Adapted from Tom Scocca's Beijing Welcomes You: Unveiling the Capital City of the Future, available at your favorite bookseller.
Hello, readership! Wasn't that some good sports last night? The winning athletes played the game tremendously well. The losers had some definite shortcomings, didn't they?
Before he signed a contract, Michael Vick was just a fun little action figure for sports talkers to make pretend-play with in their living rooms.
We're almost half-way through the sweltering dread-trap that is August, so it's time to hand over the captain's ascot to someone for a day. Spinheads, meet Tom Scocca. He will be hoisting up sloop Deadspin's sail for you tomorrow.