•Halfway through a wholly unexciting opening night, Troy Polamalu sprained his MCL and could miss 3-to-6 weeks. Steeler fans' humility, however, is listed as doubtful and is expected to report to your office this morning to brag about the game.

•The lawyer for Ben Roethlisberger's accuser says he could ask for a list of all of Big Ben's sexual partners. If just one native Pittsburgh girl is on that list, I'll lose all respect for him.

•Would it shock you to learn that Manny Ramirez has no recollection of ever playing with Jim Thome, his teammate of eight seasons? Well, prepare to be not shocked.

•The Daily News passes along the rumor that Cablevision will offer LeBron James his own TV channel if he joins the Knicks. I know I've used the buddy-cop-show joke before, but I would pay good money to see him fight crime with Darko.

•Two missed practices, and Richard Seymour is nowhere in sight. Still, this is Oakland, so maybe he was just carjacked.

•A judge has raised the possibility that neither Jim Balsillie nor the league will be allowed to purchase the Coyotes. A suggestion: disgraced Predators owner Boots Del Biaggio, in lieu of jail time, be sentenced to buy the Coyotes.

•Maya Angelou gives her predictions for the NFL season, in poem! Obviously it's not really her. But it's a sight better than Gregg Easterbrook's horrible haikus.

•Finally, though my feelings on poker can be summed up as "not a sport," this is the most amazing read you'll ever see:

The rule banning long hair on the field was proposed by Kansas City. It does not require players to get haircuts, but does "require them to tuck it up inside their helmets," said Atlanta president Rich McKay, chairman of the league's competition committee. Polamalu is the best known of the players, most of them defensive backs, with hair flowing outside their helmets. Others include cornerbacks Al Harris of Green Bay and Mike McKenzie of New Orleans.

If enacted, this will eliminate one of my favorite plays in football: the grabbing-of-the-ponytail-and-slinging-to-the-turf tackle, which we saw in 2006 when the Chiefs' Larry Johnson did it to Polamalu during an interception return. There's also a rumor that you can do this in Madden '08, although I haven't personally seen it.

NFL Owners Consider Ban On Long Hair [The Sporting News]

"Mmmm, Olympic gold (gurgle)." They're saying that the Turin Winter Olympic gold medal is more bagel-like than the designers would care to admit. And now that we see it, it does look somewhat delicious. [Road to Torino]

Super Bowl party at Ted Nugent's house? We're there. Wooo! Actually, we're not sure what the statement is here. Troy Polamalu played like a deer in the headlights? We just hope it's not one of those novelty singing devices. [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]

How many Boston-area birds will be enjoying this fine addition to the bottoms of their cages this week? We guess a lot. [Yahoo News]

We can't help it: We just can't read about the Wayne Gretzky/Janet Jones/NHL gambling saga without thinking about the movie Lost In America. "You are no longer allowed to use the words 'nest' and 'egg' in the same sentence." [Crazy4Cinema]

"That's between me and them," says Ben.

So rest assured, female and Brokeback male readers, that if you send your undergarments to Ben Roethlisberger, he's not the kind of guy to sniff and tell.

The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette ran an article on Friday about how the women of Pittsburgh view certain Steelers. As you might imagine, much of it is shudder-inducing, like the lady who says she wants to crawl inside Hines Ward's dimples, or the exceedingly rare woman who described Bill Cowher as "sexy." If there's a woman out there who finds Bill Cowher sexy, then there is hope for every single one of us.

And then there's the 9-year-old who wrote the following poem about Troy Polamalu.

Number 43 Glides Across the Field. His Sweet Hawaiian Hair Flows Behind Him. He Makes Great Interceptions Which Makes Me Cheer. He is Troy Polamalu. He is Great.