This will be the last weeknight "To Watch Tonight" for the foreseeable future. (OK, ever. The weekend folks may continue to do it, but that's their call.) I know it's a grand tradition, but it's also a lot of work coming up with those zany one-liners that somehow reference the Dallas Mavericks. It's a lot of work for very little payoff, too. It's the least clicked, least commented upon feature we have and it's time that we put it to rest. There's only so many pictures of Kristin Chenoweth's breasts out there that I can post.

If you really need to know what's on TV tonight, here's what you do. Pick up your remote control, hit the little button that says "Guide" on it, and you're good to go. (Or bookmark the links below. That's pretty much all I used to compile it.) Even "TV Guide" couldn't survive the digital age and it was way more informative and insightful than this page will ever be. Better crossword puzzles too.

Yahoo TV Listings
ESPN Programming Guide

So, I'm sorry, but you're going to have to find your own entertainment from now on. Here's an idea—Go read a book or something.

(This is indeed a sad, sad day; look for the To Watch Tonight 10-Year Reunion in 2018. The Doody family will be there! — Rick).

• College Football: MAC Championship: Ball State Cardinals vs. Buffalo Bulls (8:00 p.m., ET) Help us, Sussman. You're our only hope. [ESPN2]
• NBA: Portland Trail Blazers at Boston Celtics (8:00 p.m., ET) Kevin Garnett to Blazers: "Nice shoes, jerks." [ESPN]
• Special: "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" (8:00 p.m., ET) The Grinch's sentencing hearing will be on Monday. [ABC]
• NBA: Toronto Raptors at Utah Jazz (10:30 p.m., ET) Utah is jazz. [ESPN]
• Movie: "Heat" (8:00 p.m., ET) Are you looking to become a penologist? [Bravo]

• College Basketball: Big 12/Pac-10 Hardwood Series: USC Trojans vs. Oklahoma Sooners (7:00 p.m., ET) For the national champio....? Oh. Nevermind. [ESPN2]
• College Football: Louisville Cardinals vs. Rutgers Scarlet Knights (7:30 p.m., ET) Too much red for me. [ESPN]
• College Basketball: Big 12/Pac-10 Hardwood Series: UCLA Bruins vs. Texas Longhorns (9:00 p.m., ET) What does LenDale White think of all this? [ESPN2]
• NBA: Phoenix Suns at Dallas Mavericks (8:00 p.m., ET) We're goin' ballistic, Mav! [TNT]
• Special: "Barbara Walters: The 10 Most Fascinating People of 2008" (10:00 p.m., ET) Baby Mangino? [ABC]
• NBA: San Antonio Spurs at Denver Nuggets (10:30 p.m., ET) Great ... sloppy seconds. [TNT]
• Movie: "The Bourne Ultimatum" (9:00 p.m., ET) They should have left him alone! [HBO]

• College Basketball: ACC/Big Ten Challenge: Indiana Hoosiers vs. Wake Forest Demon Deacons (7:00 p.m., ET) What if they were the Demon Hoosiers? [ESPN]
• College Basketball: ACC/Big Ten Challenge: Michigan Wolverines vs. Maryland Terrapins (7:00 p.m., ET) Don't get me started. [ESPNU]
• College Basketball: ACC/Big Ten Challenge: Penn State Nittany Lions vs. Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets (7:30 p.m., ET) A yellow jacket? With that tie? [ESPN2]
• College Basketball: ACC/Big Ten Challenge: North Carolina Tar Heels vs. Michigan State Spartans (9:15 p.m., ET) Live blog? What ever will I wear? [ESPN]
• College Basketball: ACC/Big Ten Challenge: Florida State Seminoles vs. Northwestern Wildcats (9:30 p.m., ET) Does anyone else miss Charlie Ward? [ESPN2]
• Series: "Pushing Daisies" (8:00 p.m., ET) I'm a man of my word. [ABC]

• NHL: Tampa Bay Lightning vs. Philadelphia Flyers (7:00 p.m., ET) If only the puck were glowing... [Versus]
• College Basketball: ACC/Big Ten Challenge: Ohio State Buckeyes vs. Miami Hurricanes (7:00 p.m., ET) That looks like pass interference to me. [ESPN]
• College Basketball: ACC/Big Ten Challenge: Iowa Hawkeyes vs. Boston College Eagles (7:00 p.m., ET) Try the other men's room, Hawkeye fans. [ESPNU]
• College Basketball: ACC/Big Ten Challenge: Clemson Tigers vs. Illinois Fighting Illini (7:30 p.m., ET) Needs more Zook. [ESPN2]
• College Basketball: ACC/Big Ten Challenge: Duke Blue Devils vs. Purdue Boilermakers (9:00 p.m., ET) Yes, Duke will save us. [ESPN]
• College Basketball: ACC/Big Ten Challenge: Virginia Cavaliers vs. Minnesota Golden Gophers (9:30 p.m., ET) Five games? Now you're just pushing it. [ESPN2]
• Movie: "Citizen Kane" (8:00 p.m., ET) People will think what I tell them to think. [TCM]

• College Basketball: ACC/Big Ten Challenge: Wisconsin Badgers vs. Virginia Tech Hokies (7:00 p.m., ET) Also known as "The Big Ten Loses 7 Non-Conference Games Week." [ESPN2]
• NHL: Colorado Avalanche vs. Minnesota Wild (8:00 p.m., ET) What is a Wild, anyway? [Versus]
• NFL: Monday Night Football: Jacksonville Jaguars at Houston Texans (8:30 p.m., ET) Sage! Come back, Sage! [ESPN]

• College Basketball: Boston College Eagles vs. Purdue Boilermakers (7:00 p.m., ET) What's a Harvey Wallbanger? [ESPN2]
• NBA: Orlando Magic at Philadelphia 76ers (7:30 p.m., ET) Get along, 76ers. [ESPN]
• Movie: "The 40-Year-Old Virgin." (8:00 p.m., ET) She was a ho. For shooooooooo. [USA]
• College Basketball: UAB Blazers vs. Oklahoma Sooners (9:30 p.m., ET) Blaze. Lazer. Blazers! [ESPN2]
• College Basketball: Maui Invitational Final, Notre Dame Fighting Irish vs. North Carolina Tar Heels (10:00 p.m., ET) Somewhere, Matt Doherty weeps. [ESPN2]
• Series: "Pushing Daisies." (8:00 p.m., ET) You failed. So I'll just keep posting pictures of Kristin Chenoweth's cleavage in silent protest until it goes off the air forever. [ABC]

• College Basketball: Texas Longhorns vs. Notre Dame Fighting Irish (7:00 p.m. ET) They don't seem that "fighting" to me. [ESPN]
• College Football: Western Michigan Broncos vs. Ball State Cardinals (7:00 p.m. ET) A win, and WMU doesn't get a BCS bid either![ESPN2]
• College Football: Navy Midshipmen vs. Northern Illinois Huskies (7:00 p.m. ET) You're going to need a bigger boat. [ESPN Classic]
• Special: "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving" (8:00 p.m. ET) Mmm. Popcorn. [ABC]
• College Basketball: North Carolina Tar Heels vs. Oregon Ducks (9:30 p.m. ET) Psycho T downgraded to Mildly Unstable T [ESPN]
• College Basketball: Kansas Jayhawks vs. Syracuse Orangemen (10:00 p.m. ET) It's a rematch of that game everyone forgot about. [ESPN2]
• NHL: St. Louis Blues at Nashville Predators (7:00 p.m. ET) So Nashville's mascot is a bank? [Vs.]

• College Basketball: Syracuse Orangemen vs. Florida Gators (7:30 p.m., ET) So much orange. [ESPN2]
• NFL: Monday Night Football: Green Bay Packers vs. New Orleans Saints (8:30 p.m., ET). Open up a window and let in the Brees. [ESPN]
• College Basketball: Kansas Jayhawks vs. Washington Huskies (9:30 p.m., ET) Carry on, my wayward sons. [ESPN2]
• College Basketball: Oregon Ducks vs. Alabama Crimson Tide (12:00 a.m., ET) If the Duck floats ... [ESPN2]
• Movie: "Million Dollar Baby" (8:00 p.m., ET) Spoiler alert: Clint Eastwood is old. [AMC]

• College Basketball: Coaches vs. Cancer Classic Final: Michigan vs. Duke (7:00 p.m., ET) What's not to like? [ESPN2]
• NBA: Houston Rockets at Washington Wizards (7:00 p.m., ET) Wax Arenas should be good 15 and 5. [ESPN]
• College Football: Fresno State Bulldogs at San Jose State Aztecs Spartans (9:30 p.m., ET) Great. Now I'll never tell these two schools apart. (see?!) [ESPN2]
• NBA: New Orleans Hornets at Oklahoma City Thunder (9:30 p.m., ET). What's that noise? [ESPN]

• College Basketball: Coaches vs. Cancer Classic: Southern Illinois vs. Duke Blue Devils (7:00 p.m., ET) Salukies, Dukies. Dukies, Salukies [ESPN2]
• College Football: Miami Hurricanes vs. Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets (7:30 p.m., ET) Those colors do not go well together. [ESPN]
• NBA: Detroit Pistons at Boston Celtics (8:00 p.m., ET) Unless someone is punching Bill Laimbeer, I'm not interested. [TNT]
• College Basketball: Coaches vs. Cancer Classic: Michigan vs. UCLA (9:00 p.m., ET) Ditto. [ESPN2]
• NBA: Los Angeles Lakers at Phoenix Suns (10:30 p.m., ET) Maybe Kobe will finally answer that question. [TNT]

• College Football: Ball State Cardinals at Central Michigan Chippewas (7:00 p.m., ET) I guess Birds and Chips are okay, too. [ESPN2]
• NBA: Dallas Mavericks at Houston Rockets (8:00 p.m., ET) I might have some inside info on this game, if you're interested. [ESPN]
• Soccer: World Cup Qualifier: Guatemala vs. United States (10:00 p.m., ET) No wonder Cal Ripken had to leave the country. [ESPN2]
• NBA: Chicago Bulls at Portland Trail Blazers (10:30 p.m., ET) Derrick Rose looked at me! [ESPN]
• Series: "Pushing Daisies" (8:00 p.m., ET) Please watch this show. It's probably too late, but I'd hate to see it canceled. [ABC]

• NCAA Men: Richmond Spiders vs. Syracuse Orangemen (6:00 p.m., ET) Have you ever seen a spider eat an orange? [ESPN]
• NHL: Minnesota Wild at Pittsburgh Penquins (7:00 p.m., ET) Is this some sort of ice basketball? [Versus]
• NCAA Men: Preseason NIT: St. John's Red Storm vs. Boston College Eagles (7:30 p.m., ET) That John ... what a saint! [ESPN2]
• NCAA Men: Kentucky Wildcats at North Carolina Tar Heels (8:00 p.m., ET) Without Tyler, what's the point of even living? [ESPN]
• NCAA Men: Preseason NIT: Davidson Wildcats vs. Oklahoma Sooners (9:30 p.m., ET) Stephen Curry makes Dell Curry look like the shrimp curry I had for lunch. [ESPN2]
• NCAA Men: Preseason NIT: UAB Blazers vs Arizona Wildcats (11:30 p.m., ET) Enough with the wildcats! [ESPN2]

• NCAA Men: Preseason NIT: Eastern Michigan at Purdue Boilermakers (7:00 p.m., ET) I could a use a boilermaker myself right now. [ESPN2]
• NHL: Boston Bruins at Toronto Maple Leafs (7:30 p.m., ET) Did you know that Maple Leafs do not actually taste like maple syrup? [Versus]
• NFL: Monday Night Football: Cleveland Browns at Buffalo Bills (8:30 p.m., ET) Try to contain yourself. [ESPN]
• Movie: "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby" (8:00 p.m., ET) Why would you want the stereo on while you're watching TV? [Encore]

• Classic boxing: Panzienza-Haugen 1990, 7pm [ESPN2]
• Racing: NHRA Powerade Drag Racing Series final eliminations, 7pm [ESPN2]
• NFL: Dallas at Washington, 8:15pm, [NBC]
• Reality: De La Hoya/Pacquiao 24/7, 8:30pm [HBO]
• Movie: Necessary Roughness, 9:30pm [ESPN Classic]

• College Football: Southern California vs. Stanford, 7pm [Versus]
• College Football: Mississippi State at Alabama, 7:45pm [ESPN]
• Movie: The Godfather, 8pm [AMC]
• NBA: Indiana at Chicago, 8:30pm [WGN]
• MMA: UFC 91, Brock Lesner vs. Randy Couture, 9:30pm [Pay-Per-View]
• Old fashioned Boxing: Super middleweights Jermain Taylor vs. Jeff Lacy, 10:15pm [HBO]

• College Football: Cincinnati Bearcats at Lousiville Cardinals (8:00 p.m., ET) How can something be a bear and a cat? [ESPN2]
• NBA: Doubleheader: Denver Nuggets at Boston Celtics (8:00 p.m., ET)/Detroit Pistons at Los Angeles Lakers (10:30 p.m., ET) Didn't we just leave this party? [ESPN]
• Movie: "The Wizard of Oz" (8:00 p.m., ET) Defeated by a bucket of water? Seriously? [TBS]

• College Football: Virginia Tech Hokies at Miami Hurricanes (7:30 p.m., ET) Something's gotta give. It might be my La-Z-Boy. [ESPN]
• MLS: East Conference Final: Chicago Fire at Columbus Crew (7:30 p.m., ET) Oh, I just bought a new Columbus Crew at the Gap last week! [ESPN2]
• NFL: New York Jets at New England Patriots (8:00 p.m., ET) I can't believe Matt Cassel's consecutive games streak is still intact. [NFL Network]
• NBA: Doubleheader: Denver Nuggets at Cleveland Cavaliers (8:00 p.m., ET)/Detroit Pistons at Golden State Warriors (10:30 p.m., ET) Billups ... Iverson ... whatever it takes. [TNT]

• College Football: Central Michigan Chippewas at Northern Illinois Huskies (8:00 p.m., ET) Fire up, Chips! [ESPN2]
• NBA: Doubleheader: Portland Trail Blazers at Miami Heat (8:00 p.m., ET); Houston Rockets at Phoenix Suns (10:30 p.m., ET) I tell ya ... I like this Oden kid. [ESPN]
• Awards: 42nd Annual Country Music Awards (8:00 p.m., ET) Backstage at the CMAs? You know what to do. [ABC]

• College Football: Ball State Cardinals at Miami Red Hawks (7:00 p.m., ET) I still think PCs are better than MACs. [ESPN2]
• Cards: World Series Of Poker, Final Table (9:00 p.m., ET) I wonder who wins? [ESPN]
• Movie: "Midway" (8:00 p.m., ET) If you know a veteran, buy him or her a drink tonight. If you are a veteran, uh ... I forgot my wallet. [AMC]