The South African sprinter—who runs very fast on his Tigger-esque prosthetics—was arrested this weekend after allegedly assaulting a 19-year-old woman who he had thrown out of his house during a party. When the woman tried to return to the party, Pistorius slammed the door ... on her leg. So that's how it's going to be, huh? Someone gets drunk and starts acting like an idiot at your house party and you immediately go for the legs? Seen "The Karate Kid" a few too many times, haven't we?

Oscar, your dream of destroying all human tibia bones so that you can create a race of carbon-fiber based super beings is never going to happen, so just let it go.

'Blade runner' in S Africa court [BBC News]

Yeah, that's right. Track and field in a non-Olympic year. And not even the fun running sports. It's a dude jumping over a bar. Or maybe hitting the bar. Who really knows? It doesn't seem like he's going to be able to get his feet over it, but then you don't know Sweden's Linus Thornblad, do you?

All I know is that sleeping on a pillow top mattress is usually enough to throw my back out of alignment, so I assume Linus is going to need heating pads and a ton of Icy Hot for the rest of this year.

[Photo via AP]

* * * * *

August Thursdays! Are you pumped?! Or is that just the heat stroke?

The idea comes to us via Craig Robinson of Flip Flop Flying, who offers a musical demonstration of 9.58 seconds that we've mashed up with video of Bolt's race. I'll say this: You can break down Bolt's performance with all the graphs in the world, but none of them will capture the sheer, galactic wonder of 9.58 better than half a Beatles lyric.

Video by Gawker's Mike Byhoff

9.58s [Flip Flop Flying]

Richardson competed in five events at the state meet this weekend and earned enough points to beat the second place team by two. Her school, Rochelle High School, doesn't even have a track—her graduating class has 14 students—so Richardson practices in nearby Brady, Texas, a town so big it has a Wal-Mart! I guess Class A competition is not that massive, but it's not exactly a fluke. She accomplished the same feat last year.

Richardson captured first in the long jump (17-04.50), second in the discus (126-09) and first in the high jump (5-8) on Friday for a total of 28 points. Returning to Myers Stadium on the campus of the University of Texas on Saturday, Richardson placed third in the 200 (25.78) and fourth in the 100 (12.51) for a two-day total of 38 points – two points better than second-place Cayuga in Class A.

In her typical laid-back fashion, Richardson didn't get too excited.

"My family already did the math," Richardson said while waiting for her celebratory prime rib sandwich at Red Robin restaurant. "They were jumping up and down; it was kind of embarrassing."

How does she feel?

"I'm tired and glad it's over," Richardson said. "High school's officially over."

Hmm ... I hope she's not implying that she's happy to finally be rid of the 13 other deadbeats she's been stuck in high school with for the last four, interminable years. (Their dances must suck.) She was also the valedictorian, has lived in Rochelle (pop. 600) her whole life, but will attend Texas A&M in the fall and enjoys hunting "anything that moves." The Cadets are going to love her.

Teen wins team state title by herself - again [Rivals]

Not only is Buschbaum flourishing in his new identity, but so is the German press; especially this writer for Deutsche Welle magazine, who seems to be harboring a wellspring of hidden gender feelings himself.

The sky is wide open for Yvonne Buschbaum, who feels the lightness of being after undergoing extensive surgery to become the man he always felt he was. Now, the athlete goes by the name Balian Buschbaum. "Courage is the road to freedom," said a recent diary entry on his Web site. "I woke up in complete freedom today. The sky is wide open." Buschbaum is not ready yet for interviews as "I am still flying on my clouds of freedom and won't land until the end the November, at the earliest."

Buschbaum will now become a coach at the USC Mainz club in central Germany, where he will teach others how to pole vault.

Sky's No Limit For Gender Changed Vaulter [DW World]

Where did you grow up, and how did you become interested in sports?

I was born in Madison, Florida, which is just east of Tallahassee. I was raised by a single mom, who had 10 kids; five boys and five girls. I was number four, but the oldest son. We were poor country people; no recreation for kids or anything, so we played street football. The kids all knew me so me having one leg was just normal to them.

What were your limitations athletically?

I didn't have any. I usually played with kids older than me, and I had to keep up. We'd play football, baseball, and jump over fences and climb trees. I was like anyone else and nobody treated me different.

What sport did you first play competitively?

Seventh grade basketball. The coach was also my PE teacher, so he knew me and knew I could play. One of the first things I did in practice was stand underneath the basket and jump up and touch the rim.

Did you ever doubt your ability? Ever get depressed and want to quit?

Never! Not one doubt. It kind of worked to my advantage, sometimes. The first time we played a team, the other players would kind of stare, and I'd go right by them. I remember other coaches yelling at their players "Get him, get him! Stop gazing at him!"

What sports did you play in high school?

Football, basketball and track. I won the district in the high jump at 5-8, and threw the shot 40 feet and a 130 discus.

How did your high school football coach react to you on the first day of practice?

He was concerned for my safety, you might say. But after two games he realized I was capable, and I started the third game and never looked back. I made the varsity in the 10th grade.

Why did you decide not to wear a prosthesis?

It just slowed me down. When I was a kid I just hopped a lot; that's what felt comfortable. I'd been doing it since I was a kid and I wasn't going to change.

The game that stands out the most for you?

When we played Brooks County, Georgia, my senior year, They were big for high school players; 6-4, 6-5, 250 to 280 pounds. We averaged maybe 185 on the line. They looked at us and just laughed. 'Look at those little guys!' And that's the game I made all the tackles. I had 11 tackles, an interception, and blocked a kick. And that's with them double-teaming me the whole game.

Did you often get double-teamed?

Always. If they had scouted us.

What position did you play at Bethune-Cookman?

Middle linebacker. We had some excellent teams; in 1984 we won our conference championship. Lee Williams, who went on to play for the Chargers, he was on that team. Dewey Forte (Miami Dolphins), Mike Revell (Dallas Cowboys), John Bostic (KC Chiefs) were also teammates.

What do you think of today's NFL players? What's your reaction when Terrell Owens complains about not getting the ball?

Football is not based on individuals; it's a team game and a team effort. Everyone should remember that. That's what I tell my players.

You're a coach now?

I returned to Bethune-Cookman and coached there until 1991. Now I coach at Jefferson County High School in Tallahassee, where I live. I'm the defensive coordinator.

What do you tell players who are down on themselves, or seem to lack confidence or drive?

You can do whatever you want to do when your mind is determined. What can stop you? My momma taught me that. You see, she did not have pity on me; she treated me like everyone else. I was not exempt; if I didn't do my chores, I got a whuppin'. She told me I was no different from anyone. And think that was the difference. I owe it all to her.

How big is your own family?

I have eight girls and one son. I live in Tallahassee, and sing with the gospel group Elder Carl Joseph & The Spiritual Tru-Tones. My faith was always very important to me. It still is.

Any advice for high school players who may have a football playoff game this weekend?

How big is your heart? That's the most important thing.

Organizers in the Netherlands, along with a lot of very excitable teens toppled 4,354,027 dominoes on Friday, setting a new world record. They also broke nine other domino-related records, including "fastest topple of 30 metres of domino stones." Just to up the ante, Churandy Martina, a 100/200m champ from the Netherlands Antilles, raced the little blocks all the way to the end. He won easily, which is ... impressive? Take that, you stupid dominoes!

Anyway, if you skip to the three minute mark you can see the race, but the whole thing is actually pretty entertaining. Bright colors and shiny objects are always good for a giggle.

Domino Day [Wikipedia]
Records tumble on Domino Day [In The News]

His most infamous trophy disposal came in 2001 when he donated an award to the Mighty Mississippi river. But rivers don't always benefit from a new sunken treasure. Sometimes he just trashes them in boring places like trash cans.

“Usually in the garbage,” Donnelly said, explaining that the 2001 season happened to come to an end next to the Mississippi. “We ran terrible that day, so I wasn’t waiting. I blamed myself.”

At Haverford and in the clubby track and cross-country culture nationwide, the trophy-in-the-river story has a place in the considerable Donnelly lore. It goes along with the 62 regional and conference championships, the 113 all-Americans and 24 individual N.C.A.A. champions in Donnelly’s 34-year tenure at Haverford, one of the nation’s smallest liberal-arts colleges.

Donnelly is extremely well respected in the cross-country world and could have left his little slice of Delaware County heaven to coach at almost any school in the nation. He decided to stay at Haverford where his motivation techniques haven't changed all that much over his three plus decades as coach.

He sticks to the runners mantra that callus covered feet and bloody nipples are supposed to be fun. It's not like you're fighting for your life or anything.

“You may be really nervous about this race right now, but this is something we do for fun and it is not pressure. Nobody is shooting at you in battle. History gives us real examples of pressure. Go back to the Great Depression. Pressure is not having a job with five starving kids. This is a race. All you have to do is try your very best. Then you cannot lose.”

Indeed. But I think he's on to something with the trophy into the river thing. Just think of the entertainment value potential if professional sports teams took the idea and ran with it. Wouldn't it be amazing to see Papelbon toss a World Series trophy into the Charles? And Lord knows what kind of crazy stuff those wacky NHL guys could come up with to dispose of the Stanley Cup. Just something to think about.

At Haverford, Tossing it All in the Name of Teaching

Earlier prosecutor David Iles told the jury Walcott considered himself a “glorious physical specimen who is a treat and privilege for the fairer sex to behold.” Mr Iles added: “He thinks he is God’s gift.”

I think I'll use that as my bio if I ever write a book.

Walcott, aged 34, cried and held his head in his hands as a jury at Wolverhampton Crown Court took just 90 minutes to return unanimous not guilty verdicts on all counts. Walcott had been arrested on the street outside of one of the homes, which had installed security cameras due to a man — who fit Walcott's desription — exposing himself to the elderly residents. Walcott claimed innocence, noting that there was a person in the neighborhood who was "a dead ringer" for him.

But police thought it suspicious that Walcott was out at 3 a.m. So, handcuffs ensued.

His Polish lover Aga Michalska was brought in to vouch for his whereabouts on some of the nights it is claimed he was outside the homes, while another woman, Puja Dheiman, was called to explain how she was with him in a Birmingham nightclub on another occasion. His girlfriend of 11 years and mother of his baby Deborah Price gave evidence that she knew he was having affairs, but that he was not capable of flashing at elderly residents and staff at the homes.

And so the search continues for the real pervert, the man whom police have dubbed “The Darlo Flasher,” and is still on the loose. Could he now be in your town, exposing himself to your grandma?

Former Athlete Cleared Of Flashing [Express And Star]

Russian high jumper accused of jumping under the influence of red bull and vodka [FanHouse]

So is this the Japanese, softball version of the Miracle On Ice? In the most significant achievement for a Japanese female since O-Ren became head of the Ikuta Clan, Yukiko Ueno scattered five hits to lead Japan over the U.S. 3-1 in the gold medal game. What? (Checks notes). It was the Americans' first loss since 2000 — 22 straight games — in a tournament in which they had outscored opponents 60-3.

And it's not like they'll get a chance for revenge anytime soon: Softball will not be part of the 2012 Games in London; ironically due in part to the Americans' domination of the sport. Crystl Bustos' homer provided the U.S. with its only run, and now, sadly, she will not be able to achieve her dream of adding an "a" to her first name. While the U.S. team considered committing seppuku, the Japanese of course celebrated in the traditional way, by levitating their star player and leading her out of the stadium like a Macy's Thanksgiving Day balloon.

• U.S. Beats Brazil In Soccer. Dogs And Cats, Living Toether ... Mass Hysteria. This just in; the U.S. women's soccer team — now officially labled as "scrappy" — beat Brazil 1-0 in overtime for the gold medal. Carli Lloyd's left-footed shot to the far post from outside the box won it in extra time. Brazil had beaten the U.S. 4-0 in the 2007 World Cup, so this was a surprise.

• Doh! ... Doh! Both the U.S. men's and women's 400-meter relay teams dropped the baton at key moments on Thursday — although I suppose that anytime during the race would qualify as a key moment — and once again we miss out on some gold medals. Darvis Patton and Tyson Gay misconnected on the final pass in preliminaries, and then Torri Edwards and Lauryn Williams did the same thing for the women's team.

• Hero Worship. Good piece by NBC's Alan Abrahamson on Michael Phelps' friendship with Stevie Hansen, a young boy who was stricken with cancer. Definitely worth a look.

• Why The Long Face? Four Olympic athletes banned for doping. Oh, did I mention they're all horses?

And now it's time to play Know Your Usain Bolt:

• Native of Trelawny, Jamaica.

• Original sport of choice: Cricket.

• Also enjoys: Dancing.

• Michael Johnson quote: "Incredible. He got an incredible start. Guys of 6-5 should not be able to start like that. It's that long, massive stride. He's eating up so much more track than others. He came in focused, knowing he would likely win the gold and he's got the record."

He beat Churandy Martina by 0.52 second — about four body length — the largest margin of victory in an Olympic 200 since the first race in 1900. The last man to hold both world records simultaneously was Donald Quarrie, also from Jamaica.

And the best thing about this? In a sport where record-breaking sprinters are always under suspicion for doping, Bolt has never failed a drug test, nor is he a suspiciously late bloomer. I say that his success is due to his carefully regimented diet.

Update: Awful Announcing comes through with video from the BBC feed:

Bolt Blasts 200 Meter Field in 19.3 world record [USA Today]

Her father has 23 children, 9 with her mother, Harrison said. Her sisters have names like Graceful, Empress, Princess and Muun. An older brother is named God Goldin Zig Zag Zig Allah.

Of her own name, Harrison said: “It’s a challenging name to live up to. When your dad names you Queen, you’re kind of expected to be great in whatever you put your mind to.”

Her siblings, who range in age from 33 to 11, are named Graceful, Zuequal, Muun, King Master, Princess, Goldin, Queen, Empress and Victory. Not only that, but her father — currently in prison on drug charges — should be released just in time to see her in the Olympics, which will be his first time seeing her race. All of this is causing Bob Costas to thank the leprechaun gods for timing his birth so that he would be broadcasting these Olympics. Look for him to mention this family about, oh, 200 times next month.

Hurdling All Obstacles [Washington Post]
A Hurdler Lives Up To Her Name [The New York Times]

'When she took my purse I had to do something so I ran after her and grabbed her as hard as I could," Wiliamson, a mother of seven, said. "She said she hadn't taken it at first, so I shook the life out of her until she finally gave it back. It makes me so mad when people try to take your things."

Said Simeon Williamson, 22:

"She can be very friendly but also pretty scary when she wants to be – you wouldn't have wanted to be the thief. And there's no controlling her – you just have to stand back and hope she's all right as she doesn't think about the consequences."

Somewhere, Matlock is smiling.

Olympian's Granny Fights Off Mugger [ ]
Olympic Supergran Chases Down Thief [Metro.com.uk]