Next to computer software and hairstyles for the bald, no field in the business world offers more competitive innovative thinking than fast food breakfasts. Witness the vast array of culinary creativity currently on display from our nation's leading dining options.
Good gracious! America's always enjoyed a tasty bird—and that hasn't changed a bit! In fact, Americans are gobbling down that chicken—now more than ever! Man alive!
You, the American consumer, do not know any science, but you do know you want all of those "artificial flavors" and "artificial colors" out of your processed garbage food. Or at least you want to believe they're out.
There is NOTHING more American than a Lean Cuisine-brand frozen dinner, which combines our national passions for junk food, fad diets, and sadness all in one easily microwaveable package. And now you ingrates are abandoning this proud legacy in droves.
There is nothing that you, the consumer, love more than a paper bag filled with piping hot breakfast items purchased from one of our nation's fast food outlets. It is the only high point in the otherwise dreary days of the majority of Americans. Fortunately, fast food breakfast will now be more inescapable than ever.
Beer-swilling Americans, globally regarded as the very Platonic ideal of refinement and taste, are renowned for their refined palates. They certainly are not the type of people to sit around on the back bumper of a pickup truck and drink themselves senseless on literally any form of alcoholic liquid no matter how…
When you think of "down home"-style modern American cooking, you probably imagine a happy family sitting down to a hot, steaming meal of mom's famous KFC Valu-Meal. But now, American families are getting back to their roots, by pretending to "cook" food.
You like coffee? Yeah, I used to like coffee. I'm kind of over that now. I've evolved past that. I've advanced into tea. Tea is kind of the new "thing," for me and my 300 million closest friends, the citizens of the United States of America.
When "fast food" was invented back in the 1950s or whenever, we were cautiously optimistic. A ground hamburger patty and french-fried potatoes served in less time than it takes to raise and slaughter a cow, plant a field of potatoes, and build a fire? Sure, why not? But today it seems that Americans have forgotten how…