And if that won't suffice as a reminder of our inferior earning power, please note that it takes Ben Roethlisberger just 3.6 snaps to pocket 100 large. Lebron does it in 21 floor minutes; Tiger in 11.2 holes of golf.

And then comes this questionable claim: from the WSJ: "Nascar's Tony Stewart may have to work the most to pay his bills — needing to navigate the oval 124.8 times to make $100,000."

Meanwhile, Roger Federer must grunt his way through 28 games of grueling tennis to match what Tony Stewart earns for turning left. You be the judge.

How Long Does It Take an Athlete to Make $100,000? [WSJ]

Just a few of the details: Stewart used to travel with a pet monkey on his private jet but got rid of it because it was "the wrong breed," and despite making $17 million last year still lives in the three-bedroom house he grew up in.

Oh, and there's this quote. Just in case you wanted to know what makes Tony Stewart get up every morning: "Pussy, money and race cars. That's pretty much all I care about."

It gets even better.

The only thing Stewart enjoys more than a race car and a fight, it seems, is women. Over the course of a race weekend, he's approached by dozens of them, each more long-legged, doe-eyed and blond than the last. Inside the NASCAR bubble, these gals are called "pit lizards," and they prowl the inner sanctum at tracks throughout the year.

"My parents are afraid my dick's gonna rot off," Stewart says.

Which leads into perhaps the greatest dialogue in racing history:

At a late-night fuel stop during the flight to the Phoenix race, he meets two girls, who look to be in their early 20s, working the front desk at the airport lounge in Salina, Kansas.

"Take us with you, Tony?" one of them says as he grabs a chocolate-chip cookie from a tray on the counter.

"Depends," he says, taking a bite. "You gals 18 yet?"

"Why you want to know that?" one girl asks.

"Well, we ain't just flying up there, darling," he says, winking at me. "We'll be taking pictures and hanging out and all sorts of stuff."

"Aww, Tony," singsong the girls.

Where There's Smoke... [Rolling Stone]
Tony Stewart really has that whole southern charm thing down to a science [The Sporting Blog]

No longer content to continue reading about brave police dogs who died because they weren't wearing vests, Tony Stewart has come to the rescue. The vests cost $695 each. If you didn't know that police dogs wore bulletproof vests then you roll with Chris Samuels and Clinton Portis and hate animals. Stewart's gift will be spread among dogs in five different states and will go a long way towards prospectively repairing his image when he gets in his next pit row altercation.

The vests come courtesy of a charity founded by Susie Jean of Socorro, N.M. Per the AP:

"Jean founded Vest 'N P.D.P. (Police Dog Protection) Inc., a nonprofit that collects donations to purchase bullet- and stab-proof vests for police dogs. So far, the nonprofit has provided 169 vests to police dogs in 22 states, not including the Stewart donation."

So far Jean's charity has not saved a single dog's life. Or maybe it has, hell if I know.

Stewart donates bulletproof vests for police dogs [USA Today]
Tony Stewart: Patron Saint to Police Dogs [Epic Carnival]

It was an extremely close race, and we thank all competitors for playing. Hey, it's an honor to be nominated.

The final results:

• 1. Kordell Stewart. 27.3 percent, 217 votes
• 2. Mike Piazza. 26.4 percent, 206 votes
• 3. Peyton Manning. 23.8 percent, 186 votes
• 4. Tony Stewart. 14.4 percent, 112 votes
• 5. Bruce Chen. 8.1 percent, 63 votes

We think Chen would have finished higher, but, as some of you have pointed out, most people don't know who that is.

Cultural Oddsmaker: Next Prominent Gay Athlete [Oddjack]

Make your voice heard ... if you dare!

Vote: First Gay Athlete To Come Out [Deadspin]

You can see the most likely suspects right there. You can only vote once, so, you know, sorry Peyton, you can stop trying to load up the bots to vote for Piazza right now.

The poll will be up until 4 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, so make your voice heard, because nothing says "National Barometer Of Public Opinion" than a poll on a Web site.

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

We'll be doing our first ever Deadspin Poll on this later this afternoon, but for now, just enjoy Oddjack's arguments for Bruce Chen, Kordell Stewart, Mike Piazza, Tony Stewart and, of course, Peyton Manning.

Personally, our money's on Kordell, but, then again, it always has been.

Cultural Oddsmaker: Next Prominent Gay Athlete [Oddjack]
Peyton Manning Going All Brokeback Mountain On Us? [Deadspin]
Kordell Stewart Is Back And, So You Know, Still Not Gay [Deadspin]