• This should make for some interesting conversation at the Pants Party [The Sports Hernia]
  
• NHL Shop sells Ovie Hart Trophy shirts before the award is officially handed out. If it's on a T-shirt, it must be true. [Mister Irrelevant]
  
• A Pavlik-Lockett and De Leon-Lopez preview [Ring Report]
  
• Tony Romo improves his golf game. Joe Simpson can't wait to caddy for him. [The MERKIN]
  
• Kosuke Fukudome interviewed by a sumo wrestler. Even he thinks that name is funny. [Screwballs]
  
• Kenny Williams helps his own. Maybe a little too much. [UmpBump]
  
• Pocono 500 preview - Who said the honeymoon was over? [Ridebuyer]
  
• LEAVE FRANK MCCOURT ALONE! [So-Cal Sports Hub]

The Dallas Cowboys quarterback and the bride's sister may have put aside their personal issues — and let the entire focus fall on the newlyweds — but my source did say, ''I saw them over in a corner near the end of the night, having what looked like a very serious, intense conversation.'' Romo also supposedly ''looked a little uncomfortable'' when chatting with father-of-the-bride Joe Simpson (who performed the non-denominational marriage ceremony). According to various reports, Joe Simpson practically ''begged'' the former Eastern Illinois University gridiron star to attend the wedding, even though he and Jessica have allegedly split up — a story the actress and singer's reps firmly deny.

Unless these two die after getting trampled to death by a pack of wayward rhinos mid-coitus, this will be Deadspin's final acknowledgment of this ridiculous couple's existence. Rejoice appropriately with unreserved fits of profanity.

Ashlee, Pete In Wonderland [Chicago Sun-Times]

However, according to this latest report from Dallas Morning News' Allan Peppard, he begrudgingly reports that the dingbat ship has officially sailed off forever:

But after taking several oaths not to divulge my sources, two people close to Tony and Jess have told me that the glam couple is over, splitsville, kaput, put a fork in it.

Now, of course, until there is the official-official statement through Jessica's father expressing his own inappropriate amount of heartbreak and infinite sadness over this, there still may be hope for these two crazy kids. But if it is true, well, this column does become that much more relevant.

Sources confirm Tony Romo break-up [Dallas Morning News]

But there is some bad news for those who hoped that Tony Romo's blue icing-swallowing jinx, Jessica Simpson, would pop up in episodes — it's not going to happen. So says HBO president Ross Greenburg and NFL Films guru Steve Sabol to a roomful of Cowboys' reporters:

This is not the E Television Network," HBO Sports president Ross Greenburg said with a somewhat straight face. "This is HBO and HBO Sports. We're doing it for the avid football fan that used to watch Inside the NFL."

NFL Films president Steve Sabol said Jess wouldn't be a major part of the show "unless she's out there running 7-on-7 drills."

Yes, you got that? The show is not called "Hard Knockers" for a reason, you tabloid trash-digesting philistines.

HBO Exec: Jess Will Not Be A Hard Knocks Star [DallasCowboys Blog]

Yes, according to Robin Leach — who's yelling and he DOESN'T KNOW WHY — Tony Romo dropped a considerable bundle in Vegas and upset poor little Jessica Simpson. An excerpt:

It began when Jessica, Tony and the players all hit the Peacock Lounge for high limit blackjack. Jessica was said to have won $5,000 and then they retired to their penthouse while the others went onto the Body English nightclub. The couple even spent some time tanning in the sunshine rays at the new $8 million makeover pool at the Hard Rock while watching the NFL draft on their private cabana HD TV screens. At some point, however, allegedly Tony, who was rumored to be paid a $15,000 appearance fee at Body English took the money and went gambling. My spywitnesses tell me that by the time he was finished he'd lost a fortune and I swear to you I was told that the figure could have run as high as a whopping $2.5 million. Whatever the staggering loss totaled it immediately put a damper on their fun weekend. I'm reliably told Hard Rock officials offered to pay Jessica a bonus $25,000 if she'd co-host at Body English the second night with Tony.

Allegedly a livid Jessica refused because she's paid far more for personal appearances and the fun weekend had suddenly turned into a commercial gig. Also she was said to be "angry beyond words" over his gambling and the large loss. Insiders told me that one thing led to another and they wound up in a "furious fight."

It's worth noting that Romo just signed a new deal last year, and hey, good thing! Otherwise, Simpson's gonna have to start charging even more for personal appearances.

DID JESSICA & TONY'S LOVE MATCH TURN SOUR AT REHAB RE-OPENING OVER $2.5 MILLION BET? [Vegas Lux Life]

A black man witnessed the entire stunning event take place right in front of him. He, too, was concerned about what to do with this mysterious woman covered in blue icing.

"If he's not going to say anything about the blue icing, maybe I should?" he thought to himself.

The woman covered in blue icing inched closer to the Cowboys' quarterback. The black man became more and more concerned.

"She's going to get blue icing on him if he's not careful..." he thought. But he was frozen, overcome with aprehension and mesmerized by her moxie .

She moved in closer...

....

....

"Noooooo!", the black man thought, "I could've prevented this. I should've done something."

The Cowboys' quarterback was powerless. The blonde woman with the mysterious blue icing leaned in and attacked the 28-year-old's tongue in front of the roomful of stunned onlookers. The Cowboys' quarterback was covered in blue icing. Chaos ensued.

The woman has yet to be identified and is still on the loose. Beware.

Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo [D Magazine] [via With Leather]

On Tirico's radio show yesterday, Big Ben had this to say about playing the Cowboys:

"I got to play at Dallas, I think it was my rookie year," Roethlisberger said. "I'm glad they're coming up here to play us. I'm thinking about sending an all-expenses paid trip for Tony (Romo) to go to Mexico."

Tafoya shot back, "I thought you were going to bring Jessica to you." And Roethlisberger played along. "We could do that too," Big Ben said. "I might just fly her in."

Roethlisberger, who was at one point dating the very flexible professional golfer Natalie Gulbis, may have unwittingly jinxed his team with this comment. Good news for Jessica Simpson, however, who has seemingly earned herself a free trip to Pittsburgh. It's very pretty there in December.

Big Ben Takes Aim [Dallas Morning News]
Ben Roethlisberger takes jab at Cowboys and Tony Romo [Steelers Live]

Jessica Simpson is head over heels in love with Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo - and close pals say an engagement might be around the corner. "I think they're going to get married," Romo's close friend of three years, Michael Starr, says in the latest issue of Us Weekly, on newsstands now. Starr's prediction comes on top of Romo's former fling Sophia Bush telling Us, "I think they could go the distance."

You know what this means; no more Mexican vacations, no more pink Cowboys jerseys, no more fun of any kind. Just kids running amok, toys scattered throughout the living room and Jessica in house slippers, 30 pounds overweight and smoking a butt. Cowboys fans, you're home free.

Tony Romo And Jessica Simpson Getting Married? [SportsbyBrooks]

Now that A.J. has left us, it's up to others to try and fill his pointy, elfin shoes and feed us some delicious Cultural Oddsmaker pie. And I can think of no better place to start than with Tony Romo's little black book. Now that Jessica Simpson is apparently out of the picture, who will be the next beauty to take his arm on a trip to Cabo? My bet is already down, but I'm not telling. OK fine, I say that he's waiting for Dakota Fanning ... although as Otter said in Animal House, "That could take years, and cost thousands of lives." Rumors and Rants runs down the more practical odds.

Let's see: Kelly Pickler is the favorite here at 5/2, although don't count out wily veteran Bridget Moynahan (20-1) or the workmanlike Alyssa Milano (50-1). But hey ... where's Rice Girl?

Handicapping Romo's Next Conquest [Rumors And Rants]

(ED. NOTE: We just got back from Media Day, and Kelly Pickler was there. There was no Romo.)

On Jan. 17, Tony called Jessica at her L.A. home to try to break things off. "He said he thought it was better if they went back to being friends," a pal of the singer tells OK!. "'Just friends' is not in Jessica's vocabulary, and she is not a victim. She knows how bad this will look in the media." But according to the pal, Jessica refused to give up, and so Tony invited her on what he thought would be the worst date of her life: a hunting trip! "It's Tony's way of punishing Jess," laughs her friend. "Jessica Simpson hunting — and without her entourage? Forget it!"

You know, to tell you the truth, I'm so sick of this whole thing I feel like hitting myself repeatedly in the head with a circus mallet. Dump her, keep her, I don't care! (Retires to bedroom, closes door, rips Romo-Simpson People Magazine cover to shreds. Pulls knees up to chin and cries).

Tony Romo Tires Of Jessica [OK!]

Heh Heh [A Large Regular]

Meanwhile, Eli Manning is either looking like a legitimate starting quarterback ... or setting the stage for the most epic collapse of all in Green Bay next week. (Or both.) Either way ... next Sunday's NFC championship game is gonna look a lot prettier on TV now than we all thought it was going to.

But seriously, though: If Romo every makes a playoff game again, we hope it's in a low pressure spot, so that he does not explode into a plume of smoke.

Veteran Michael Strahan came to Romo's defense on Thursday, saying the young heartthrob had every right to go to a Mexico resort with Simpson and other teammates during the Cowboys' recent bye week. "You guys love to say, 'Oh, he is coming off the beach and he is dating Jessica Simpson' — please!" Strahan said during a news conference Thursday after the Giants practiced for Sunday's game against the Cowboys in the NFC semifinal. "Heck, if Jessica Simpson wanted to date me, I may give her a shot," said the recently divorced Strahan.

We're assured that Sunday's game at Dallas will be Simpson free; which is good for everyone involved.

Oh, and here's your Terrell Owens update. Looks like Terrell will be at the dance, girls. He will be there.

Strahan Will Say Yes To Simpson If Romo Doesn't [MSNBC]
Dallas Cowboys' Owens Says He'll Play Vs. Giants [Dallas Morning News]

Anyway, the talented and versatile Ms. Simpson has not announced whether or not she's going to be in Irving for the game this Sunday, so Vegas is, as they tend to do, putting odds on it.

Yes (Must be shown on TV) -120
No (Any wagers placed after the result is public knowledge will be no action) -120

You Been Blinded points out that Romo and Simpson could make some serious cash simply by betting and then having her show up. (Or otherwise.) Would that count as gambling on football? We wouldn't think so.

Will Jessica Simpson Be At The Cowboys Game? Bet On It [You Been Blinded]

Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson's Mexican vacation, ("Looking good, Billy Ray!" "Feeling good, Louis!") have people pretty much up in arms in Dallas, where they figure that — since they haven't won a playoff game since 1996 — their starting quarterback should be home, sealed in a Tupperware container until game time. Or at least playing an Xbox simulation.

While no one expects Romo and the Cowboys to spend the bye weekend at Valley Ranch watching tape, they had to know that spending it on vacation in Mexico will not go over well — especially if they lose next weekend. According to one Cowboys staffer, "It just doesn't look good."

Good thing there aren't any other distractions that might hinder the Cowboys this weekend.

Jessica And Tony's Mexican Getaway [Flynetonline]
Cowboys Are So Done — Romo's Mexican Vacation [The Big Lead]
League Source: Dolphins Will Hire Sparano As Head Coach [Blogging The Boys]
So This Is How Romo Prepares For A Big Game [Cowboys Corner]
Romo And The Simpsons Go South Of The Border [Deadspin]

Check out Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo vacationing in Mexico yesterday along with some of Romo's fellow football players and Jessica's parents, Joe and Tina. When the two lovers arrived, Jessica couldn't keep her hands off of the quarterback's ass. Better keep the PDA on the low near the parents Jessica! Don't forget about your wholesome upbringing!

Please. I bet Joe Simpson gets better ass grabs from his daughter than that.

Dallas be fucked.

Although Patriots quarterback Tom Brady seems more the go-to man for football advice, not relationship advice (just ask Bridget Moynahan), Brady has reached out to Jessica Simpson's new man, Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo, to warn him about bringing his girl to games. "After that debacle of a game with Jessica being flashed on the screens during every play, Tom told Tony to put a stop to allowing Jess to come to games. Think about it: How often do you see Gisele [Bundchen] cheering Tom on?" said a friend of Brady's.

Frankly I get a kick out of the image of Brady and Romo talking to each other on the phone about their girlfriends. Are they lying on their respective beds, with stuffed animals all around, and a lot of open magazines? Is one of Romo's magazines Tiger Beat?

Keep Jessica Away From Games, Says Tom Brady [MSNBC]

(UPDATE: Watchdog claims Gisele was there after all. We thought we could trust you, Tom.)

Maybe not. These head-on-stick-based fan initiatives, if done thoroughly and without an ounce of shame, have a 100 percent rate of working to perfection, according to a sample size of my own personal experiences.

Last season in college basketball, I found a picture of BGSU basketball leading scorer Martin Samarco on Facebook. He was wearing a one-piece swimsuit, a couple of wigs (one on his head, one on his chest), and it was really quite... actually, see for yourself:

I posted that picture a couple of weeks before Bowling Green played a crucial MAC game down in Ohio University. (By crucial I mean, well, I sort of cared about it.) Some plucky OU fans found the picture and distributed color copies to the fans for the game. Going into that game averaging well over 22 points a game, Samarco had perhaps his worst shooting night of the year: 12 points on 4-for-20 shooting.

So based on this disturbingly accurate tunnel-vision, all signs point to a Carolina Panthers victory tonight. Money down.

Getting Ready [Blogging The Boys]
Show Your Romo Love On Saturday [Deadspin]

Meahwile, Terrell Owens further amplified his apology to both Romo and Jessica on Thursday, saying that he "would do whatever I can to rectify the situation. That's about it." (Translation: He thinks there's still a chance for a three-way).

Owens said the call "wasn't necessarily an apology."

"I was just kind of explaining to him what kind of happened during the course of the (interview) session," Owens said of his conversation with Romo. "I kind of told him what was said, and he kind of expressed what Jessica had told him. I was like, 'Look, dude, it wasn't meant like that. Everybody was having fun, and I was saying what I had to say. There it is, it's a big story."'

As long as the Cowboys win, this isn't hurting anyone's career.

RuinRomo.com
T.O., Romo And Jessica Are Fine, Really [MSNBC]

The one question that needed to be asked and wasn't: What's the worse fashion mistake: Simpson's pink No. 9, or Laura Quinn's half jersey? Please vote now.

Laura Quinn Gives Us A Fiesta Of Pain [Deadspin]
Who Cares If The Eagles Are Beating The Cowboys? Let's Talk About Jessica Simpson! [Awful Announcing]

Yes, this was the traditional first week of fantasy football playoffs, and it ended up screwing a ton of people who have rode Romo and Brady to dominant regular seasons. Romo threw three interceptions, and Brady suffered from Bill Belichick's perverse decision to run the ball on, of all days, yesterday. So we're betting there were tons of fantasy upsets yesterday. Perhaps we blame it all on Jessica Simpson.

A Prayer To Jesus To Give Jessica Simpson Leprosy [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Anyway, here they are! Doesn't the life of a celebrity look just painfully glamorous? Celebrities: They're just like us! Bored, disinterested and not talking to each other! Though they do wear more charity bracelets.

Tony Romo And Jessica Simpson Dating Picture Gallery [ShoutFan]

2007 is turning out to be the year of the Romo. Just 10 months removed from single-handedly ruining the Cowboys playoff run, he's bounced back. Enormously. So far this year, he's ripped through a couple of nubile ladies (Sophia Bush, Carrie Underwood), put up monster numbers and earned respect around the league, and in between signed a $67.4 million contract based on half a season's work. To top it off, the guy could go 15-1 this season and skate into the playoffs. Look at the rest of the Cowboys schedule: they've got Detroit, who've reverted back to vintage ineptitude, and the Carolina Panthers, who've somehow become a first-year expansion team again. The two toughest games they have left are with the Mighty Birds, who have been wildly inconsistent (or consistently mediocre) all year, and the Redskins, who even though are their most bitter rivals, now have a gaping hole in their ... strong safety.

[dodges pitchfork]

Moving on! Now, Romo's tapping Jessica Simpson, who unless is secretly moonlighting in Bolivian gang bang films, most likely still has a vagina that smells like a combination of "Very Vanilla" Little Tree car freshener and a baby's forehead. Sadly, this relationship is not going to last. Not that Romo's the second coming of Proust or anything, but regardless of how hot Simpson is, holding a conversation with her must be like talking to Gizmo : Oooh! Bright lights! Yum-Yum !

So, he's not into librarians? Not a problem. A definite deal-breaker to be a Romo Girl is just skank-out dirty. Romo doesn't want a lady with a sullied reputation, one marred by sex tape videos or a body damaged by belly-button mashing pregnancies. No, he likes his ladies clean, untarnished — we're talking PSA grade 9.5 and above. The only question left to answer is...who's next?

So this week, I'm putting on my hymen mask, readjusting my chastity belt, and placing odds on the next pretty pony to enter the Romo Corral.

Push the button.

Hayden Panettiere: 3/1

This "Heroes" star radiates wholesomeness like a giant moon, plus she's got the whole blond, deceptively pretty-thing happening that Romo seems to enjoy so much. Another thing about Hayden is that she's a strident animal rights activist and also an aspiring singer, which in Hollywood usually means she has a brain the size of a cashew. Bingo. Give the cheerleader the bologna hammer, save the world, Tony.

Ashley Tisdale: 4/1

She's crept into the public consciousness because of High School Musical and become the fantasy girl to many pre-teen/pre-homosexual boys. In reality, she's a 22-year-old with a cheery smile and a palpable prudishness, even though her character and Jewishy face may suggest otherwise. But, if you look at a quote she gave People from her latest movie shoot, it appears the gal doesn't even like to kiss on screen. "You have to do it over and over and over, and every different angle!" Fuckin' shitballs! But after her HSM sequels run out and she stops hanging around with the fresh-faced crew, don't be surprised if she needs to gulp down a hot cup of Romo in order to ease herself back into womanhood.

Hillary Duff: 1/1

When she was younger, she used to have this dinosaur-head/bird-chested appearance that seemed to indicate her early 20s were going to be beastly. Obviously, as the picture on that left indicates, that's not the case anymore. Now, she's bananas. She fits all of the qualities of a typical Romo-girl, but her interest in pussybag rockstars like that knob from Good Charlotte might knock Romo out of the race. He'll have to bring a lot more than just a quarterback pedigree and a Steely McBeam chin if he wants to get wi...wait a second. God. Romo. He's just got it all. He's like Sam Malone's brother.

Miley Cyrus: 2/1

Although society will say it's wrong, Romo has no time for your silly laws and mores. Even though the Hannah Montana star is only 15-years-old, she has all the poise and ambition of a 35-year-old woman. She's also a country gal with a voice that could make the cowboys cry. Plus, she's good at keeping secrets and quick-changing into disguises. Perfect for this type of situation. Romo and Cyrus could be the new R. Kelly and Aaliyah. (Plane crash not included.)

That said, as Matt Mosely points out, Favre wasn't exactly tearing it up before he hurt himself either. We just returned from a quick, one-day trip to Dallas — we left before the game started — and we had no idea Tony Romo had been promoted to Roger Staubach status. The guy actually was on the radio doing an advertisement for Curves, the female weight loss gym. The guy should run for mayor. Say what you will about Cowboys fans, but they don't hold grudges; nobody remembers the whole playoff business from last year.

When you're 11-1, we suppose it's easy to let that slide. Favre's supposed to be back next week, because he's an American Hero.

Cowboys-Packers: The Aftermath [HashMarks]

At Terence Newman's house in Dallas, Romo played the new Xbox 360 game "Guitar Hero III" with actress Carmen Electra, who was playing the game online in Los Angeles. Romo was joined by what appears to be a new ... uh ... friend, actress Sophia Bush. She has starred in the TV show One Tree Hill and the 2007 movie The Hitcher. Romo struggled with the new game, which is scheduled to hit stores next week. Also on hand were Newman, running back Julius Jones, offensive tackle Marc Colombo, offensive lineman Cory Procter and safety Ken Hamlin. "I think she actually beat me," Romo said. "I'm actually a phenomenal guitar player."

Next they played the Xbox "Hold For The Extra Point."

Romo Learns That He's No Guitar Hero [Star-Telegram]
Tony Romo And Sophia Bush Now? [Larry Brown Sports]

UPDATE: From Hervey, "Tony was on my stage for hours, but the song he is shown singing in the photo was his special request, "Livin' On A Prayer."

I was determined not to make any fumbling-the-extra-point-snap jokes, but the song does include the lyrics "We've got to hold on, ready or not ...", and damn it, I'm not made of stone.

The Dog Is Skeptical That Maury Povich Can Make Par [Deadspin]

From the Things We Don't Understand file, we end your day with this entirely random video that features Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo and "Saved By The Bell"'s Mr. Belding playing Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" with "metal" "band" Metal Skool.

We have no idea what any of this means, but we're now officially cerebrally fried enough to enjoy the rest of our evening.

Tony Romo And Mr. Belding Singing Don't Stop Believing [WBRS Sports Blog]

(For the record, we RAWK on this song in karaoke; it's our third place song, behind REO Speedwagon's "Can't Fight This Feeling" and The Digital Underground's "Humpty Dance.")

There are some who think the only thing Romo is qualified to hold is a seminar on how not to hold. But, to his credit, Romo is eager to take the field and try again. "It's always good to get that taste out of your mouth," he said. "You've got to move on. Eventually you've got to get on and get ready for the next season, and that's what I'm doing."

You thought there was no reason to watch the Pro Bowl, folks, but now ... OK, now, there's still no reason to watch the Pro Bowl.

Romo Out To Get A Grip [Philadelphia Daily News]

Have your girl leap across the room into your arms and then carelessly let her slip and smash her head on the coffee table. Then pick her up, take a shit all over the floor, and drop her head first onto the carpet while you flail around like a complete pussy. Then go fuck an entire city. Bonus points if you have the nerve to attend the Pro Bowl afterwards.

Not necessarily our taste, but a novel concept. And by the way: He's not really gonna attend the Pro Bowl, is he? Come on, give it up to Favre, Tony!

50 All New Sexual Positions [The Phat Phree]

Screw Barbaro. He may be a Kentucky Derby winner and have a knack for avoiding being glue, but can he kick a field goal with a chicken? Yes, you heard us right. When watching the video above, keep a close eye the hind leg of the horse, and of course the chicken who serves himself up with a determination of purpose that would make any San Diego Chargers fan sick with envy.

Or, as you may have heard it last weekend: "Here's the snap, and ... oh no! Tony Romo has fumbled the hen!"

Horse Kicks Chicken On Barn [Da Nerd]

(NOTE: This is technically a "half day" around Gawker Media, meaning that ordinarily we'd do half as many posts as usual. We're gonna go ahead and do a full days of posts, however. Thing is, though: Most of them will be videos, which take about half as much effort. So it's win-win! Enjoy the rest of the day!)

WILDCARD PLAYOFF EDITION !! NOT A WIN BUT THANKS FOR THE GREAT SEASON !! THIS IS A CUSTOM made 6 INCH FIGURE OF THE DALLAS QB TONY ROMO AS TACKLED AT THE GOALINE AFTER THE MISSED SNAP! THIS FIGURE WILL COME IN A PROTECTIVE CASE, WITH GREAT LOOKING CUSTOM MADE PLAYOFF INSERTS !! WITH WILDCARD PLAYOFF SPECIAL !! THANKS FOR LOOKING GO COWBOYS !! CHECK OUT MY OTHER COWBOY AUCTIONS THANKS! I AM NOWAY AFFILLATED WITH MCFARLANE THE NFL THE NFLPA THE DALLAS COWBOYS OR TONY ROMO THANKS.

The full collection of photos for this auction is brutal to behold; currently, it's only $21.50, and bids are open until Sunday.

DALLAS TONY ROMO CUSTOM MCFARLANE NFL PLAYOFFS JERSEY [eBay]

Our favorite is the one on the bottom right, in which Jesus explains to Jimmy why Sally must be allowed to play in their youth baseball league. Who better than Christ to detail the ramifications of Title IX?

These sculptured wonders are all pretty swell, as far as they go. But we thought we'd throw in our own entry, based on recent troubling events:

No, not even divine intervention could save the Cowboys on Saturday (Christ seems to be saying "I give up"). This is just a prototype, but if Catholic Shopper gets a move-on, they could be ready in time for the 2007 holidays. And what better present for the Cowboys fan on your Christmas or Hannukah list? We mean, besides poison or a noose?

Jesus Inspirational Sports Statues [Catholic Shopper.com]

Another reason YouTube is changing our lives in new and exciting ways: The already infamous Tony Romo fumble moment from Saturday night is being reenacted by spasming lonely fools in their bedrooms. You're totally wrong, Cuban: YouTube is Allah's gift to us all!

Anyway, we're not sure what much more we can say about Mr. Romo's folly that hasn't been mentioned already — though we appreciate the Eastern Illinois alumni blog Old Man Vein doing what they can to rally the troops — so we, along with everyone else, wonder what's next for the plucky soul. If he can't recover mentally, hey, they could always bring back Chad Hutchinson.

Inevitable Futures Of Mr. Tony Romo [The Serious Tip]
Romo Watch [Old Man Vein]

Although there were no hot chicks in that story I will mention a hot chick from the Cowboys game. God Carrie Underwood was totally doing it for me, those boots with the tight jeans - very nice!

I think we men all know what that means. Wingman called Carrie Underwood, and he gets first shot at her. The rest of us ought to back off.

Tony Romo, however, has violated this man law. He saw Underwood at the Cowboys' Thanksgiving game, the same time Wingman saw her, and he approached her and asked her out. Yesterday she had a pregame field pass at Romo's invitation. The Jessica Simpson thing has apparently passed, and now Romo and Underwood are a thing. I'm sure Bill Parcells couldn't be happier for them, but Wingman ought to talk to Drew Bledsoe about contributing to his blog.

Two Idols At Cowboys Game [McClatchey-Tribune]

God bless Michael Irvin. The enigmatic former wideout's latest comments on Dan Patrick's radio show about Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo were just mindblowing. Alluding that Romo's scampering ability was the result of his great grandmother having sex with a slave? Brilliant.

Irvin, of course, apologized for his comments, saying he was just brining "a little bit of the locker room talk" to his interview and that this is how he talks to Romo when they play basketball together. Fantastic save! But the best blowback from the whole incident so far was ESPN's lilly-white ombudsman George Solomon being forced to, er, ombud the situation in his most recent column.

In a discussion of Romo's athletic ability, Irvin, a former Cowboys wide receiver and a regular on ESPN's Sunday NFL Countdown, said the quarterback's skills would have had to come from African-American heritage. Romo is white. Irvin told Michael McCarthy of USA Today he was "joking" when suggesting that Romo's distant grandmother "must have pulled a brother out the barn and got down to business" to produce an athlete of Romo's ability.

I'm surprised his whole column wasn't done in smart quotes. You can practically smell the wincing. Solomon loosely compares the incident to Jimmy The Greek's famous racial no-no 20 years ago and goes on to say that Irvin's apology wasn't sufficient. He half-heartedly suggests that The Leader should have punished Irvin a little more if it wants to maintain some kind of ethical standard for all of its commentators. Because, you know, 50 years ago Irvin would've been hanging upside down with a fucking fork up his ass for saying things like that. At least that's what I heard.

But Irvin's remarks got me thinking about the racial make up of the NFL and who else in the league could share Tony Romo's remarkable slow-twitch fibre muscles. Not so many, it turns out. But there are a few.

So for this column, I'm putting on my FUBU sweatshirt, popping in 3rd Bass's "The Cactus Album" and I'm placing odds on the other white NFL players that could be accused of having sexually promiscuous great grandparents who possibly liked to have Mandingo-like humping in the back of a barn.

Flex your over-developed calves with me, and jump.

—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—--

Matt Jones: 3/1

Every time the guy takes off his helmet, he's obviously white. He looks more like the lead singer of Nickelback than a wide receiver. But there's something sneakily graceful about him, like that Savion Glover guy that always tap dances all the movie soundtracks at the Academy Awards ceremonies. Plus, Matt Jones was a quarterback in college at Arkansas, played basketball and was given the vague "athlete" tag when he went through the NFL combine. You know what that means: He performs poorly on standardized tests.

Scott Fujita: 4/1

Fujita was put up for adoption at birth and stated he has "no idea who his real parents are." Obviously Fujita's athletic ability didn't come from his adoptive parents, who are Japanese, and raised him in ninja-like seclusion. And he's much too quick for a linebacker to be 100 percent caucasian — there isn't a white linebacker in the league who can handle the screen pass or outside running plays any better.

Dan Koppen: 3/1

Here's a fella born in Iowa that obviously hasn't missed a big country meal in a while. And at first glance, one wouldn't think that Koppen could possibly have any traces of African ancestry. But don't' be fooled: This is a man who came in second place in 2005's NFL Bigman Dance Competition. If Koppen lost 150 pounds, he'd be Usher.

Joe Andruzzi: EVEN

He's wide, he's burly, but he's an Italian raised in Brooklyn. If you trace Andruzzi's northern Italian roots you'll remember way back then, uh, Sicilians were like, uh, wops from Northern Italy. Ah, they all had blonde hair and blue eyes, but, uh, well, then the Moors moved in there, and uh, well, they changed the whole country. They did so much fuckin' with Sicilian women, huh? That they changed the whole bloodline forever. That's why blonde hair and blue eyes became black hair and dark skin. Tell me I'm lying? Joe Andruzzi is part eggplant.

There's a certain swagger that Tony Romo brings with him every place he goes. He has been linked to Jessica Simpson. He is often the lead story on national sportscasts and the print media can't seem to get enough. He clearly has the "it" factor ... It is much the same as it was five years ago when a young and unheralded quarterback named Tom Brady took over for an injured Bledsoe in New England.

Silverman added: "It's not just Romo's swagger either; it's his penis. Romo is allegedly hung like Barbaro, in such a cartoonish fashion that he actually has been known to tuck his penis into his left knee pad. It has led to a change in coach Bill Parcells' blocking scheme, forcing the Tuna to add an extra blocker on Romo's blind side."

Romo Well On Way To Becoming Next Brady [MSNBC]
Michael Irvin Brings The Locker Room To Your Radio Dial [Deadspin]

The rest of our tiny circle of voyeurs and sewer rats already knew about Irvin's "he must have had a slave grandfather" comments about Tony Romo and his supposed white-boy speed, though that didn't help us make much sense out of Irvin's "apology."

"I do want to apologize for those comments," Irvin said. "They were inappropriate and insensitive. My whole thing, what I always try to do, is give people a first-hand knowledge of what it's like in the locker room and how we as players joke around with one another.

"This is how I joke around with Romo when we're playing basketball ... certainly, there's a difference from me the player and me the broadcaster. We may joke around like that in the locker room, and I'm trying to bring them in the locker room."

A few questions. First: Tony Romo and Michael Irvin play basketball? Really? In the middle of the season? Does Parcells know about this? Our real question, though: Why would anyone doubt that the way Irvin was in the interview is exactly the way he is in the locker room? After all, he sounded extremely, you know, stoned.

Irvin Apologizes For Racial Comments [ESPN]
Irvin Latest Analyst To Enter Hot Water [USA Today]
Michael Irvin Has A Theory About Tony Romo's Speed [Deadspin]

In other words, if you're not tired of Tony Romo's Amazing American Story yet, you're going to be soon, because it's not going away. Romo threw for five touchdowns yesterday in the Cowboys' easy win over the Bucs, he's possibly dating Jessica Simpson and he's now the most famous Eastern Illinois University alum since John Malkovich. (Who didn't even graduate.) Leading up to the Giants-Cowboys game next week, it's going to be all Romo, non-stop, so be ready.

However: There doesn't seem much time left on this starting quarterback earth for Jake Plummer, who stunk again last night and, if he's not careful, might drop the Broncos out of the playoffs.

So, to sum up the quarterbacks from yesterday:

Great: Romo, Joey Harrington
Fine: Trent Green, Jon Kitna
Bad: Bruce Gradkowski, Plummer.

What a weird six quarterbacks on Thanksgiving.

Let The Kid Play [The Fanhouse]