Are you a fan of basketball? Do you enjoy traveling to Las Vegas? Do you appreciate young ladies of questionable legality traipsing around in tiny shirts that read "Where Amazing Happens" and very little else? Well then why the fuck would you miss the NBA's Vegas Summer League?

The annual event featuring 21 teams comprised of rookies, future stars, hopefuls, hilarious retreads, and a blogger draws journalists, coaches, and front office types alike to UNLV's Cox Pavilion. It only seemed right to reschedule my annual trek to Vegas to coincide with this veritable orgy of basketball.

All it takes to get into the building is a $20 general admission ticket good for one day, or roughly 10 hours of games spread over two courts. Of course you could pony up $100 for reserved courtside seats, but to do that you'd have to be a relatively huge putz.

Day One

I arrived with a small contingent of fans intent on seeing our beloved Wizards, specifically the "Little Three" (pictured), so we showed up about a half an hour before their game against the Cavs. We took a seat to watch the waning minutes of the Detroit/Charlotte debacle with a round of Bud Lites that really hit the spot after the five or so gin and tonics I had just downed in the poker room. After about ten seconds I exclaimed, "Holy shit, Mustafa Shakur is guarding Will Bynum!" That's when I realized that I was going to enjoy the shit out of this weekend.

Shortly thereafter it was time for the Wizards to take the floor, and for us to take up our spot directly behind the bench. It was quickly apparent that we were not alone. The section quickly filled with fellow Washingtonians, and it was almost like being back in Chinatown (sans go-go). I was immediately struck by the fans' unfettered access to the players, coaches, and even Big Ern.

At one point a bulked up Andray Blatche did what he is wont to do, run the fast break like the 6'11" point guard that he is. It may have not been pretty, but the big guy converted the layup. I happened to comment that "Eddie [Jordan]'s not gonna like that" only to have assistant coach Phil Hubbard turn around to inform me that, "Eddie likes baskets." I would have asked Eddie for confirmation, but he was sitting way the fuck up in the last row.

The Wizards ended up winning that first game (suck on that, Cleveland!), but most importantly we learned that we could carry on a running conversation with the guys on the bench while cheering a lot louder than the game called for (which did not escape the notice of WaPo's Ivan Carter). Something we certainly took advantage of when we returned to Cox the next day.

Later That Night

Dinner at N9ne is always a highlight of the annual trip, and we ran into JaVale McGee as soon as we walked into the Palms. Fortunately he's only 20, so he had nothing better to do than to stop and exchange pleasantries.

By the time appetizers were served the hostess was seating a party including Jason Whitlock, David Aldridge, and J.A. Adande in the adjoining booth. But everything was cool, I told them I was AJ.

Day 2

Players all over the building were giving their discarded shoes and jerseys to their fans, but instead of asking for Nick Young's Jordans at halftime, I joined in requesting that he take them off in favor of the Kobe models sitting under the bench. Apparently City is still new enough in town that he really hasn't grasped the whole "Jordan = Satan" concept, but he complied with the request.

Needless to say the change of shoes broke Young out of a rough slump in time to hit a deep three late in the game. Young got another chance to tighten things up when Joey Dorsey was called for a technical while in street clothes. Whether or not the game-long heckling he received from gentlemen in a George Muresan jersey put Dorsey on edge is a matter left for debate. Young, with his feet devoid of evil, hit the free throw to put them within reach. Newly acquired Dee Brown sent the game into overtime with an improbable put-back that sent the bench and the fans into a completely unnecessary frenzy.

Oh, and you're welcome, coaching staff. Now go throw anything else with a Jumpman logo in Abe Pollin's private incinerator.

Final Thoughts

-Jerryd Bayless will fuck your daughter and you will thank him for it.
-The Black Widow Mojito at Mesa Grill is both delicious and masculine.
-Dominic McGuire's sweat cures cancer.
-Jamie Foxx will not hesitate to ask your girlfriend to join his table.
-My stories suck, go next year and have your own fun.
-Next year I'm going to all of the games.

Quote of the Trip

"I get buckets, son" -Oleksiy Pecherov

Marcel Mutoni has been blogging daily over at SLAM Online for the last year or so. He was also a contributor to AOL's FanHouse last year. He lives in Ottawa (Canada), and strangely enough, his favorite sports team is the Lakers. He has no explanation for this, so don't bother asking. And because he knows you're wondering, He'll take a nice ass over big tits any day of the week.

Josh Zerkle (a/k/a "Monday Morning Punter," "MMP," or "PUNTE,") is perhaps best known as one of the original contributors to the NFL humor blog, Kissing Suzy Kolber. He has also served as guest editor for With Leather and weekend editor for SPORTS by BROOKS. Josh is a Big Ten apologist, having graduated from Ohio State in 2003. He lives in South Carolina with his wife and hedgehog.

Sarah Schorno's blogging career began with the now defunct Strike Zones and End Zones before becoming the Huffington Post's first designated sports blogger. She has also written a sports column for The Naughty American (where perks included free porn) and has been seen here at Deadspin, The Sporting Blog, and can currently be read at Babes Love Baseball. She is also developing a top secret project to be launched in the coming weeks.

Dennis Tarwood (Tuffy) has been commenting on Deadspin since 2006 and currently write for SPORTSbyBROOKS as well as indulging in a twice-weekly podcast with Matt Sussman. As required by Deadspin statutes, he is from Illinois originally and he writes in the third person.

Enrico Campitelli Jr. founded the Philly website The700Level.com back in the pre-Deadspin era and is also one of FanHouse's original bloggers. He loves everything Philadelphia and actually believes Donovan McNabb is a good quarterback. Shockingly, he does not own this shirt.

Gourmet Spud is one quarter of the team at Food Court Lunch, a frequent Deadspin commentor, and comes with a variety of interchangeable hats and noses. He is also Canadian (Ed. Note: Yeah that's right, we've got two Canadians!), and is therefore smug, in a 'that's adorable' kind-of-way."

In addition to welcoming our new contributors we'd also like to thank everyone who applied for the positions. All told we received emails from 89 of you, and it was no easy task getting to this point.

From there things only got worse. Torres, best known for the only loss of his career, got back in the fight, even managing to put Holt on the canvas in the 11th. Shortly thereafter the hometown referee halted the action with a highly dubious stoppage in favor of Torres. On Saturday the two met in a rematch that exceeded even the highest expectations.

The two got back in the ring with Holt looking to avenge his loss and Torres attempting to silence any doubters by fighting in the less friendly confines of Las Vegas. What followed was one of the most incredible rounds of boxing you will ever see.

UPDATE: Top Rank pulled the crappy Setanta video from YouTube, so here's a much better version of the Showtime broadcast replete with replays and head butt analysis goodness.

Image via Euro2008Girls.

(Ed. Note: Getting beer.)

• Now it's the Italian's turn to put on some pressure, however Luca Toni can't rid himself of the Spanish defenders. Two consecutive corners won by Italy, but neither could be converted. Toni went high with the second effort.

• Cazorla may have taken a nut-shot right there.

• Spain have worked the ball upfield and look to set up off of a throw. Villa falls down, but manages to sweep the ball to Fabregas, who can't do anything with it.

• Spain is called offside yet again. They should be winning this game by now.

• This fucking blows. Extra time is half gone, and so am I.

• Ah crap, a dumb foul and a free kick for the Italians is upcoming.

• The ball is fired wide and nobody moves for it, leaving Spain with a throw.

• And here comes Del Piero. Where was he fifteen minutes ago?

• Casillas boots a goal kick right back to Italy, but they misplay back to Spain.

• Tick-toc, bitches.

• More great chances for Spain without anything to show for it. I imagine they're quite frustrated, whereas this is exactly what Italy prefers.

• Oh get up and finish the fucking game, you cock!

• The end came down to one final attempt by David Villa, but it was off by an agonizing margin. Penalties are on the way, so enjoy that.

Penalties

• David Villa is up first, and he certainly doesn't miss that one. 1-0 Spain.

• Grosso buries his as well, tied after the first round.

• The sub Cazorla tucks it away without a problem.

• CASSILAS WITH THE SAVE! Brilliance from the team's captain. 2-1 Spain after 2.

• Senna delivers for Spain, he's been a bright spot most of the day. Italy needs a goal here.

• Camoranesi steps right up and beats the keeper. BUFFON WITH THE SAVE! The commentators jinx Guiza, La Liga's leading scorer, and he was denied!

• SAVE CASSILAS, HE DOES IT AGAIN! Cesc is up for the win, and there was never a doubt about it. Fabregas should be under appreciated no more back home in Spain. SPAIN WINS IN A SHOOTOUT!

Yeah I hate shootouts, but that was highly enjoyable.

Image via Euro 2008 Girls. Hopefully it can help turn things around.

• Both teams have had decent chances early in the half, but nothing on net.

• Oh my god, it appears that Luca Toni has ruptured his Achilles tendon!

• Nope, he's OK.

• Another cross in to Toni, but he's unable to get anything to it, that's a shame. And yes, I am now openly biased, as if I hadn't been before.

• Cassano had openings but he led Ambrosini about ten yards too far, out for a goal kick.

• Torres comes right back down the pitch with great pace, and once again he's been unable to control it when confronted. He needs somebody in there to help distribute. Like say, Xabi and Cesc.

• Luis Aragonés might be having a stroke, somebody should really check on him.

• Once again the Spanish side has gotten the ball in good position with multiple attackers only to find themselves out manned by a small army of white shirts.

• Torres goes for the cross instead of making an effort at goal but it's broken up with ease.

• The Italians go to the bench first with Camoranesi coming on.

• David Silva has a go from distance after a broken corner. It landed somewhere in the first dozen rows.

• Finally Iniesta is called back to the bench in favor of Cazorla. And hey, a double! Xavi is off for Fabregas!

• Oh my, a massive scramble in front of the Spanish net. Casillas was off his line but he was able to recover with a great save on Camoranesi's first touch.

• Camoranesi drew two fouls in one minute without flopping once. Impressive.

• Mother fucking Luca Toni. Once again he drops to ground at the slightest hint of a breeze and the ref couldn't be quicker to blow...the whistle that is.

• David Villa's free kick caught a shoulder and a head on the wall, deflecting it just over the goal and onto the netting.

• Toni gets another shot at a header near the goal but it's the same result as always. Maybe they should try putting it on his foot.

• I just heard the name "Gattuso" and got a bit ill.

• Oh hell, no. Villa is yellowed for flopping in the box. Where has that call been on Twinkle Toes Toni?

• The only way Italy could be enjoyable is if they were in a ring with Andre Berto.

• Cassano is off for Di Natale.

• That Italian fist-full-of-jersey maneuver isn't very subtle, yet the Spaniards press forward.

• Luca Toni grew a mustache because he was running out of reasons for people to hate him.

• Ah crap! Buffon bobbled a shot by Senna only for it to bounce harmlessly off the post and back into his hands.

• Fortunately now the Italians are stealing crosses from one another, danger averted for Spain.

• Torres is done for the day, Guiza has taken his place.

• Another great opportunity for created by Villa for Spain, but Guiza inexplicably used his forearms to control the ball.

• Just a few minutes left before stoppage time, and then extra time. [sigh] And then penalties.

• Luca Toni is down and screaming on another quality tackle by Puyol, and the referee rushes over to perform emergency mouth-to-cock.

• Ugh. Extra time. New thread coming up shortly.

Xabi Alonzo and Cesc Fabregas start out on the Spanish bench once again, while Alessandro Del Piero is the most likely sub for the Italian side. Both Casillas and Buffon enter the game in top form for their respective countries, so goals will be at a premium.

• Spain is on form and the Italians have barely survived thus far. If the Spaniards are going to overcome their history of choking like dogs, today is a big first step.

• The players are warming up and we'll be underway shortly.

• I always expect the Italians to have a more rousing national anthem.

•The play has been restricted to the middle of the field thus far, no chances for either side with two minutes gone.

• Cassano wastes little time before hitting the ground.

• Villa stops an Italian run prematurely with a perfectly timed sliding tackle. That would look pretty good in Stamford Bridge.

• An Italian free kick is placed comfortably in the keeper's hands.

• Villa has a go at goal, but it's deflected up in the air to Buffon.

• After losing possession to Cassano, Torres comes within a few inches of him resulting in a free kick.

• Another Italian flop, and this time it's a yellow for Iniesta. God I hate this shit.

• Spain is completely lost on offense. They are literally standing around with their arms up trying to figure out where to go with the ball.

• Torres is finally able to get possession to the edge of the box, and he's taken down without a call. If a call had been made it would have been quite harsh.

• Oh good, now the Italians are trying to hurt Villa. I'm not nearly drunk enough for this.

• The Spanish side finally show the pace of their offense, but Torres couldn't put it on target.

• Ambrosini with a quality cross, but Perrotta only manages a glancing blow with the header.

•

• Ambrosini and Toni are finding some room in the Spanish defense, but they haven't had any real quality shots on target.

• Spain is set to take a free kick from 25 meters, Villa and Silva are lined up. Villa blasts ones low across goal and Buffon collapses on it with relative ease. Not a bad effort, but not enough.

• We're 26 minutes in, and Italy has continued to play it tight and depressing. If Spain wants to open things up they are going to have to get Fabregas in the lineup at some point.

• Iniesta did well to make himself available at the corner of the area, but he was pushed off the ball by the defense. No call, no shock.

• Hey a yellow for Ambrosini! Of course it couldn't have been much more obvious. It looked like he was going to put Senna in a figure four.

• Silva worked hard to get himself a shot in the middle of the field. It was wide of goal, but Buffon tipped it out. A foul is whistled on the subsequent free kick.

• Italy finally takes their foot off the break getting a good cross in to Toni. The striker's header is well defended, and Spain retakes control.

• Torres has the ball in space and he's able to work it into the box, he has help but chooses to eschew it for his own shot, deflected out. Silva gets a good look at it and nearly beats Buffon to the far post. Finally, a little back and forth.

• Italy's first corner of the game goes unconverted, but they've maintained possession in an attacking position.

• Silva is tripped up right at the edge of the area, and there's another brutal no call. What the fuck is going on?

• The Spanish side continues to press the Italians without anything to show for it but some bruises to their lower extremities. Stoppage time awaits.

• Just one minute is added, so I'll be closing this one down. Keep your eyes out for the second half live blog coming up shortly.

Metro Nashville police said Kearse was seen speeding and swerving several times while travelling west on West End Avenue.

The officer who pulled the Titans over said Kearse exhibited slurred speach, red eyes, and smelled of alcohol. He reportedly refused a breath test.

The officer said Kearse stated that he only had one vodka and a red bull.

That's unfortunate for everyone involved. It makes you wonder how many cases of Bud Jevon had to drink to score that killer boat.

via FanHouse

This picture was taken just nine minutes into a day that featured kettlebells, medicine balls, giant tires, a shitload of stairs, and even the occasional sledge hammer. Spencer's highly anticipated two-part report debuts tomorrow.

• 2:55 — Soccer: World Cup Qualifier: United States at Barbados. It went pretty well last time.
• 3:00 — Olympics: U.S. Olympic Trials, Diving. Funny faces! [NBC]
• 3:00 — PGA Tour: Travelers Championship, Final Round. With Mahan, Cink, and Singh at the top of the board this should actually be a pretty good day of golf. [CBS]
• 4:00 — Football: Arena Foot... I'm sorry, I stopped caring. [ESPN2]
• 5:00 — NASCAR: Toyota/SaveMart 350. SaveMart is so good at saving money that they share sponsorship responsibilities with economical foreign car manufacturers. [TNT]

Image via Euro 2008 Girls

I've made no secret of my affection for Andre Berto, perhaps now you know why. The 24 year-old welterweight put the boxing world on notice, announcing his presence in the upper tier of the sport's best division. Berto earned the vacant WBC belt with a dazzling knockout performance against an admittedly mediocre Miki Rodriguez.

Berto dominated without having to throw punches in volume thanks to his unbelievable athleticism. He avoided trouble with blazing speed while putting his punches together whenever an opportunity arose. The best example of which was the sixth round that Berto ended with an unprecedented five hook combination, surely the first I've seen.

Rodriguez went down for the first time in the seventh after Berto threw an overhand right followed up by his favorite punch, the right uppercut. The pairing of the two punches elicited shock from observers and the victim alike. The new title holder sealed his victory with another knockdown followed by a wise stoppage. Berto is by no means Floyd Mayweather, but he certainly looks worthy of his belt.

• Chazz Witherspoon is always referred to as a "cerebral boxer" because he took up the sport as a hobby while on academic scholarship at St. Joseph's, so even he must know that he was a beaten fighter. Chris Arreola, the undefeated knockout artist, put Witherspoon on the canvas twice in the third round with powerful looping shots, including once at the very end of the round. From there things got confusing. Witherspoon's corner entered the ring before the referee could signal the continuation of the fight after the standing eight count. Although he was officially disqualified, Witherspoon was basically out on his feet.

As for the referee...good lord. The second I saw Randy Phillips in the introductions I knew we were in trouble. He came off poorly during the disqualification decision, and much much worse in the post-fight interview. As Flubby put it, "I think they just grabbed some yokel in the stands at the dog track in West Memphis, Arkansas." Yep, and that's coming from a Kentuckian. Oh, and next time could we get somebody who is physically capable of getting in between two heavyweights for a break?

• Amir Khan added another knockout to his growing resume, although he tasted the canvas in the process. The undefeated 21 year-old has certainly looked better, but his career is progressing as well as expected.

Image via HBO Boxing.

• Somebody In Boston Was Happy. I've yet to see video of a drunken soon-to-be-former editor of this site dancing outside of Fenway last night, but that doesn't mean it isn't out there somewhere. Will's beloved Cardinals smacked around the Red Sox, chasing Dice K from the game after loading the bases in the second in the pitcher's return from the disabled list. Troy Glaus took advantage of the situation, launching a grand slam off of Chris Smith. Oh, and some guy named Ankiel went deep as well.

• Saunders Wins His Eleventh. Anaheim's Joe Saunders became MLB's first 11 game winner after scattering five hits in seven innings against the Phillies. Vlad went deep for the third time in two games as the Angels picked up the 6-2 victory.

• Marquez def. Lorenzo (UD). It was supposed to be the fight that vaulted the highly touted (overrated) Giovanni Lorenzo into a fight for Arthur Abraham's IBF belt, but it ended as a costly lesson at the hands of a veteran. Lorenzo controlled the early rounds with his hand speed and ring generalship before he was pulled away from his gameplan by former title holder Raul Marquez. The American southpaw refused to allow himself to be countered into oblivion, relying on an aggressive attack with plenty of rough tactics and general guile. Lorenzo eventually got dirty, going so far as to draw a point deduction for a blatant head butt to a cut with questionable origins. At 37 Marquez once again finds himself in line for a title fight, and he certainly earned the right.

• Return of the Viking Warrior. Mikkel Kessler wasn't a part of the Showtime card, but he does factor into the picture. The Dane captured the previously vacant WBA Super Middleweight title with a 12th round stoppage over Dimitri Sartison. Kessler was supposed to fight Miranda, but backed out for unknown reasons. Kessler could very well be in the future for Abraham or possibly Pavlik.

Updates: Abraham's brother Alex was indeed escorted out of the ringside area by security after kicking Miranda while the felled fighter was being checked by doctors. A scuffle broke out, and the Abraham camp should expect a fine. In the post-fight press conference Abraham indicated that he would face Marquez in the mandatory IBF bout before attempting to score a mega-fight with Pavlik. Over in Copenhagen Sartison had to be removed from the ring on a stretcher.

Thanks to Awful Announcing for providing video of the worst rap in the history of car commercials (and that's a long list). I would have liked to have been in the room when the ad guys pitched this to Lou and Ozzie. I bet it sounded a lot more like the rap we're used to. Well, the vocabulary at least.

These Are Your Managers, Chicago Fans

• In addition to Abraham/Miranda Showtime Boxing is presenting a world class middleweight fight between the undefeated Giovanni Lorenzo and tough Raul Marquez. The coverage begins on Showtime at 9 pm eastern.

• Andre Berto, the 24 year-old former ESPN.com Prospect of the Year, is getting an unexpected title shot in his first major headlining appearance on HBO. He and Miki Rodriguez will go at it for one of Floyd Mayweather's vacated belts, and it's sure to entertain.

• The Berto undercard features two of America's top young heavyweights in Chris Arreola and Chazz Witherspoon. Arreola has an excellent knockout ratio, but Witherspoon is a skilled fighter who will offer the biggest test of his career.

• Although they aren't televised in America, there are two more big fights going on in Europe tonight. Britain's best prospect, 21 year-old Amir Khan takes the stage against Michael Gomez while Mikkel Kessler fights for the first time since losing to Joe Calzaghe. The thunder-fisted Kessler would be an ideal candidate to fight Kelly Pavlik later in the year, but he isn't worth the risk that he poses to the middleweight champ. Kessler is back in Denmark to face undefeated Dimitri Sartison.

Even if you aren't a die-hard fan, there are plenty of reasons to watch tonight. Enjoy.

For a more in depth preview of the individual fights be sure to check out Ring Report, and the return of No Mas (tech issues and time have kept it offline, but rest assured, it's back).

• If one of T-Mac's kids are going to get $16,000 birthday parties, they all are. [SportsByBrooks]
• Maybe colleges shouldn't be recruiting eighth graders. [Rush the Court]
• No Mas is back to full strength after an interminable hiatus, and just in time for Andre Berto. [No Mas
]
• NASCAR on the road track. Who just typed that? [Ridebuyer]
• Is Schilling a Hall of Famer? Probably not. [The Sporting Blog]
• La Bomba is taking his ball and going home, and you certainly can't blame him. [Hardwood Paroxysm]
• A short bus, a Nebraska flag, and a kiddie pool. Yep, a trip to the College World Series. [Bert Flex]
• Big Brown and Curlin talking shit. They use peanut butter. [Lion In Oil]

• Sneijder makes a nice run, but his shot had no chance of getting past the keeper. The Russians are getting kicked around a bit at the other end, and the ref has finally called a foul. Free kick to come.

Image via Euro 2008 Girls

• Arshavin made another beautiful turn only to see his shot swallowed up by van der Sar.

• Neither team is backing off at this point, but eventually the Netherlands will probably start playing for penalties.

• van Persie's shot took a couple of deflections, but it was ultimately secured by the keeper. The Russians quickly get the ball back downfield, but Arshavin skies one over the bar. The Dutch have no clue how to handle him.

• Pavlyuchenco just crushed one into the corner of the bar. That might have been the hardest shot I've seen in the tournament along with Podolski's late miss against Portugal.

• Arshavin shreds the Dutch defense once again, leaving it off for Torbinski, who promptly deposits the ball in van der Sar's hands. In case you were wondering, Arshavin is not Leo Messi.

• Afellay wisely stops another Russian counter with a timely shove in the back. The free kick is awarded outside of any danger area.

• Just a few minutes remaining in the first extra period.

• Ruud was only about ten yards offside. We're seeing all aspects of classic Ruud today.

• END OF FIRST PERIOD.

• They've switched sides and the Dutch have kicked it off. I'd expect to see the Russians taking control of possession in this period, with the Dutch increasingly confident to go to the penalties.

• The Ruskies were calling for a penalty, but the ref was wise to not award it. Orange riots are especially ugly.

• Stop reading my live blog, Smyth!

• Wow, the Russians are running roughshod over the Dutch, yet they can't get any good shots on target.

• The Dutch need to be a bit more agrresive than this, they just have to be mindful of the counterattack.

• Torbinski picks up a yellow with a late challenge, and he becomes the second Russian to be suspended should they move on.

• Holy shit! A Russian defender tried to head it back to the keeper, but he looked like he wanted to score. And now they're screaming at each other. Teamwork!

• DAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGER! GOAL, TORBINSKI! 2-1 Russia with minutes to play.

• I didn't see who provide that cross, but it was a beautiful floater to the back post and Guus's sub finished the job with ease.

• Sychev is on for Russia and he doesn't waste any time before taking a crack at goal, just high.

• GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL! ARSHAVIN! He's dominated the match, and he deserved a place on the scoreline.

• 3-1 Russia, and it's just about official.

• It's all over in Sweden, and another favorite has been denied entry into the Semifinals. The Russians will go on to face the winner of tomorrow's Spain/Italy match, but they'll be without two players due to yellow card accumulation.

Image via Euro2008Girls.

• As expected Robie van Persie has been called up from the bench to begin the second half. The Dutch attack has been prolific in the first few minutes, but even another perfect set piece to Ruud couldn't get them on the board.

• Boulahrouz just picked up the game's first booking with a yellow card. He's been a bit chippy since being taken down early in the match.

• Boulahrouz, who is of course playing through personal tragedy, has been removed from the game in favor of Heitinga.

• Just moments later van Persie picks up a yellow of his own for a high elbow to a defender. Arshavin produced another beautiful free kick but it was inches wide.

• GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL, RUSKIES! Pavlyuchenko delivers once again for the Russians off of an easy cross. The Dutch defense has been caught flat footed and now they'll need some goals to result from their slick play.

• Now van der Vaart has joined the yellow club party, and Tommy Smyth is starting to frighten me.

• There are 30 minutes to play, but the commentators don't seem to be giving the Dutch much of a chance, which is pretty absurd.

• The Dutch have made another change with Afellay coming on for Engelaar.The young Berber should add some versatility to the Dutch attack.

• The two sides just exchanged fruitless corners.

• Ruud looks like he got away with an inadvertent hand ball, but play continues. The Dutch attackers are getting the ball with their backs to the goal, and they've been unable to turn and shoot. Another foul on the oranje ends the attack for now, and it looks as if Afellay is bleeding.

• Russia had another good look at goal, but De Jong intervened . The Golden Guus has gone to the bench, something the Dutch probably wish they could do.

• Ruud comes through with his patented "fall down near the area" maneuver to give the Dutch another chance to even things.

• And van Persie blows it. Just under 20 minutes left to play.

• Sneijder really needs to stop touching the ball, it just isn't working for him.

• If UEFA were run by David Stern the ref would be awarding a penalty kick any minute now.

• I would sooner put my nuts in a vice than watch the Jonas Brothers movie.

• It comes as little surprise that Smyth knows way too much about those guys.

• The Dutch are still losing, and Torbinski has come on for Guus's side.

• Sneijder rattled the advertisement behind the goal, not even close.

• The Russians are countering again, and they played around a bit too much in the box.

• The Dutch have earned another corner, eventually resulting in a wide attempt from Sneijder. Maybe it's time to give somebody else a shot at it. Meanwhile, Sneijder's lining up another set piece.

• GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL! NETHERLANDS! Sneijder finally put a ball where it belongs and Ruud van Nistelroy headed it into the back of the netting. We're all tied at one, with four minutes remaining.

• Wow, Russia almost took the lead right back, but the dangerous cross was cleared.

• Ruud showed tremendous concentration on that goal, delivering the header while managing to keep his balance. We've got just two minutes of injury time to play before heading into the extra frames.

• Kolodin is off! The Russian has just picked up his second yellow of the match.

• Well apparently not, the ref has changed his mind, and the replay vindicates him. I'm just not sure why he pulled it to begin with.

• We've got another 30 minutes of extra time coming up in a few moments, and I'll be back with a fresh post.

In case you weren't aware, Olympic qualifying is underway, and the resulting pictures are quite a bit more entertaining than the trials themselves. Continue after the jump for four more faces of agony from yesterday's diving and gymnastics events.

All images courtesy of Getty via Yahoo! Sports' Olympic gallery.

We're live on ABC's glorious HD, and the Dutch are looking spry in their orange shorts. Guus has his Russian squad peaking at the right time to challenge his home nation, but few believe that the Ruskies can keep pace with the Dutch. The game should be getting underway in a few minutes, so if you'll excuse me I'm going to finish my Indian carryout and help myself to the first beer of the day.

• Van Persie and Robben start out on the bench, but they should see the field before this one is over.

• I understand that it's relevant and all, but I really wish they'd stop talking about dead babies, it's bringing everybody down.

• Yuri Zhirkov just had the first good chance of the match off of a free kick, but van der Sar came up big in net once again. The subsequent corner is dealt with and the Dutch take the ball back.

• The Russians storm right back down and get a clean header off of a cross that goes over the bar. Eight minutes in and the Russians look feisty.

• Another free kick for the Russians, but it had a trajectory similar to that of the Mir.

• The first stoppage of the game comes on an injury to Boulahrouz, he's off for now, but he should return shortly.

• In case anyone was wondering, I hate Dirk Kuyt. Just thought I'd clear that up.

• The match has been fairly free-flowing, but quality opportunities have been hard to come by in the first 20 minutes. I get the feeling that this will open up with time like a nice Barolo.

• Boulahrouz is back and now he's doing the fouling. Zyryanov has a free kick in a promising area, but he's unable to challenge the Manchester goalie.

• The Dutch have had plenty of success linking up on long balls, but they haven't done much with them. Engelaar couldn't keep his attempt on target following a corner.

• Van Der Vaart just deposited a set piece in front of the far post, but Ruud was a half-step shy of converting an easy one. The Dutch have maintained possession and they're finally starting to apply the pressure.

• And just like that the Ruskies are flying down on the counter attack. Arshavin put a beautiful move on the ball and van der Sar was fortunate to get a finger tip on the ball.

• And now the Kolodin is firing on goal at will, one shot forced the van der Sar to make another spectacular save. Not much play going on in the midfield right now.

• It's become impossible to keep up on all the action right now, the attacks are coming that frequently. Ruud put a shot on target from close range, but he was unable to avoid the keeper.

• Sneijder's free kick from the center of the pitch was deflected harmlessly for a free kick. Everything Sneijder touches today has suffered from a similar fate.

• De Jong with a great opportunity, but the header was wide of target.

• There are just a few minutes remaining in the half, and despite plenty of chances things remain scoreless.

• van der Vaart received a pass in the center of the area and he fired the shot directly at Akinfeev in net. That's a ball you have to put in the corner of the net. Injury time approaches.

• That's the half, I'll be back shortly with a fresh post up top.

But when the crowd decided the shapely blonde was the winner anyway, Miss Witkowski lost her temper.

Still covered in red jelly, she stalked away to the sound of the students' booing and punched a female spectator, leaving her with a bloody nose.

Then she grabbed a bottle of Lambrini and made for the exit, where she was stopped by two burly bouncers.

When they tried to confiscate the bottle, she punched one and butted the other, forcing them to call the police.

That is just all sorts of awesome, unless you're one of those poor bastards that has to arrest her. But as they say, "Lambrini girls just wanna have fun."

There is a much better picture to go with this story, but it was a bit heavy on the exposure.

What To Do In England During Euro 2008

“The younger generation likes the snarky tone,” says Bissinger. “They like the gossip, they like the juice. I don’t think they really appreciate good writing and reporting, and those, to me, are precious arts. . . . It’s all some interactive gangbang.”

The next time Buzz does a Google search for "interactive gangbang" he's going to be wondering what's become of the regular Katja Kassin links.

Now will somebody please pass the e-lube?

Jennings is a truly unique talent who can score and facilitate on the offensive end like few others, but some issues with standardized tests could keep him from replacing Jerryd Bayless in Tucson.

Jennings said he will get his standardized test results back next Thursday. This is the third time he has taken a standardized test. Jennings said he was red-flagged for a jump in his score from the first to the second test. He said he didn't know his scores.

"The first time I took it I didn't try, the second time I did so I had to take it a third time," Jennings said.

God damn, I fucking hate the NCAA. When Chase Budinger announced he was returning to school I thought the program could take a big step forward, but this would be disastrous.

Katz is also reporting that Jennings is due in Tucson to begin summer school, although the Summer 1 started two weeks ago, and the second session isn't until mid July.

Source

Traynor described what he saw: "The ref went down. He grabbed his chin and went down on one knee like he was hurt, and I thought he was almost like faking it. And then I looked, and there was blood pouring out."
"It's very bizarre," Dease said. "I've seen a lot of things in my day, but I've never seen someone get bit in the face."

Oh yeah, that's the good stuff.

Jones later turned himself in to authorities who are charging the player with felony assault and threatening the referee with death. Because if you're going to pick up the red card, you may as well earn it.

The Rangers (née Senators) and the Nationals (like the Senators minus Frank Howard) took 14 innings to decide things before Elijah Dukes delivered with his second walk-off hit of the month. Back on June 5th Dukes finally crossed the Mendoza line with four hits, including a 10th inning game-winning homer, and last night was just as good. The oft troubled outfielder finished the night 5-6 from the plate, raising his average to a season high .270, a 67 point rise in just 14 games. The Nats trailed 3-2 in the eighth inning when Dukes tied things up with his second home run of the season, and the bullpen took over from there, with Joel Hanrahan picking up his third win.

• Cito came back for this? Cito Gaston's return to the Blue Jays was spoiled by a walkoff error that resulted in Pittsburgh's one and only run of the 12 inning game. As if that wasn't brutal enough, the two time World Series winning manager was also forced to watch Roy Halladay take a line drive to the temple. The team's most valuable player left after the game after seven scoreless innings, yielding just eight base runners while striking out seven. The utterly perplexing Zach Duke matched him step for step, and his bullpen held up their end of the bargain. The game's lone run came after when Jason Frasor loaded the bases in the bottom of the 12th inning, beginning with a double to Doug Mientkiewicz. The ball-stealing first baseman scored when John McDonald botched a grounder from pinch hitter Jason Michaels.

• Mets Win, Avoid Cutting. If Jerry Manuel's Mets can keep things going in this direction it's only a matter of time before we see more knife-wielding managers and coaches in sports*. John Maine was touched up for two quick runs in the bottom of the first, but his teammates fired back with five runs on a season high seven hits in the next half inning. Maine cruised from their, yielding nothing more to a Rockies team that came in having won three straight games.

*Wade Phillips carries a knife at all times, but it is only used for steak related purposes.

Image courtesy of the AP via Yahoo! Sports.

Turkey pulled level moments later, with mere seconds remaining in stoppage time, when Semih Şentürk deflowered the Croatian goal with a drive from just inside the box. The knockout stage's first round of penalty kicks was won handily thanks primarily to Rüştü Reçber, the backup goaltender filling in for suspended Volkan Demirel, who stopped Mladen Petric's attempt.

Croatia compiled their problems by missing net a couple of times on their own, much to the dismay of their Nazi loving fans and at least one actual Nazi. The Turks will now move on to face the Germans, who know nothing of this Third Reich of which you speak. Unfortunately they'll be without four of their players, thanks to a suspension and an assload of yellows.

Now we turn our attention to what promises to be another thrilling match with the Netherlands taking on Russia in this afternoon's third quarterfinal. I'll be here to live blog both halves, because I sure as shit don't have anything else going on.

LeBron hoisted the Cavs onto his shoulder one more time, finishing with 45 points, but he missed a few crucial attempts late in the game. Awful Announcinghas the visuals...

As for the Celtics, they played an inspired game and Doc Rivers even managed to squeeze some valuable production from his bench. The ageless PJ Brown contributed 10 points on 4-4 shooting with six rebounds in just 20 minutes while Eddie House and James Posey contributed on both ends of the floor. Kevin Garnett was happy in his role, putting together a symmetrical line of 13 and 13. Not to be outdone, Rajon Rondo put up a line of 8/8/8 . In the end it was all about Pierce, who is finally returning to the Eastern Conference Finals. As little as I may care for the Boston sports scene, it is fun to watch Pierce and KG fighting for a ring.

The young Cuban displayed some of his bad habits, including one moment in the fourth round when he was caught with his hands down. That punch resulted in the fight's only knockdown, but Gamboa controlled the rest of the night. His incredibly quick combinations battered Jimenez's face, who showed off quite a pair of balls by staying on his feet. In the end Gamboa had punched the braids right out of Jimenez's hair on his way to an easy decision. The future star will be back on display next month in Las Vegas as the headliner of ESPN's Friday Night Fights (which they better fucking promote), and Manny Pacquiao should be watching.

The most exciting moments of the fight came from James Kirkland, who needed less than two minutes to end the night for Eromosele Albert. Kirkland, a 24 year-old Texan with a thunderous left hand, knocked the veteran down twice in the first round leading Joe Cortez to stop the fight. I wish Cortez could ref everything. He'd certainly be an improvement over Ken Mauer.

The most highly contested fight of the night came from Mexican prospect Alfredo Angulo (13-0, 10 KO's) Richard Gutierez (24-2, 14 KO's), the latter of whom arrived in the ring with Kimbo Slice in tow and leather dog collar around his neck. Gutierez put Angulo on the canvas in the fifth only to see Angulo pop right back up and kick his ass. Tony Weeks (the best referee in sports) put a stop to the action before things got ugly.

All three prospects displayed the requisite skills to become stars in the sport, hopefully they all continue on the right path.

Image via HBO

Near as anyone could tell, today's game of beer-can volleyball broke out when someone flung a brew from on top of an outhouse. That, the surrounding masses realized, looked like jolly good fun. And soon the sky filled with silver-and-foam, the silver signifying surprisingly heavy vessels of lite beer, the foam showing that this lite beer anxiously wished to come out and join the party.

Six, seven, eight cans were volleyed back and forth simultaneously, some being consumed after their fleshy landings, others taking flight again. Some infielders shielded their heads with Styrofoam coolers. Others joined forces, hoisting a giant blue tarp to ward off the incoming fermentable attack.

One man proudly showed off what he claimed was a beer-can related broken finger. Another yanked a can out of mid-air, consumed its contents and chomped the defeated can between his jaws. A young woman face's snapped back after impact; she shook her head and managed a timid laugh.

That's just how we do in Maryland.

• He could also use a big league roster spot. [Bus League Baseball]
• Can you really put a price on Big Brown's ejaculate? [Insomniac's Lounge]
• Not good times for Will Allen. [100% Injury Rate]
• Salisbury University could use a good lacrosse goalie. [Busted Coverage]
• I've been trying to not think about Jason Giambi's thong. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Gamboa didn't get the knockout, but I would not want to be Darling Jimenez this morning. [Ring Report]
• ESPN3? Sure, why not. [FanHouse]

The Boston Celtics are set to host their second game seven of the playoffs, having successfully defended home court in each game of the post-season. If the Cleveland Cavaliers are going to buck the trend it's going to take a special performance from LeBron James, or at least some help from the referees. Boston is favored by eight, but Kevin Garnett will settle for anything that keeps their incredible season going. Continue after the jump for updates on the action once the game is underway.

Image via Yahoo! Sports.

• That intro music makes me want to drown puppies.

• I hope Ben Wallace doesn't pass out. Finally, basketball.

• I'm pretty sure the big Brazilian just took nine steps.

• The first quarter is wrapping up and, hey, Damon Jones!

• Boston controlled much of the quarter, but the fightin' LeBrons came right back at them. 18-13 after one...FEEL THE EXCITEMENT!

• LeBron leads the Cavs with nine points, while Pierce scored eight for the team that isn't losing. Garnett added six rebounds in the quarter.

• Thanks to Mike Breen we now know that Mr. Potato Coach's son is the reason Damon is getting court time.

• Eddie Fucking House! Boston's lead is extended to 10.

• When KG is fouled from behind while in the air he gets up and goes to the line, as opposed to LeBron, who acts like he's stabbed. He and Drogba must be related.

• Jesus finally got off a shot, good for him.

• Hey another push in the back on the break. Paul Pierce just got stanchion'd.

• Heading into halftime and the Celtics are still up double digits.

• Piece and LeBron are the leading scorers, but Eddie House is getting all of the Leslie Visser love.

Image via Yahoo! Sports.

Jelena Jankovic defeated the unseeded Alizé Cornet in straight sets to retain her title in the Italian Open before celebrating with a bit of champagne.

In other tennis news, Rafael Nadal just topped Roger Federer in three sets at the Hamburg Masters. Next up for everyone is the looming French Open, the one title that has eluded Federer. Perhaps if he wins it this year, he'll celebrate like Jelena.

The former champion once again preached innocence on the topic of his rape conviction, going so far as to call his accuser "a wretched swine of a woman." So yeah, it's basically more of Mike being Mike. What is sure to interest viewers the most is Tyson's frankness with which Tyson tells his life story, going all the way back to the days before Cus D'Amato entered his life.

Ultimately Tyson wants viewers to know how much he's changed in his middle age, whether that is to be believed is up to the viewer.

Parker's effort set all sorts of records, including most points in a season opener, and most points by a player in a debut. The previous high for a rookie in her first game was set 11 years ago by Cynthia Cooper when she scored 25.

Holy shit, did I just write a WNBA post? Uhh...dick joke?

Sparks defeat Mercury behind Candace Parker