Azinger outthought, outplanned, and outmanouevred [Ed.- Uh...sic?] Nick Faldo to mastermind this American victory. His four wild cards all delivered, none more so than Mahan, who was unbeaten in four matches.

His pairings were a revelation, he got the order spot-on in the singles, and managed to rouse Phil Mickelson, despite yesterday’s drubbing from Justin Rose. [Ed.- Rose drubbed Mick today, and they hadn't played previously but please, go on...]

It was a model example of controlled and intelligent captaincy from Azinger — a total contrast to the frenzied efforts of his old sparring partner Faldo.

The European captain seemed determined to leave his own mark on this match and he will certainly go down as the man who got it all wrong.

I, for one, wish the British sporting media would quit mincing their words and just come right out and say what they think.

Anthony Kim got the Americans off to a fantastic start, putting away a lackluster Sergio Garcia in just 14 holes. Hunter Mahan followed up with his third straight halved match after winning his first two matches for 3.5 huge points. The other winners on the American side were Kenny Perry, Boo Weekly, JB Holmes, Jim Furyk, Ben Curtis, and Chad Campbell. Huge credit has to go to the final two who many viewed as sacrificial lambs against Westwood and Paddy respectively.

One last time now...BOOOOOOOOOOOO!

USA 16.5 - 11.5 Europe

The Sun UK

Video update...

Original Video- More videos at TinyPic

Wacky southerners.

Sox and Dawgs

12:03 PM: Kim vs. Garcia- Perhaps the day's most intriguing match between an emerging American star, brimming with confidence, against the most dominant Ryder Cup performer since the EU joined the competition.

12:14 PM: Mahan vs. Casey- Hunter Mahan has been a point-producing machine in his first Cup while Casey filled that role for the Euros two years ago. The Americans will need this one to lock up a crucial early point.

12:25 PM: Leonard vs. Karlsson- The Texan's putter has caught fire and he's finally winning some matches (remember, the famous putt in '99 was for the halve).

12:36 PM: Mickelson vs. Rose- Another huge match early in the afternoon between the Americans' top player and a European who will not back down.

12:47 PM: Perry vs. Stenson- This is what Perry has been dreaming about for years. Hell, this is the reason he skipped the British Open. The Kentuckian wants the Ryder Cup more than anything, I just hope he doesn't put too much pressure on himself.

12:58 PM: Weekley vs. Wilson- It's the country boy against the well schooled young Brit. Soon they will have a sitcom that nobody watches.

1:09 PM: Holmes vs. Hansen- Another Kentuckian who would love to pick up a point for his country. I'd settle for the halve.

1:20 PM: Furyk vs. Jimenez- Two veterans who are loaded with experience in all sorts of competition. If the Americans get a point out of this match, they'll be in great shape.

1:31 PM: Cink vs. McDowell- The Northern Irishman is an accomplished match play performer and he has plenty of experience with southern Americans after winning the college player of the year award at UAB.

1:42 PM: Stricker vs. Poulter- Faldo's controversial captain's selection has been a dominant presence for the European squad, and a win over a strong American like Stricker would surely vindicate the captain.

1:53 PM: Curtis vs. Westwood- I really hope we build up a big lead.

2:04 PM: Campbell vs. Harrington- Seriously, it needs to be over before this match makes the turn.

These are Real Americans. Their stories will be told repeatedly throughout the next two weeks, in soft focus vignettes emphasizing how they:

a: Grew up poor;
b: Overcame a club foot;
c: Were raised by wolves.
d: Own both male and female reproductive organs. (Mostly Russian expats.)

But just how compelling are these athletes, really? They will be puffed up to Icon Status in the next fortnight, but are they actually interesting? Are they thrilling, flesh-and-blood humans, or are they, like most other athletes we know, simply piano prodigies who can jump, obsessives without any discernible notion of humanity outside running/swimming/shooting faster/stronger/longer?

I thought I'd take a look at Team USA's athletes official bios to get a glimpse of what happens when these athletes stop being polite ... and start getting real. They have real depth, as evidenced by the vivid portrayals from the NBC Olympics site's official biographies. It's news you can use.

Therefore, here are the fascinating tidbits about the best Americans have to offer.

• Badminton player Raju Rai is "everybody's best friend." "He's someone you can go to. You can talk to him about anything," says doubles partner Bob Malaythong.

• Archer Jennifer Nichols can quote one verse from The Bible verbatim.

• Judoist Brian Olson just couldn't have better parents.

• Water polo defender Peter Hudnut enjoys a girl with "a nice smile."

• Canoe star Benn Fraker hates math.

• Cyclist Kristin Armstrong got married.

• Badminton star Mesinee Mangkalakiri enjoys visiting Disneyland.

• Gymnast Kevin Tam will not eat roast beef on away meets.

• Fencer Mariel Zagunis was a cute baby.

• The aunt of skeet shooter Vincent Hancock once baked him a birthday cake with the Olympics rings on it.

• Trampoliner Chris Estrada once had a mental block that prevented him from twisting on forward flipping skills.

• Diver Ariel Rittenhouse likes to dance, jazz, ballet, tap and hip-hop, whatever.

• Swimmer Larsen Jensen enjoys swimming more when he wins.

• Triathlete Matt Reed has two dogs.

• Field hockey player Amy Tran loves chocolate and Johnny Depp. Oh, and Pearl Jam.

• Weighlifter Melanie Roach was once a gymnast.

• Wrestler Andy Hrovat loves thrift store shopping.

• Gymnast Bridget Sloan is waiting to get her drivers license.

• Kayaker Carrie Johnson would like to learn how to surf.

• Beach volleyball player Phil Dalhausser loves playing Nintendo Wii.

• Badminton player Howard Bach played a badminton player in that VitaminWater commercial. It was considered controversial in the badminton community.

• Diver Jevon Tarantino is a roofer; other divers wonder how he has time for everything.

So, yeah: Go America!

Sanrio Far East Company, Ltd. Managing Director Andy Y. Toyama stated: "BAD Badtz-Maru has a wicked personality, which is very unique for this kind of character, but he is widely loved throughout consumer markets not only in Japan but also in Asia, the United States and Europe."

Remember their mascots from when Japan co-hosted the World Cup? Yeah, this is one screwed-up island. And please note the ball that the penguin is holding, which will be the actual ball used in competition. Did the penguin poop on the ball? No, it's called a "molten" ball, features something called "magnetic touch," and reminds us of the face-sucking creature in the Alien movies. This seems like unnecessary tampering; there is no need to change the basketball. It's perfect in its simplicity; orange and round is all that's required. Don't get fancy on us, FIBA.

Anyway, the fun begins on August 19. LeBron James is playing, and Dwyane Wade. And the U.S. will likely lose in the semifinals.

BAD Badtz-Maru Launched As Official Mascot For Japan 2006 [FIBA.com]

USA Practice The 'Best Pickup Game In The World' [MSNBC]

I'll let a random USA fan we meet after the game describe how it went: "I was teary-eyed for the national anthem. I got teary-eyed when we scored. And I was tearing up when the players did their victory lap. We showed up. We played like the USA. I'm so proud."

And I also got a report from our man Kristopher Nordstrom, who gives the Roger Ebert treatment to various aspects of the area and the game.

Thumbs down: To disgraced Uruguayan referees who flash more red than this baboon. The straight-red for Mastro and Pope's second yellow were disgraceful decisions. If George Bush has an ounce of dignity, Uruguay becomes our 51st state tomorrow.

Thumbs up: To US soccer fans who threw stuff at the linesman in the second half. This guy had been hosing us all game. I'm glad he wasn't hit, but it might make refs think twice the next time they want to try and screw us over for 90 minutes. Refs fear fans from other countries. It's time they start to fear us, too.

Kristopher's full report is after the jump, and I can't thank him enough for it.

Time to hand out some awards. Hopefully I won't be sent off for my efforts.

Thumbs up: German drivers. Yes, they're flying, but they use their turn signals and move to the right hand lane to let others pass. At all times the left lane moves faster than the middle lane which moves faster than the right lane. All Americans could learn from their driving, but I want to single out Northern Virginians for special condemnation. For some reason, on the stretch of I-95 from Richmond to DC, EVERYBODY feels that they should be in the left lane at all times. Drives me insane.

Thumbs up: The pre-game atmosphere in Kaiserslautern is the best I have witnessed so far. They've got two Fan Fest sites, and something called the World Cup Mile - a pedestrian-only street filled with vendors and restaurants. All of this is within easy walking distance to the stadium, so it was absolutely mobbed with people.

Thumbs down: Italian respect for a line. It was crowded. There were lines for beer. This didn't seem to bother the Italians though, who instead just tried to cut in front of everybody. If I had a nickel for every time I had to say, "hey, the line starts back there you greasy fuck"...

Thumbs down: German kids with Confederate flags.

Thumbs down: Italian-American kids in US gear who joined in singing Italian songs with the Italian fans. They've got enough fans to make noise themselves, while our fans couldn't get a real song together to save their lives. And don't give me any of this, "but Italy is my second team" bullshit.

Thumbs down: My inability to find Drew Carey anywhere. My only celebrity sightings yesterday were Mia Hamm, and Zack Phillips. I can't wait to tell my grandkids...

Thumbs up: The incredibly hot Mexican TV correspondent in incredibly tight white pants. Julie Foudy is pig vomit compared to the tanned goddess working for the Mexicans. Why was I looking for Drew Carey again?

Thumbs down: The lack of concessions for the upper decks at Kaiserlautern's stadium. >From the fifth floor, the closest beer was on the ground level. It took forever, but my glutes are looking firm.

Thumbs up: To Bruce Arena for starting Clint Dempsey. My opinion of Dempsey goes up every time I see him play.

Thumbs down: To the US fans who sold their tickets to Italians. I'm sick of other fans in our section. At least some of them last night realized that they should be quiet. But their mere presence angers me.

Thumbs down: Italian players. The Hoff is to Germany as Greg Louganis is to Italy.

Thumbs down: To disgraced Uruguayan referees who flash more red than this baboon. The straight-red for Mastro and Pope's second yellow were disgraceful decisions. If George Bush has an ounce of dignity, Uruguay becomes our 51st state tomorrow.

Thumbs up: To US soccer fans who threw stuff at the linesman in the second half. This guy had been hosing us all game. I'm glad he wasn't hit, but it might make refs think twice the next time they want to try and screw us over for 90 minutes. Refs fear fans from other countries. It's time they start to fear us, too.

Thumbs down: To US soccer fans who are unable/unwilling to expand their repertoire of cheers. US fans have four cheers they use:

1. USA! USA! USA!
2. clap clap clap-clap-clap clap-clap-clap-clap US
3. humming some song that I can't think of the title of, followed by shouting USA
4. Kasey Keller clap clap clap-clap-clap

I tried to get a few going last night after the game including "You only win when you pay the referee" (to the tune of "Yellow Submarine") and a chant of "Iraq no, Uruguay yes" but most people just looked at me funny. They've got their four cheers and they're sticking to them, dammit. (An aside to all Sammers: if we're going to only have four cheers, we need to choose one to use for every corner kick, and one to use every time we score a goal)

Thumbs down: To Bruce Arena for failing to put in fresh legs (Eddie Johnson, anyone?) late in the game when it was obvious that some of our guys were exhausted

Thumbs up: To Kasey Keller, Steve Cherundolo, Aguchi Onyewu, Carlos Bocanegra, Pablo Mastroeni, Clint Dempsey, Claudio Reyna, Landon Donovan, Bobby Convey, Brian McBride, Jimmy Conrad, and Demarcus Beasley for putting together one of the most inspiring games I've ever seen the US play. These guys showed incredible heart, and hopefully put to rest the US media's over-reactionary response to the Czech game. No matter what happens in Nuremburg on the 22nd, they've done us proud.

The Italian team got a red for elbowing Brian McBride in the face and busting him open like Ric Flair. Fair enough. The American team got two, count them two, red cards for... well, I don't know what the hell for. For attempting to play soccer, evidently. Jerry Stackhouse was sitting at home thinking, "Hey, I can relate."

But still, a spirited and gutsy effort from the United States team. They were far better today than they were against the Czechs earlier in the week. Donovan made things happen, Bobby Convey was good, and Clint Dempsey added something to the attack. I don't know where the hell Eddie Johnson was, though. Hopefully, someone makes Bruce Arena answer that one. Our legs were absolutely dead at the end of that game. Johnson's speed could've changed things.

The United States remains alive in Group E, though. They can advance with a win over Ghana, and an Italian win over the Czechs. And I think the Italians owe us one. It all goes down on Thursday.

Italy 1, United States 1 [FIFA World Cup]
Corrupt Italians Who Are Not On The Sopranos [the mighty mjd]