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Jayson Williams Walks Into A Bar…
New York, 8:57 AM
Sat Nov 21
15 posts in the last 24 hours
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Jayson Williams Walks Into A Bar… |
Original material is licensed under a Creative Commons License permitting non-commercial sharing with attribution.
10/04/09
(201): Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
10/04/09
/actually a great song
/tunes guitar to G,G#,G,G#,G,G#
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"Small business" as a theory, not any actual or specific small businesses.
and Marshall Stack, the tavern directly opposite my apartment building, is no exception. But a few weeks ago the "Stack," as regulars call it, received a visit from a truly exceptional man.
My, who could this be?
It was the former professional basketball player Jayson Williams,
Oh. Former NBAer Jayson Williams. No other pertinent defining information you'd like to mention?
and it made me reflect on America's dangerous fetishization of the "regular."
Nothing you'd like to mention for some background knowledge to anyone unfamiliar with Jayson Williams?
First, some background:
Good, good...
liberals love to moan about how the Lower East Side has "gentrified"
Oh. Background for the NY bar scene. I needed that.
such that they have been priced out all the way to Brooklyn, but any local can tell you the area is still rife with rent control riffraff.
Prices going up, economy going down, got it, but who exactly is this Jayson--
My front stoop serves as a gathering place for erstwhile squeegee men of numerous "disadvantaged" ethnicities and from the more squalid unrenovated apartments in my building house I can hear bitter fights underway in many dialects of arguments of Chinese.
Background for your house, got it, cool, racism is still alive and well, on it, but have we yet mentioned that Jayson Williams once killed--
Marshall Stack, however, has somehow remained largely the domain of mostly self-sufficient, hardworking but solidly middle-class Americans in the 25-45 age group.
*Don LaFontaine voice* In a world, where hipsters ruin everything, one man will attempt to help the only socioeconomic class that pretty much everyone agrees doesn't need any help
"You can't drink here, whitey..."
"Noooooooooo!"
Matthew McConaughey in, "We Are Marshall... Stack"
So although I was not particularly alert
Or as the French say, "shitfaced."
when he stepped through the entrance and did not recognize his face,
By the way, where do I remember seeing his face? Was it on TNT during the NBA season? Wait, wasn't it on CourtTV, I seem to remember something about--
it was hard not to notice Jayson Williams. He was, among other things, impeccably dressed in a three-piece suit and an elegant watch. And I am told he asked for a pricey brand of tequila,
The fiend!
although when the bartender informed him no hard liquors are served at the Marshall Stack, he politely made do with a glass of wine and began talking to two women who had gathered nearby.
The bartender later informed me
*leans in 3 inches away from bartender even though its quiet in the bar*
"HEY, WHO WAS THAT GUY??"
Ma'am, that was-
"WHAT WAS HE DRINKING??? CAN I GET ANOTHER DRINK?? OMG I LOVE THIS SONG!! WAIT, WHAT DID YOU SAY??"
that the women had confessed to not knowing who he was, but sensed the ineffable presence of fame around his being.
There was some talk, the bartender tells me,
"WHAT WERE THEY TALKING ABOUT??"
Well ma'am I heard them say-
"DID THEY SAY ANYTHING ABOUT ME?? HEY HAVE YOU SEEN MY PHOOOONE??"
of Williams desiring to drive himself home, and the bartender says he attempted to assuage his fears that his car might be broken into and take a cab.
"YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE LET HIM DRIVE HOME!"
I tried to tell-
"CAN YOU WATCH MY DRINK, I HAVE TO PEE, OMG, ERICA, COME WITH MEEE"
Hopefully in agreement, Williams produced a money clip fat with hundred dollar bills and asked where he might obtain vodka or tequila, and the bartender pointed him across Allen Street at a nearby bar. Williams left a thirty dollar tip on an eight dollar glass of wine and was last seen walking in the direction of Lucky Jack's.
All in all, he sounds like a nice guy. Except for something. I can't quite remember, didn't I hear about the one time he got into trouble after--
His female companions apparently elected not to join him.
Sorry bro.
My bartender — an indisputably bighearted man who extends the utmost courtesy and warmth even with the rowdiest, most inebriated Murray Hill residents, but had radiated palpable unease in the presence of Williams —
"OMG I FUCKING LOVE YOU, YOUR LIKE THE NICEST GUY. I KNOW A LOT OF, no, stop it, Jess, I wanna say, I WANNA SAY HOW FUCKING AWESOME YOU ARE. LIKE SERIOUSLY, THESE GUYS ARE ASSHOLES BUT YOUR SO NICE"
appeared relieved when he exited.
Later upon being informed of our curious visitor's identity, I read about his recent suicide attempts
Finally! Background info! Jayson Williams is that guy... who tried to commit suicide?
and filled with regret over the less-than-welcoming treatment he had encountered in my ostensibly "diverse" neighborhood.
Ok now you've completely lost me. You live next to a bunch of Chinese squeegee operators... so they... should accept... a rich guy? I'm missing a step in logic here.
Here was a man in pain — pain not unlike that drove Larry Kudlow and Rush Limbaugh
Is that sympathy for a right-winger? What the hell is happening?
to abuse similar substances; pain so complex and multifaceted it apparently drove him to draft multiple suicide notes.
Hey, why does he have all this "pain?" I feel like I missed some background information. Maybe if you had mentioned earlier that Jayson once--
And is it any wonder? It's not P.C. these days to earn more than a "regular" amount. Just ask Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein, who has been counseling employees to rein in so-called "conspicuous" consumption in response to vicious attacks from the liberal media. It's probably not unwise — like Williams before them, Wall Street is being hounded by some of the most overzealous prosecutors since those young gentlemen from Duke — but it is damaging to the American spirit, and it's time someone said so.
Moe Tkachick... American hero?
In an age
*DON LAFONTAINE VOICE*
marked by populist rage and encroaching socialism,
One man, will stand and fight.
"You make too much money!"
"NOOOOOOOO!"
Jason Statham in, "THE POPULIST."
we expect the rich to hide their wealth — or stay inside.
You know who else should stay inside? Criminals! In fact, we built all these big shiny places where we can put--
But now we've officially gone too far.
CHARLIE MANSON WAS A MAN WITH A VISION, YOU SHORT-SIGHTED PRICKS
When the economy is hurting — and unemployed "regulars" like myself expecting every other ale free — shouldn't we all be welcoming he with the odds to odd 375% tip? Let's call off this silly "Rich Hunt" for good, America.
Maybe we should burn a lower-case "t" on their lawn. For "Time to write another shitty post."
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PS I'm joking. This here comment actually sounds whiny if you don't realize that I don't care...
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Hint: It has to do with the words Kathryn, Jean, and Lopez.
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Listen, I loved Andy Kaufman, but I wouldn't necessarily have wanted to sit through one of his shows.
10/03/09
I think some people just take things like this WAYYY too seriously (cf. Chris Hanson's Axe).
10/03/09
I'm just bored; all that's on TV is Big-10 games and I ran out of beer last night. "Serious"... wow. Sorry.
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Oh, and it's comments like this that make it a travesty you lost your star. Just magnificent.
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