken—woodpeckers not welcome in Lucas County!

Seriously, what's Konop's beef with the pecker? He never explains his reasoning. Does he realize the powerful aviary enemies he's making with such brash statements?

I for one welcome the woodpecker to Northwest Ohio to be the mascot for our hockey and/or arena league team, and hope that... wait a minute... OH! I get it now. It's a penis joke.

Konop Files Objections To Suggested Team Names [Toledo Blade]
No Woodpecker In Lucas County [Ben Konop's Blog]

Deadspin: toledo peckerheads

There's No Room In This Post-Modern World For A Little Boy And His Pecker

Politician On A Mission To Rid Toledo Of Any And All Peckers