This is why we're fortunate to live in a digital publishing age where concept-to-completion is only a few keystrokes and a blogspot account away. Enter, "Athletes Making Babies," which is a one-stop shop for all your bastard offspring of professional athlete news and opinion. And nobody is spared:

So far, the athletes mentioned on this blog in its short history, Darren McFadden, Kobe Bryant, Stephon Marbury, have been scolded for their off-the-field philandering. I wasn't the first and will not be the last. But the one person that's getting away with having a baby out of wedlock is Tom Brady. He didn't do anything different from what Shawn Kemp does on a bi-annual basis. It's not a race issue because Matt Leinart's prostate was set on fire by the media when word came out about his illegitimate child.

Be sure to watch out for the "Which former Heisman winning quarterback's prostate was set on fire?" question on Jeopardy! in 2009.

The Brett Favre Theory Starring Tom Brady And His Baby... [Athletes Making Babies]

Of course, a movie Wonder Woman has already been cast recently, but that doesn't leave Gisele out of the mix. Megan Gale will play WW in an upcoming Justice League of America movie, which is a whole separate deal. Here she is in a photo that is NSFW, comic book fans.

Wonder Woman Gisele Bundchen [Boston Globe]

In an episode titled "The Closet," a pro football player who wears No. 12, has a cleft chin and a supermodel galpal, plays in a red-and-blue stadium and is "the best quarterback in football" is the prime suspect in a gay murder. Any resemblance to any New England Patriots QB is, we're sure, entirely intentional!

In the show, Brady, or I mean Haver, is actually innocent. So the hunt for the real killer continues. Of course Brady Quinn must have an alibi for the hours in question, right?

SVU Closet Case Slams Close To Home [Boston Herald]

More photos here.

I'm not much for memorabilia collecting, but I wish I had been there: How often do you get a chance to get a men's flap handbag signed by two Super Bowl quarterbacks?

No Hard Feelings [Kenneth In The 212]
Brady, Eli Square Off Once Again — At Store Opening [SportsbyBrooks]

Gisele Bundchen won't be the only person seeing Tom Brady in his skivvies if Calvin Klein has his way. We hear the designer has offered the Patriots quarterback seven figures to blast David Beckham and his Armani underwear campaign right off the billboards.

I knew that one day The Underwear Wars would come, and that they would be terrible. Brother would fight brother; many would die. But I never knew that it would be so soon. When you get ready for bed tonight, and you slip into your Traditional Fit Yarn Dyed Woven Boxers, be sure to say a prayer. Say a prayer for all of us ...

And remember that it could have been much worse. Could have been Kornheiser.

Side Dish: Tom Brady In His Underwear? [New York Daily News]
Tom Brady Underwear Rumors Bunch Up Again [Towel Road]

In other news, I suspected that Eyepatch was just being bitter when they ripped Randy Moss to tiny bits of confetti following the Super Bowl, but you know, maybe they have a point. On Monday Moss tossed Bill Belichick directly under the large, bus-like vehicle. Said Moss on Sunday:

"The Giants just had a better game plan. They played heads-up football. They came ready to play for four quarters, 60 minutes."

Also, seemingly the entire world is second-guessing him for that fourth-and-13 call. How can the Patriots get people's minds off of all of this? Paying off the Lost writers to reveal about eight secrets on Thursday, that might do it.

The QB Mannings, A Family Affair [Sign On San Diego]
Cause To Kick Themselves? [Boston Globe]
Brady, Moss To Miss Pro Bowl [SF Gate]
Super Bowl Blogdome [Deadspin]

Of all the great wallow-in-the-Patriots'-misery moments from last night, we still think nothing's gonna beat bringing back Tom Brady's own words to haunt him. To remind:

"We're only going to score 17 points? OK," a surprised Brady said.

At a certain level, all mockery directed at Brady and the Patriots can only sting so much: After all, they still have three rings, the Boston area still has a chance to add an NBA championship to their ridiculous resume and Brady still, at the very least, enjoyed manual manipulation from a supermodel to climax last night. But for one night, they were beneath all of us, losers not just to the Giants, but to all of us. They may win Super Bowls and date supermodels, but they are still human beings who can fail. And fail gloriously.

It is not that they did not play to the top of their capabilities. It is not that they were too cocky. (Probably.) It is just that they lost, despite doing their absolute best. We all know that feeling. Today, so do they.

"I did Tom Brady (Tuesday), and right before the Super Bowl, it's a surprise for everybody. Saturday night, I'm gonna cut it off. Saturday night, we're gonna cut it really, really off. We've been doing it the last couple Super Bowls, and Tom Brady is the last person to be superstitious. Every Super Bowl, I cut his hair off. I hope the helmet's gonna fit after I cut his hair off."

When the conversation turns to Greatest Quarterback of All Time, one supposes that Brady's name deserves to be in the mix. But how can I consider a guy who has a hairstylist on retainer? Didn't Johnny Unitas just let a kid roll over his head with a lawnmower a couple of times a year?

Pini & Brady [Double Coverage]

This piece of driftwood and Pat Patriot look-alike is pretty spot on, though.

Your Patriots Look-Alike Photos [Boston.com]

"Brady should have fun with this... every time he goes out in public he should put a cast on.. and just keep switching from one foot..to another... put a fake cast on his arm.. put a neck brace on when driving to practice.. just to give these so-called reporters something to yap about." — Giuliani For President on Thu Jan 24, 2008 02:08 pm

It would be the best Super Bowl Week story ever — and would exhibit a sense of humor that Bill Belichick simply doesn't possess — for Brady to show up in Glendale in a fake full body cast. OK reporters, guess the injury! It could be anything! And for extra amusement, the middle finger on one hand could be plastered in the upright position. But I like GFP's suggestion as well: Have Brady switch the protective boot from one foot to another on any given day. If nothing else the whole thing would make Tom Coughlin's head explode.

Oh, and as for the original story itself, it's just the usual Belichick I'm-not-talking BS. Don't bother.

Other ways to liven up Super Bowl Week:

• Randy Moss kidnapped, buried alive, busts out of grave using techniques learned from Chinese martial arts master.

• A tiger is loose in the stadium! And Lawrence Tynes has the only gun!

• Michael Strahan kissing booth.

• Al Davis demonstrates the firepower of this fully armed an operational battle station.

• Naked Rick Majerus.

Belichick Refuses To Talk About Brady Injury [The Sporting News]

Brady has a high right ankle sprain, according to an NFL source, which explains why he was wearing the device during a visit to New York. The sprain, which is minor, will not jeopardize Brady's chances of playing in Super Bowl XLII Feb. 3, the source said. "It is a way to rest that body part and prevent the normal movement that goes on with everyday walking," said Dr. Nicholas DiNubile, who serves as an orthopedic consultant to the Philadelphia 76ers. "That allows things to settle down because it's protecting that area and preventing the motions. Not knowing the specifics, it looks to me that they just wanted to put it to rest for a day or two."

Brady's father, Tom Brady Sr., then shed more light on the situation.

"If he had to go out there with two crutches and a cast on each leg, he is playing," Brady Sr. said. "He won't voluntarily walk off the field. Anybody that thinks a little tweak is going to stop [him] is just wasting ink."

Yes, we hate wasting ink here. I love dads; they're so Now.

And here's exciting video action of Brady walking!

Tom Brady Walking Around [TMZ]
Brady's Injury Minor [Boston Globe]
Another Reason To Yammer About Tom Brady All Week [Deadspin]

Supposedly it's a high ankle sprain. We're not sure this necessarily changes the outstanding gambling opportunity of betting on Brady to win the Super Bowl MVP, but it assured one more addition to the storylines you're already sick of. This one is probably going to outweigh them all; it's pretty tough to beat the gimpy quarterback carrying flowers for Gisele Bundchen.

In related news, Eli Manning bought one of those roses you get at the gas station for $3.99, slipped it in an envelope and shoved it in a mailbox for his lady. Which was sweet, we thought.

Monday, Brady did not directly answer a question about being hurt during his regularly scheduled appearance on sports radio WEEI. When he was asked about having his leg looked at on the sideline early in the fourth quarter on the "Dennis & Callahan Show," he replied: "There are always kind of bumps and bruises. I'll be ready for the Super Bowl. I'm not missing this one. I'd have to be on a stretcher to miss this one. There will just be some treatment this week and like I said, games like this you get a little nicked up, but it's nothing serious."

But it does tend to explain Brady's relatively sucky performance on Sunday; perhaps all of those screen passes and Maroney runs were out of necessity, not design. Oh well. Whatever distracts the media and prevents us from having to read a long Cooper Manning feature is fine with me.

UPDATE: "Hmmm...isn't this how it all started with Barbaro?" — Mattinglyssideburns

Brady Spotted In What Appears To Be Walking Boot [Boston Globe]

One has to marvel at Cooney's cockeyed machinations. You: "But, Tom Brady threw 50 TD passes. And, you know, invented penicillin." Cooney: "But Favre had less to work with!"

Be careful, America; that "He had less to work with" argument is a slippery slope. By that reasoning, the Polish cavalry might have deserved World War II Offensive MVP honors.

At any rate, Cooney's holdout juror stance has sparked a spirited debate amongst those who don't realize that the vote was most likely cast as a publicity stunt. Among other things, it has spawned what is — according to our research — the longest message board post ever written. Anybody get through the entire thing? Me neither. But it's still better than the typical Jay Mariotti column.

The Lone Favre MVP Vote Came From ... [Packers Blog]

He's actually getting an exact — "exact" being a relative term — replica of Tom Brady's helmet tattooed on his bald head.

The inking process took about one and a half hours and is part of an overall goal that has Thompson set on turning his entire head into a replica of Patriots quarterback Tom Brady's helmet. He has plans to get an identical emblem on the other side of his head and Brady's number 12 on the back of his skull.

Thompson isn't shy about the fact that he got the idea to turn his head into a helmet while serving time in prison where he watched all of their games in past seasons.

Oh. Prison. Yeah, we suppose that makes sense.

Loyalty Goes To His Head [Fosters.com]

When Brady was in high school, if you'd have told me he would one day get $3 million to hawk water, I'd have been very surprised indeed.

Brady combine photo from Towelroad.

Tom Brady Got $3 Million To Be Handsome [With Leather]
Chandler: In Which I Am Determined To Make Tom Brady The Next Great Basketball Star [Deadspin]

We think it's because we're a sucker for history. Not just seeing teams make it to the top, but watching them being taken down in the most epic fashion. If the Patriots had lost to the Giants on Saturday, this would have been just another season; the postseason would have been entertaining, because it always is, but it wouldn't have had that same oomph. Now, no matter what happens, every Patriots game — every postseason game, really — will be a can't miss. History will either be made, or devastated, depending on what happens in the next month. We will always remember this season, and this postseason. Can you say that about last year?

The Patriots might be loathsome, but dammit, isn't that what we want? If they lose, we rejoice. If they win, we snarl at them as they gleefully and indifferently raise the Lombardi Trophy. With the playoffs kicking off this weekend, we can't think of much more fun than watching the Patriots lose. And if they don't ... well, the ride will be well worth it, and they will have certainly earned it. Everything on the line, every game. What more could we ask for? We can't wait.

Although Patriots quarterback Tom Brady seems more the go-to man for football advice, not relationship advice (just ask Bridget Moynahan), Brady has reached out to Jessica Simpson's new man, Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo, to warn him about bringing his girl to games. "After that debacle of a game with Jessica being flashed on the screens during every play, Tom told Tony to put a stop to allowing Jess to come to games. Think about it: How often do you see Gisele [Bundchen] cheering Tom on?" said a friend of Brady's.

Frankly I get a kick out of the image of Brady and Romo talking to each other on the phone about their girlfriends. Are they lying on their respective beds, with stuffed animals all around, and a lot of open magazines? Is one of Romo's magazines Tiger Beat?

Keep Jessica Away From Games, Says Tom Brady [MSNBC]

(UPDATE: Watchdog claims Gisele was there after all. We thought we could trust you, Tom.)

Yes, this was the traditional first week of fantasy football playoffs, and it ended up screwing a ton of people who have rode Romo and Brady to dominant regular seasons. Romo threw three interceptions, and Brady suffered from Bill Belichick's perverse decision to run the ball on, of all days, yesterday. So we're betting there were tons of fantasy upsets yesterday. Perhaps we blame it all on Jessica Simpson.

A Prayer To Jesus To Give Jessica Simpson Leprosy [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

We loved how, postgame, Tom Brady claimed that he heard the whistle before his fourth-and-1 call, and that's why he didn't get the first down. Right. It's impressive that the Patriots' search for dominance is so complete that they can't even admit that things went wrong when they didn't officially happen. They're not just undefeated; they're ministers of information.

And say what you will about ESPN, but their telecast matched the spectacle last night. They will never, ever have a more timely guest in the booth than Don Shula, watching the Pats threaten his most enduring legacy in the city where he became famous. When the Ravens scored in the third fourth quarter to take a touchdown lead, Tony Kornheiser pointed out that Shula had grabbed his back in excitement. Shula pretended like he wasn't rooting against anybody ... but we knew. It was an exhilarating game, and it's exactly why, ultimately, the Patriots are great for the NFL this year. Everything they do is now draped in history and drama, and they're going to be unmissable, pretty much for the next two months. We can't wait.

"Oh Tom, you're so DREAMY!"

Here's the entire interview, if you're so inclined.

Andrea Kremer, Daydreaming About Tom Brady (During An Interview!) [The Big Lead]

As the above video shows, with all the hatred directed at the Patriots right now — the batshit nuts Easterbrook type, and other more planetary notions — we're legitimately surprised no one has gone after Tom Brady's knees yet. (KSK might have been the first with this idea.) We would never advocate such a thing — frankly, we find the Patriots enjoyable to watch, as evillllllll as they have become — but if they keep pulling this act, Bill Belichick will be hard-pressed to even pretend he's surprised.

Some guy, "using a tone and syntax reminiscent of old Movietone newsreel audio," was credentialed for the postgame news conference yesterday and started asking Bill Belichick and Tom Brady some rather odd questions.

Bozo: "Champ, Champ ... Talk about your Beantown offense in the second half. They treated the boys from Big D like a couple of flapper girls who were a little loopy on the old gin and juice."

Belichick: "Next. . ."(Smirks).

We'd love to see video of this; we think it's possible it was Bert Sugar.

Cowboys Give Media Credentials To Any Old Bozos [Boston Sports Media]

(UPDATE: It's apparently some radio hoser. Should have known.)

The Boston Globe reports that no one noticed the in-flight movie, the 2003 Al Pacino film "The Recruit" also starred Tom Brady's ex-girlfriend Bridget Moynahan. As soon as her name appeared in the opening credits, someone reportedly had the movie replaced.

But, replaced with what? Reportedly, six more titles were rejected before a suitable film could be found. Other in-flight movies dinged by Brady:

• Dear Brigitte
• Spies Like Us
• The Cowboys
• Sex, Lies and Videotape
• I, Robot
• Three Men and a Baby

Report: Patriots In-Flight Movie Stars Brady's Ex [WBZTV]

"I've spoken to Tom and Matt and they both understand that their conduct has been unacceptable," Goodell said. "These two are the handsomest quarterbacks this league has and we can't have them out there planting their seed all over town. Our female fan base wants to think they have a chance with these two hunks and running around having illegitimate children with hot chicks is not helping foster those illusions."

We can't imagine how long Travis Henry would be suspended for.

Brady, Leinart Suspended For Having Babies Out of Wedlock [Pray For Mojo]

It seems as though even good, fundamental men fall into this trap of "worshipping" sports stars to the point of overlooking their sin. I will never understand the great hold sports has upon people. In the end, it is all meaningless to begin with. Bodily exercise profits little, Paul tells us. And let's not fool ourselves - this is exactly what Paul had in mind...Why is so much of our time wasted on something meant as a diversion, played by immature, sinful men and in the end has no effect on our life, the lives of others or on anything of eternal worth. Yet, for some odd reason, many people associate ability in sports with an ideal of manhood.

It's true, man: Bodily exercise profits us little. We agree, though: Sports is all meaningless to begin with. Uh, Kevin: That's the fun of it!

Tom Brady's New Archnemesis Has A Beef With Sports [100 Percent Injury Rate]
Politician Blasts Tom Brady For Being Tom Brady [The Fanhouse]

A Brazilian website reported yesterday that Tom Brady's girlfriend Gisele Bundchen may be pregnant and, if so, the Pats QB is the father. According to the popular celebrity website Glamurama.com.br , Bundchen would be no more than two months pregnant, but may already have told select friends and family. Brady's agent Don Yee did not return a phone call yesterday, and Bundchen's rep at IMG denied the report. Two weeks ago, Brady's ex-girlfriend actress Bridget Moynahan revealed she's pregnant, and Brady is the father.

You know, at this rate, the entire Patriots offensive line is going to be knocked up by the end of spring practice. Far be it from us to tell a man how to live his life, but, uh, Tom? You know, forget it: When you're a field general like Brady, a natural leader of men, no one will ever ask you to sheath yourself.

Report: Bundchen Pregnant By Brady [Boston.com]

Anyway, one of the figures you can play with is noted impregnator Tom Brady; you can dress him up right here. We think this has much potential in the sports world; we think it's only a matter of time until some enterprising soul puts together a Craig Sager Stardoll.

By the way, playing around on the site, our favorite is the Conan O'Brien doll.

Dress Up Tom Brady [Stardoll]

The father of the New England Patriots' two-time Super Bowl MVP quarterback studied seven years to be a Maryknoll priest before deciding to leave the seminary and later having a family.

Q: You have a deep love for your faith. Has [your son] inherited that? A: He's not in the seminary. That doesn't mean that he doesn't love it every bit as much. Absolutely, it's an important role for him.

So ... all we're saying is we'd like to be a fly on the wall during Easter dinner at the Brady home this year, just to count the awkward silences.

Meanwhile, at the Vatican, they're scrambling the fighter jets as The Pope is choosing his tallest, most bejeweled hat. This is the one they've been training for. This time, it's not a drill.

Brady Reportedly To Be Father With Moynahan [MSNBC]
Daddy Oh! Bridget's Pregnant, But Tom Has No Plans To Marry Ex-Galpal [Boston Herald]
Tom Brady's Father To Share His Faith [Boston Globe]

I don't know that Tom will be particularly thrilled with the news. He may not consider Bridget his intended receiver. Tom has been dating supermodel Giselle Bundchen for a while now, and now will have to deal with baby mama drama.

Fortunately, Tom Brady isn't the only NFL quarterback out there Kemping ladies up. He can always turn to Matt Leinart for advice on pretending to be happy about pregnancies that you probably wish never happened. You wouldn't think that Brady, at this stage of his career, would be turning to the young Leinart for help, but Leinart's so mature for his age.

She Probably Did It On Purpose! [Perez Hilton]

Trivia question: At the time that Marty Schottenheimer last won an NFL playoff game, Tom Brady was being coached by ...

Answer: Me.

And if that tidbit isn't enough to get Schottenheimer fired, nothing is. A friend called over the weekend to remind me that, during that cold, petulant January in 1991, Brady was playing for the Junipero Serra High (San Mateo, Calif.) freshman basketball team where I was a coach. Now it can be told; the school that gave us Barry Bonds, Lynn Swann and Gregg Jefferies was the site of my first coaching gig. And we were all sure that Brady was destined for great things in basketball.

Football? He had played quarterback for Serra's freshman team that went 0-8, taking maybe a half-dozen snaps the entire season as the backup. You think Brady is slow now? He was glacial then. The man who replaced Drew Bledsoe couldn't, in his freshman year, rise above Kevin Krystofiak (currently a local insurance broker) on the depth chart. Back then we actually thought that his dominant sport would be baseball, where he was a catcher (in fact he was taken in the 18th round of the draft by the Montreal Expos following his senior year). Although he was the starting quarterback by the time he reached the varsity, he showed little of the three-Super Bowl promise that was to come. To my recollection, none of his Serra teams even made the playoffs.

But here's the thing. You knew, somehow, that Brady would make it. He was just too smart, too positive, and loved football too much. You rarely use the word destiny when dealing with teenage athletes, but Brady had that vibe. He was the kid who was always smiling. Even as a senior he would see me around campus and call out my name, and, for the record, it's not usually cool for an upperclassman to acknowledge their old freshman coaches. Reminds them of humbler times, like the football season when they were 0-8.

But the Serra freshman basketball team? We were 9-3 and took a league co-championship. Who would have though then that Tommy Brady would go on to fame with a small role in the film Stuck On You? Crazy world.

By the way; my friend's math was a little off. Schottenheimer last won a playoff game in 1993 (Chiefs 28, Oilers 20), when Brady would have been a high school junior. By then I was coaching Dan Serafini on the freshman squad. Um, notice how none of these guys went on to play basketball? — RC

(Ed. Note: Deadspin editor Will Leitch feels obliged to point out that in 1991, he was a sophomore in high school. He was not coached by Rick Chandler.)

Anyway, apparently Tom Brady has found some time while charging through his Patriots' most surprising playoff run since their first one; The Boston Herald reports that Gisele Bundchen was waiting for him outside the New England locker room following the upset victory over the Chargers on Sunday. We have no idea when he could have met her in the first place; doesn't Belichick have him locked in some underground bunker from November until February?

Regardless, we think we know now why LaDainian Tomlinson was so pissed post game.

Just In Case You Forgot, Tom Brady Would Like To Remind You That He Is In Fact, The Man [The Big Lead]
Does Tom Have Secret He'd Like To Share? [Boston Herald]

It's a shame, too, because Manning has become an undeniable joy to watch, even if he is a bit fussy about the whole quarterbacking thing. With the Bears' loss yesterday, only the Colts stand in the way of that ridiculous 1972 Dolphins ritual where they bust out a bottle of champagne when the last undefeated team in NFL loses. (We find this incredibly obnoxious.) The general consensus is that this Colts team is not as strong as last year's — mainly because of the supposed difficulty the defense has against the run — but they're 8-0 now. Not that it matters; everyone's just waiting for Manning to blow it again, and he might well just oblige us yet.

Peyton Manning Complicates Everything [Extrapolater]

Well, the time has finally come. It's almost time for the Colts and Patriots to kick off, and thus, for Peyton Manning to engage in a no-win situation. If he loses, he's still firmly entrenched in the role of Tom Brady's lawnboy. If he wins, it's a meaningless regular season game that won't even be an afterthought if there's a rematch in January. Peyton Manning can keep the Colts undefeated tonight, but he can't make himself as masculine as Tom Brady, no matter what that picture may lead you to believe.

And there are other storylines, if you're tired of that one. There's Adam Vinatieri's first game against the team on which he made himself a legend, there's Bill Belichick's ongoing to quest to go three or four hours without banging someone else's wife... and if that's not enough, there's always Peter King at halftime, and I know how much you love that.

So settle in and follow the game here with your fellow commenters, if you'd like. There can't be a better place in the world for you to be, if you're up for making fun of Peyton Manning for 200 straight minutes or so.