With Marco Scutaro and Kevin Mench running from first and second, respectively, Cabrera made a diving backhand catch of a line drive by Lyle Overbay, touched second base to force Mench and then tagged out Scutaro. Observe:

You don't see it in the video, but as he ran off the field Cabrera flipped the ball into the stands. Isn't the ball used for the 14th triple play in baseball history kind of valuable? Unlike milestone home run balls, thing thing wasn't even marked, so it's lost to history I suppose. The Rockies' Troy Tulowitzki turned an unassisted triple play last season against the Braves. The last one in the AL was by Oakland's second baseman Randy Velarde, who did it against the Yankees in 2000. The first one in history was recorded by the Indians' Ball, in 1909. Wambsganss, a second baseman, had the only one in World Series play, in 1920 during Cleveland's Game 5 win over Brooklyn.

Fausto Carmona (4-1) earned the win for the Indians in the first game, and Cliff Lee lowered his ERA to .067 but failed to get the decision in the nightcap. Toronto's B.J. Ryan worked a scoreless ninth for the win.

• Zito Doesn't Lose! Barry Zito's record remained at 0-7 on Monday as he started and went five scoreless innings against the Astros, then losing a 3-0 lead in the sixth on a sacrifice fly and a two-run homer by Lance Berkman. You can hardly blame him for the latter; Berkman has recently signed a soul leasing agreement with Satan, setting a team record with 18 hits over five games and being named NL Player of the Week with a .682 batting average and 1.136 slugging percentage. Houston won 7-3.

• You're Not Funny! One reason newspapers are dying: Baseball beat reporters will laugh at anything. Witness the comedy stylings of Carlos Zambrano, following the Cubs' 12-3 win over the Padres on Monday. Zambrano (6-1) went seven strong innings in 41-degree weather to earn the win, prompting this line. "It's OK for me. I'm from Alaska,'' Zambrano said, drawing laughs at his postgame news conference. Tough crowd ... NOT. Zambrano deserves credit for great efforts on the mound and at the plate (a double and a single), but comedically he's a rung below Carlos Mencia. Note to sports media: Every word out of an athlete's mouth is not automatically comedy gold. Quit sucking up.

• Twofer Monday At Miller Park. Ryan Braun hit two homers for the second game in a row and two Cardinals were ejected — manager Tony LaRussa and catcher Yadier Molina — as the Brewers walloped St. Louis 8-3. Molina and La Russa were tossed for arguing balls and strikes in the fifth, shortly after the second of Braun's homers. Both came off of Adam Wainwright III (3-2), who is not prone to doing that sort of thing very often.

• Quote Of The Day. Manny Ramirez, who hit homer No. 498 in Boston's 7-3 loss to Minnesota on Monday: "I know I have two more to go, but I ain't counting." Whaaa?

Anyway, Frank Thomas is no longer a Blue Jay. And he must have really been a pain in the ass, because Toronto is eating $7,081,967 of his $8 million salary this season. Mmmm, bitter regret. And hey, with Frank on the market, good luck finding a job now, Barry Bonds!

The file on the Big Hurt: Last season he led the Jays with 26 homers and 95 RBI. But this year he's off to a .167 start, is hitless in his past 13 at-bats and has 11 RBI. Your Toronto Blue Jays are 10-9, 2 1/2 games behind first-place Boston in the East, and can't really afford a .167 black hole in the lineup at this point. But, is Thomas not an historically slow starter? Well, San Francisco Giants, here he comes. Toronto beat Detroit 5-3 on Sunday behind David Eckstein's three-run homer, the Tigers falling to 6-13.

• Eric The Half-A-Bee. Jimmy Rollins was banished to the 15-day DL, but Chase Utley was 3-for-3 and had two homers and Pedro Feliz had one homer to lead the Phillies past the Mets 5-4. Eric Bruntlett likely saved the game for Philadelphia with a diving stop on Carlos Beltran's hard grounder up the middle with two outs in the ninth and runners on first and second. Bruntlett threw out Beltran at first. Sweep avoided!

• More Injury Intrigue. Alex Rodriguez blew a tire in the sixth inning — prognosis not certain at this point — but not before he doubled and scored a run in the Yankees' 7-1 win over the Orioles. Andy Pettitte threw seven scoreless innings, Johnny Damon homered and Derek Jeter had a three-run double for the Death Star. That brings the Yankees to .500 (10-10).

• Strange Days. John Bowker has three career home runs — all against the Cardinals this month — and that's how weird this series has been. The Giants won it 4-3, with all seven games being played in the past 11 days. SF prevailed 8-2 on Sunday, behind Bengie Molina's three doubles and three RBI. Anyway it was all likely pretty annoying to this guy.

• Game Fish. And now a little Marlins love, as they retained first in the NL East (a half-game ahead of the Mets) with a 6-1 win over the Nationals. Time for Washington to break out that bucket of balls that the Pope blessed!

Hill dined on a Steve Trachsel curve in the third for a three-run homer, as Toronto collected 16 hits in an 11-3 win over Baltimore. Hill is looking good in that 2 spot, is he not? Every Blue Jays starter had at least one hit; David Eckstein with three. It's all good news for Jays fans, who desperately need to update their banner collection.

Of course with all of the gala Jackie Robinson Day festivities throughout the majors, it only makes sense that Major League baseball's official blog site, MLBlogs, makes no mention of it on its front page whatsoever; instead featuring a post about Alyssa Milano's blog as its lead story this morning.

• The Meteoric Fall Of The Black And Gold. The aforementioned Dodgers rode the arms of Esteban Loaiza and Hong-Chih Kuo to an 11-2 win over the Pirates, ending Pittsburgh's four-game winning streak. But Pirates fans should be reminded that things could be a lot worse. Jeff Kent — who has to be older than John McCain, right? — and Russell Martin had home runs. And all of this despite the fact that Andruw Jones won't let anyone else near the buffet table.

• Tigers On Sizzling Two-Game Winning Tear. Miguel Cabrera had two-run homer in the eighth as Detroit stopped Minnesota 6-5. Magglio Ordonez homered and drove in two runs, and Gary Sheffield and Carlos Guillen also hit home runs for Detroit, which scored six in the eighth.

• Dusty And The Blustery Day. Dusty Baker's first 2008 Wrigley Field win was windy and boo-infested, just the way he likes them. Chicago won 9-5 in his second game back versus his old team (anyone remember the Cubs' last-place finish in 2006?), although he was booed each time he left the dugout. Derrek Lee had his fifth homer of the season for Chicago (wind-aided), and teammates Mark DeRosa and Ryan Theriot also homered. The latter was batting for the injured Alfonso Soriano. Ken Griffey Jr. hit his 595th homer for the Reds.

• Jason Varitek; Secret Pinch-Hitting Weapon. Boom goes the dynamite!

Now, I'm not saying that girl's fat, but I am saying David Eckstein inquired after the game if her navel is available for rent.

No, No, Away From The Middle Of The Plate. We all knew this. The Giants season will be a work-in-progress. Jonathan Sanchez, Keiichi Yabu and Brad Hennessey learned the hard way that pitches down the middle of the plate? Well, those tend to turn into extra base hits, some of which land beyond the fances. Bill Hall had two such hits, finishing the day 3-for-5 with 6 RBI in a 13-4 rout of the Giants on Milwaukee's Opening Day. No non-streaking streakers were seen on the field, but there will be more Brewers shenanigans later on in the day, so stay tuned.

Why Detroit Should Panic. Bud Selig, in an effort to fight any potential waning interest in the sport, sped up the league on his video game to merely play a 23-game season. Every game in April counts. So now that the Detroit Tigers remain winless after an 8-5 loss to the White Sox, there are only 19 more games left to reach the playoffs. The trading deadline is next Thursday. And we're too far in the season to change the league settings to "Rookie." And you don't have enough room left on your memory card to start a new Franchise Mode. You're screwed, Detroit, and you're too much of a chicken to just hit the Reset button.

Six Months Too Late. When we last saw the Diamondbacks, they were getting swept right out of the NLCS. Now it's April, and Arizona was finally able to contain the Rockies bats in an 8-1 victory. Micah Owings struck out nine in 6 2/3 inning, allowing just two hits. Unfortunately, it's nearing the end of the second trimester of the Rockies championship, so trying to abort the pure and beautiful miracle that Colorado achieved last year might be considered feticide today. Please consult your local constable.

Down 11 Is The Perfect Time To Rally. The Texas Rangers had a blowout all wrapped up in California, but then Dustin Nippert happened. Bestowed an 11-0 lead in the ninth inning, Nippert promptly allowed six runs on five hits, leaving the mound with the game still in progress. Eddie "That's Where He Went" Guardado swooped in with two runners on base to get the final out and salvage the win, 11-6. Before the commotion, Ben Broussard hit a grand slam and Kasey Gabbard threw seven scoreless innings for the win.

Damn, it feels good to write a closer about a sport I understand.

So, here goes:

1. Boston Red Sox. We agree with Gillin from earlier today; the Red Sox seem destined for a slow start. But they're stacked and have even more guys coming. We still can't believe the Boston Red Sox are the model for all sports franchises right now.
2. New York Yankees. More proof: The Yankees, though they'll never admit it, are trying to follow the Red Sox plan to the letter.
3. Tampa Bay Rays. We can legitimately see them finishing over .500 this year. It was the "Devil."
4. Toronto Blue Jays. That whole budget increase didn't work out too well. At least we still have baseball in Canada somewhere.
5. Baltimore Orioles. Boy this is still going to get worse before this gets better.

Let's hear 'em, because baseball freaking starts tomorrow. (Kind of.) And tomorrow? The American League West

Neate Sager is Canadian and a big fan of beer barons at Out Of Left Field. His words are after the jump.His words are after the jump.

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How novel — the duty of writing the Jays preview has been offered to an actual Jays fan.

Will, are you absolutely sure there isn't a Red Sox fan who can better tell Deadspinners all about my team? How about a Tigers fan? Please don't take that as typical Canadian false modesty. It's just seems best to check and make sure that Boston and Detroit fans did get first crack at it, since that's what the Jays owners would want. Sorry about that, eh.

Long story short, news got out recently that Rogers Communications - the rat bastards who own the only team I ever grace with the editorial "we" - offered tickets for some early-season games to fans in Boston and Detroit before they went on sale in Canada. This slap in the face amounted to club president Paul Godfrey taking time out from his busy schedule of presumably getting his suckhole beard trimmed and popping a Viagra before he watches Fox News to say, "I'm Paul Godfrey. Go fuck yourself, Toronto."

It's a little hard to accept that the Jays would cozy up to a bunch of louts who lack the couth to handle our beer or treat the talent at the Canadian ballet with proper dignity. Bear in mind, a man who didn't have all of his unresolved childhood issues mixed up with the Jays' fortunes would be better able to laugh this off.

Sorry, but getting angry about this gets in the way of how the Blue Jays are best enjoyed. For the most part, following the Jays is the closest this Ontario country boy will ever get to a state of Zen. Staking so much in a team which finishes third in the AL East behind the Red Sox and Yankees every year goes a long way toward that whole mindful acceptance of the present thing.

It's like this: Every February, the Jays open spring training down in Dunedin, Fla. The Canadian sports networks and newspapers start putting together their little preseason analysis pieces. Inevitably, they declare the playoffs are a long shot for the Jays - and I have to laugh like hell.

Come October, after the Jays are done after winning their 83 games, the playoffs start. A couple National League teams that the Jays would use to roll the infield with get a chance at playing in the World Series. Some place like Denver ends up looking like Lame City for having a packed ballpark full of October-only fans after having 20,000 empty seats all summer - and I have to laugh like hell.

Why? It's because any true Jays fan has moved on from that shit. The MLB Playoffs on Fox doesn't need a Canadian team to get ratings and our Canadian team's followers don't need the MLB Playoffs on Fox. Look at it this way. The whole history of baseball is a history of money. The Jays play in the same damn division as the Red Sox and Yankees, enough said. Their revenues are what they are. Aside from the NFL, Canadians only watch sports that rest of the world barely plays, since we're sure to kick ass in those (that goes for hockey, curling and about a third of the Winter Olympics). Rogers, which in fairness, would have to do a lot worse to be as bad as Toronto's other corporate sports owner, will only increase payroll enough to make it look like they care about winning. Do you see what we're dealing with up here?

That means having to compromise. Let the other dumb bastards miss the point by acting like the playoffs is the be-all, end-all. If it happens, it happens. Right now, knowing there's another slightly above average Blue Jays team taking shape down in the Florida sun is just enough to get through the last weeks of the Canadian winter.

Who knows, maybe the Jays can squeak into the playoffs with pitching and defence, supported by hitting that can't be as bad as it was in 2007. Roy Halladay, Dustin McGowan and A.J. Burnett will pitch some dominant games. Alex Rios, the 27-year-old rightfielder whom female fans and fantasy baseball geeks adore equally, finally has some man-muscles and seems set for a breakout year. Backup shortstop John McDonald, aka McGlovin, will continue to inspire man-crushes across Southern Ontario among fans who are able to overlook his .279 on-base percentage.

We'll be in the seats downing beers and cheering on Matt Stairs as he pushes his stubby 40-year-old legs around first base on his way to another double. You get the drift? Following the Jays is all about living for the moments you get while rocking a powder-blue throwback jersey until they're mathematically eliminated sometime in September - and that's why the team's owners are garbage for not believing that's enough.

They'll probably finish third again, but I won't lose any hair over it I wasn't set to lose already. A semi-halfway honest effort for 162 games and not capitulating meekly to the Massholes is all it takes. When it's over, there will always be our stronger beer, the Canadian ballet and deux-deux-deuxs over the counter. It's great to be not that young and a Jays fan.

It's just that we had really come to love Rolen, in spite of everything. And you can't overstate how popular this guy is among small-town Midwesterners. He's exactly the type of player they love: He's not a showboat, he hustles all the time, he looks like he takes IVs of corn starch before every game and he's, of course, white. Not a bad combination for a Midwestern ballplayer.

Rolen will always be remembered fondly by Cardinals fans, but for the same reason Jim Edmonds, David Eckstein and, yes, Tony LaRussa will ultimately be remembered fondly: Because he finally won a World Series. Of that amazing 2004 team, from just three-plus years ago, of the big four of Albert Pujols, Larry Walker, Edmonds and Rolen, only Pujols remains. We get older, faster, every year.

Passing Glaus [Viva El Birdos]

Thanks to The Big Hurt, the Yankees' chances to win the East just got a little harder. But the bigger news is that, with 16 games remaining, the Yankees are still in it at all. They're only 5 1/2 games behind the Red Sox in the East; 4 1/2 in the loss column. After a three-game series between the two beginning tonight in Boston, New York could find itself 2 1/2 back. Does that seem right? Could New York actually win this thing? I just kind of anointed the Red Sox as winners of the East a long while ago, and if they gag this up, it's going to leave me with a lot of mental paperwork. The schedule even favors the Yankees, who have six games with Baltimore and three with Tampa Bay among their 16 remaining. Boston has 15 games left, and closes the season against Oakland (two) and Minnesota (four). If you're going this weekend, by the way, Wang vs. Matsuzaka on Saturday is your best bet, one would think.

• Fun At Safeco. With Will in the upper deck madly waving his Yuniesky Betancourt sign, the Mariners beat the Tampa Bay Pectoral-Finned Filter Feeders, 8-7, led by Betancourt's game-tying double in the eighth. The Mariners had to overcome a poor start by Jeff Weaver for their 41st comeback victory.

• My Kind Of Town, Chicago Is. Chicago is back in sole possession of first place (later today they'll relinquish it; you know the drill), after a 6-2 win over the Astros. Alfonso Soriano, Aramis Ramirez, Daryle Ward and Cliff Floyd all homered for Chicago, which moved a half-game ahead of idle Milwaukee in the Central. The Cubs open a four-game series at third-place St. Louis tonight.

• Oh, NOW The Phillies Bullpen Comes Through. Chase Utley (two-run homer) and five relievers combined to give Philadelphia a 12-4 win over the Rockies, who can pretty much forget about the playoffs now.

Just Bat Him Cleanup Already. Okay, show of hands: who said the Chicago Cubs-Arizona Diamondbacks series in late August would be a battle of two first-place teams? D'backs pitcher Micah Owings did his darnedest, hitting another home run, but Cubs pitchers basically shut down everyone else, coming away with the 6-2 win.

Anabolic Decaf. A 2-1 loss to the Kansas City Royals was the least of the Cleveland Indians problems. Indians minor outfielder Juan Valdes was suspended 50 games after testing positive for a performance enhancer. One hundred percent Colombian steroids. The richest steroids in the world.

His Foot Got In The Way Of My Slide! During the San Diego Padres' 14-3 romp over the Philadelphia Phillies, There was some kind of disagreement in the fourth inning. The Phillies' baserunner Carlos Ruiz was for universal health care, while Padres second baseman Marcus Giles felt he shouldn't have to pay extra taxes. As tensions flared, the other players sprang from the dugouts to help. But eventually the teams went back to their respective dugouts once they realized they weren't jumping into a lively health care debate — Ruiz merely slid hard into Giles and he didn't like it.

And It Only Took Eight Hours. Four hours of a rain delay, coupled with four hours of regulation baseball, left little time for Carlos Guillen to hit a walk-off home run, sending the Detroit Tigers to a 9-6 win over the New York Yankees. So Guillen's hit came at 3:30 in the morning, which is peak prostitution solicitation time in Detroit. At least that's, um, what a friend told me.

The Jays are still somewhat miffed over that infield yelling thing that Alex Rodriguez did to them a few weeks back and retaliated by plunking him during Tuesday's game. Benches cleared ... including the bullpen benches, which is always comical, because by the time the pitchers run all the way across the field to reach the action, no one can remember what the fight was about. Clemens returned the favor by hitting Alex Rios in the seventh, prompting his dismissal from the premises, along with Torre. Think they then played Battleship in the clubhouse? Jumanji? The Yankees won 9-2. Oh, and Giambi activated from the DL!

• You Mess With Tom Gorzelanny, You Get the Horns. Arizona's 19-year-old rookie Justin Upton, making his home debut, was spledorrific; falling just a single short of hitting for the cycle. But it was all for naught, as Tom Gorzelanny struck out a career-high nine over seven innings in the Pirates' 8-3 win. Also the Diamondbacks are a little lighter in the wallet today than they were on Monday, courtesy of Eric Byrnes.

• Padres 4, Cardinals 0 ... It's the score that appeared on the ESPN crawl at the exact moment that Bonds hit his home run on Tuesday ... Padres 4, Cardinals 0 ... Jake Peavy extending his scoreless streak to 19 innings, San Diego earning its major league-leading 16th shutout of the season ... Padres 4, Cardinals 0 ... forever frozen in time ... Padres 4, Cardinals 0 ...

• The Devil Rays Are In the Details. Nate Robertson left in the eighth with a four-run lead, whistling all the way to his locker where he treated himself to a Milky Way bar in honor of the victory. Oops. Detroit's bullpen blew the whole thing. No candy for you! But the Tigers came back and won anyway, 9-6.

• Because Every Hoofed Mammal Deserves A Second Chance. Perhaps in response to Will's call for reason and sanity on Monday, Mariner Moose will not be punished for nearly running over Boston's Coco Crisp during Sunday's game at Safeco Field. He must, however, attend a driver's safety class for his record to be expunged.

On the always random and odd Yardbarker, a fan says running into the Mariners pitcher at a David Copperfield performance saved his marriage. (Via iTricks.) Maybe it can work for you too.

The reason why I am writing this is to show how much that moment meant to me and my wife. We were in a verge of divorce. By seeing Miguel Batista and his girlfriend Taj Mahal that night at the magic show and how much they were so in love with each other made me realized how valuable my marriage was and it brought back memories of how I used to be in love with my wife... They saved my marriage and I am forever grateful to both of them. It was indeed a magical night!

You know, it really is that simple. Hopefully, the next time you're in need of a relationship boost, you'll run into Miguel Batista, rather than, say, Matt Leinart.

A MLB Player Saved My Marriage [YardBarker]
How David Copperfield, Miguel Batista And Taj Mahal Saved A Marriage [iTricks]

First, Thomas. He hit his 500th homer yesterday and celebrated by ... being thrown out of the game for arguing a strike call late. This reminded us of that stupid Billy Crystal movie in which he throws Kareem Abdul-Jabbar out of his farewell game. Excellently played, Frank.

But not nearly as much fun as Biggio. You have to love a guy who, while notching his 3,000th hit, gets so excited that he runs into an obvious out at second base trying to stretch it to a double.

We salute these men, who displayed the sports equivalent of Miss America falling down right after receiving her crown.

Thank You Craig Biggio [Crawfish Boxes]
First The Achievement, Then The Disappointment [Jays Nest]

I don't know if it's possible to jinx these things with blog posts, but I'm going to go ahead and risk it: Blue Jays pitcher Dustin McGowan has a no-hitter going through 8 innings. Just one walk allowed, too.

This sort of comes out of nowhere for McGowan... he's 3-3 on the year, with an ERA above 5, and in his career, has never gone longer than 7 and 2/3rds innings. If he's able to complete the no-no, I believe he'll also set the major league record for largest mutton chop sideburns worn while throwing a no-hitter.

(UPDATE: Son of a bitch. Jeff Baker broke it up with a base hit to lead off the 9th.)

(UPDATE II: He does get the complete game, 1-hit shutout, however.)

A.J. Burnett might be making $55 million over five years, but that's not keeping him off the DL. And it's also not stopping him from racing enormous hot peppers. Money well spent!

What Will AJ's DL Stint Mean For Jays? [The Tao Of Stieb]

We understand Verducci's instinct; playing baseball was one of the most pleasurable things we've ever done, and we miss it, pretty much every day. But after a while, it really does just become a vanity project; yes, yes, Tom, we understand that you are in better shape than just about everybody else who covers baseball. But it might be time to let it go. To quote On The Show:

Josh Lyman in the West Wing (Brad Whitford's character) had a terrific line, saying "There comes a time in every man's life when he realizes he won't be playing professional baseball." That time in your life is now. You're a lot like that weird guy in Happy Gilmore following around Shooter McGavin, a man would do anything to be closer to the sport. It's beneath you, and it's embarrassing. Journalist's forays have often yielded disastrous, though hilarious, results, and before you know it, your wife is going to have the ass because you're spending all your time in the batting cages getting ready for your next "story", in the utterly insane notion that some team, somewhere, will actually give you a shot. Madness, I tell you.

We understand the notion; believe us, Tom, we do. But it's probably time to move on now. Every athlete scoffs that all sports reporters are just frustrated athletes. You're not doing much to prove them wrong. We know it hurts. We know. But time to put the spikes away.

Cooperstown Calling [SI.com]
Tommy Can You Hear Me? [On The Show]

Home Run Derby: Based upon the report of heckling that I read in the Toronto Sun, I called your comments "lame-ass criticism." Care to refute me?

(Heckler) Jeff Raycher: Our heckling was superb. You cannot get that kind of response (the ball) from something that didn't work. Vernon has a great sense of humor, and we commend him for it.

Also: Excellent handwriting, Vernon! That can't be easy to fit that many legible words on a baseball.

Followup on the Vernon Wells Heckler Ball [Home Run Derby]

Thanks to The Tao Of Stieb, we present you this video from the Blue Jays-Red Sox game in Toronto. We didn't know men named Sully were allowed north of the border.

Classy Boston Fans Enjoy 2-1 Loss Last Night [The Tao Of Stieb]

On September 2, the Blue Jays will be hosting Frank Thomas Pillow Night, in which the first 5,000 fans aged 14 and under will receive a free Thomas pillow. It is unknown whether or not Thomas will actually smack the children once they enter the gate — in a similar fashion to Albert Belle Bat Night from a decade or so ago — but we shall keep our fingers crossed.

We are fascinated, by the way, by a comment on the original Frank Thomas story which said, essentially, that Canada is cool with the weed but not so hip on the stylized violence, and we Americans are the exact opposite. We're not sure which mindset we agree with more. Close call. Can't there be both?

Toronto Blue Jays Promotions [BlueJays.com]
If Frank Thomas Can't Hit A Child, What Good Is He? [Deadspin]

As anyone who understands comedy can tell you, the sight of a small child in pain is the zenith of modern mirth. Which is why it's such a shame that this Blue Jays commercial with Frank Thomas has been banned by Canadian television.

Basically, Big Frank interrupts a pillow fight among his children by swinging his own pillow, violently and hilariously. And the Canadians aren't happy about it.

"I think we are taking ourselves a little too seriously if we're saying a pillow fight cannot air because it's viewed as too aggressive, or Frank's too big versus a small child," said Laurel Lindsay, vice-president of marketing for the Blue Jays. "It's ridiculous. I can't shrink Frank and nor would I try to make the child grow. That's sort of the life of the [commercial], seeing the two interact. It was disappointing for sure. Surprising, I think, would be the ultimate word."

Personally, we think it would have been funnier if the kid had gone crashing through the window, but hey, you can't dissect comedy ... you just have to let it flow.

Swing And A Miss For Blue Jays Commercial [The Globe And Mail]
Frank Thomas Commercial (VIDEO)

All right, whether you're ready for it or not, baseball is starting Sunday night. (The Mets will watch the Cardinals raise their World Series title flag. The Cardinals won the World Series last year.) The full slate of games kick off Monday, so we figured it was time to start previewing some divisions. Three today, three tomorrow, with hopefully your predictions as well, because, as you all know, we're terrible at predictions.

Anyway, we're doing the AL today, starting with the AL East. Here's last year's predictions.

1. New York Yankees. Carl Pavano's winning 23 games and the Cy Young. And then he will never pitch again.
2. Boston Red Sox. Look, in that picture, Dice-K unleashes his new "levitation ball." So many cool things in Japan.
3. Toronto Blue Jays. Frank Thomas looks so weird in a Blue Jays uniform; not that he particularly looks all that great in anything.
4. Baltimore Orioles. If Sammy Sosa hits 40 homers this year, we do not blame Baltimore fans for whomever they decide to punch.
5. Tampa Bay Devil Rays. boom bitch.

So come on, everybody ... it's baseball season! Really!

Well, we're less than a month away from the start of baseball — spring training is here! — so it's time to do the same thing in the baseball world. Every weekday until the start of the season, a different writer will preview his/her team. We asked a gaggle of writers, from the Web, from print, from books, to tell us, in as many or as little words as they need, Where Their Team Stands. This is not meant to be factual, or dispassionate, or even logical: We just asked them to riff on why they love their team so much, or what their team means to them, or whatever.

Today: The Toronto Blue Jays. Your author is Neate Sager.

Neate Sager is Canadian and a big fan of beer barons at Out Of Left Field. His words are after the jump.

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The era when 50,000 people packed the Skydome-slash-Rogers Centre every game are long gone, but we're gonna keep it raucous all summer long in Mr. Rogers' neighbourhood as Doc, B.J., Vernon, Big Hurt and the boys go after a playoff spot. The Blue Jays are back, and we aren't keeping quiet about it.

Speaking as someone born in 1977, the same year as the Jays - which sort of makes me the bastard son of Ernie Whitt, the longest-serving original '77 Jay who's now one of the team's coaches - the heart and soul of the Jays Nation is in the 25-to-34 demo (give or take a couple years) who grew up during the glory years. We had this great childhood that peaked with the World Series titles in 1992-93, although with any Jays fan above a certain age it always begins with retelling the heartbreak of either 1985 (losing the ALCS to Kansas City after being up 3-1) or '87 (losing the last seven games to finish two behind the Tigers).

Before we knew it, those days were over, and we were deep into awkward-adolescent/young adult hell: Bad apartments, dead-end jobs, absentee foreign ownership, a half-empty stadium, a manager, Tim Johnson, who lied about killing people in Vietnam and worst of all, Jose Canseco in the outfield. Some of us might have kept our distance at times, but we kept the faith.

We've come of age, and now team owner Rogers Communications has beefed up the payroll to give us the winner we deserve - well, there's that, and the corporate imperative that more people watching the Jays equals greater sales of cellphones and CrackBerries. Rogers has us by the balls twice over, so we might as well make life miserable for the poor bastards who think they can beat our Blue Jays.

That goes triple for the Evil Empires. Last year, the Jays got complaints about rowdy fans from Red Sox and Yankees supporters who followed their (overrated) teams up to Toronto. That's right: They complained that they were treated rudely by Canadians. Actually, that's kind of admirable: They didn't care about how much that made them look like a bunch of thin-skinned wimps.

Well, there's more where that came from. The Jays should give us a lot to shout about in '07 after finishing second in the AL East last year despite letting Josh Towers start 12 games, changing their shortstop every other week and having a payroll that was $50 million lower than Boston's and $130 million lower than the Yankees'. If the Jays can take the wild card, anything's possible.

The best thing the Jays did for themselves this winter wasn't the Frank Thomas signing - it was not signing Ted Lilly, who went to the Cubs. Symbolically, getting rid of the pitcher who had that infamous dugout fight with manager John Gibbons after being yanked from a game last August is akin to the Toronto Raptors closing the books on the Vince Carter era before the start of this season by giving his number 15 to an anti-Vin Weasel, Jorge Garbajosa, a humble, hard-working team guy. The Jays were hexed so long as their starting rotation included Lilly, who graduated magna cry loudest in being a prima donna while studying under Professor Mike Mussina with his original team, the Yankees. Jays fans could give a three-day-old Timbit about Mussina being a future Hall of Famer - to us, he's the stugots who whined to the press back in 2004 after a power failure at Skydome pushed back a pregame tribute to sainted Blue Jays play-by-play voice Tom Cheek, who was ill with the brain cancer which took his life barely one year later. As greater minds put it, sure, Mike, having your pre-game preparations disrupted does suck, but you know what else sucks? Brain cancer.

Getting rid of the Lilly-Yankees taint is huge. The Jays are in the game with a strong lineup, a solid 1-2 pitching punch with Roy Halladay and A.J. Burnett, a lights-out lefty closer in B.J. Ryan and plenty of options for filling out the rest of the pitching staff.

If there's a downside to a Jays resurgence, it's that it would bring back the bandwagon-jumpers who were so irritating to deal with in the early '90s, but who filled the ballpark. The '94 strike and the breakup of the championship team kind of led to a purge, but in a good way.

There are fewer, but better Jays fans, and the hard core are crazy about this team. Maybe you want to tell us we're a bunch of maple syrup-swilling Canucks and no one in America could give a damn about us and we should stick to hockey and curling, but we love the Jays unconditionally and we manage not be a bunch of tools about it like about, oh, only 90 per cent of Red Sox fans.

Just try to please appreciate that this is being written at the end of a day that began with stepping through foot-high snowdrifts and shielding one's face against a biting Arctic wind on the way to work in the dead of a Canadian winter. It won't be that long until the Jays are back playing ball, and that's enough to keep you warm.

See, he would blend in by wearing the Blue Jays jersey, baseball pants and even stirrups. So he made it over the railing and onto the field ... but he didn't make it very far.

The plan, apparently, was to sneak into the Blue Jays dugout, but the cops grabbed him before he had a chance. (Look at those cute little cops there, by the way, with their red-striped hats. Canadians are so cute.) We feel bad for the guy; he didn't even get a chance to have Jay John Gibbons punch him in the face.

Fan Arrested In Toronto [Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer]
Oakland Escapes Canada With 6-0 Win [Redding.com]

• 1. Shocking Brutality In The Great White North! OK, now we're talkin'. The Blue Jays may have a warped sense of the term "fighting for a playoff spot," but we're not complaining. We've always said it: Fisticuffs between players and managers are just plain fun. Toronto manager John Gibbons got into some sort of brawl with pitcher Ted Lilly on Monday, after Gibbons removed him in the third inning of their game with the Athletics. Words were exchanged, and Gibbons followed Lilly from the dugout toward the clubhouse, where some sort of rasslin' match occurred. Gibbons received a bloody nose, as did the Blue Jays, who blew an 8-0 lead and lost 12-10. Both said no punches were thrown, which is a damnable lie. "We were on the verge of something regrettable happening. We were yelling at each other face to face," Lilly said. Bobby Kielty homered and drove in four runs for the A's. Canadian Press photographer Aaron Harris said Lilly was waiting for Gibbons in the tunnel leading to the clubhouse. Awesome ... ambush! "Gibbons just went at him," Harris said. "It looked like Gibbons grabbed him and they disappeared. Then the whole dugout emptied back there. It was mayhem down in the tunnel." Gibbons told TSN.ca that there was no blood spilled and that he didn't go into the tunnel to confront Lilly. ''I went to (go to the bathroom),'' he said. ''I do that six times a game.''

• 2. Your AL Central, By The Numbers. Detroit's Justin Verlander beat the White Sox for the first time, as the Tigers' 7-1 victory gave them a 6 1/2 game lead over the second-place Vanilla Hose in the opener of a four-game set. Chicago leads the wild card race by half a game over the Twins.

• 3. Take Five. The last time the Yankees swept a five-game series from the Red Sox, Biff was giving George McFly Indian burns while making him do his homework. Cory Lidle threw six shutout innings, as the Pinstripes took a 6 1/2 game lead over Boston in the AL East.

• 4. Red Dawn. We hear the tiny pitter-pat of footsteps coming from second place in the NL Central. Damn, it must be Cincinnati ... getting closer ... ahhhhh!

• 5. Hitting It Clear (And Cream) Into McCovey Cove. Hey, Barry Bonds. Remember him? He hit his 725th career home run on Monday (now 30 behind Hank Aaron) as the Giants beat the D-Backs 5-0. Go ahead, you can admit you were at the game; you're not under oath.

• 1. Full Speed Ahead, Mr. Wells. The post-Shea Hillenbrand Era began successfully for the Toronto Blue Jays on Thursday, as Vernon Wells homered off of Mariano Rivera in the 11th for a 5-4 win over the Yankees. It was the first homer Rivera has allowed this season, and the first game-winning homer he's given up in almost two years. Jays' manager John Gibbons didn't offer to fight anyone, as he did on Wednesday with Hillenbrand, who was designated for assignment in part for writing 'The ship is sinking' on the team bulletin board. Fun quote from Gibbons: "(Hillenbrand) had a chance yesterday to defend himself in front of his coaches and his teammates.

• 2. Yankees A Bit Smaller In Rear View Mirror. Meanwhile, near the site of the Battle of Bunker Hill, Curt Schilling earned his 12th win with seven strong innings in Boston's 6-4 win over the Rangers. The Bloody Socks are now 2 1/2 games ahead of the second-place Yankees. Boston's string of scoreless innings ended at 22.

• 3. All's Well That Endy's Well. The Mets took the series with the Reds two games to one as Endy Chavez doubled in the 10th to drive in the winning run in a 4-2 victory. And there's your NL-best record folks, 57-38.

• 4. More Positive Cubs News For Your Enjoyment. Even though he didn't have a win in April, Carlos Zambrano improved to 10-3 on Thursday as the Cubs beat the Astros 4-1. Zambrano has won seven straight decisions.

• 5. Calling Ty Cobb. Anyone see Marcus Thames' slide at second base in the seventh, breaking up a potential double play? The next batter, Chris Shelton, knocked a run-scoring double as the Tigers beat the White Sox 2-1.

Obviously, the landscape of the American League East obviously changed dramatically yesterday, but we're gonna go ahead and try to forecast matters anyway. It's hard, but we must tredge forward, regardless. We must stay strong. Some bad predictions:

1. Boston Red Sox. We kind of have a feeling Manny Ramirez is going to knock in 160 runs this year. Plus, Coco Crisp raps.
2. New York Yankees. What if A-Rod turns out to be great in the clutch and the Yankees still don't make the playoffs? Who dies then?
3. Toronto Blue Jays. A.J. Burnett is already hurt. This is going to be ugly.
4. Tampa Bay Devil Rays. They're out of last! They're out of last!
5. Baltimore Orioles. We would raise them a spot of Brian Roberts would change his first name to "Bip."

So, you got thoughts on this? We bet you do. Bring it, in the comments.

• 1. Key Acquisitions Have Toronto Talking Pennant Again. Welcome new faces B.J. Ryan, A.J. Burnett, Lyle Overbay, and Troy Glaus, who have turned the Blue Jays from a dark horse to a contender. It would be the team's first pennant since 1993, when their logo looked like this. The bird depicted on the logo, by the way, more resembles a Stellar's Jay — not a Blue Jay.
• 2. Gustavo Chacin Cologne Night! The Blue Jays are promoting an event on June 27 in which fans will be given bottles of cologne which are named after pitcher Gustavo Chacin. "The cologne is the brainchild of two radio personalities who thought the lefthander's name sounded like a fragrance," said MLB.com. "While it is still in development, its namesake was confident that it would be great. (Jays pitcher Jason) Frasor was less certain and said, with no offense to his teammate, that he would not be wearing it."
• 3. Candians Love TV. In addition to playing host to the Blue Jays and the Toronto Argonauts of the Candian Football League, the Rogers Centre (don't call it the Skydome, you hosers) is also used as a an enormous TV room. Canadians come from all over to view the stadium's 30-by-100-foot Jumbotron, watching events that have included the series finales for Star Trek: The Next Generation and Cheers, along with live coverage of the funeral of Princess Diana. We're not sure what a 100-foot-wide Norm Peterson looks like, but we're kind of glad we missed it.
• 4. They're Not 100 Percent Mammal. More on Chac n: The pitcher actually suffers from an allergy that does not allow him to grow body hair. We're not sure what this has to do with the cologne.

(Tomorrow: The Cincinnati Reds).

(UPDATE: CBS Sportsline columnist Ray Ratto reports a correction to Tuesday's Tidbits on the Giants: "Mike Krukow, I believe (although it might also have been Bob Brenly), was the actual author of "Penitentiary Face," and the best I did, if that, was midwife it into the paper. Just for accuracy's sake, anyway.")

Remember that old story about the couple that was caught having sex against the exposed window in a hotel in the SkyDome? That was a long time ago, back when a baseball stadium having something like a hotel in it was crazy; now we have pools, nightclubs and pretty much anything you can find to distract you for actually having to watch the game. The Blue Jays do not have one of the strongest blogging networks, and now that hockey's coming back, one wonders if it will pick up in the next few years, when the team is expected to improve. We also wish that they did more Argonauts coverage. But let's stop nit-picking.

3. Blue Jay Way. Less humor, more info, which is fine enough, people should stop trying so hard to be funny anyway.
2. Jays Nest. Compared to other MVN sites, it's somewhat sporadically updated, which is a shame. But the two authors put plenty of energy into their work, and their by-play is one of the most fun parts.
1. Batters Box. Baseball from a Canadian perspective, which means it's nicer, drinks more beer and has fewer guns. Somehow, this site got better once the Expos left.

(Wednesday: Los Angeles Dodgers.)