Court records say that Herbert Simpson of Philadelphia sent the 63-year-old Coughlin letters threatening to "expose a fictitious sexual tryst with two women" and demanding $20,000 to $30,000 to keep quiet. Obviously, no one on Earth would ever believe that story so it wasn't the most impressive plan. Coughlin himself could hold a press conference tomorrow admitting that he had a threeway with two chicks and had the video to prove it and reporters would still laugh him off the stage.

Yeah, I'm going to go with "crazy person."

Man Pleads Guilty in Threats to Giants Coach [1010WINS]

No one looks as perpetually disgruntled as Coughlin. We'd suspect his wedding album has a picture of him scowling as his wife musses up his face with cake. We don't know Coughlin personally, but he can't be that unpleasant in real life, can he?

Following are our favorite aggrieved Tom Coughlin photos. We suspect we might see some variations on these on Super Bowl Sunday.

Listen, we're no big fans of Tom Coughlin, but Barber's continued thrashing of the Giants coach — even going so far as to say he'd still be playing football if it weren't for Coughlin — is self-aggrandizement in its worst form. Neverminding that Barber, pre-Coughlin, was a fumbling machine; mostly, we just are amused by the fiction that poor little Tiki had his love for the game taken away by the screaming man with the headset. Barber knows what he's doing; these little New York media feuds are exactly what keeps people like Barber with their names headlining everything. It's a crock.

Remember Rick Reilly's column about Barber, right after he announced his retirement? The one where Barber talked about how important it was to him to leave the game while he could still walk, while he was still healthy? And that's why he had retired? Was that bullshit, Tiki? Or is this bullshit now?

Please Shut The F$%* Up, Tiki [PopJocks]
Tiki Barber Upset That Tom Coughlin Made Him Good [Randball]

When he was asked at the NFC coaches breakfast by a football Web site reporter whether he paid attention to what was being said about him last season, Coughlin replied: "I hear some of it and I see it. You know (VP of communications Pat) Hanlon tells me about it, what's going on." Then, he paused, and said, "Hitler and then me, in that order. Unfortunate, but it is."

First, any comparisons between Coughlin and Hitler are not apt; the inventor of the blitzkrieg would never have started Eli Manning. But Abraham H. Foxman, the national director of the Anti-Defamation League, takes it one step further:

"Giants coach Tom Coughlin appears to be ignorant of who Hitler was and what he did when he likens criticism he received for a losing football season to that against the man who caused World War II, murdered 6 million Jews in the Holocaust and millions of others. Using the comparison to Hitler in such a cavalier manner is insensitive and denigrates the memory of millions of Nazi victims. Coach Coughlin needs a reality check and some education."

We also think Coughlin has a lot of gall ranking himself ahead of Satan and Michael Bolton.

Tom: My Plight Second To Hitler's [New York Daily News]
Giants: Coughlin Draws Flak [Star Ledger]

• Watching the Giants-Bears game last night, we realized, like a lot of people must have, that Giants coach Tom Coughlin, for all his supposed military-like preparation techniques, has a tendency to make some silly decisions when under pressure. His decision to send Jay Feely out for a 52-yard, into-the-wind, slippery-turf field goal last evening was boneheaded even before it was returned for a touchdown. With the clear mistake, the Giants went from potentially holding an advantage over the Bears for home-field to being helplessly behind. By the way, nothing Rex Grossman does makes sense to us anymore. And Eli Manning ... uh, he's kind of collapsing in the second half again. Just pointing that out.

• We're very confused by Bill Belichick's constant snubbing of his protege Eric Man-breasts-gini. He seems to be furious with him for leaving to coach the Jets, though we can't imagine why; was he supposed to not take the job? Mangini, who still is pretty amazingly out of shape for a guy as young as he is, had some sweet revenge yesterday, leading the Jets to upset the Patriots. The Pats still look in good shape to win that division, but the tide turned real fast on those guys.

• What the hell happened to the Bengals? A bone-crushing loss yesterday leaves the SI cover favorites in serious danger of missing the playoffs. With their schedule, they could end up cinco-ocho before anybody realizes what's happening.

• If you ever start Michael Vick in fantasy again, we suppose you deserve what's coming to you. We know we did.

• Mighty MJD smorgasbord quote of the week: "Rudi Johnson isn't starting for the Bengals for disciplinary reasons. Wait, let me try that again. Rudi Johnson isn't starting for disciplinary reasons? Man, the Bengals are running out of good guys. About Wednesday, we'll hear about Carson Palmer and Marvin Lewis murdering a transvestite hooker when some double team action went awry."