Christopher James Carolan—who was already wanted on an unrelated burglary charge—worked for Price Security Company, and was assigned to provide security services to Parker's home. He abruptly resigned last month and then the very next day—lo and behold—he listed an autographed Michael Jordan jersey on Craigslist. A jersey much like the one that used to belong to Parker! How about that!

Are you ready for the dumbest part of the story?

The jersey was listed on Craigslist for $500 or best offer, but sheriff's investigators said the jersey has a value of $20,000.

I'm starting to suspect that this guy didn't really know what he was doing.

Tony Parker's Stolen Jersey Recovered [KSAT]
Guard accused of stealing from Tony Parker [San Antonio Express-News]

It is probably not a good sign that the morning after we crown a new NBA champion — and we do congratulate the Spurs, sure — more people are emailing us about a guy who hasn't been in the NBA for 11 years than they are about the game. (To be fair, the story did involve masturbation.) When's the draft again?

Nice to see so many happy French people after an NBA title game, though. Really.

(Getty Images Photo)

Via the outstanding Pounding The Rock, we proudly introduce you to Get Your Game Feet On. It's a product promotion from Lamisil featuring Mike and Mike from ESPN Radio — one's gay! one's fat! — and Spurs guard Tony Parker. And it's called Get Your Game Feet On.

Enjoy.

Get Your Game Feet On [Official Site]
Tony Parker Gets Paid To Wear Flip Flops In The Shower [Pounding The Rock]

(Photo is fixed now.)

Detroit Bad Boys

According to the San Antonio Express News, Parker
makes his San Antonio hip-hop nightclub debut at Club Antro, 7959 Fredericksburg Road, on Tuesday (we listed the address so you wouldn't drive near there by mistake). The show, billed as "Tony Parker & Game Time Family featuring Fabolous," will have Longoria as a "special guest" — to insure that angry fans don't trash the place, were assuming. Fabolous, by the way, is a New York rapper and Parker's collaborator who supposedly had a hit in 2001, although we can't recall it. But that's not all. Parker, of late, has dubbed himself in promotions as "Tony Pizzle" and "The Machine." Another horrifying fact: His first rap record "The Top of the Game," has an accompanying video which features teammates Robert Horry, Tim Duncan, Brent Barry and Nazr Mohammed.

I'm sorry. The thought of Brent Barry rapping ... in French ...

Help us, Lil Ronnie! You're our only hope!

Tuesday will mark Parker's S.A. club debut with Fabolous, Eva [San Antonio Express-News]

Whether this is true or not, we leave that for you to decide. We will say, however, that if you're an All-Star, two-time-champion French point guard, and your girlfriend was fooling around with an ESPN Original Entertainment employee ... sheesh, we'd probably just retire right there. It would be like Mia Hamm having a fling with Skip Bayless. OK, let's stop now.

It's worth noting, by the way:

Eva Longoria's famous curse to the San Antonio police department, that she was being harassed by a "Mexican bike cop," is double amusing, considering, you know, Mario Lopez once played a Mexican bike cop.

EITM Online (halfway down, under January 9. And again, watch out for the Barton picture)

I then walked up to the vehicle and buffeted the hood with my open palm as taught to me in my training at SAPD Bicycle school.

Honestly, if there's any justice out of this whole thing, it will be Parker being sentenced to community service at the San Antonio Police Department Bicycle School. Just a bunch of cops swirling him in bicycles, honking little horns, beep beep. Maybe they'll put his basketball card in their spokes. That makes them sound like a motor.

Evan Longoria Police Report [The Smoking Gun]
The Spurs Hate Mexicans (Or Something Like That) [Deadspin]

Parker: "This is all the cops do, just mess with people."
Longoria: "He's just a Mexican bike cop. He only wants your autograph."
Parker: (screaming in a verbally abusive and demeaning manner)
Longoria: "Well, fuck you then."

Longoria, though her publicist, said, "I never made any sort of racial slurs, let alone made any comments about the officer being Mexican, as a Mexican myself."

That may be true, but, man, you should hear the shit Parker says about French people. Every time you turn around, it's "surrender" this, "shave their legs" that.

Longoria Denies Racial Slurs In Cop Confrontation [San Antonio Express-News]

But the bizarre collaboration is the weirdest aspect of all, we think. To quote FreeDarko:

this COMPLETELY raises the stakes on strange collaborations. It used to be, "Wow, that's odd KRS ONE and Puffy did a song together" or "Gee whiz, Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow made a ballad!" Soon it's gonna be, "that new Matthew Barney collaboration with Warren Sapp, Debra Winger and Beenie Man is GULLY." The LEAST strange aspect of this song is that Mr. Longoria is rapping. The most strange, potentially what was FAB-O doing with these Parisian cats?

We highly recommend a download, particularly because this is the first time any San Antonio Spur has sounded cool.

Thursdays With Thurl [FreeDarko]