They didn't just do it with Drew Brees passing the ball wherever he wished (although he did do that) and they didn't just get some lucky bounces on defense (although they did get those) and they didn't do it because Bill Belichick secretly murdered his kickers. (Although he's still not afraid to go for it on 4th down.) The Saints sliced the Patriots up on offense and shut them down on defense. A couple of times they even made Tom Brady look like Drew Henson. This team is officially THE REAL DEAL.

In fact, looking at their schedule, I don't see where their first loss comes from. Does anyone other than Dallas even put up a fight? And do you have any doubt that Brees that can't pick that defense apart?

Best of all, any TV producers compiling file footage for their "How the Saints saved New Orleans" packages to be shown this January will not have done so in vain. Remember how awesome it was when people had to live in the Superdome for a week! Let's relieve that moment over and over and over again.

Dome housing a winner again [The Boston Globe]
Brees a godsend for Saints [San Diego Union-Tribune]
New Orleans Saints prove they are for real [NOLA.com]
Earlier: Saints Rebuild New Orleans For Fourth Consecutive Year

Honorable mention: Hackers who are exploiting your lust for all things Tiger Woods to install malware on your computers. Remember, kids—never visit any website that isn't Deadspin.com! (Seriously, don't do it. It's a scary world out there.) [Sophos]

In the past week, all the stories leading up to the Big Game were about Manning vs. Brady, Manning vs. Belichick, how the undefeated Colts would finally get their reality check against the dynastic Patriots. Despite all his deadly offensive success, the Patriots were the one team that could still give Manning fits (despite four Colts wins in the last five meetings) as they had ruined many a magical season during his career. And all the focus would still be on Manning today, if it weren't The Call.

"Wrong."
"Folly."
"Dumb."
"Quizzical."
"Gaffe" and "Hubris."
"Bobble."
"The worst decision ... ever."
"Lack of Faith."
"Disrespect"
"A Bummer."
"Arrogantly Boneheaded."

[Screengrab via]

Pretty much everyone is in agreement that Belichick's decision to go for it on 4th-and-2 from his own 28 is the most arrogantly boneheaded (see?) coaching decision since Julius Caesar woke up on March 15 and said, "I think I'll go into work today." When your only two intellectual defenders are Merrill Hoge and Deion Sanders—noted fan of "swagger"—that's got to lead to some soul searching. (But hey, they covered! That's what's really important.)

As for Manning, his fourth quarter interception appeared to doom him to yet another big defeat against New England, but two more touchdowns in the final four minutes completed a 17-point comeback and his season remains perfect. So what if he needed Football's Einstein to momentarily turn into Andy Reid for one drive? Everyone keeps expecting Manning and his Colts to fold—no Bob Sanders, weaker home field, do they even have a coach?—and they just keep winning. (For now.)

Just as long as he stays away from the Lucas Oil hotdogs.

Belichick gaffe unrivaled [Shaughnessy]
Colts make Pats pay for Bill's unusually dumb decision [CBS]
Bill Belichick And The Art Of Second Guessing [Sussman]

* * * * *

Manny Pacquiao: Greatest fighter ever? I'll just take your word for it, because I'm still not paying $40 to watch a boxing match on TV. [Telegraph, GMANews]

Jimmie Johnson: Johnson all but locked up an unprecedented fourth straight Winston NASCAR Sprint Solo Cup Chase championship victory. And the man has never once used his turn signal. [LA Times]

The Bengals: They are officially "for real." So when do the knee injuries start again? [AP]

Jim Harbaugh: Two wins in three tries against not-so-mighty USC, both at the Coliseum (complete with a nice FU to Pete Carroll) and a big fat contract extension coming his way. Also, you wouldn't believe the luck this guy has getting good parking spots in Palo Alto. [Ray Ratto]

Brandon Jennings: I think we could all benefit from a summer in Europe. [Yahoo! Sports]

And the Weekend Loser?: Umm ... duh.

Remember back in April when A-Rod's entire career was in danger of becoming the punch line to a terrible joke about steroids? People were wondering if any of his 500+ home runs could be considered legitimate. Now he's the new Mr. October. Seriously, everyone is saying it now. Every. One.

In five playoff games, he has 3 game-tying home runs in the 7th inning or later. He leads his team in hits, batting average, home runs, RBI and smiles. He might be more fertile than ever. Even a New York tabloid is forced to admit that Alex is the man this year. He's a dream teammate. Mr. Clutch. Dare I say it ... a true Yankee?

As usual, winning cures everything. Even bacne. (Oh, good. The bad jokes are still available.)

Alex Rodriguez is the main reason why New York Yankees are up 2-0 in ALCS [New York Daily News]
A-Rod morphing into new Mr. October? [Yahoo! Sports]
A-Rod has become 'Mr. October' [AP]
[Photo: AP]

* * * * *

Here are some other big winners, who did not win quite as big:

The New Orleans Saints: Seven touchdowns to seven different players against a "real" defense, should pretty much make them the team to beat (for now.) Plus, Drew Brees has enough grit to fix a dozen levees. [USA Today]

Tom Brady: Six touchdowns. That's a lot, right? [Boston Herald]

Cliff Lee: Good thing for Philly that the Roy Halladay trade never worked out. [Philly Daily News]

Alabama Football: Not that it matters until they face each other, but Florida's pathetic showing against Arkansas means the Tide are now ranked No. 1 in the AP poll. (Gators are still No. 1 in the BCS, however.) You know, if all you watched were Alabama games the SEC wouldn't look so tough. [Crimson White]

Brett Favre: I know. I know.... [Baltimore Sun]

And new this week ... the Weekend Loser: A lot of good candidates, but I'm going to say the Tennessee Titans, for their pillow-soft effort against New England. I know it was snowy and all, but at least pretend like you give a shit. Maybe those Houston Oiler throwbacks are just making them feel guilty?

Column: This is the worst Titans team ever [The Tennessean]

It wasn't that long ago that people (like me) were questioning this dude's sanity. He orchestrated an offseason that seemed like a training manual on how to meltdown a franchise. (He actually wanted Matt Cassel to be his quarterback!) Since then, all he's done is go out and win his first five games, including a dramatic come-from-behind victory over his old team. Denver fans are in love. Brandon Marshall is happy. Kyle Orton is alive! How did he do it?

It took some luck and a good schedule, but they are making big plays when big plays are needed—kind of like the Patriots always used to do. (So are we all agreed that the Patriots are no longer THE PATRIOTS? People are not afraid of the Belichick/Brady Monster anymore and it's not because of that trick knee.) It's clear that unlike many of Bill Belichick's proteges, Josh was actually paying attention when he worked there.

Denver is undefeated a third of the way through the season and if they beat San Diego next week they can probably start printing playoff tickets. It's looking very possible that this guy knows what he's doing.

With Win Over Patriots, Josh McDaniels No Longer Just Bill Belichick's Understudy [NESN]
‘Boy Wonder' Josh McDaniels savors biggest victory yet [Boston Herald]
Orton emerges as calm, victorious leader [ESPN]
Lack of postgame handshake was planned by Bill Belichick, Josh McDaniels [USA Today]
McDaniels' Mile High Moment [BroncoTalk]
Gratuitous fist pumps aside, it's time to trust Josh McDaniels [West Word]
Is Anyone Afraid of the Broncos? [NY Times]
[Image via Sports Hernia]

* * * * *

Here are some other big winners, who did not win quite as big:

The Angels: They figured out how to put away the Red Sox, which is nice and all, but now they've got to figure out how to put away the Yankees. How about a Rally Gorilla?

Miles Austin: 10 catches, 250 yards, and two very big touchdowns late in the game for Dallas. So what if it was against Kansas City? They still used 11 players on defense. (At least I think so. Who knows what's going on down there?) [Star-Telegram]

Tim Tebow: His defense completely won this game, but don't think for a second that this isn't going down as "The Concussion Game" in the Good Book of Tebow Lore. Adversity, overcome!

Cedric Benson & Carson Palmer: I'm not going to say Mike Zimmer won the weekend, since his wife died on Thursday, but he got the game ball after an emotional victory. Benson was the first RB to get 100 on the Ravens in 40 games and Palmer may finally be back to where he was before that knee injury almost destroyed the franchise. Plus, a bonehead penalty by Ray Lewis helped keep the winning drive alive, so that was nice too. [Cincinnati Enquirer]

Owen Schmitt: Vaults on to the list of the NFL craziest/dumbest players by making himself bleed his own blood with his own helmet. He should get that head checked out. [ClubSeats/NoJoshin']

Alex Rodriguez: .455 AVG, 2 HR, 6 RBI in a rout of the Twins. Still not a true Yankee?

Jay Cutler reminds me of America. He is strong, and symmetrical. I think, sometimes, of Jay Cutler-and perhaps you do, too-that he is too young to know what it is to be a Franchise Quarterback. But, then, Marino was once young, once, too.

I like to imagine a strong, quiet quarterback, crouching behind center, steely-eyed and reserved, but taking it all in. Weighing, in one hand, the defensive alignment, and in the other hand, the play clock and how many timeouts he has, and, carefully, but determinedly, continuing to weigh, until the ball is snapped. I wonder, sometimes, if Cutler can do this. I fear the answer is no.

***

Thomas Brady was only 25 when 9/11 happened. I wonder. Did he watch it on television? It was, I imagine, much like it must've been for Bart Starr to witness the assassination of President Kennedy.

Brady is, we're told, beautiful, like a fawn. I worry about fawns in professional football. When I was a girl, a professional quarterback was supposed to look like your father, only uglier. It seemed more appropriate, more real. The great mass of Americans, the big center, they don't want to see a fawn get sacked for a loss of yards. It reminds me of something Arthur Schlessinger once wrote about Fran Tarkenton.

Thomas Brady is a great American. And I pray, for football, and for America, that Jay Cutler can become one.

The Jets talked a lot of smack last week and for the first time in 40 years they backed it up. (OMG, MARK SANCHEZ IS JOE NAMATH! Only not as "handsy.") They owe it all to a robocall from Ryan to Jets season ticket holders, reminding them that when you are at a sporting event it is acceptable—nay, even encouraged!—to voice your support for your favorite team through a series of "yells" and "cheers." No one had ever tried that before against Tom Brady and the Patriots and, shockingly, it worked! Genius! Enjoy your game ball, Faceless Horde!

Seriously though, Ryan said he wasn't going to kiss Bill Belichick's rings and now Bill Belichick can kiss his ass. At least until November when they meet again in New England. But you're the man for at least a few days, Rex. Even if your team might be stupidly messing around in that whole 49ers/Michael Crabtree debacle. Hey, what's football without a little tampering?.

Ryan praises role of loud crowd in Jets' victory [Newsday]
Rex Ryan's Jets back up all the talk, beat Tom Brady and Patriots, 16-9 [NYDN]
Jets' bombast bordering on the ridiculous [Dan Shaughnessy]
Patriot Pratfall: The View From New England [NY Times]
[Photo via Daily News]

* * * * *

Here are some other big winners, who did not win quite as big:

Lane Kiffin: Tennessee did not get embarrassed by Tebow and The Swine Flu this weekend. So that's like a victory, right? Florida is a terrible Best Team Ever! [Orlando Sentinel/USA Today/SI]

Ray Lewis: HEY, DREW DEEP BALLS! WOULD A GLORY HOUND RUN THROUGH A PUNCTURE-WOUND SIZED HOLE IN THE SAN DIEGO FRONT AND WIN THE GAME BY HIMSELF? (But also win it for the team! But also for himself!) NOW YOU SHALL WATCH ME DO MY DANCE! [Baltimore Sun]

Frank Gore: Barry Sanders was the last guy to have two 79-plus-yard runs in the same game. That was the season he ran for 2,000 yards. The Lions later got bounced from the playoffs and Sanders retired a year later. What I'm trying to say is that Matt Millen should be the GM of the 49ers. [SF Chronicle]

Milton Bradley: America's surliest baseball player finally got his wish—he doesn't have to play for the Cubs anymore. [Chicago Tribune]

Charlie Weis: As long as Mark Dantonio has a job, Charlie Weis is going to be okay. [Lansing State Journal]

Thomas Edward Brady Jr. will play his first real football game in twelve months, which means this season—unlike 2008's unholy abomination—will actually count. The prophecies have spoken of the "offense that will not huddle" and how the father of a handsome child shall smite that enemy with accurate mid-range passing. Joy unto the world for all days! It's almost like I had forgotten how to breathe and he is the giant asthma inhaler that will clear the bronchial tubes of my soul. Yes. I believe that metaphor works.

Then after after that—Chargers at Raiders! I predict that Tuesday Morning's America will have had such a good night's sleep, the health care crisis will be solved before lunch.

Knee injury behind him, Tom Brady determined to return Patriots to glory [Boston Herald]
Brady finally confirms Bundchen's pregnancy [SF Gate]

* * * * *

The world is yours, readers, so open thread your brains out below. Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin and the greater Boston area. Some one still loves you.

•The woman claiming she was assaulted by Ben Roethlisberger drafted an e-mail from Harrah's announcing her resignation: "She is with Big Bens child and ... she has relocated to Pittsburgh. We wish her good luck [she will need it] in her future endeavors." Ben better hope crazy isn't a sexually transmitted disease.

•Allen Iverson Twittered that Memphis has made him an offer, and the Grizzlies confirmed it. We're one step closer to my dream of an AI/Marko Jaric reality show.

•According to McAfee, the Internet searches most likely to give your computer a virus are Jessica Biel, Beyoncé, Jennifer Aniston and...Tom Brady! Obviously the safest athlete to search for is A.C. Green.

•After a federal ruling, the list of MLB players who tested positive for PEDs could be destroyed. So you can stop sending in those fake lists that have been circulating. Seriously, Ruben Sierra? Yeah, that's believable.

•Rumors fly that Michael Vick is purchasing a $1.3 million home in Philadelphia. We remind you that his contract is only for $1.6 million. Math fail could explain why he's facing a bankruptcy hearing.

•We heard about those Vikings who preferred Tarvaris Jackson at quarterback. Now comes the emergence of a third faction. First sacrificing goats, now men openly pushing for Sage Rosenfels at QB? It's official, these are signs of the apocalypse.

•Hours after talking about feeling "hatred" from Cubs fans, Milton Bradley drives in three and hears nothing but cheers. Hey, there's a novel solution: stop sucking.

•And, courtesy of Second-String Fullback, comes Alex Smith KTFOing Greg Ellis. Way to risk your body to be a benchwarmer, Alex.

I'd say there's a 98% chance Tom Brady has never even heard the name "Dennis Paiva." He's an aging former convict, who scavenges garbage for a living and inadvertently stole two metal flower planters from Brady's trash pile. He sold them for $450 dollars, even though they were worth more than $8,000 and they weren't actually thrown in the trash. He plead guilty to larceny and was ordered to pay $4,000 in restitution, which he naturally didn't have, so he was panhandling on the street to raise the money, because Tom Brady is a dick.

So it became a big scandal that a multi-millionaire athlete would turn out a destitute old man—and probably throw footballs at his head while the pathetic codger begs for loose change in the street. However, I'd say there's an even better chance that Tom Brady is not even aware that he's the owner of $8,000 stainless steel flower pots (does he look like the gardening type?) or that Dan Greenwald, owner of a Burlington ad agency, just wrote him a check to clear up the matter.

Tom Brady makes babies with supermodels. He will not be consumed by your trifles.

Stranger pays man's debt to Tom Brady [My Fox Boston]
Earlier: Tom Brady Has No Pity For Panhandling Fools [Deadspin]

Here's the story, as explained by Dennis Paiva, the object of every other Boston beggar's envy:

"I saw these two stainless steel metal containers behind a garage next to the trash," Paiva said. "Scrap metal was really high at the time so I grabbed them and put them in my truck."

Paiva took the planters to a scrapyard in Everett, collected $450 and was feeling pretty good about life. Right up until he got a call from a Boston police detective.

"The guy mentions I took some flower pots," Paiva recalled. "I said,‘I don't know what you're talking about.' He said, ‘We got you on the security camera.' And I said, ‘Yeah, I took them, but they were out with the trash.' He said, ‘You gotta get them back. You don't even want to know who they belong to!' "

Well, when Paiva heard who owned his "scrap metal," he rushed back to the yard but, of course, the planters were history. He went back to police and told them the sad tale and was promptly cited for larceny.

"I said, ‘You're kidding me, they were in the trash!' " Paiva said.

Now, because of a trip to the hospital that prevented him from finding real work, Paiva is scouring the streets for the $333.33 he owes monthly to Brady, the guy who makes about $30 million a year and owns $4,000 flower planters. A Patriots spokesman said "he doubts Brady is aware of Paiva's situation." It must be Gisele's fault.

Buddy, can you spare a dime for Tom Brady? [Boston Herald]
Brady owed by man who stole flower planters [AP]

In an attempt to show the realness of their coupling — and an opportunity for her to pose naked wrapped in bedsheets — Brady's new wife tells the magazine that they are not impervious to the turbulence of most non-celebrity relationships. Take for example that whole oops-I-knocked-up-my-ex thing which happened two and half months into Brady/Bundchen courtship:

"It was definitely a surprise for both of us. In the beginning you're living this romantic fantasy; you're thinking, This can't be true, it's so good! And then, Whoops-wake-up call! We were dating two and a half months when he found out, and it was a very challenging situation. Obviously, in the beginning, it's not the ideal thing . . . I think it was a blessing, because otherwise I don't think I would have known what he was made of, and he wouldn't have known what I was made of . . . Our relationship has become so much stronger, and I think I wouldn't be as certain as I am today if it weren't for that."

But Gisele, wise from years of bikini modeling for a lot of money all over the world and dating famous people, merely saw this as a minor bump in the road and, apparently, an opportunity for her to ease her way into becoming a mother herself one day. A transition made a lot easier for her considering she didn't have to destroy her pristine figure due to stretchmarks and added baby weight. But still — John Edward Thomas Moynahan is my baby too, she says:

"I understand that he has a mom, and I respect that, but to me it's not like because somebody else delivered him, that's not my child. I feel it is, 100 percent. I want him to have a great relationship with his mom, because that's important, but I love him the same way as if he were mine. I already feel like he's my son, from the first day."

Bridget Moynahan must be elated by this news. Maybe Gisele will sign a few copies for her and send them over? But Gisele insists she doesn't want to limit her family to just Tom's bastard. No, no, no — she wants kids of her own, more adopted dogs, and even one of those glue-sniffing Brazilian street urchins:

I would also love to adopt a child from Brazil. When you come from São Paulo, you see five-year-olds sniffing glue on the corner. You think, If you make a difference in the life of one of them, that makes your time on this earth worthwhile. I will have a colorful family, like a rainbow. I have dogs from rescue; they are all my dogs. Children are like little angels-there's no way you can't love them."

You can totally see the blight and economic hardship some of those Sao Paulo kids must deal with — they can't even afford to huff real products.

And God Created Gisele [VF.com]

Gisele Strips Down And Talks Tom, John, and Leo [Pop Sugar]