usausa Page index.xml - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Strong American Hockey Teens Defeat Weak Russian Ice Boys
The U.S. National Junior hockey team took on Russia in a preliminary round game at the 2017 International Ice Hockey Federation World Junior Championship today, and I am happy to report that our skilled and cunning young men sent the shiftless Russians home with a loss....
Watch Russia's Greatest Sports Hero Get Wrecked By Team USA
Game recognizes game, so we'll concede that Vladislav Tretiak, who just helped light the Olympic cauldron, is one of the greatest goaltenders to ever skate the Earth. As we anxiously wonder when the hell Olympic hockey is going to start, let's also concede that the 1980 men's team had his number....
U.S. Border Guards Detained Mo Farah, Who Won Two Olympic Gold Medals Six Months Ago, On Suspicion Of Being A Terrorist
Mo Farah, gold-medal winner in the men's 5,000m and 10,000m this summer in London, hilarious celebrator, and world-famous meme, couldn't get through customs in Oregon over the Christmas holiday because he is of Somalian descent. That'll show him for beating us in the Olympics! (And also expose our b...
Osama Bin Laden Is Dead, Professional Wrestler Declares In Most American Video Ever
And then John Cena holds up his championship belt, and "The Stars and Stripes Forever" starts playing over the speakers. Everything about this is perfect, right down to the guy shouting, "We won." [via @SherwoodStrauss]...
World Cup Open Thread: United States-Ghana
U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-...
World Cup Open Thread: United States-Algeria (UPDATE: U.S. Wins, Nation's Underpants Lose)
FINAL: USA 1, Algeria 0....
World Cup Open Thread: Slovenia-United States (Final: 3-2 Draw)
U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! FINAL: Slovenia 2, United States 2, Koman Coulibaly 1...
World Cup Open Thread: England-United States
U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-...
USA Wins FIFA!
Well, not really. But after a nailbiting 3-2 victory at Honduras, they are the first CONCACAF side to qualify for next summer's World Cup. Suck on that, Netherlands Antilles. [USSoccer.com]...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while bidding on a potato ... • Swimming: U.S. Olympic trials, at Omaha (8 p.m., ET). Katie Hoff > Aquaman. [USA] • MLB: Mets at Cardinals (8:15 p.m., ET). What fresh Hell for Mets' fans now? [SNY] [FSN] • MLB: Red Sox at Rays (7:10 p.m., ET). Joe Maddon controls space and time. [NESN]...
For Your Sunday Afternoon Viewing Pleasure...
1:00, CBS. Champ Car World Series Racing. Grand Prix of Cleveland. 1:00, NBC. Track and Field. AT&T U.S. Outdoor Championships. 1:00, ABC. IndyCar Racing. Iowa Corn Indy 250. 2:30, ESPN2. LPGA. Wegman's LPGA, Final Round. 3:00, Fox Soccer. CONCACAF Gold Cup, Final. United States vs. Mexico. 3:00, CB...